Outside In
by MrsR2
Summary: Bella lived in England and had grown up watching the English upper-classes enjoy themselves. She knew she didn't belong in their world but then she didn't seem to belong anywhere. That is, until she met posh, handsome Edward Cullen. But had her need to fit in led to a night she might regret for the rest of her life?
1. Chapter 1

Outside In – Chapter 1

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 1**

"So, do you think you'll go, then?" asked Jacob.

"Probably," Bella answered.

They lay, side by side on their backs in the sun, eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of warmth on their faces; Bella in shorts and T shirt and Jacob in cut-off denims.

"I don't really want to," Bella continued, "Jess will be all over Mike like a rash and Angela's away for the week. I won't know anyone else."

Jake propped himself up onto one elbow and looked over at Bella, shielding the sun from his face with the back of his hand. "I wish I'd been invited. I could come with you. Why don't you just come back to mine? We could watch a DVD or something."

His offer sounded appealing, she had to admit, but she knew the decision had already been made. "I've said 'yes' now. I can't just turn round and say I've changed my mind."

"I don't know why you said you'd go in the first place," said Jake flopping back onto the grass. "From what you've said, you don't even like Jessica that much and you think Mike's a bit of an arse."

Bella snorted a giggle and offered the excuse, "Jessica's not an easy person to say no to." _And when you're trying to keep up the illusion that you're friends_, she wanted to add, _sometimes you have to do things you don't want to, even if you do have a sick feeling of apprehension deep in your gut. _

At that moment, Bella's phone vibrated and bleeped with the familiar sound of a new message. She reached into her pocket and sat up to read it. It was from Jessica. "Wooooo Partay Exited? squeeeee!" it read. Bella groaned. She considered replying with "'Exited?' – what, like a door?" but knew it would be lost on Jess so went with "Yup" instead.

Bella had been befriended by Jessica on the first day she'd arrived at school a few months earlier, just after Easter, and was happy enough to go along with it. She knew, from experience, the dangers of being the friendless new kid. When you moved as often as Bella did, you learned to grab allies as quickly as possible. You could blend in with the herd, that way, rather than standing out like the sickly one, ripe for picking off. You also had to be careful not to look too bright, another sure-fired way of sticking out. You just had to keep your head down and with any luck; you could dodge the dangers of school until you could escape it altogether. At the time they'd met, Jessica already had a sidekick of sorts, a girl called Angela, but Jessica had welcomed the opportunity to add to her entourage and Angela wasn't the sort to resent it. In fact, she probably appreciated the pressure being taken off her a little. Angela was sweet, sensible and hardworking and didn't hang on Jessica's every word. She wasn't natural sidekick material at all. She'd just been swept along by the force of Jessica's will. Bella felt that she and Angela could have been better friends without Jess in the way, but Jess was better protection. To keep her sweet, there were some things you just had to go along with, like going to a party, even if you didn't want to.

_I'm just going to have to suck it up _she told herself but it would have been easier if she could shed the feeling of something warning her off.

"You could say you were ill," said Jacob, still trying to offer an escape route.

Bella looked at him and raised an eyebrow, "I saw Jessica an hour ago and I was fine then. I can't think of a dreaded lurgy I could have picked up between then and now that would be bad enough to keep me in. She wouldn't buy it. Even she's not that stupid."

Jacob sighed. "Time?" he asked.

Bella looked at her phone. "Just after two."

"Shit! I gotta go!" he said. Then he chuckled. "That's actually quite funny. I said I'd help dad with shifting horse pooh. Nice eh?" He grimaced in mock disgust. "But I'll literally only be a couple of hours. If you change your mind, you know where to find me."

"I know. Appreciate it. Thanks." And Bella really did appreciate it. Jake always had her back and she knew he would do anything to make her happy. She often thought it was a pity he didn't go to the same school; it would have been good to have him around.

He pushed himself to his feet with ease and brushed the grass off his backside. Bella looked up at him. He was tall and as he stood there, naked from the waist up, it was obvious how tanned and muscular he was too. Lugging things for his dad in all weathers obviously agreed with him. His hair was dark, short and spiky and his eyes a deep warm brown. On the whole, he was good looking. That made him officially 'tall, dark and handsome'. He was just 17, slightly younger than Bella who would be 18 in a couple of months. The gap wasn't an impossible one and yet she never once thought of him as boyfriend material. _How come?_ She had a feeling he wouldn't need a lot of persuasion either. Plus, he was nice and they had hit it off straight away. Although they hadn't known each other long, friendship with Jake was as easy as breathing. But she instinctively knew that friendship was all it would ever be – chummy warmth like you might have with your brother or a big dog.

She watched him walk away and waved when he looked back at her. Then she rested her chin on her hand and drank in the beauty of her natural surroundings. Not bad, this, living in the country. She and her mum had the 'lodge house' this time, a cottage at the gateway to a long, straight, tree-lined drive that led to the 'big house' – the home in the centre of the Cullen estate. She and Jake had been chatting in the small garden that went with the cottage, on a little lawn surrounded by colourful flowers. It was a pretty garden but a pity that it was in the front of the cottage. When you sat in it, you felt a bit like a monkey in the zoo, to be ogled at by everyone who went past; and topless sunbathing was completely out of the question! But today was a beautiful day and it was lovely just to sit there in the warm sun with a gentle breeze that rustled the trees and floated over the skin. She breathed in the earthy, sweet smell of grass and flowers, closed her eyes and savoured it listening to the sound of birds trilling and tweeting in the distance.

The sudden sound of a distant dog bark killed the mood. She opened her eyes and saw a figure coming up the drive from the big house being led by two lively dogs, one black and white and one brown and white. The figure was that of a young man who didn't look familiar. Bella took in his slim physique and shock of copper hair that stuck out in all directions and glinted in the sun. He was dressed in low-slung, blue jeans and a tight-fitting, black shirt. Bella knew she was staring but didn't think he'd notice; he was looking down, lost in his own little world. As he drew nearer, she took in the white leads trailing down his front, presumably to some sort of I-Pod. Closer still and Bella became aware of how strikingly handsome he was, as if Michelangelo's David had sprung to life, thrown on some twentieth century clothes and decided to pay England a visit. She couldn't see his eyes behind his sunglasses but his profile, with its clean-cut jaw, was quite perfect. He was mesmerising. She sat with her mouth open. He never once looked in her direction but, as he drew level, he smirked to himself and Bella realised he'd been fully aware of the way she was looking at him. _Damn him!_ He'd watched her gawping at him like a moron and allowed her to carry on doing it. _How embarrassing!_ She winced. But, then, he was probably used to being ogled at. You didn't go through life looking like that without all the girls around you gazing in admiration like love-sick puppies. She watched him leave through the gate. What did it matter anyway? He'd be something to do with the Cullens. Around here most people were. Many worked for them, her mother included. The Cullens were stinking rich. Mr Cullen was a Harley Street doctor but there was old money too. The 'Adonis' who'd just left didn't look like an employee, though. Maybe he was visiting. She'd probably never see him again.

Someone else was coming down the drive now. Bella recognised the slender frame of Mum, sauntering along. Mum waved. "Hi sweetie," she called. She clunked open the garden gate and exclaimed, "What a beautiful day! What a shame to be stuck indoors on a day like this." Mum was just returning from a morning at work but would head back again at 6pm for the evening. She was the Cullen's housekeeper.

"Bit late back today," said Bella.

"Yes, they have a cocktail party coming up next weekend and we had to go over the final plans. Ooh! I've brought you back some left-over quiche. I thought you should eat something before going to this party." Renee, Bella's mum, frequently brought home left-overs. It made sense. Her wage was small, probably because she got a free cottage with the job, so free food was a big help and it was always very good quality.

Bella smiled and said, "Thanks," but something about living on someone else's scraps grated.

It had been like this for years. Bella had been born in America but her parents had divorced when she was a toddler. She hadn't seen her father since. At the time of the divorce, Renee knew she had to take over as the breadwinner but didn't want to hand Bella's upbringing over to strangers. She just couldn't see a way to do both. Then she'd seen a job advertised in England working as a housekeeper to a wealthy woman and it had seemed like the ideal solution. Wasn't housekeeping and childminding what all Mums did anyway? They'd lived in England ever since. The problem was that being a housekeeper wasn't something that made Renee happy and, with each job, she'd find reasons why that particular employer wasn't right and move on to another live-in job. Over the years, she'd had a lot of them – cook, housekeeper, cleaner - and now didn't seem qualified to do anything else. Constantly moving home hadn't made life easy for Bella. There was no point in making close friends; in 13 years she had attended 12 different schools. Each new school was a challenge but it was a familiar lifestyle by now and, over the years, she'd learned to just get on with it. She'd arrived here at Easter, shortly after Jacob and hoped that she and her mum would be able to stick around a bit longer this time. It would be handy if they could at least stay until A-levels were out of the way. When Bella went to Uni, Mum could live where she wanted but she didn't have to think about that now. It was the start of the school summer holidays and the prospect of having no school for a whole six weeks was bliss! Bella just had to get this party out of the way!

She wandered back into the cottage and up to her room, ran her finger along the bookshelf and considered the possibility of reading something for study. Her chosen A-levels were History, English, French and Psychology, all subjects that required a good deal of reading. Whatever else she did over summer, reading was definitely on her things-to-do list. But the sun made concentrating difficult, so she chose something simple and indulgently escapist instead and took it outside. There was no way she was going to waste this hot weather; in England you never knew how long it would be around. She lay on her front, exposing her arms and legs to the sun again. It wouldn't make a lot of difference; Bella's pale skin stubbornly refused to tan, whatever the weather. Propping herself up on her elbows, she opened the book. It was one of those stories where an unremarkable heroine miraculously wins the affection of some spectacular guy. As she read, she naturally slipped into seeing herself as the main character. Bella felt she was unremarkable, too. She was slim but would have preferred being taller. Her hair was thick but straight and difficult to do anything with. Her eyes were large and brown but striking blue or green would have felt so much more interesting. As she read, the story morphed into a private fantasy in which the hero was the guy she'd seen walking the dogs earlier. In her version the guy, having once seen Bella, had found himself instantly and irresistibly drawn to her. Bella didn't normally allow herself to get carried away like this but for a while it was fun. It wasn't surprising that she was still thinking about him, it was difficult to get a beautiful man like that out of your head, but she couldn't allow herself to get too deluded. In reality, things like that just didn't happen. She half hoped she might see him again as it would give her another opportunity to enjoy some more 'window shopping' but she must remember to try to make it less obvious next time.

Mum came out to join her with a fold-out chair and book of her own to enjoy a little r and r. They didn't speak, they didn't need to. There was a comfortable, easy silence between them as they each lost themselves in a private world of fiction. Two hours later, when the sun had disappeared behind clouds, they resigned themselves to going back indoors. Bella's thoughts returned to the party and anxiety reared its ugly head again. To take her mind off things, she wandered upstairs to take a relaxing bath but found that even that didn't put her at ease. Getting ready to go out had never felt more like going into battle. She dried herself on a rough towel; towels dried on a washing line were never soft. Then she grabbed the clothes she thought would do and pulled a comb through her thick, brown hair.

She was just nibbling unenthusiastically on the left over quiche when there was a knock on the door. It was Jessica come to collect Bella for Mike's party. For some inexplicable reason, Jess found Mike attractive and was obviously pulling out all the stops tonight to make herself irresistible. Her eyes were blackened with thick liner and her lips were bright red, make-up that was a bit heavy for her squirrel-like face. Her mousy hair, newly curled, bounced around it. She was dressed, unsurprisingly, like a tart. On her top half was a button-up t-shirt with most of the buttons open which, with the combination of a push-up bra made her boobs look like they were trying to climb out. Her skirt was so short it barely classified as one. Bella never wore make up, her hair was pulled back in a tight pony tail and she was dressed more simply: short-ish skirt, blouse, Converse trainers.

"Ready?" said Jess.

"Yes, just coming."

As she pulled the cottage door behind her, Bella noticed that Jess was heading towards her car. It seemed a bit pointless; the party was only about a mile away, easily do-able on foot. She nodded towards the car and stated the obvious, "You're driving there."

"Yes, don't worry, there's loads of parking space," said Jess.

"I expect there is but won't you want a drink? Isn't it easier to walk it?" suggested Bella.

"I'm not walking anywhere in these," retorted Jessica, pointing to her five inch stiletto heels. "Besides," she added, "I'll be drinking all right; Mike's got truckloads of booze in coz his parents are away for the whole weekend but that means we can sleep over…if you know what I mean." Jessica winked. "You know me," she added, "a few drinks and I'm anybody's. Mike may be getting lucky tonight." The added explanation wasn't necessary; it was pretty obvious what Jess had in mind.

To Bella, Jessica's blatant interest in sex made her come across more like a guy but the most worrying impression was that, for most 17 year-olds, sex seemed pretty much the norm. Bella's experience was still surprisingly limited. Most importantly, she was still a virgin. She wondered if people could tell. _Would this be one of those things that put you in danger of standing out? Maybe virginity was something you needed to get out of the way in order to fit in_. There wasn't time to think about it though, Jess was itching to go. Bella just had time to grab a bag for her keys, odds and sods and mobile and follow her to the car. It took only minutes to get to Mike's place

They could hear the bass booming out as they approached. Jess parked the car round the side and they got out. Bella walked and Jessica tottered through the dirt track, in the dark, to the front of the house. Then they climbed the steps to the door. It opened before either of them had a chance to knock and a skinny little runt pushed roughly past them and puked into the bushes.

"Great," breathed Bella. Beyond the opened door was a heaving mass of teenage sweat, smoke and noise. It looked like they were about to enter into the mouth of hell. Jessica wasn't deterred, she was inside already. She turned, her eyes lit up, and, grabbing Bella by the arm, she pulled her in.


	2. Chapter 2

Outside In – Chapter 2

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 2**

When Bella had suggested that she and Jess go for a picnic in the countryside together, it hadn't seemed such a bad idea. What she hadn't anticipated was Jessica prattling on about Mike's party, which was stupid, really. Bella should have known she would. She just wasn't thinking right.

"Oh my god, I can't believe how much I drank. My head felt like shit the next morning. Yeah, so OK, mixing alcopops with tequila was probably not the cleverest idea but you know what it's like, you have a few and it's like 'Hey why not? What the hell? I don't care'. Know what I mean?"

They were sitting in a meadow about half an hour's walk from the cottage. "Hm?" Bella looked up from her barely nibbled sandwich and nodded in agreement. The last thing she wanted to hear about was drinking. "Yeah, right…" The simplest thing was to agree with Jess. Bella sat on the grass, her knees to her chest, and turned the sandwich over in her hands. She wasn't hungry. The thought of eating made her feel sick.

It had taken Bella two days to venture out, grateful that it was the school holidays. For two days she had been confined to her bedroom, a self imposed prisoner. Day one hadn't been too bad. Mum had just assumed she was hung over and left her to it and, as she was at work for most of the day, hadn't been so aware of Bella not being around. But Mum hadn't been at work on the Monday and spending a summer's day in your room looked too suspicious. Bella felt a bit queasy, she said, which was true, had maybe eaten some party food that disagreed with her, which wasn't. But an excuse like that had a limited time span. Bella knew she'd have to see people again at some point, and Mum was beginning to ask far too many questions. Despite that, a lunch date with Jessica was still a dumb first step.

"I don't think you're listening to a word I'm saying. What's eating you?" '_You've hit the nail on the head there' _Bella wanted to tell her. '_Something is eating me. An all consuming guilt is gnawing away at me from the inside'_. But, of course, she stayed silent.

"Where did you get to anyway?" said Jessica

"I went home."

"How?"

"I walked."

"Walked! When?"

"During the night"

"Why? You could have stayed."

"I know. I didn't want to."

Jessica huffed disapprovingly. In fact, Bella had no idea how she'd managed the mile walk home along pitch-black country roads, in the middle of the night, still feeling dazed and confused. She didn't know how she'd slipped passed her mother without disturbing her. It was one of those cases of needs must. She'd crept into the bathroom and, with shaking hands, washed away the evidence of her shame as best she could with a flannel, fearful that the shower might be too noisy. Then she'd slipped into bed and into a troubled sleep till late the next morning. It wasn't until Mum had gone to work that she'd showered again and again, yet still didn't feel clean.

"I stayed with Mike." Jessica giggled. No surprises there. Bella's thoughts went back to the party.

As she felt herself being tugged through the open door her first thought was that no-one was familiar. Arms waved, bodies gyrated, music thumped. Bella's eyes stung with the smoke. The temptation to turn and run was nearly enough to break her resolve to prove that she was just your average sociable teenager. She looked across the mob for someone apart from Jessica to connect to. The host, at least, should be there and she did know him. When she spotted the familiar sight of Mike's blonde head bobbing through the crowd, it was almost welcome. "Mike, Mike," Jessica squealed excitedly. Raised arms, one hand holding a beer and one a cigarette, weaved in their direction, eventually emerging from the crowd to reveal the very ordinary person of Mike himself. Bella couldn't see the appeal, quite frankly, but Jessica couldn't contain herself. As he approached, she pulled out all her powers of flirtation - fluttering her lashes, licking her lips, sticking out her chest – and seemed oblivious to the fact that he barely noticed her at all but looked, instead, at Bella with hopeful, squinty eyes. "Hey!" he directed to Bella, "you made it," and threw a casual arm across her shoulder, slopping beer over it. She smiled briefly in response, stiffened against the arm and looked at the floor pointedly. She didn't try to shrug him off because she didn't want to piss him off. She just needed him to get the message that all she wanted was to be his friend, she'd told him enough times. It wasn't just that Bella couldn't be less interested in him romantically, she actually found him pretty irritating, but that her first allegiance was to Jess, and Jess was interested.

Mike wasn't getting it, though. He tried using the arm over her shoulder to steer her away which left her with no alternative but to wriggle out from under it. She smiled briefly in nervous apology. But, he still wasn't giving up. His next tactic was to direct his smile at her as if he believed that once caught by it she'd find him irresistible. His slightly drunken leer couldn't be less appealing. He didn't understand that there was a difference between being captivated by someone's smile and trying to hold someone captive with one. Whichever way she looked he was in her line of sight. Even Jess couldn't help but notice and began to shoot angry little glances at Bella as if it was all her fault. Mike really was a 'bit of an arse'. He'd been making his presence felt and his attentions unwelcome from the moment Bella had started at school. Now he was making things awkward all round and was either too stupid or too stubborn to see it. It seemed to take hours of ducking and diving from the smile for the penny to drop and when it did Mike's reaction was to go to the opposite extreme. He wanted nothing more to do with her. He could see that Jess was the easier target; he wasn't a complete moron after all. So, he shrugged and beckoned Jessica away with a brief jerk of his head and pushed against the crowd to get away. Jess followed like a dutiful servant. Bella just caught sight of her looking over her shoulder with an excited grin before the two of them disappeared. Bella's first response was relief but it didn't last. In one fell swoop, she had lost her only allies and left herself alone and vulnerable. She felt people closing in on her, suffocating.

Blindly, she pushed her way through to try to find some space and at last found a clearing near the wall where she took a few deep breaths. She had two choices: a) Go home, or b) Try and be sociable. She really wanted to try being sociable and not wimp out at this early stage. As she scanned the room, she realised that although a few faces looked vaguely familiar, there was no-one familiar enough to talk to. It made her painfully aware how little attempt she had made to get to know people at school but she also had a feeling that the majority of this crowd didn't go there anyway. Most of them were dancing, making out or shouting to hold a conversation against the noise. She tried to find another lone girl to link up with but girls were in short supply. The only other singletons were guys, mostly leaning against the wall, holding beers. They were on the hunt for lone females too and soon homed in on Bella. The more she stood, the more available she looked. She decided the best bet would be to hurry up and look busy so she set off in a determined way to the kitchen, at least it would be quieter there.

A vast array of bottles and cans covered every kitchen surface and the floor was already sticky from spilled booze but a drink might be a good idea, it might help her to relax and would give her something to do. She poured half a glass of wine, knocked it back and poured another. She planned to go back to the party but got as far as the doorway and hovered indecisively as she sipped. Party-goers pushed back and forth past her for a top-up. She was beginning to get used to being jostled until one reckless oaf barged into her so forcefully that he tipped the remains of her glass down her front. "Shit, sorry," he offered. "Here I'll get you another one. What was it?" "White wine," she said automatically. He returned with a glass and held it out. If being looked at by Mike made her uncomfortable, it was nothing to how it felt to have this bloke looking at her. He was tall and stockily-built with a general impression of greasiness about him. His slimy hair was pulled back in a ridiculous pony tail and his skin was blotchy and unhealthy looking. He seemed nervous and licked his lips like a lascivious lizard. She couldn't wait to get away, "Thanks" she said, taking the drink and hurrying back into the living room. She continued to sip at her wine, nervous and unthinking. Then the pulsing music started calling to her. She moved onto the dance floor and another guy sidled up behind her and started talking in her ear. He was dancing very close, she was dancing, he was talking and then…._what the hell happened after that?_ This is where things got ridiculous, she couldn't remember. Why couldn't she remember? Had she carried on drinking? Had she got carried away? _Oh God!_

Bella threw the sandwich into the bushes and reached for her cola. The sun was warm. A gentle breeze caressed her skin and she shivered. Somewhere, in the distance, she could hear the low buzz of bees assaulting flowers. As she brought the can to her lips, and the sound grew louder, she realised it wasn't bees but a wasp which she swatted angrily away. It dive-bombed again and, as she flinched, the can slipped from her grasp and cola splattered all over her jeans.

"Fuck," she spat.

Jessica was startled, "Christ, Bella, what's up with you? I didn't think I'd hear you swear."

Bella scrambled to her feet. "Can we go? I need to get changed," she mumbled irritably. "Sorry." She picked up the can and slumped off, wishing that the countryside had more bins. Jess trotted along after her. Within five minutes they were standing on a road next to Jess's car. Jess had driven most of the planned walk having, as usual, brought the wrong kind of shoes. She offered Bella a lift. "No thanks, you don't want sticky drink all over your seat," said Bella. After Jess had driven off, Bella headed for home as quickly as she could. She kept close to the hedgerow and hung her head, lost in thought. Stepping out to go around a large clump of foliage, she inadvertently bumped into an elderly stranger coming the other way. Flustered, she didn't realise at first that she had also walked into the long line of his extendable dog-lead. In no time, she was tangled up in it. "Shit!" she exclaimed. What was wrong with her? Since when had she developed a foul mouth? She tried to untangle herself with her one free hand but the more she struggled, the more embarrassed she became, and the more embarrassed she became, the more she struggled. The dog-owner glared at her, twisting the lead one way and another, while a ridiculous white ball of fluff on the end tugged in every direction frantically.

"Hold on, wait, I'll help," a rich, friendly voice called from nearby. She looked up to see Jacob and relief washed over her. He picked up the fluff-ball and disconnected the lead which allowed him to untangle the thin cord. "Sorted," Jacob declared, reconnecting the lead and handing it back to the owner. The ungrateful man simply tutted and marched off. Jake shrugged. "Been out enjoying the sun?" he asked Bella

"Yeah and the flippin' wasps!" she replied. She looked briefly at him and then down to her jeans.

"Cola," she added.

There was a brief, awkward silence while Jacob waited to regain eye contact but Bella continued to look down. Shame, she normally enjoyed his company; he normally made her feel comfortable but not today. She shifted uneasily and, deep down, knew why. She felt second-hand today and Jacob's innocent enthusiasm was only making it worse. "I must get back and um…" she waved ineffectually at the cola stain then briefly glanced at him.

He was looking confused. "Yeah, cool," he added helpfully. He smiled and went on his way and she went on hers, lost in her own thoughts once more.

So here she was, covered in coke and feeling horrible. She also had an overwhelming urge to pee and realised she'd felt like that all day. But she wasn't far from home now; the cottage could be seen from here. She looked towards it as if to reassure herself and found, instead, another human obstacle to overcome. _Damn!_ Her heart sank – _not another bloody dog walker_! He was peering over a low brick wall on the side of the road looking down the grassy bank, holding a lead with a brown and white, mud covered spaniel on the end of it. Another, dogless, lead dangled limply from the other hand. "Jerry, you stupid little fucker," he shouted then lifted his head; his hair more auburn in the shade. _Oh no!_ - The gorgeous bloke she had seen before the party, the one with the two dogs. She crossed to the other side of the road, her head down, aiming to get past him as quickly as possible.

"Hey, you couldn't lend a hand, could you?"

Was there the vaguest possibility that he was talking to someone else? She glanced ahead and back. Of course there wasn't. "Um, OK," she answered hesitantly.

"If you don't mind," he added.

"No, it's fine," her polite auto-response kicked in.

"Could you hold Ben for me? Jerry's got himself stuck." He held the lead with the spaniel on it towards her. She took it with her free hand, trying to hide the can in her other, and, for the first time, saw his astonishing green eyes. He shrugged with an apologetic half smile. It was one of those smiles that captivated without him even trying but seeing him today was mortifying. She felt sordid and pathetic and must look terrible, especially with the embarrassing dark stain on her jeans. She hoped it wasn't too obvious. She frowned slightly. "I know," he said, "Ben and Jerry, lame right? Back in a tic," and with one easy bound he'd cleared the wall and was scrabbling down the bank to retrieve the other dog. She watched how he moved with an easy grace and saw how the shirt clung to his broad shoulders and long, lean back.

He was definitely something to do with the Cullens; he didn't have the local accent. But for all his upper class vowels he was softly spoken; a beautiful voice. She shook her head; why was he still here? She'd assumed he was a weekend guest; perhaps he was staying for the week. He was coming back now, so Bella quickly looked away. She heard him scuffling around and in no time he was dropping the spaniel over the low wall and slipping over after him. He reached down, "Silly mutt," he said, stroking the dog's head and smiling fondly. Then he reached towards Bella for the other lead. She handed it to his long, slender fingers. He was chuckling as he looked at the two stupidly happy animals, wagging their tails enthusiastically and covered in who knew what. "You two need a bath," he said, and smiled up at Bella, the sun in his smile. "Thanks, I don't know how I'd have managed that without you. You came along at just the right time."

_Please_, she silently pleaded _just let me go_. She didn't want to be rude but she felt so self-conscious and really, really needed to pee. She shifted uneasily. "I have to er…"

"Oh, yeah, sorry. But thanks again, it was really kind."

At last she made the final bid for home. As she walked away, she couldn't resist a little peek back over her shoulder and immediately wished she hadn't. _Dammit_, he was doing the same thing.

The next morning, Bella sat in the bathroom in tears. This was just getting better and better, she thought cynically. The urge to pee was really bad but actually going was worse. She was beginning to fear drinking anything as the dribble that left her felt like razor blades. She was going to have to visit a doctor today and hoped that they wouldn't need to say anything to her mum. She was sure it had something to do with the party and Mum mustn't know.

After Mum had gone to work, she phoned the doctor's surgery anxiously biting her lip at the thought that she may have to wait. Relief flooded over her at being told there was a cancellation. Two hours later she was on a bus and an hour after that was describing her symptoms to a sympathetic doctor. He diagnosed cystitis and prescribed antibiotics. He asked Bella if she were having sexual relations and offered to give her advice about birth control. "No thank you, honestly, that won't be necessary". She didn't think so, anyway. Bella was sure of one thing. She never wanted to have sex again. She shoved the prescription in her bag.

She hurried out of the surgery and headed off to find the shop with the green cross sign hoping that she didn't have guilty written all over her. Once, in the chemist, she fumbled nervously for the prescription and pulled out a piece of paper. It didn't look right, the paper was all wrong. She shoved it back in her bag and rummaged around again. The second piece she pulled out looked more like it. "There'll be a 10 minute wait" said the clinical looking woman behind the counter. _Why?_ thought Bella. _How long does it take to put a box of pills in a bag?_ As she waited, curiosity made her pull out the other paper. She didn't remember seeing it before. She unfolded it and dread dropped into the pit of her stomach. She scrunched it up immediately feeling all the colour drain from her face. Someone knew. Large jagged writing scarred the paper as if someone had tried to carve the letters into it with the pen. 'BELLA IS A SLUT SLUT SLUT'.


	3. Chapter 3

Outside In - Chapter 3

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 3**

Bella had taken hours to get to sleep but at six the next morning her brain went into overdrive the minute she was conscious. It buzzed with unanswered questions. There were still so many things she couldn't remember about the party and only one thing she knew for sure. More than that, everything felt ten times worse now. Someone else knew and was holding it against her. The question was – who? It was unlikely it would be Jessica. She didn't think even Mike would sink that low. _Would…?_ she considered. _No,_ she resolved, _he_ _wouldn't, that would be stupid. _She was exhausted but there was no way she was going to be able to get back to sleep; nor could she get up. She never got up this early so it would look far too suspicious. She tossed and turned, and read and went to the bathroom and came back and tossed and turned some more. She felt like a dog going round in circles trying to get its bedding just so. She was certainly going round in circles but didn't think she was ever going to settle. By nine o'clock she couldn't take it any longer. She dressed in running gear and bolted out of the house. "I'm going jogging," she called as she left. By the time she was back and showered, Mum had gone to work. Renee worked from 10am to 2pm cleaning and 6pm to10pm preparing an evening meal five days a week.

Despite the run, Bella was still restless, so she did the washing up. Pouring her energy into cleaning did two things: it cleared her mind and gave her a sense of satisfaction. So she just kept going: scrubbing the kitchen floor, vacuuming and dusting. The well-worn sideboard, she noticed, had ring-marks from people leaving wet mugs and glasses on it. She made a mental note to ask Mum if Mr Cullen was a cigar smoker. Cigar ash mixed with olive oil was the perfect thing for getting rid of marks like these. It was an odd thing for a teenager to know but she'd been helping Mum in her various domestic jobs for years and had learned all sorts of tricks of the trade. It had all started when Bella was small. The easiest way Renee had found to keep an eye on her daughter was to take Bella to work with her. For little Bella, cooking and cleaning was another form of play. As she grew older she continued to lend a hand whenever she felt at a loose end. Mum's employers never seemed to mind and Renee appreciated the companionship. One of the good things about cleaning, today, was that it was knackering. By midday she was asleep on the settee and stayed that way until Mum came home.

As the evening wore on, Bella grew restless all over again. At six o'clock, she sat flicking through the TV channels without pausing long enough to register what was on. She sighed, got up and paced. Solitary confinement was obviously not the answer. She needed a distraction, preferably in the form of company and something to do. The choice was clear. She really couldn't cope with Jessica, Angela was still away and she didn't feel comfortable yet with going to see Jake. His sweetness made her feel dirty. By a process of elimination she was left with one option – Mum. Besides, Bella enjoyed cooking. It might be quite therapeutic.

Five minutes later she was changed out of shorts and a strappy top into jeans and a smart t-shirt. It was necessary to look presentable. She wasn't exactly going to be on display but a bit of interaction between the Cullens and their staff was unavoidable. She stepped out into the cool of the evening, already feeling a little better and walked briskly down the drive. The end of the drive opened out onto a wide gravelled space behind which sat the majestic Cullen home. The imposing front door, flanked by ornate columns, was in the centre, but that wasn't an entrance that Bella could use. She followed a cobbled path along the right hand side of the building and entered an ordinary side door about two-thirds of the way down. Inside it was dark and cool as always but there was a welcoming light from the kitchen beyond. She went to it and stuck her head round the door. The kitchen was typical of the sort of thing found in grand, old English country homes. Everything in it seemed big and heavy. Large wooden cupboards with a hatch at the near end were down the left hand wall, a massive Aga down the right. Suspended above the Aga was a wooden rack with t-towels and hand towels draped over it, taking advantage of the rising heat. There was a huge chunky oak table in the middle of the floor and a white stoneware sink under the window, opposite the doorway. Renee was standing by the sink but turned and smiled when she heard Bella.

"Need a hand?"

"That would be lovely," responded Renee enthusiastically. "I was just about to peel some potatoes. Fancy doing that?"

"Sure." Oddly, Bella really did 'fancy' doing exactly 'that', a simple task she could lose herself in. She grabbed a white linen apron from a drawer, rolled up her sleeves and got started. As she peeled, she even began humming to herself.

Mum was humming too, an old Beach Boys number "Wouldn't it be Nice". Bella looked at her and smiled. Mum always looked a little out of place in the stuffy solidity of these English country homes. She was slim, youthful and laid-back, still retaining a soft Southern American drawl. She belonged on a beach somewhere in Hawaii with a straw hat, bikini top and shorts, serving cocktails by the surf. Bella wondered why she'd never remarried. She was still pretty, dark-haired, fine featured with blue eyes full of fun. But then, the lifestyle didn't really lend itself to dating.

Bella and her Mum made a good team. "I need to make some mayonnaise later," said Renee "You've done that before, haven't you. I'd be really grateful if you'd make it for me, it's such a fiddle and –"

"Dad asks if you've come across his keys. He – oh, sorry to interrupt," came a voice from the doorway.

Bella turned, gaped and turned back again blushing furiously. Mr Green-Eyed and Gorgeous had appeared again. He leant casually on the frame. _He was still here!_ She'd already taken in the way he looked. He was dressed simply and casually in a t-shirt with ¾ length khaki trousers, the sort of thing people wear to go hiking. He still looked amazing. On his feet were leather flip-flops. Hell, even his feet were beautiful! Bella was quite used to the idea that clothes worn by the rich often looked good even if they were casual. That was because everything was likely to be designer; quality always would show, but there was something extra special about the look of him. From what Bella had seen so far, it seemed as if as if everything he wore looked like it was made just for him. It was the perfect combination of the right clothes, the way he wore them and the body that was in them.

"That's OK," said Renee "I have, yes, they're over on the window sill."

He walked over to the sink and stood close enough for Bella to smell him as he reached over. His scent was woodsy and fresh. Pine? Not quite, it was subtler, but lovely.

"Oh, you haven't met my daughter yet, have you, this is Bella," said Renee.

"We have met actually," he said, "but not been formally introduced. Hi, my name's Edward, Edward Cullen." He held out his hand.

At last, the penny dropped. That's who this person was, the Cullen's youngest son. Bella remembered, now, hearing something about one of the boys being away at boarding school. She looked down at her own hands, one holding a peeler and the other a potato, both covered in potato starch. "Erm," she said.

Edward laughed, a rich chuckle. "Don't worry about it." Then he changed tack. "What time's dinner?"

"Eight," said Renee

"Mind if I steal something? I've been out all day and didn't get around to lunch. I'm starving. Don't think I can wait that long."

"What would you like?" asked Renee.

"I don't know. Can I just rummage?" he said with a mischievous little half-smile.

"Help yourself," said Renee with a giggle. Bella turned and looked quizzically at Mum. Was she flirting? If she was, was it surprising? Bella could see that women of any age would find it hard to resist Edward turning on the charm and guessed it was a weapon he used often. She caught sight of him smirking at her. He was using that weapon on her too. Her mouth went dry. She wasn't sure if she could do this. She had been looking for a distraction, it was true, and Edward was certainly that but not one she felt she could cope with right now. With any luck he'd go soon but he didn't seem in any hurry. He wandered over to the fridge, brought out some left over apple pie and returned to stand by Bella to eat it. He leant his back against the sink next to her and watched her peel as if fascinated. "How are you today?" he asked. "Fine," she lied, addressing the potatoes and feeling the colour flood her cheeks again.

Once the potatoes were prepared, she took the pan over to the Aga while he rinsed apple pie off his fingers. As she turned back again she found herself facing his chest as he reached up for a towel from the rack above. "Oops, sorry," he offered as she ducked under his arm. She started to collect ingredients for the mayonnaise, eggs from the fridge where he just happened to need to go to look for more food, oil from the cupboard where he just happened to need to go to find salt; and so it continued. Bella moved about the kitchen, fetching, carrying, preparing, and somehow, whichever way she went, she kept finding herself against his elegant body. He said nothing apart from mumbled apologies but his green eyes had a naughty gleam. She soon realised his closeness was no accident. He was a slinking cat and she his mouse. He was toying with her for his amusement. Of course he was in no hurry to leave; he was having far too much fun. A few days before, she would probably have blushed and felt embarrassed but flattered. She might even have enjoyed it. But that was before the party, when she saw herself as shy and innocent. Now how did she see herself? At this precise moment her opinion sat somewhere between 'tainted' and 'stupid'. Was it written all over her? If so, what did it say? 'I'm a slut, come and take your chances' or 'I'm an idiot, come and mock me'. Of course she couldn't help but find Edward attractive, he had an almost unearthly beauty, but his attention was making her uncomfortable. Not only did it feel like he was tormenting her; she wasn't ready to face another predator. She wanted to snap at him but bit her lip instead to hold her peace.

The cavalry arrived to rescue her in the shape of Mr Cullen. His distinguished head appeared through the hatch and asked, "Is Edward with you? Ahh! There you are. Are you forgetting we have guests? Come and be sociable. And change into something more presentable."

Renee sidled up to Bella conspiratorially after Edward had gone. "He's very good looking, isn't he?" she said in a low voice.

"How old is he?"

"18."

"Bit young for you Mum."

"You're never too old to appreciate an attractive man when you see one."

Renee ploughed on. "So, you and Edward know each other already. I think he likes you."

Bella just shook her head, gave her mother an old-fashioned look and carried on with her tasks in silence. This was not a conversation worth having. Edward may have enjoyed teasing Bella in the kitchen but 'Bella and Edward' was a non-starter. It was impossible. Even without the enormous gulf between his looks and hers, he belonged in a different world. It was as if people like Edward lived in a toy shop while Bella was outside with her nose pressed up against the glass. That's how it had always been for her, watching the privileged enjoy life from outside an invisible barrier.

He didn't return to the kitchen that evening. Bella spent the whole time tense and wary fearing that he'd come back and half hoping he would. Either way, the sanctuary of Mum's kitchen was out of bounds for now. There was nothing for it. With the whole of summer stretching before her, Bella was just going to have to get back out there and rejoin the land of the living, and that meant seeing people. But who? Jacob. Jacob may be too sweet for her but he wasn't to know that, and he was kind, he was comforting. She resolved to see him soon. Jake was an ideal friend in more ways than one. He was pleasingly non-judgemental, he was reliably welcoming, warm and friendly and he lived conveniently about 200 yards away from Bella. He too was a single child with only one parent, his mother having died when he was small. He also lived in Cullen-owned property. His dad was the Cullen's gardener.

She phoned Jake in the morning at 10am and by 2pm was sitting in his garden playing cards. "Strip poker?" he'd suggested as a tease but that was never going to happen. Bella chose cribbage instead and was already one straight in the lead.

"What you been up to, then?" he asked.

"Not much. Stuff, you know," said Bella. She didn't even want to think about what she'd been doing for the past week, she certainly didn't want to talk about it.

"How was the party?"

"Boring," she absolutely didn't want to go there so sought frantically for a change of subject and said the first thing that came into her head. "Have you met the Cullen's youngest, Edward? I've bumped into him a few times." _Quite literally_, she thought.

"Oh, him," said Jake, "Yes, I've seen him. What did you think of him?"

"Very good looking of course," said Bella without thinking. Then she noticed Jake's edgy tight-lipped reaction so added, "but a bit arrogant too." _Note to self_ she registered, _don't compliment Edward in front of Jake, it's not going to go down well._

She won the first game but Jake was competitive so he suggested they play for the best out of three. Bella let him win the second one so that the match could be as long as possible but couldn't resist beating him in the third. After that they agreed to watch a DVD, something of Jake's choosing. They settled into comfortable silence in the sitting room with a bottle of fizzy drink and a bumper pack of crisps between them. It was nice. It was easier than she'd feared. Being with Jake was like finding a safe haven. The film, unfortunately, turned out to be one of those car chase / stereotyped goodie versus baddie numbers that Bella found boring. With little to occupy her thoughts, they inevitably drifted back to the party. What had happened? Had she, in a drunken stupor, decided to get her virginity out of the way after all? She remembered dancing, her arms lifted and hips swaying, giving herself to the music, feeling as well as hearing it. She remembered a dream-like haze floating over her. And she remembered the dark, rich voice breathing close to her ear "Hello" and sending a sensation like melted chocolate dripping down her spine. She shivered.

"Cold?" asked Jacob

"I think I need a loo break, can we pause this?"

"Sure."

"What do you think then?" asked Jake on her return, nodding towards the TV.

"Yeah, it's good," she said, she didn't want to hurt his feelings. "Do you think the son suspects anything?" she continued. They may as well talk about the film; it was probably more interesting than watching it. It was about a bungled burglary. As they chatted, it occurred to Bella that it gave her an opening to talk, in a round-about way, of what was really on her mind.

"Have you ever done something you wish you hadn't?" she asked tentatively.

"All the time," he answered. Her eyes widened. "Like this morning, I dropped jam-on-toast, jam side down, on the carpet. And I'm, like, always breaking something or dropping something or saying the wrong thing."

Was he being deliberately obtuse?

"No, I don't mean like that," she clarified "Something on purpose." Had she done it on purpose? "Something wrong. Something you feel guilty about."

"Oh… I stole some chocolate from a shop, once, when I was little."

It would have to do. "And you felt guilty, right?"

"I guess."

"So what did you do?"

"Dad found out. He marched me down to the shop and made me go in and say sorry…and pay," he added, rolling his eyes.

"Right," Bella sat and mused on this, wondering how it might be helpful. She was grateful Jacob wasn't asking any questions, as if he could sense that it wouldn't be right.

"I guess that's the thing, really," Jacob continued, "I mean, you can't go back and change things, can you? And beating yourself up about it isn't gonna help. So that only leaves two things. You can try and put things right and, even if you can't put them right, you can say sorry."

"Mmm," muttered Bella and snuggled down to watch the rest of the DVD.

As she wandered home she smiled ruefully. "Sorry," she told herself. It helped a little.


	4. Chapter 4

Outside In – Chapter 4

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 4**

Bella spent the next day with Jake too and, by the end, was beginning to regain that easy sense of comfort she had with him. It gave her confidence that she could be around friends and just be normal again. When Bella awoke on the Saturday morning, she felt hopeful that this whole nightmare might be something she could put behind her. It was early days yet but there were hints of progress, like the first green shoots breaking through the soil in spring. Jess phoned.

Jess was being her usual bossy self, "Right missy," she commanded, "I'm fed up with this hiding, you're coming out with me. I'm fetching you at 12 and we're seeing Angela for lunch at Mickey's. No arguing. Got that?"

Bella chuckled, "Yes Miss."

There were times when Jessica taking charge was a good thing. Sometimes you needed that kick up the backside. This could even be fun. The novelty of the party should have worn off by now and with any luck Jess wouldn't bring it up again. It would be great to see Angela, too. Bella hadn't seen her since school broke up.

Jessica had Mike in her car when she arrived. He seemed to be deliberately avoiding making eye contact, and looked as if he had a nasty smell under his nose. Bella guessed that this was his attempt at nonchalant, trying to prove how much he didn't care that she'd rejected him. _What a loser, _thought Bella. They drove off and, twenty minutes later, were pulling up against the pavement a few doors down from Mickey's. Once out of the car, Mike and Jess led the way arm-in-arm. Mickey's café was a mixture of plastic, chrome and grease. It was also loud, colourful and usually full of teenagers which made it the obvious place to hang out. Angela was sitting with her back to the window when they arrived but got up and smiled when she saw Bella waving enthusiastically from the doorway. Mike and Jess went to order drinks while Bella weaved her way through the assault course of chairs and tables to get to her friend. Angela had dark eyes, jet black hair and wore glasses. She also had a sweet, gentle nature. Bella had missed her quiet and trustworthy friendship. "So great to see you," Bella shouted over the noise and meant it, hugging Angela with enthusiasm and plonking down into the seat opposite. Angela's parents were divorced too. She lived with her Mum but had just returned from a week's camping holiday with her Dad.

"Come on then, tell all. How was it?" said Bella.

"Great," said Angela as she pulled out her camera. "Sorry, I've brought photos, loads of photos. Let me know when you start to nod off." She moved to the seat that was at right angles to Bella and started to go through them, sharing the camera.

"Oh great, holiday pics," said Jess sarcastically, gingerly placing a tray with four cappuccinos on the table. "Come on then, let's get it over and done with."

Jess took Angela's original seat so that she could share the camera too and Mike took the remaining chair. Angela and her Dad had had a whale of a time, by the sounds of things. She talked about it enthusiastically as she showed pictures of the two of them eating, drinking, posing and pulling silly faces in front of the tent, this mountain, that waterfall, just about everywhere. This was great: Angela smiled and chatted with a shy but delightful enthusiasm; Jessica shifted and wriggled with untapped energy; Mike looked peeved at being left out. Everything was back to normal, just how it should be.

Angela was just describing her Dad's cooking skills, "scrambled nuggets on toast for breakfast, mmm, mmm, mmmmmmm," when Jess flicked a glance over Bella's shoulder, leant across the table and said in a low voice. "There's a guy over there who came in just after us and he keeps looking in our direction. I think I've seen him before but I dunno where, do any of you know him?"

Angela and Mike looked across and shrugged. Bella turned her head and her world fell away. There he sat, the guy from the party, the one with the face she'd hoped never to see again, the one who reminded her that she was lower than dirt. He was draped casually over one of the plastic seats; sitting in an exotic bubble, the epitome of cool in a sea of dorkiness. If you were going to stand out, this was the way to do it. He was dressed entirely in black, charismatic but darkly dangerous too. His ebony skin shone, his black, mesmerising eyes fixed Bella and he smirked. She remembered his musky-sweet smell and his voice, "We could have some fun." Bella's stomach clenched.

"Actually, was he at your party?" gabbled Jessica to Mike.

"I dunno, it's not anyone I know. I was off my head anyway but Tom said we had some gatecrashers so could've been."

Bella could feel all the blood draining from her face. "I'm sorry, I don't feel well," she croaked. "I need to go. I think I'm gonna be sick." She got up and practically launched herself towards the door, aware of the black eyes burning into the back of her head.

The others gathered their belongings and joined her outside.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," Bella lied. She felt terrible. She'd spoiled everything.

"Do you wanna lift home?" offered Jessica.

"No thanks. I'll be fine. I'll get a bus. I probably just need some fresh air." What she needed was time alone. She didn't head straight to the bus stop. For a long time, she simply wandered aimlessly. This wasn't fair; she had been making good progress and was instantly back to where she'd started. She had 'slid down the biggest snake' and was back at square one; back to the fruitless questions. What had possessed her to go off with a guy she'd never met before like that? What kind of spell had he cast over her? Could he ever repeat it? How had she got so drunk? Who wrote the note?

After traipsing along endless pavements, for what seemed like hours, she eventually did find her way to the bus stop and then had to wait an hour for a bus. She sat slumped with her head down, beginning to wish she had accepted the offer of a lift after all. It had been so hard to see that face again so soon, that knowing smirk, knowing what he knew. She shivered and needed to be at home. He'd turned the outside world into a place of lurking danger. Glancing around, she noticed a low wall here, an industrial bin there. There were lots of places he could hide, watching her. She really was getting paranoid. The bus, when it came, felt like a rescue. Once in the sanctity of the bus she relaxed. In the hour that it took to jolt her about while it pootled round all the villages she worked on calming her nerves and formulating a plan. Yes, she'd done something stupid and no, this wasn't the way these things were supposed to happen but was she going to let it affect the rest of her life? _No_. She couldn't keep going back into hiding. By the time she stepped down from the bus, she'd reached a decision. She'd give herself this evening to pull herself together and tomorrow she'd get right back out there. Her mobile rang, dragging her out of her thoughts.

"Bella, honey, where are you?" It was Mum.

"At the bus stop, on my way home."

"Oh great. Listen, I need a favour. The Cullens are having this cocktail party evening and Sue's got some kind of sickness bug so can't serve drinks. You could pop on a white blouse and black skirt couldn't you? I've got an apron here."

Bella felt there was no way she could do this. She was she an emotional wreck right now. Weren't waitresses supposed to be cool and collected? Even more problematic was that she was clumsy at the best of times.

"I actually don't feel too well myself," she pleaded.

"Oh, you'll be fine. There's really not much to it. Just carry drinks round. David will show you what to do. Pleeease, I wouldn't ask if they didn't really need your help. Please."

What was the point in arguing? Bella knew she would say yes. She was a sucker when it came to people asking for help. She really was a girl who couldn't say nnnn…...

"OK," she sighed

"Aw, thank you, you're a star – see you in an hour."

Bella showered, and washed and combed her hair, pulling it back into a pony-tail. It looked neater that way. Then she put on the only white blouse and black skirt she had, her old school uniform. She hadn't worn it for a year and it was a little too small for her now, but would have to do. With any luck, the apron would cover it up. She finished off with black ballet-style pumps; if she was going to be on her feet all evening, she needed to be comfortable. Finally, she threw on a cardigan and trudged down the drive with her hands thrust deep into the pockets. In the kitchen, Bella slipped off the cardigan and Mum handed her a white apron. It was a small, white lacy thing, about the size of a pocket handkerchief, with ties that went round the waist. What function was that supposed to serve? It wasn't going to be much use as a cover-up. But she didn't think it would be much of a problem. No-one was likely to be looking at her. Then she went to find David, the Cullen's butler, to get instructions. From the way he described the task, it did sound easy. She just had to greet the first guests with a tray of drinks, refilling as necessary. When most of the guests had arrived, she needed to alternate taking trays of drinks or canapés round to them. Nothing to it, she told herself, hopefully.

"Right, ready for action stations?" said David, trying to put her at ease. She didn't feel very ready but had managed to talk herself into believing that if she could just focus on not dropping anything, she'd be fine. For some reason, she wasn't surprised at who came in to check that she was good to go, despite not having seen him for three days.

"Hi," she said, biting her lip nervously.

It was fortunate she didn't have a tray of drinks in her hand when she saw Edward. He strode in casually, stopped, placed his hands on his hips and surveyed her. His tailored shirt fitted his slim frame to perfection and his suit trousers hung low. He also wore the most enormous grin. He reminded her of the spaniels with their tongues hanging out and tails furiously beating left and right as if a simple wag wasn't enough. She couldn't help but smile.

"Really great of you to help out," he said. Then he stepped aside and gestured her through.

Bella headed into the dining room to await the first guests with a tray of drinks in her hands while David went off to greet them at the front door. She had never seen the dining room look so beautiful. The normally dark room sparkled. The table was adorned with fine crockery, ornate candle sticks with flickering candles and a sumptuous buffet. The crowning glory in the room was the magnificent cut glass chandelier. It threw tiny rainbow beams back and forth which reflected in the dark polished surface of the old wood panelling. The first people to enter were the Cullen's themselves. Apart from Edward, there was Mr Cullen - tall, white haired and distinguished looking, with a slightly Roman profile; he had a quiet but commanding presence. Then there was his wife: small, slim, round faced and pretty. She, too, was quiet but friendlier. Emmett, the Cullen's older son had come to visit for the weekend. He was named after one of his father's American uncles and was a big rugby-player type, a sports physiotherapist: handsome, dark-haired, large and loud. With him was his beautiful but frosty blonde wife. They were a strikingly attractive family. Mrs Cullen seemed surprised to see Bella there until Edward explained the situation. She smiled and expressed her gratitude. Then the first guests started to arrive. Bella felt quite daunted, insignificant among the designer dresses, heavy make-up, jewellery and tailored suits. These were people who dripped wealth and status, the beautiful people or, if not beautiful, at least well preserved. In no time her senses swam with the heady scent of expensive perfume. She replenished the tray a few times as the room filled. The hubbub of voices began to blend into one general rumble occasionally pierced by a burst of laughter, high pitched or rich and fruity, some natural, some forced. Then she set about moving among them, ducking and diving between bodies and clutching her tray of drinks as inconspicuously as possible. As she drifted from one conversation to another, she caught snippets here and there: "Did he go to the same prep school?" "- a truly exceptional collection." "He's in Oz, this time, I think." These people really did seem to inhabit a completely different world.

She needn't have worried about her tight fitting clothes; everyone was far too wrapped up in their own social circle to notice her. She was serving a useful function, like a toaster, and people paid her about the same amount of attention. It was probably a good thing and helped her to relax a little. Every now and then she spotted Edward. However inappropriate, and whatever she felt about herself, it really was difficult not to gaze when you caught sight of him. Fortunately, he was engaged in conversation with guests. She noticed his smile; it seemed to light up the space around him. He laughed easily and she remembered the sound of his rich chuckle. His lovely auburn hair looked clean and lustrous. Most of it couldn't seem to make up its mind which direction to grow in so it just went everywhere at once. All, that is, except for the hair on the nape of his neck which settled into a smooth and satisfying V. It beckoned your fingers to run through it. His green eyes danced and sparkled and his perfect bow-shaped lips made watching him talk a joy. His classic Greek nose balanced his strong and perfectly chiselled jaw. There was an easy grace about him. His slim and sinewy body was poised and elegant as if he was perfectly comfortable in his own skin. Bella felt he was everything she wasn't, confident and beautiful. She watched him from a distance, chatting, laughing, nodding in silent agreement. Now that she could just appreciate him from afar without feeling overwhelmed by him, he brought a warm glow to her heart just by existing. A couple of times she thought she saw him glance in her direction but why would he want to do that when he had a roomful of people with whom he had so much more in common?

Bella noticed that her tray was empty and went back to refill.

"It all seems to be going OK," she said to David, as much to reassure herself as anything.

"Yes, thanks for lending a hand," he replied.

As she moved back across the floor, arms reached out as she passed and, in no time, the tray was nearly empty again. She felt there was something quite indulgent in these people having their drinks delivered to them so that they wouldn't have to interrupt the flow of their conversation, but the rich could afford to be indulgent. There was one drink to go; it would be gone in no time. Her path suddenly seemed blocked by a knot of people and she had to make quite a wide circle to get round. This brought her much closer to Edward than she had been before. He was in the corner, chatting to a stunning blonde girl of about the same age. Bella felt a small irrational pang of jealousy as he focussed on his companion but she was aware, too, of a little frown creasing the bridge of his nose. He tilted his head down as he brought the glass to his perfect rosebud lips and maintained eye contact with the blonde by looking up through his long eyelashes. He pouted slightly as he took a sip. How could drinking look so erotic? A second later, he seemed to sense Bella's presence and turned to look straight at her with a dazzling smile. Bella spun round, completely thrown, just as one of the guests was heading towards her. Then everything seemed to go into horribly inevitable slow motion. The remaining glass of red wine toppled over the edge of the tray and poured onto the cream shirt of the guest before crashing to the floor. There was a gasp from someone nearby. Real time rushed in "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," she frantically apologised before falling to her knees, scrabbling around to collect the pieces of broken crystal and put them on the tray. The butler was there in no time, already armed with a suitable cloth which he handed to Bella to rub the carpet. Then he escorted the guest away to deal with the stained shirt. Bella felt ridiculously foolish.

She fled from the scene of her crime carrying the tray with her. Outside in the corridor, she placed the tray on the carpet and stood with her face to the wall. How could a smile throw her into such a state of turmoil? He had probably only looked at her because she wouldn't stop looking at him and now she'd paid the price for it. She had no idea what to do next. She'd promised to help. Could they manage without her help? Would they want help from someone so clearly useless? She couldn't seem to get anything right. The stresses of the day came crashing down on her and her brave front dissolved. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Then she felt a comforting and gentle hand being placed on her shoulder and she spun round.

"There you are. Hey what's with this? It's only a bit of wine. It's nothing," he said.

Bella looked up at the kind, green eyes twinkling down at her and considered the possibility that he might be lovely on the inside too.


	5. Chapter 5

Outside In – Chapter 5

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 5**

**EDWARD**

Edward lay naked in bed with the duvet off to one side. He reached towards the box of man-size tissues on his bedside table and pulled out a couple to clean up his stomach and fingers. Then he tossed the tissues in the bin. He could shower later. Sated and sleepy, he pulled the duvet back over himself and nodded off. After a couple of hours he awoke again and glanced at the clock, 9:30am. Stretching his arms up, he interlocked his fingers and tucked his hands under his head. His first thought was of her and his body reacted predictably. _This is getting ridiculous_ he told himself, _get a grip man._ He smirked. That was the problem; he'd been 'getting a grip' on a regular basis from the first moment he'd seen her, jerking off to an assortment of imagined scenarios all involving the same person, Bella. The name meant 'beautiful' and, to Edward, it couldn't be more appropriate. The first time he'd seen her, she'd been sitting in the Lodge House garden. He pictured the slender, creaminess of her perfect legs, the gorgeous, thick, chestnut hair, the delicate features and big brown eyes. She'd looked at him open mouthed. Edward was used to being stared at - the furtive giggles, the blatant come-ons – but he had never seen anyone actually dumbstruck by him before. It was adorably cute. She was so pretty; sweet and petite. The second time he'd seen her, he'd discovered she was a nervous little thing and had felt an overwhelming urge to wrap her in his protection. It had looked like she was trying to avoid him. _Why was that?_ She'd looked embarrassed – maybe because she'd obviously spilled something on her jeans. He smiled to himself. It had looked like a treasure map that just needed an 'X' to mark the spot in the centre. "Here be treasure," he whispered in a stupid pirate voice as he reached one hand under the duvet and cupped his balls, comfortingly.

It didn't help that she smelled so good, she was practically edible. Once he'd got the chance to get close to her, he hadn't wanted to be anywhere else but he chided himself for making it so obvious. He knew he must have seemed like a pervert stalking her round the kitchen like that but the temptation to just scoop her up in his arms and smother her in kisses was enormous. It was a good job Renee had been there. From the way Bella bit her lip his behaviour obviously made her uncomfortable but that was so sexy it made it even harder to leave her alone. He pushed his back into the bed and stretched once more feeling a horny tingle that went all the way down to his toes. Already he was erect and ready to go again. Of course the piece de resistance had to have been that sexy maid outfit. When he'd first come up with the plan to see Bella by insisting that they couldn't possibly manage without her waitressing in place of Sue, _which was bollocks_, he hadn't expected it to pay off quite so brilliantly. He'd chalked one up to his own ingenuity at that first sight of her. She could really work the maid look with that tight white blouse, short skirt and frilly apron. It lent itself to a whole range of fantasies involving her keeping the outfit on, or at least most of it. As another scenario played out in his head, his hand gripped his shaft and started moving of its own accord. Suddenly, the picture of Bella standing in the corridor in tears popped into his head and it was like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over him. _Was this any way to treat the poor girl? _He asked himself. _Damn-it to hell! She's sweet, timid and lovely and I'm tormenting her. I should be ashamed. Why can't I just leave her alone?_ But deep down he knew it wasn't an option.

Throwing the covers off himself crossly, he got out of bed and stomped off to his en-suite shower, kicking clothes out of the way. Maybe a good deluge would help him to de-stress. As he wandered back from the bathroom, he gave his hair a quick dry before throwing the towel back onto the bathroom floor. He yanked open a drawer, grabbed a pair of black boxers, put them on and sat on the edge of the bed to think. However much he thought, though, he didn't seem to be getting anywhere. The problem was that, officially, she was off limits. She was 'staff'. Well, she wasn't strictly 'staff', she was the daughter of 'staff'_. Didn't it amount to much the same thing? _And Edward had always been taught that one didn't come on to staff because it looked like taking advantage_._ He'd had plenty of experience of winning over the fairer sex so was pretty confident he could win her over too, but he had to stop thinking like that. It was just that she wouldn't get out of his head. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. So what was the alternative? _Well, for one thing, I could try manning-up and approaching her as one human being to another rather than pussying around like this _he admitted but then what? Might they be able to have an actual relationship? His family wouldn't be thrilled about it but may come to accept it. People like Tanya wouldn't make it easy, though. Maybe Bella, herself, would want no truck with the public world of the rich and shallow. But he was getting way ahead of himself. Maybe they wouldn't get on. Maybe she would turn out to be some airhead. Maybe if he spent some time with her the novelty would wear off. Maybe he was just making excuses because he knew he couldn't stay away. It was pointless to try to decide this logically. What was it Oscar Wilde said? "The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it." Well, he'd never been more tempted by anyone in his life.

He looked at the clock again. It was no good sitting around all day, he needed to get up and get the dogs walked. The whole dog-minding thing seemed to be going OK, they were fun. Once dressed in cotton trousers, socks and a polo shirt, he headed downstairs. The dogs had been asleep for the night in a small back room just off the kitchen but scuffled and whined, eager to go out, when they heard him outside. His walking boots were by the door and he put them on before facing the onslaught. As soon as he went in, the musty smell of dog hit him and he went through the familiar struggle of putting leads on two wriggling and deliriously excited animals. As he shut the back door, the thought occurred to him that the dogs might give him an excuse to see Bella again. It was worth a try. He walked briskly to the cottage with fear and excitement vying for attention in his gut, praying she'd be there and wouldn't send him packing. He gave her door three resounding knocks. Bella opened it wearing a tatty t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms looking adorably bleary-eyed.

"Hi," he greeted her, "Are you doing anything?"

Bella shrugged and looked up at him warily.

"I'm going for a walk," he said. Bella continued to just look at him.

"I thought you might like to join me." No reaction. She wasn't making this easy.

"I thought I might need to employ your dog handling skills. You know how stupid Jerry can be."

Bella looked down at the black and white spaniel who was sitting with his tongue lolling out and head cocked to one side as if to prove it.

Both Jerry and Edward waited for a response.

During the silence, Bella seemed to scrutinise Edward's face and then, "OK, I'll come," she stated, "Just give me a minute."

"Cool." Edward's outer calm concealed his inner glee.

She returned a couple of minutes later in shorts, t-shirt and trainers. "Ready," she announced. Edward looked her over briefly. Was there anything better than the sight of Bella in shorts? Her slender limbs were completed by a perfectly rounded little bum that cried out to be grabbed. Unfortunately, there was little distance you could walk in any direction without encountering woodland unless you stuck to the roads and he had wanted her company to himself. He pictured those beautiful legs covered in bramble scratches and nettle rash and felt he had no alternative but to say something.

"I was thinking of going into the woods. I wonder if maybe shorts are …" he said, looking down at her legs.

"Oh!" she flustered, getting the message immediately. She hurried away and returned in jeans. "I think they're safer," he said. She followed him out, closing the door behind her. They weren't off to the best start. His attempt at an apologetic smile received barely the flicker of a smile in response.

He looked up at the clear blue sky. "Hot," he said, aware that he was stating the obvious.

"Mmm."

"Wonder how long it'll last?"

"Mmm."

"_Edward, shut up!_" he told himself. She clearly didn't want to talk. So, off they went, Edward leading the way. He walked slowly, lazily, in silence, into the nearby woodland and she tucked in behind him. They picked their way between the brambles that tried to snatch at them and they brushed past trees. Edward held larger branches out of the way to allow Bella to pass unscathed. The dogs seemed oblivious to any natural barriers; they bounded recklessly through the undergrowth, thrilled to have been let off their leashes. Intermittently, they would reappear to snuffle round Edward's feet and then they'd be away again leaving Bella and Edward with the gentle, natural sound-track of bird-song. It was a better sound than the occasional forced attempts at polite conversation. The air was cooler in the woods but still a little stifling. After about 30 minutes, they emerged into an open field and the sun threw a blanket of heat over them. Edward sank down onto the prickly grass and Bella sat next to him. He reached into his pocket and fished around; finally producing a mangled wodge of something wrapped in foil.

"I brought chocolate. Isn't that what bold explorers are supposed to do? Want some?"

Peeling back the foil he held out the contents. Bella pulled off a chunk. It was sticky, slightly melted, but she ate it all the same and licked her fingers. It was mesmerising. She caught him watching her, gave a nervous little smile and looked away. There was something fawn-like about her face, an exquisite innocence with trusting yet timid beautiful brown eyes but eye contact seemed to be making her uncomfortable.

"So, how are you finding living here?" he asked, deliberately looking away.

"It's OK, not much to say really."

So he told her about himself, about home, about school. Edward hadn't been home for a while because he'd been at boarding school. His school had broken up two weeks before Bella's but he'd spent the time visiting an uncle, the owner of the dogs. Edward was just looking after them for a few weeks while the uncle went away on business. He continued to look straight ahead as he talked, so that she didn't feel under pressure but it somehow made him even more acutely aware of her strawberry scent. She fiddled with the grass as she listened and finally ventured to ask tentative little questions.

"So, are you off to uni?" she said.

"Oxford - kind of a family tradition."

"To study…."?

"Medicine…I know, another family tradition."

"In September?"

"October…but not this one, I'm taking a gap year."

"I'm surprised you're not off somewhere adventurous."

"Not for a while."

He risked looking back at her. Her forehead glistened in the hot sun and a strand of hair was caught there. Without thinking, he reached over and freed it, tucking it behind her ear. She flinched.

"Sorry," he said, "I wasn't thinking. You're OK, yunno, I don't bite."

He felt the need to show her that he meant her no harm. A few feet away he spotted a buttercup and reached out to pull it up. "Hold still," he said holding it under her chin. A golden glow appeared on her flawless skin. "You like butter," he stated. She licked her lips nervously and he glanced at them wondering what they'd be like to kiss, wondering if she tasted of strawberries as well. He smiled, trying to reassure her. She flushed slightly and looked away. It warned him that things would have to be taken very slowly. That was OK; he could be patient. Edward lay back on the grass, closing his eyes and smiling inwardly. He had a feeling that Bella was watching him. That was OK too. He kept his eyes closed to allow her to and hoped she liked what she saw. Girls usually did. As he lay there, feeling quite smug, he was completely unprepared for what happened next because he didn't know that his prone position was an open invitation to the spaniels. They were on him in no time, ganging up to lick him, snuffle him and pant smelly dog breath over him. Edward chuckled as he struggled to sit up.

"Get off you silly buggers."

When he eventually managed to get upright, he found Bella giggling at him. "Oh, you think that's funny, do you?" he accused jokingly. Bella nodded. "Go and lick her," he told the animals, "I'm sure she tastes better than I do."

_Dipstick! What a thing to say!_ Now Bella was really blushing. In general, Edward aimed for 'silent but mysterious'. It seemed to work quite well. But he couldn't seem to pull it off around Bella and, to make matters worse, his brain-to-mouth filter seemed to be developing a malfunction. He stared at her in shock at himself. She gaped at him briefly and burst out laughing. In no time he was laughing with her. It was as if they had broken through some invisible barrier and were able to start to feel at ease in each other's company. From there the conversation flowed much more freely. She was obviously very bright. Like him she had chosen four subjects at A-level but whereas he liked sciences: Biology, Physics, Chemistry and Maths; she, with the exception of Psychology, liked arts: History, English and French. He liked science fiction and crime thrillers, she liked history and romance. He was confident, she was shy. In many respects they were complete opposites but he knew how he felt about her and as she grew more comfortable in his presence, he began to suspect she felt the same about him. Like magnets, whose opposite poles pull strongly towards each other, they couldn't resist the attraction; but also like magnets they were forged from the same material and had a lot in common too. They shared the same level of intelligence, the same sense of humour. They swapped jokes and personal stories, smiled, laughed and connected. It was only when Edward's phone alerted him to the time that he realised how quickly and easily it had passed. It was 1pm. Edward was grateful he'd had the foresight to set an alarm to notify him that it was time to head back. Bella must be home before Renee returned from work. He wasn't sure how soon he wanted to let people know of his interest in Bella but knew he wasn't ready for it yet. That was OK, they had time. The walk back was a good deal more relaxed. As he sauntered away from her cottage, he felt generally pleased with himself. It had just been a dog-walk but it had been fun, he could do that again.

**BELLA**

Bella had only just got out of bed when she saw Edward standing on the front door step. She hadn't slept well. At first she'd assumed he was there on some practical errand like fetching something Mum had forgotten but when he appeared to be asking her to go for a dog-walk, she thought she must be dreaming. To Bella it didn't make any sense, so it took a while for it to register. This felt very different from him tormenting her in the kitchen or taking pity on her at the cocktail party. This was a social call. _Beautiful, rich, young men surely didn't just show up on your doorstep and ask you to go for a walk with them. _It completely threw her, so she wasn't thinking straight when she got dressed. She just donned the sort of thing she always wore in summer but it looked like she was making some ridiculous attempt to look sexy. As if she could possibly compete with the sort of girl someone like Edward could attract. He soon set her straight; he had no problem telling her to cover up. At first, her embarrassment and his outrageous handsomeness made it very difficult to look him in the eye. She couldn't comprehend why he would just turn up like that until he told her, "All my friends are from boarding school. They live miles away," and it dawned on her that he was plainly and simply bored. She had just begun to relax a little when he reached over and touched her. There was a thrilling electrical charge to his touch that took her completely by surprise and made her nervous all over again. Unexpectedly, it was the dogs that came to the rescue. She was beginning to think of them as allies. It was the dogs that had first alerted her to his existence, had given him a reason to seek out her company and now helped her once more by mobbing him in the most hilarious way. It finally broke through the tension and enabled her to discover that Edward was a person with whom she could have a genuine friendship. There was a lot more to him than looks, she found, he was great company.

At her front door he made her the gift of one last sweet smile before saying, "Thanks for coming with me. That was fun. Would you fancy doing it again some time?"

"Yeah, OK," she responded casually. 'Oh God, yes,' would have given the game away.


	6. Chapter 6

Outside In – Chapter 6

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 6**

**BELLA**

That night, as Bella lay in bed, she thought about Edward. She had seen a different side to him, one she was keen to see again. That wasn't likely to happen any time soon but a small part of her hoped it wouldn't be too long. She smiled and hugged herself. For a while it was good to lie there filled with happy thoughts. She wanted to make the most of it before anxiety started edging its way in again. The past few nights, ever since seeing the guy with the dreadlocks in Mickey's, she had been plagued with nightmares and going to bed meant lying awake fearing that they'd come again. Eventually she slept and, in the middle of the night, the same flashes of memory assaulted her subconscious. She was stumbling up stairs, she was falling back onto a bed, she felt sick, confused and limp. Then the dream took a new turn, she was in a field, aware of a presence behind her and she looked round to see twinkling green eyes. This time she didn't wake at 3am but relaxed back into a deep and peaceful sleep. By 9am she was up, showered and dressed. She looked at herself in the mirror. The dark rings under her eyes were still there but the puffiness had definitely gone down. She smiled and started humming to herself.

"You're bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning," commented Renee as she passed Bella's room, "going somewhere?"

"No, it just looks like it's gonna be a nice day," said Bella, and it did because she'd found someone who could chase the demons away - Edward. Nothing had been said to Renee about the dog-walk. On the way back Edward had asked Bella not to mention it. She thought it a little odd. They had nothing to hide, after all, but she wasn't going to do anything to jeopardise their budding friendship. The whole thing was still a bit surreal. Logically, following a relative stranger into secluded woodland may have seemed a reckless thing to do but she would do it again in a heartbeat. She trusted him; either that or she told herself she trusted him because she wanted to. Time dragged irritatingly slowly till Mum went to work and then Bella sat on the edge of the settee waiting for she knew not what, so engrossed that the three clear knocks made her jump. She flew to the door and had to stop to regain control before opening it, reminding herself that, even if it was him, he was only looking for a companion, nothing more. Anything more than 'friendship' with the lord of the manor was impossible and if she looked too eager she would ruin even that.

The first sight of him took her breath away. He stood in her doorway in jeans, trainers and a polo shirt, a vision of casual perfection, holding the two, by now familiar, spaniels. Edward really was quite beautiful. It was an odd word to use about male looks but it couldn't be more appropriate. His frame was slim and elegant. His unruly hair flowed in all directions like a cornfield being blown about by the wind and it shone like polished copper, in the sun. His sweet mouth had a soft pout and his profile was almost unreal in its perfection. He grinned. That was when his face really lit up, when his green eyes dazzled. It was irresistible. She smiled back.

"You up for another walk?" he asked and she nodded. By a sheer fluke, or possibly not, she was dressed appropriately and didn't have to rush away to cover her legs.

He turned and led the way and she slipped in behind him as if it was something she did every day. They went a different route this time, to a beautiful flower-filled meadow. Before they sat, he tied the dogs' leads to a small tree with a piece of string and left Ben and Jerry with a dog-chew each. "I came prepared this time," he said, nodding in their direction with a knowing smirk. He obviously didn't fancy being pounced on again.

Talking was a lot easier today and he seemed as keen to find out more about her as she was to find out about him. What films did she like? She liked thought-provoking films that explored the human psyche. She was surprised to discover that Edward's taste in film was eclectic. He appeared to be open to anything, even foreign films. What music did she like? She mostly liked singer-songwriters. He liked everything from hard rock to classical. He really was quite the everyman. Did he play any instruments, she wanted to know.

"Piano."

Looking at his long, slender fingers, she could well believe it. She pictured them flowing over a keyboard.

"I'd love to hear you play," she said, _and watch you play,_ she thought. She was hypnotised by those elegant fingers as he twisted them around a bottle of water in intriguing ways, so dextrous, it was almost like they had a life of their own.

He held the bottle towards her, "Ladies first," he said. It broke the spell. It was still sealed with one of those annoying plastic rims on the lid. Bella fumbled to open it in a hurry.

"Rats."

"Problem?" said Edward.

"Broke a nail."

He took the bottle from her. "They're a pain, these lids, aren't they?" he said, removing it deftly and handing it back to her.

While she took a swig, he reached into his pocket saying, "Hang on, I've got one of those things for taking boy scouts out of horses hooves." Bella giggled.

He produced a Swiss army knife, pulled out the folded scissors and swapped it for the bottle. Bella felt completely cack-handed as she struggled to cut a fingernail on her right hand with scissors held in her left. She really was beginning to feel too incompetent to do anything. He twisted the lid back on the bottle and laid it on the grass. "May I," he said, holding a palm towards her. She remembered him brushing the hair off her face and the tingle that had taken her by surprise. As she placed her hand in his, she felt the tingle again but was half-prepared for it this time and didn't let on. It was better to keep it to herself, like a delicious secret. He gently held her finger while carefully cutting the offending nail until it was rounded and smooth. The phrase 'in safe hands' came to mind. "Thanks," she said. For someone used to asserting her independence, she was finding she enjoyed being taken care of.

He folded back the scissors, returned the knife to his pocket, lay back on his elbows and closed his eyes. She gazed at him for as long as she dared and was disappointed when he said they had to get back. She was even more disappointed when he said he wouldn't be around the next day.

"OK if I come the day after that?" he said

"No problem," she said and it certainly wasn't.

The 'Edward-free' day was Mum's day off so Bella spent the morning with Mum and, in the afternoon, popped over to see Jake.

She told him that she'd had the opportunity to chat to Edward recently, felt she knew him a bit better and that he seemed like a good guy.

"Oh," was his first reaction, shrugging as if uninterested. He walked towards the dartboard, "60, what's that leave?" he said.

"43," said Bella from the bed. They were in Jake's bedroom and he was thrashing her at darts. He glanced across to her and chewed his lips. Jake had told Bella that he had a dartboard in his room and when he suggested they go there to play, she had read nothing into it. Now, as she looked at him, she wondered if his motives had been entirely innocent. If they hadn't, it might explain why it wasn't going down too well that they were spending the time talking about what a good guy Edward was.

"So what did you two talk about?" he said, yanking the darts from the cork.

Bella tried to keep it neutral, "Oh, you know, the usual, what we like, what we don't like, friends..."

"So you've told him about me?" he said, handing her the darts as she got up.

"Yes."

"And he doesn't mind."

Bella lined up to take her throw, keeping her eyes on the board. "What's there to mind?" she said, "He seems friendly and you're a friend. We could do maybe do something together, the three of us."

Bella took her turn, missing the target entirely. She wasn't really focusing. She retrieved the darts, returned them to their rightful owner and went back to the bed. As she sat on the edge, she gazed at the neatly trimmed nail while Jake took his turn. The truth was that Bella didn't want to 'do something together'. She was enjoying having Edward all to herself, even if it was just to walk dogs. She had her suspicions about the way Jake felt towards her and wondered if she was beginning to feel the same way about Edward. "Get in!" announced Jacob pumping a fist to his side. "Double top. I win."

Bella looked up and, despite her discomfort at being in his private space she offered, "Well done. Again?" Bella knew Jacob would win again but felt she could give him that, at least. "No, thanks," he said. She had an inkling how hard this 'friendship' thing might be for him.

The next day Renee was back at work and Bella kept everything crossed that Edward wouldn't forget about seeing her again. She couldn't wait to see him and he didn't disappoint.

She was filled with a radiant warmth at the sight of him. The sky was cloudier and the weather cooler but it didn't make any difference. Edward brought sunshine into her life. "Morning, scruffy," he said, reaching over to straighten her collar.

Bella rolled her eyes in response, "Yeah, thanks for that," she said, secretly enjoying the attention.

This time, they found a small stream and followed it as it trickled through the woods and over mossy rocks. He sat by the brook on a fallen tree and Bella joined him. The air was cool and earthy smelling and the constant sound of running water made her feel perfectly relaxed. They barely spoke this time but seemed happy just to be. He led them a different route back, one that took them over a stile. Edward went first, turned and held out his hand to help Bella over. It wasn't necessary but she wasn't going to turn down any opportunity to make physical contact. What was it about Edward touching her? Jacob often playfully punched her or mussed her hair and it was a sign of cozy friendship, nothing more, but even a brush against Edward's fingers was like the sweetest electricity. It almost made it difficult to be near him, but she wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

When he returned the next day, she felt they were slipping into a predictable and perfect routine. Edward would arrive at about 10am, they would walk, find somewhere to sit and chat and be home by about 1pm. This time, they sat under the shade of a tree. For a change, he hadn't tied the dogs up. Instead he leant against the trunk, with Jerry at his feet and Ben lying across his legs. Absent-mindedly, Edward's hand made long, smooth strokes down Ben's silky coat from head to tail. The dog looked blissfully relaxed and Bella couldn't blame him, she could just imagine how Edward's caress must feel. She found herself irrationally jealous of the animal, although had to admit that it was a step up from feeling jealous of a bottle of water.

"It must be nice to be a dog," she said without thinking.

Edward rested his chin on his fingers as he looked towards her with a teasing smile. "Really, why's that?"

"I mean…they don't have any worries…or anything…" she trailed off. She was becoming so relaxed in Edward's company she was in danger of giving the game away. She would have to be a lot more careful.

At the three knocks on the door the next morning, she felt the familiar feel of her heart skipping a beat. It was getting to be a conditioned reflex but, as always, she was composed enough by the time she answered it.

"So where to today?" she asked.

"I thought we could go up along the ridge. It's a bit further than usual but the view's great from up there."

"OK, let's go."

They set off, as always, in comfortable silence with Edward leading the way and then, when they got into their stride, they started to chat.

"Tell me about boarding school."

"What do you want to know?"

"Well, were there girls there too?"

"You get a few day-boarders but it's mostly chaps." He gave Bella a sexy sideways glance. It probably wasn't intended to be sexy but it was Edward, he couldn't help it. "If you're wondering if I've experimented with members of the same sex, the answer's no. If you're wondering if I've had girlfriends, the answer's yes. It's not a prison, you do get chance to meet people, they allow you out sometimes." He chuckled, deliciously.

Bella could feel herself blushing furiously. Why had she started this conversation? For the moment, it was too embarrassing to look at him and she felt the safest thing would be to stop talking.

When they reached the ridge, they stood gazing at the view. Edward was right, it was wonderful. A colourful patchwork of fields was laid out before them with gentle hills leading away in the distance; they were separated by clumps of bushy green trees and dotted with just the occasional little red brick house or grey stone farm. "Stunning," said Edward.

He tied the dogs to a nearby tree again, gave them each a dog treat and then sat with Bella on the grass. He lay back and closed his eyes. Bella looked across at him, drinking him in, "Yes, stunning," she said.

She sat watching the slow and steady rise and fall of his chest, wisps of inviting hair peeking through the "V" of his polo shirt. He seemed so relaxed that she wondered if he might actually have fallen asleep. Such perfect features, such a beautiful profile. She gazed at him, fascinated with his jaw. And then, she didn't know what possessed her, whether it was that she believed him to be asleep or that their little physical touches were making her bolder, but she reached towards him, her heart beating faster, and ran her finger along his jaw line. His composure didn't leave him, his eyes stayed shut but his lips drew back in a smirk. She flinched back as if burned. His green eyes opened and holding her gaze, he reached his hand up to hers, pulled her fingers back towards his lips and kissed them gently. It was sweetly sensual.

"Hold still," he said. She couldn't have moved if she'd wanted to; she was mesmerised. Pushing himself to sitting, he brought his mouth close to the side of her face. He whispered in her ear. "Do you know what this is?" and surprised her by fluttering his eyelashes against her cheek. She held her breath. "It's a butterfly kiss," he told her. "Not like this one". He took her chin with his slender fingers, turned her mouth to his and gently kissed it with soft, warm lips. Bella closed her eyes to savour it. She had told herself it would never happen, that it couldn't happen but it hadn't stopped her imagining it. Wonderfully, it was everything she'd hoped it would be – a small taste of heaven. He pulled away far too soon. Bella had tasted heaven and was hungry for more. Instinctively, she reached one hand to the back of his head and ran her fingers up through the nape of his neck into his hair. It felt silky and smooth. Desire for him flowed over her. She pulled his lips to hers again greedily and he responded: reaching into her hair, kissing her top lip, then her bottom one, parting her lips with his, breathing into her mouth and sliding in his tongue. Bella felt she would explode with pleasure. It was delicious and amazing and, somehow, right. Kissing Edward felt like coming home. He pulled away. She opened her eyes and found him gazing into them. He quirked an eyebrow and sighed into a satisfied smile. "You can't believe how long I've wanted to do that," he said. They kissed again, gently, and traced each others features with their finger tips.

Then, suddenly, Edward stopped, as if he'd remembered something, and got up. It was over for now but as they walked back, Bella felt as if she was floating on air. Maybe she could be more than 'friends' with him, after all.

When they got back to the lodge, Edward reached over and tucked Bella's wayward hair behind her ear. He planted one final glancing kiss on her forehead before promising to see her again. It wouldn't be the next day, he said, but the one after that. Bella could wait; it would make the next kiss that much sweeter. That night, Bella lay back in bed looking at Edward. It was a picture of him in her mind's eye lying on his back with his eyes closed. Every time he had done this, it had provided her with a safe way to indulge in the pleasure of just looking at him. She began to wonder if he'd known that all along and had done it on purpose. She closed her eyes now, blew the image a kiss and snuggled into the pillow. Ever since their first walk, the nightmares had been getting easier and easier to cope with. That night, she slept like a baby.


	7. Chapter 7

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 7**

Edward had told Bella he wouldn't see her the next day so she wasn't surprised when he didn't come. She wouldn't have expected him anyway. It was a Monday, one of Mum's days off and twice already Edward hadn't been 'free' when Mum was at home. Even if Bella hadn't promised to keep it to herself that she was seeing him, it wouldn't have taken a genius to work out that he wanted to keep it a secret. He always timed collecting and returning Bella so that he didn't bump into Renee. It rang a few warning bells, but Bella didn't want to start asking difficult questions. She could barely get her head round the idea that someone like Edward might want an actual relationship with someone like her in the first place. Maybe love could conquer all, but it was early days yet. All day, she had an uncontrollable urge to smile at everything. It was going to be tricky to hide it from Mum.

The minute he arrived on Tuesday, Bella was ready to go. He held out his hand; she took it wordlessly and followed him into the woods. She was beginning to associate the smell of musty earth with Edward every bit as much as his clean, fresh smell. He slipped off the dogs' leads and allowed the animals to gambol free. As she tromped through the undergrowth after him, she thought back over the events of the summer holiday. Only two and a half weeks earlier she had left a party feeling gloomy and miserable. Then Edward had come along. He'd brought the sun back into her life and when he'd kissed her, it had felt like an elixir to her troubled soul. As she kept pace with him, she had everything crossed that he would want to kiss her again. After a while, they came to a clearing. He turned, quickly glanced around, and pulled her close. His mouth was slightly open as he brought it to hers hungrily, over and over, turning his head one way and then the other. She was eager in her response, it was sublime.

He tried the same thing on Wednesday. This time, Bella was so lost in smooching that she was only vaguely aware of a rustling sound behind him. Someone seemed to have chosen just the wrong time to intrude into the moment. His ears were alert to it and he instantly pulled away.

"For fuck's sake," he mumbled under his breath, audible only to Bella.

He turned as a man stepped into view. Bella recognised the intruder, dark haired with a deeply tanned skin and kind eyes. He looked like an older version of Jacob. It was Jacob's dad, the Cullen's gardener. She tried, by force of will, to stop the flush from creeping up her cheeks but couldn't tell how successful she was being.

He approached and addressed Edward, "Hello Sir."

Edward nodded, "Billy."

"Lovely day again," offered Billy. Bella half expected him to touch his forelock in due deference.

"Yes, just taking the dogs out."

Billy Black smiled and nodded, "Hello Bella."

"Hi Mr Black." said Bella, trying not to look as if she was hiding behind Edward.

"Of course you know the Blacks don't you?" said Edward to her in an unexpectedly formal way.

He turned his attention back to Billy. "Bella's just keeping me company," he explained, as if an explanation were necessary.

"Well enjoy your dog-walk."

"Thanks, we will."

After Billy had gone, Edward stood with a curved finger pressed against his lips, frowning slightly. Then he straightened and said, "Right," as if he'd made a decision. He didn't try and kiss her again for the rest of the walk. Neither of them mentioned it but, weirdly, the incident seemed to hang over them like a big wagging finger.

Thursday was the other of Mum's days off. Edward, as expected, was nowhere to be seen. Bella shouldn't resent her mum having time away from work but sometimes it was hard not to.

On Friday, Edward seemed quieter when he came over; more wrapped up in himself; so Bella kept silent to allow him the space he seemed to need. He was friendly enough but had changed. It wasn't just that he made no attempt to kiss her, he didn't get as close to her, didn't hold her hand, didn't brush the hair out of her eyes. In fact, all the little sweet touches that Bella had already grown to love were gone. She felt their loss keenly. Had he decided that getting intimate with her was a mistake after all? They got back to the cottage earlier than usual. He didn't even walk her to her door. As they drew near, he smiled briefly, said "See you then," turned and left. She stood and watched him head down the driveway, a lump forming in her throat, feeling abandoned. As if to take her mind off her unease, her stomach gurgled, reminding her about lunch. She punched it gently and told it to shut up

Despite her hunger, nothing in the fridge appealed to Bella, nor did anything in the cupboard. She reached instead for a couple of biscuits and went outside, feeling the need to get away. It only took 5 minutes to get to Jake's place but felt like longer; her stomach was in knots. When she arrived, music was blaring from the garage. Jake was probably tinkering with his bike. Billy was just coming out. He walked with the heavy tread of someone used to having mud on their boots but when he saw her he put his head down and picked up the pace to get past. Bella humphed and wandered in to find Jake, smudged all over with black grease, inspecting a piece of metal in his fingers and, sure enough, surrounded by bits of motor bike. The familiar smell of Jake's garage washed over her, a curious mix of petrol and oranges. Bella yelled to get his attention but he ignored her. She waved but he didn't look up so she followed the direction of the music to a grubby radio, turned it down and said "Hi." Still he didn't look up and she realised he was sulking.

"Dad said he bumped into you with that Cullen guy," was the first thing he said.

_Wow_, thought Bella, _straight in there!_ She felt a pang of disappointment in Billy. She wouldn't have expected the rugged man to gossip like an old woman; but Bella wasn't about to start making excuses.

"Edward, yes, I told you about him."

"Alone in the woods..."

"I wasn't alone, I was with Edward."

"All right, alone with Edward in the woods..."

"So?"

"I'm just saying…" He still hadn't looked up.

"You make it sound creepy. We were taking two dogs for a walk in the middle of the day."

"Yeah but you were still alone with him in the woods."

"Jake, he's not the big, bad, flippin' wolf and, besides, I'm alone with you here now."

"It's not the same," and it wasn't the same, he was right. She wasn't fast becoming besotted with Jake.

"I think I should go," she said.

He made eye contact at last. "I'm sorry, I'm being an arse," he admitted and changed the subject.

It helped them both to slip into their easy, familiar routine. She didn't share her concerns about Edward with him. Jake probably wouldn't be too thrilled to hear how miserable she was that Edward didn't seem to want to kiss her any more.

While Renee got ready to go back to work, Bella sat on the settee with her legs curled under her trying to fathom Edward. She sighed as she glanced around the room, thinking how different his life was from hers. The mish-mash of possessions that would 'do' reminded her of the expression 'beggers can't be choosers'. The furniture was the result, as so often before, of trying to put a home together as cheaply and quickly as possible. When Bella and her Mum had first moved into this place, there had been no furniture at all. Some of the stuff had come from charity shops, some from auction rooms and the butler had helped them out. Everything was quite old and quite shabby but it was functional. There was the scratched sideboard, a faded armchair with a wooden footstool, a settee and a huge, old, clunky TV. The settee was ancient and slightly lumpy but still surprisingly comfortable. It had a throw over it which slid and crumpled as soon as anyone sat down and only looked nice when they got off and re 'threw' it. Only a couple of minutes after Mum had gone, there was a knock at the door. Bella hesitated to open it. People didn't, as a rule, call for her in the evening. If she was going to see Jake it would be her that called on him and meet-ups with other friends were always pre-arranged. In fact, the only person who came knocking for her was Edward. She leaped up, gripped with a sudden excitement, flew to the door, flung it open and stood with her mouth open at the sight that greeted her. This had to an illusion. Sure enough, Edward seemed to be at her door for a second time that day.

"Couldn't wait till morning," he said, "Can I come in?"

Bella stepped aside, too overjoyed to speak.

Once he was over the threshold, she felt a thrill of naughty excitement. Her own home was very private and Mum would be at work for hours, anything could happen.

Partly as a means to calm herself, she redirected her thoughts. "Are you hungry?" she asked.

He sashayed towards her.

"Mmmm," he replied, putting his arms on her waist and pulling her to him.

She was going to have to watch out; perhaps he was a 'big bad wolf' after all. She pushed him back.

"No, I meant for food."

"Oh, OK," he said.

She made them both tea and beans on toast. It wouldn't be what he was used to but it might make a pleasant change. He seemed happy enough with it and polished it off in no time. As she began to wash the dishes, he came up behind her and placed his lips on the back of her neck. This time she savoured it. The washing up could wait. She flicked the suds off her fingers and turned, holding her hands out to the side as she kissed him. When she could bring herself to pull away, she dried her fingers roughly on a t-towel and ran them through his hair. Somehow, Edward and Bella found their way onto her lumpy settee and she lost herself in sweet Edward kisses. With one hand he caressed the back of her neck and then slid it down over her shoulder, over her clothing, until it came to a stop on her left breast. She grabbed the hand firmly and moved it down to her waist. Only seconds later the same hand, seemingly with a mind of its own, smoothed down her waist and along to her knee. From there it slowly progressed up her thigh, dipping down between her legs at the last minute. Her body was happily making its own responses, her breathing growing heavier and the warmth in her groin anticipating the hand's arrival, but at the last moment she pulled it away with a gasp.

"Edward, stop," she demanded.

"I'm sorry," he said, looking adorably contrite through his long lashes. "It's kind of an auto-response. You're really hard to resist. I mean, you wouldn't put a steak in front of a starving man and not expect him to try and eat it. Is this a bad idea?"

"No, I like you being here. I'm just not ready to…"

"Understood," said Edward. "You'll let me know when though," he added, playfully raising his eyebrows as he moved in to her again.

He left just before Mum got back from work. Bella went to bed early but was too excited to sleep. She had spent a whole evening making out with Edward. She hugged the duvet, reliving the smooth and sinewy feel of his strong arms, the firmness of his back through his thin shirt, his lovely smell and soft lips. Once again, she was in heaven. It wasn't ideal that heaven had to be kept secret but it was better than no heaven at all. She could live with that for now but would have to be careful. He was so intoxicating that Bella had wanted nothing more than to lose herself in him. She imagined how it would feel to have his fingers and lips on every part of her body and the weight of him on top of her. It would have been so easy; he was taking the lead, as he always did, but in this she wasn't ready to follow. Although she seemed to have lost her virginity, she wasn't ready to be 'that sort' of girl. In her heart, she was still the girl she had been before the party, the one who stopped at kissing and didn't want to rush things. What had happened at the party had just been a horrible mistake.

It must have been very late when she was disturbed by the sound of scuffling outside. Edward hadn't returned a third time, had he? She half expected to see him at the window and wandered over to it, looking out into the night. Was there a movement in the dark? No, or if there was, it was too black to see it. She got back into bed, pulled the covers tightly around herself and succumbed to sleep.

When Edward came for his usual walk the next morning, he was friendly, relaxed and chatty but, again, he showed no sign of any intimacy. It would have looked obvious to any outsider that they were nothing more than friends. He escorted her back to the cottage afterwards but, once more, left her at the gate. As she walked towards her front door, she was arrested by a sight that hit her with a cold chill of shock. When she had left the cottage there had been a pretty clay pot on the front step filled with pink flowers. It was the only bit of gardening Bella had contributed but she had been oddly proud to see them flourish and had watered them every day. The pot was in pieces now and soil and broken flowers were strewn over the step like a floral battlefield. For a while she couldn't move, stunned by what appeared to be a deliberate act of vandalism. Feeling an overwhelming urge to get rid of the evidence, she flew into action. She hurried indoors to fetch a dustpan and brush, swept up the mess, tossed it into the bin and tried to shut off her emotions. If Bella had been paranoid, she might almost have suspected that someone was angry with her for spending an evening with Edward.

Ironically, at that moment, Edward was the person she needed more than anyone. She longed for his arms to comfort her and prayed he would return again that day. She was in for a long wait so she went to see Jake again. She told him about the pot and he assured her that it could have been caused by anything: a kid kicking a ball, or a fox, and was nothing to worry about. It helped to believe him so she did. That evening, to Bella's delight, Edward came back. The moment he was inside the door she flew to him in relief and instantly his hands and lips were on her. Unfortunately, his libido kicked in too and soon he wasn't just kissing and caressing but attempting little forays beyond her comfort zone.

She still said, "no".

It wasn't quite the romantic ideal she would have wished for. He left at 9.50 in time to make his get away before Mum came home.

On Sunday, she was less surprised that Edward kept her at arm's-length when they were out together. At the end of the walk, he left her at her gate with a matter-of-fact goodbye and a distinct sense of déjà vu. She approached her front door with caution. Yesterday, she'd found the broken pot. Would there be something this time? As she peered at her step, her stomach turned at the sight of some kind of slime. Bella stepped over it to get indoors and scrabbled around in the kitchen to find cleaning materials as quickly as possible to give the step a thorough scrubbing. As soon as she was done with the cleaning, she went inside and couldn't wait to shut the front door. She was unsettled all over again. It would have been nice to get away but she couldn't keep pestering Jake and he wasn't the person she really wanted. She wanted Edward, it was always Edward.

Nothing awful seemed to get left on Bella's front step on Mum's day off but the day after that, Bella returned from the walk to find some kind of animal poo. She hadn't mentioned any of it to Edward because, in some ways, she felt silly, as if she was making a fuss about nothing. A logical explanation could be found for all of it, but discovering a variety of horrible things in the same place nearly every day seemed too much of a coincidence. It left her with the distinct impression that someone out there had some kind of personal vendetta against her. Caught between the possibility of a sick-minded stalker and Edward behaving like the romantic equivalent of Jekyll and Hyde, Bella felt she was on an emotional roller coaster. Up and down she went: from the sublime to the ridiculous, from anxiety to bliss.

When Edward had first kissed her, it had felt like a fairy tale – incredibly, he wanted her. That first evening together had been ecstasy but, as time went on, she began to suspect that the evening visits were a trade off. In the morning he kept his distance and was cool and collected. In the evening, hot and hungry Edward couldn't keep his hands off her. It seemed as if she could do what she liked with him in private as long as she didn't let on in public. Bella could be, in effect, his mistress. This wasn't a fairy tale; this was a different kind of story. Maybe she should have seen it coming. It was the way of the upper classes. They had been having it off with the servants throughout history but Bella felt she was worth more than that. She'd allowed herself to be taken advantage of once and wasn't about to let it happen again. There was no way she could give him up, he had become essential to her, but she wanted the fairy story. Being a girlfriend in private wasn't enough, she wanted to be a proper one, one that he was happy for all to see. Was there, she wondered, some way to help that along?


	8. Chapter 8

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 8**

On Wednesday morning, Bella sat indoors waiting for Edward. She looked out, gloomily, at the rain pouring down and wondered if it might put him off coming. Then the thought occurred to her that if he did come, he might get very wet, and she smiled. The imagined picture of Edward in a soaked, clinging T-shirt was hot. It was silly to complain about the weather, anyway; the countryside needed this. They hadn't had rain for weeks, and the ground had grown thirsty and hard. Nature would be soaking this up and breathing a sigh of relief.

There was a knock at the door.

At first, it was a little disappointing to see him under a giant golfing umbrella, until he said, "It's pissing down. We'll have to have the walk indoors." "Without dogs," he added with a cheeky grin.

She welcomed him in, left the umbrella dripping in the sink and returned to the sitting room to the sound of music; he'd brought an ipod with speakers. He was on the settee already, holding out an arm for her; so she joined him and tucked herself under it. As she snuggled into him, he nuzzled her hair and she practically purred. The patter of the rain outside made it seem cosier inside and Bella felt warm, safe and bold; bold enough to take a risk.

"Edward," she ventured, "I've been thinking."

"Hmm," said Edward.

He stroked the hair away from her neck so that he could plant soft, breathy kisses on her ear. _God, that was distracting!_ He made it difficult for her to string a thought together, let alone a sentence. She sat forward and turned her head to him.

"Edward, could you stop for a minute," she said, although she really didn't want him to.

He stuck out his lower lip, pulling a look of fake hurt.

"I think we need to talk."

"Ye-ah," said Edward warily, "About?"

"Us."

"Oh."

"I mean, you like me, right?"

"Ooh yeah," he said, leaning forward and kissing the back of her shoulder

"And I like you," said Bella, ignoring the butterflies flitting about in her chest.

"Wicked," he murmured, running his fingers through her hair.

"And we're sort of seeing each other," she ploughed on.

He said nothing; his open mouth was on her neck.

"So, could we go out …on a sort of date?" Bella forced out, her voice definitely more high-pitched.

Edward stopped.

"Where?"

Bella shrugged. "I dunno…see a film maybe."

He paused, "I guess so."

"Cool."

"Can we stop talking now?" he said, leaning in to her again.

Bella suggested that they should drive into town to see a film that very evening. With any luck, she thought, she could pin him down before he had chance to change his mind. She didn't mind what they saw but proposed they just turn up and watch whatever was on. Edward's response was to shrug and nod. At quarter to two, he made a move to leave. While he stood with his back to the door, she verified the evening's plans. He was to pick her up at 6:30pm. Once it was all set, she opened the door behind him as a signal that it was OK for him to go. He went to step back and Bella grabbed him, just in time.

"Yeugh! What's that?!"

Edward turned and peered down, "Dead rat by the looks of things."

It wasn't just "dead rat" it was dead mangled rat, its innards spilling out all over. Bella was exasperated.

"Bloody hell, not again!"

Edward started, he wasn't used to Bella swearing, but then he seemed to do a double take, "What do you mean "not again"?"

He didn't have a clue that she'd been finding nasty things on her front step. Having not escorted her to her door in days, he hadn't seen them, and she'd felt silly telling him. She quickly told him now. This had to be the worst one yet. By the time she'd finished talking, they were cutting it fine before Mum was due home, so he had to hurry. He reassured her that it was probably just the work of a cat and walked away briskly, leaving Bella clearing up the mess of "rat" as quickly as she could. She didn't think it fair that Mum should have to see it, too.

After Mum had gone to work for the evening, Bella showered and dressed. For their first official outing, she had chosen a soft, pale-blue blouse and short cream skirt and was enjoying the feel of bare legs for a change. Dog-walking through the woods made it necessary to keep them covered. The outfit suited her. Looking in the mirror approvingly; she realised that she tended to cover-up in the evenings too. _I don't want to make things harder for him in private_, she thought, smiling to herself at the double entendre, _but it might be fun to tempt him a little in public_. She was even in heels, although they were low enough to not be too uncomfortable. By 6.30pm, the rain had stopped. She stepped into the cool of the newly washed countryside and met Edward just round the corner from the cottage. He was reading a text, looking serious, leaning against a silver Porsche, but he forced a smile for her. She asked him who the car belonged to and was amazed when he said it was his. Logically, she knew that he was the son of an upper-class and extremely wealthy family but, when she saw him, these days, it was in the woods or her cottage, not in a posh setting. It made it easy to forget his background; to her he had become just Edward. It came as something of a shock to be reminded. He opened the passenger door and she stepped in and sank into the soft seat, enveloped by the warm smell of leather. Edward got in the driver's side as if he thought nothing of it and drove her into town. When they arrived at the car park, he parked on the dividing line between two spaces and bought two parking tickets.

"Why have you parked like that?" she asked.

"I don't want anyone scratching the doors." he answered, adding, "It's OK, I've paid for two spaces."

There was no arguing with the logic, but it still seemed a little arrogant to deny someone the chance to park just to protect his precious car.

"Someone could still 'key' it," she pointed out as they walked away.

"That's why I'm parked under the security cameras," he answered.

He really did think of everything.

It was a short walk from there to the cinema. He put his head down, grabbed her hand and hurried her along to it. Bella had been there a couple of times before; there was no real alternative if you wanted to see new releases, it was the only cinema around. It was a pity the place was a bit of a dump. It desperately tried to look glamorous but failed. The wallpaper was peeling and the plush red velvet of the seats was stained and worn from years of abuse. Going to the flicks was still an outing, though. Bella hoped it might be a useful first step on the road to getting Edward comfortable with the idea of going out in public together. After all, they'd be spending most of their time sitting in the dark and it wasn't very likely that they'd bump into anyone they knew. She hardly knew anyone and Edward didn't have local friends at all. They should be perfectly safe. The list of titles wasn't very inspiring. Bella stood in the foyer trying to choose but the place only had four screens, so there weren't many options. She asked Edward for his opinion but he seemed even less enthusiastic. They were still rather early; the first showing of anything was a good half-hour away.

"We could have set off later," she mused out loud.

"It's fine," said Edward, a little too hastily. "It'll give us chance to find a good seat. We should hurry up and get in."

Bella didn't think it likely that this place on a Wednesday night would get packed out and suspected that Edward was in a hurry to hide. He didn't look at all comfortable. She was just beginning to think the outing might have been a bad idea, after all, when a familiar squeaky voice behind her convinced her that it was.

"Hi," it said.

Bella had told Mum she was going to see a film with Jess and ironically, it looked like she might have to.

Jessica bounced over with Mike in tow. They were a permanent item now. _What are they doing here? - Stupid question_, thought Bella. She took a deep breath.

"Hi," she said and presented Edward, "Mike, Jess, this is Edward." Then she gestured towards them, "Edward, Mike and Jess."

The boys mumbled and nodded. Jessica giggled, unable to control herself, gawping and fluttering her lashes. Mike put his arm round her shoulder possessively in a pathetic attempt to remind her that she was his.

"So, what are you seeing?" prompted Jessica.

Bella looked at the list again and chose one at random "Loves Great Shakes," she suggested uncertainly.

"Us too," said Jessica excitedly.

Bella felt that saying something like, "Did I say "Love's Great Shakes?" I meant 'The Cliff-hanger'," would be too obvious so she went with, "Great!"

This wasn't ideal. It looked suspiciously like she'd secretly tried to set up some kind of double date. Edward clearly didn't approve. He bit his thumb and looked anywhere else, frowning slightly. There was an awkward silence. Bella broke it by suggesting that they go in, and, after spending a ridiculous amount on tickets, coke and popcorn, they all headed, with relief, into the dark.

As they edged into their seats, Bella whispered to Jess, "We're not official, please don't tell anyone," otherwise, she knew, it would be all over Facebook by the morning and Edward seemed pissed off enough already.

They sat in the dark of the practically empty cinema, through all the dull adverts and onto the main film which was no more interesting. It wasn't helped by sound quality so poor that the characters could have been speaking underwater. The two girls sat between the two boys. Mike unsubtly draped one arm over Jessica's shoulder so that his hand rested on one of her boobs and she let him, focussed more intently on the flickering images on the screen and stuffing her mouth with popcorn than on him. He glanced down, more than once, at Bella's naked thighs. Bella kicked herself for choosing to wear a short skirt. The last thing she wanted was to have Mike ogling her and, apparently, she didn't need to worry that bare legs would be too much of a temptation for Edward. He seemed to be keeping his hands determinedly to himself, folding them across his chest as he stared blankly at the screen. The nearest he came to putting a hand on her was when he patted her knee as if she were a dog or he a friendly uncle. Apart from that, he just sat there like a stuffed shirt. He seemed tense, and the tension drew an invisible curtain between them. After two hours of embarrassment, the four of them found themselves unavoidably in the foyer together again. Jessica suggested that they go for a drink but Edward wasn't interested.

"I'm sorry, we have to get back," he said, adding "Bye," hurriedly.

He took Bella's hand and marched away. Bella shrugged an apology and allowed herself to be led. Back at the car park, he opened the passenger door for her, politeness ingrained in him, but said nothing. He continued to say nothing all the way home. Bella felt unable to break the silence until they were a few hundred yards from the cottage.

"Don't drive me to the door, Mum will be back, drop me off round the corner."

She half-hoped Edward would argue against it but, no, he nodded dumbly in agreement. Inside the cottage, she was greeted by Mum, who was her usual cheery self.

"Hi honey, how was the film?"

Bella had no idea. "Not great," she said.

"What did you see?"

"Just some silly rom-com – not worth it," said Bella quickly. She itched to be on her own and sulk and Mum seemed to sense it so simply smiled when Bella said, "I'm gonna get an early night."

Sitting on her bed, Bella had to admit that plonking Edward in Jessica and Mike's path on their first outing wasn't the best idea, but it hadn't been fair of him to blank her in front of them. The more she thought of it, the more it seemed to confirm her worst fears. _He never will openly accept me as his girlfriend_. Maybe she had been fooling herself to begin to think she could ever be anything more than a secret fling to someone like him. Suddenly, romantic private meetings didn't seem romantic at all. Bella's phone pinged with a message from Jessica.

"OMG Hes gorgus. Dont blame u keepin him hid!"

Bella groaned and threw herself back onto the duvet.

Before getting up, the following morning, Bella lay in bed thinking, for what seemed like the millionth time, about Edward. Was she going to give up on him or was he worth the effort of trying to get over this? It was a no-brainer. Of course he was worth it. She wondered how to approach it. The best starting point would be to assure him that meeting up with Jess and Mike had been an accident. Then she would tell him that if he needed to keep things private a little longer, she could be patient. Unfortunately, it was Mum's day off again so nothing could be said until the following morning. At 10:00am on Friday, Bella sat waiting for him to turn up. By 11.30am she was still waiting, feeling distinctly uneasy. Had he already chosen to give up on her?

Well, there was no sense in sitting around moping, so she texted Angela. Bella rarely saw her friend these days; she had a holiday job. Angela worked during the day on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and weekends. The only days she was free, were Edward-days. Bella and Angela could have got together on Edward-free evenings if either of them had a car, but they didn't, and there was no late-night bus service. It made Bella painfully aware how much of her life revolved around seeing Edward but if he wasn't coming today, she might as well make the most of it.

"Free 4 lunch?" she tapped on her phone and, fortunately, Angela was.

An hour later, Bella was greeted by the rich smell of roasted coffee beans as she stepped into one of the more expensive cafés in town and caught up with Angela in the queue. The place was certainly a lot more upmarket than Mickey's but in view of the memories the last visit there dredged up, Bella had been anxious to go somewhere as different as possible. They hugged warmly, put pre-packed sandwiches on the counter and ordered coffee; keen to get down to the serious business of catching up. It had been far too long. Once the machines had hissed and gurgled their drinks ready, they looked for somewhere to sit and were lucky enough to nab one of the squidgy sofas. Wriggling down into it, they got comfy for a girly chat. Angela smiled affectionately. Her holiday job was also in a café. It was one of those chintzy places, filled with flowers that sold home made-cakes and Earl Grey tea and was designed to appeal to holiday-makers looking for a taste of quaint old England

"So come on then," said Bella, "Spill. I want to hear everything."

"Not much to tell really. I've spent most of the summer working. It's OK. The customers can be a bit snooty and," Angela lowered her voice, "the manager can be a bit of a bitch," and then, in a more normal voice, "but the pay's handy."

"Do you get a good rate?" said Bella.

"Not as good as you'd expect from what they charge. And you wouldn't believe some of the stuff that goes on in that kitchen. Pat was stirring up some jam the other day and a wasp flew into the bowl. Do you know what she did?"

Bella shook her head.

"She smushed it up and mixed it in!"

"Ewwww!" they both chorused and giggled.

"Oh! What delightfully crunchy cream teas they serve here," said Angela with the fake posh accent of an imaginary customer.

She mimed holding a china tea cup with her little finger sticking out, and then sipped her real drink.

"Makes you wonder what goes on here," said Bella, nodding towards the kitchen, "How do they get their coffee so creamy?"

Angela spray-spat her drink as she burst out laughing. "Thanks," she said, "I was just enjoying that!" "Anyway…" she continued when she'd recovered, "I've seen Jess and Mike a couple of times but there's only so much of them you can take. Know what I mean?"

Bella did and nodded in agreement.

"And… you know Eric?" Angela blushed, signalling what was coming next. "Well, we've met up a couple of times. You know, just for a drink or whatever. It's all still early stages but it was nice." "We're going go-karting this weekend, should be a giggle," she added, giggling already.

Eric was in their History class at school. He was quiet, studious and shy, but Bella could see him as a perfect match for Angela. She was happy for her and a little envious. This was how it should be - a nice, normal relationship. Angela was working during the day and going out on nice, normal dates in the evening with her nice, normal boyfriend. Bella wanted to tell her about Edward but what was there to say? _I've become a secret plaything for a rich, funny, intelligent and gorgeous guy who I'm utterly obsessed with. That is, if he's still interested._

"So, what you been up to?" Angela prompted.

"Not much really."

"You should have got a summer job."

"I know. I should have got my act together," said Bella, "I've left it a bit late now, haven't I?"

What she didn't say was that she hadn't wanted a job if it meant missing a second that could be spent with Edward. As she sat on the bus on the way home, she just hoped that pushing him to go out hadn't pushed him away.


	9. Chapter 9

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 9**

Bella had almost forgotten how much she enjoyed Angela's company. It had been good to be reminded and disappointing to have to say goodbye. She had half-hoped they might be able to spend the afternoon together, but Angela had to go at 2:00pm. Bella hugged her and promised not to leave it so long before seeing her again. As she walked to the bus stop, Bella realised how much of the summer had gone. In just over two weeks, she'd be back at school. Hell, it didn't seem possible. She'd been so wrapped up in a little Edward-obsessed bubble; the outside world had passed her by. It was scary how quickly she'd become completely addicted to him. When she wasn't with him, she was thinking about him, like a junkie looking for the next fix. The earliest "next fix" today would be 6:00pm, if he came at all, but she would be counting the minutes until then. She was in for a long wait. It would take her a while to get home but, even if she had to hang around for a bus, there would be, at least, a couple of hours to kill. As always, at moments like these, her thoughts turned to Jake. Poor Jake, how often had she gone to him when needing something to pass the time while she waited for Edward? Jake was like a readily available warm-up act for the main attraction.

She sent him a text to ask if he'd be free in an hour and, to her relief, he was. Sitting on the bus, it didn't take long for her thoughts to return to the possibility of never seeing Edward again. By the time she got off, a heavy feeling of anxiety was weighing her down, so she went straight to Jake's. He made them both coffee while she stood in his kitchen, leaning her back against his worktop, with her hands behind her, pressing into them.

"You're lucky to catch me," he told her, "I'm going away this weekend. How are you anyway?"

"Having an off-day, actually. I could do with being cheered up."

She couldn't tell him the reason why. In fact, it was probably for the best if she didn't mention Edward at all, in case she got carried away and told him everything.

He gave her one of his cheeky grins. "Bet I can make you laugh," he said, with his usual boyish enthusiasm, and he was right.

Carrying two mugs, he nodded toward the sitting room and they went in. He had been exploring a new DVD for his Wii Fit and had found a ridiculous game on it. You had to stand on a balance board and flap your arms as if you were pretending to be a seagull. By shifting your weight to and fro and left and right, you got your screen seagull to land onto different targets. Jake went first. Seeing someone as tall and muscular as Jake flapping their arms like a little kid, sticking their bottom out and bobbing in all directions was hilarious. Bella watched him from the settee and rocked with laughter. Jake teetered forward and lunged over to the side.

"Bugger," he said, "missed."

He pointed at her in mocked annoyance, "Look, stoppit you. You're not helping my concentration," which just made her laugh all the more.

When it was Bella's turn, they swapped positions. Jake spread-eagled himself on the settee, and Bella stood on the board. She discovered that the game was harder than it looked. She tilted and flapped just as he had done with plenty of "oops," and, "damn," thrown in for good measure. Jacob made the most of the chance to get his revenge and hooted with laughter at her. Bella didn't mind how stupid she looked, and she didn't mind him cracking up; she found it just as funny. Once her seagull had fallen into the sea for the last time, she flopped onto the settee with him and they giggled until they sighed. She was relaxed and happy. It had been good to spend time not stressing about Edward, but, of course, the moment she thought that, it all came flooding back. She glanced at Jake. Why couldn't she have fallen for someone like him? It would have been so much simpler. Instinctively, she knew he would be proud to call her his girlfriend. Jake, meanwhile, seemed to have gone very quiet. He looked at her, suddenly very serious, leaned over and, before she knew what was happening, grabbed her face with both hands and forced his lips onto hers. Bella felt as if she couldn't breathe. She couldn't move her head, so she used her hands to push him away. It seemed to take Jake a while to realise that she wasn't being passionate, she was trying to fight him off. Eventually, she prized her lips off his with a gasp.

"Jake, what the hell!" she accused.

He looked at her with his eyes wide. "I'm sorry. I…"

"Yes," she said.

It was a loaded "yes", the sort of "yes" that went with toe tapping and folded arms. She waited while Jake squirmed.

"I…" he tried again and then sat with his mouth open as if the words had got stuck in his throat. Then they poured out, "You said you needed cheering up…and you usually go on about Edward…and you hadn't mentioned him once …and I thought…"

He'd run out of steam and trailed off, staring at the floor, seeming small and vulnerable.

It took all the wind out of Bella's sails.

"I usually go on about Edward?"

"Yes, you talk about him quite a bit."

_Did she?_ She honestly didn't think she did. This was a bit of a revelation. She thought she'd only mentioned him once or twice, and she'd certainly never said anything about the kissing thing, but it dawned on her that she might not have to; she might have already given the game away.

"Do I really?" She needed to be sure.

"Yes, do you want me to make a recording?" he snapped sarcastically.

"No, I believe you," she answered.

She hadn't intended to rub Jake's nose in it.

"It's just that…I thought…if you weren't seeing him any more…"

Bella was looking at the floor, too, now and reddening.

"Forget it," he added.

"I'm sorry, Jake," she said. "I love you as a friend, you know that, right?" and she tried hugging him but he was as stiff as a board and didn't hug her back.

She left his place feeling guilty. It was too easy to forget that keeping to being friends wasn't easy for him. Bella wished she could back off, but she was all at sea with Edward at the moment and Jake seemed to be the only life-belt around - she had no option but to cling to him.

At 6:00pm she sat in the cottage waiting, for the second time that day. She could have sworn she heard Edward outside at about 7:00pm but there was no knock and when she looked, there was no-one there. By 9:00pm she was convinced she was never going to see him again.

**EDWARD**

It was 9:00pm. Edward placed his hands on his lower back and stretched his elbows behind him. He felt stiff; he had been on a stake-out duty outside Bella's cottage for much of the day. Part of him felt vaguely ridiculous but part felt it was necessary. It had all started two days earlier when he and Bella had found a dead rat on her doorstep. A find like that was unpleasant, but not entirely implausible. Things killed rats in the countryside all the time; it was part of the cycle of nature, but when Bella had told him about the other horrible things she'd found at her door, it did seem suspicious. There was a sense that someone was trying to mess with her, a "someone" who was definitely unhinged. It made him uneasy about leaving her alone. After finding the rat, he'd gone home, knowing that her mum would be back at any moment and that he'd return that evening to take Bella to the cinema. The problem was that while he'd been at home, he'd had a phone call from Emmett.

"What are you up to this weekend?" asked Emmett.

_Seeing Bella_ thought Edward - _but was he ready to admit to his father that he was in a relationship with a member of staff?_

"Nothing much," he replied - _apparently he wasn't._

He planned to tell Father eventually, when it was the right time. He just wasn't entirely sure when the right time would be; he was working on it. It would have been so much easier if he could have gone to his parents and said, "Mother, Father, this is Bella, the girl I'm seeing," without all the sneaking around, but his father's attitude towards fraternising with the staff made that impossible. Bumping into Billy had been a close call; if he'd seen Edward kissing Bella and reported it back, it would have been a disaster. So, until Edward could "face the music", he would have to keep slipping out to Bella's cottage like some creature of the night. This wasn't ideal and made him feel like a creep, but at least it was private; perhaps a bit too private. It was tempting to take advantage of all that freedom. Bella had to keep stopping him from going too far. He knew he shouldn't push her, she wasn't the kind of girl who "put out" but, in the heat of the moment, he tended to forget. It didn't help that no-one before her had ever said "no". Maybe that was part of Bella's appeal.

Edward was so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed that Emmett was still talking to him and that he'd missed most of it.

"Sorry, what was that?" he said.

"I said," Emmett's voice sounded exasperated, "I'm coming over this weekend and wondered if you fancied going shooting on Saturday."

Edward was silent. Renee worked on Saturdays. If Edward went, it might mean Bella being alone for hours.

"Well?" said Emmett.

"Can I let you know?"

"I thought you might enjoy a bit of brotherly bonding and we could go out for a few beers afterwards. But if you're busy doing "nothing much", don't let me keep you."

"I'll get back to you," said Edward and that was how they'd left things.

While he'd waited for the appointed time to fetch Bella for the cinema trip, he'd considered his options. He could tell Emmett he didn't want to go; but he rarely got the chance to spend time with his brother and would enjoy a bit of "brotherly bonding". He could ask if Bella could come with them; but he wasn't ready to tell Emmett the truth about her, either. He could reveal his fears to Bella and try to persuade her to find somewhere safe to go; but he didn't want to freak her out. Frustratingly, it was possible that the "rat-leaving" offender was just a kid playing pranks and that Edward was worrying about nothing.

The trip to the cinema, itself, had been a disaster. The entire time he'd been plagued by a sense of foreboding. If there was a demented stalker out there, Bella wasn't safe, and he shouldn't leave her.

What didn't help was that here he was, tying himself up in knots about how to protect her without making their relationship public knowledge, and there was Bella insisting on going out in public with him anyway. Her annoying friends made matters even worse. He didn't know what she saw in them. Irritation and worry had not been a good combination and he'd come home in a foul mood.

He'd wandered past the cottage the day after the "rat", hoping to find some further evidence. Then he'd remembered Bella telling him that she hadn't found anything on Mum's day off. The only solution seemed to be to keep watch on a day that her mum was at work, a stake-out. If he could catch someone in the act of planting this stuff, at least he'd know what they were up against. Unfortunately, whoever was doing it had stayed away. Edward had denied himself Bella for a whole day for a big, fat zero and the next day would be Saturday, the day of the shoot. Unsurprisingly, Emmett was pressing him for an answer and, at that moment, Edward still didn't know what to say. One thing was sure, if he did decide to go shooting he wouldn't see her tomorrow either. He couldn't go that long without at least a kiss to keep him going. He looked at his phone; there was still time before Renee got back. He stepped out of his hiding place, strode over to the cottage and knocked on her door. Bella silently gestured him inside.

**BELLA**

Bella waited for Edward to say something but he didn't. Hoping to clear the air between them, she blurted out an apology about Jess and Mike, but Edward didn't seem to be looking for one. He simply pulled her to him. She nestled her head on his chest and hugged him. When he did speak, he asked what she'd been doing with the day as if nothing about it had been unusual. Bella told him about seeing Angela but didn't ask what he'd been up to. Having spent the day fearing that she'd lost him, she wasn't going to "rock the boat". He asked how Angela was and Bella realised they'd never actually met.

"She's good," she said.

There was a brief silence as if Edward expected her to say more so she did.

"Great to see her. I haven't seen her in so long. She's only really free in the evenings."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Bella regretted them. It looked as though she'd accused him of stopping her from seeing her friends.

"You don't have to be on Edward duty every evening, you know," he said.

"No, I didn't mean…" she added hastily, and looked up at him to gauge his reaction.

His words were slightly mocking but his eyes were kind. He stroked her under her chin and smiled gently. His green eyes twinkled and, for a moment, she was spellbound. She was in awe of his beauty sometimes. He broke the spell by looking up.

"There was something I was going to mention actually."

This didn't sound good. Bella's stomach tensed.

"Emmett's down this weekend sans the Ice Queen for a change," he went on, as if this was leading to something.

"Uh huh," prompted Bella

"He wants to take me shooting and then out for a few beers…Tomorrow."

"That'd be nice. Tea?" said Bella.

She wandered into the kitchen, feeling the need to do something practical. As she filled the kettle, he watched her, tugging at his hair distractedly. He was obviously bothered by something. She couldn't see what so she waited for him to come out with it.

"I'd be out all day."

The thought did put Bella on a bit of a downer but at least he was giving her notice this time. She had two options. She could sulk about missing him or she could happily give him the space he needed, so he didn't feel trapped.

"No problem," she said with surety.

He smiled and wrapped her in a warm embrace and placed his soft lips on hers. She kissed him back with more urgency, unable to disguise her need for him. Suddenly the cottage was their little love nest again. Right now she didn't care what it was or wasn't that she had with him, she was just relieved to still have it. He didn't try anything more; there wasn't really the time; Mum would be home before too long. It was probably a good thing. Bella would have found it hard to deny him anything tonight. He pulled away from the kiss but still kept her in his embrace.

"It gives you a whole day to see whoever," he argued, reasonably.

"No-one's free," she answered. Seriously, she needed to engage brain first.

"Isn't your friend Jake free?"

"No, he's away this weekend."

"What about Angela?

"She said something about go-karting with Eric."

"Or there's those two from the cinema. Aren't they your friends?"

"No, thanks," said Bella.

Edward looked puzzled.

Bella explained, "Jess is harmless, mostly. She's just one of the first people I made friends with when I joined the school and it's sort of stayed that way. To be honest, I can't stand Mike. It's Jess who wants to be with him."

Edward definitely seemed to be trying to find someone to keep her company while he went shooting and yet he'd just left her for a whole day without even telling her he'd be gone. Perhaps he was feeling guilty about it now. He was funny sometimes. He frowned, rubbing his bottom lip.

"It's a pity your Mum will be at work," he said. "Do you think you might go and lend her a hand?"

"OK, Edward. What's the big idea? I don't need a babysitter," Bella chided gently, with the hint of a chuckle.

He was still frowning. "No, no, of course not," he said.

"Besides, it'll be good to have a whole day to myself. I've still got a ton of reading for school. I'll be able to get it knocked on the head."

As they said goodbye on her doorstep, he still seemed to be having trouble smiling, and she felt a sudden urge to show him what a reasonable and undemanding girlfriend she could be given the chance.

"Yunno, it's absolutely fine about tomorrow. I reckon I can manage one day on my own. Go, have fun," she said with confidence and a smile.

He caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers, turned and walked away. Things seemed, reassuringly, almost back to normal. As he disappeared down the drive, the wind rustled the trees and she shivered. Was something moving out there? Part of Bella wanted to call Edward back and ask him to investigate, but she didn't want to come off as clingy and pathetic so she told herself she was being paranoid and shouldn't pester him unnecessarily. Maybe she still hadn't got used to the idea that she lived in the countryside. There probably was something lurking out there and it could be anything, a fox or a badger, but nothing worth worrying about. _Was it?_ She shrugged and went indoors.


	10. Chapter 10

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 10**

_**Author's note**_

**I don't want to give too much away but feel it is necessary to give a word of warning about the next chapter – it's a lot darker than the previous ones and what happens may come as a bit of a shock but:**

**a) It's necessary for the plot **

**and**

**b) My story is based on Twilight – this is my take on an episode from the original Twilight story**

**It won't mean that everything that follows will be dark too.**

Bella slept in lazily till 10:00am the next day. She had all the time in the world, or at least a whole day, to really get to grips with some of her more difficult text books: Psychology in particular. That meant she could afford a little pamper-time too. Having fetched her laptop, she placed it on the bathroom floor and set iTunes going to keep herself company. Then she ran a hot bath, pouring bubble mix under the running tap so that it foamed up, releasing strawberry scent into the steamy atmosphere. She got in, gingerly at first and then sank down, feeling the heat warming her to her bones. An hour later, she was up and dressed in shorts and an old T-shirt. It didn't matter what she wore today, she wouldn't need to look nice to be on her own. The bath had relaxed her, and she sat at her desk with the text book open. _Right…study_, she told herself, but she hadn't had any breakfast yet. She grabbed a cereal bar from the kitchen and took it to her room to eat while she looked at the book.

Outside, a warm summer's day beckoned. It seemed a shame to be indoors on such a day, but sun and fresh air always made her sleepy. There would be no way she could focus on complex text in the sun, but she could always do a bit of reading for pleasure first and come back to the text book later. This seemed like a good idea. She had "all day", after all. She picked up the romance she'd been reading that first day she'd seen Edward and took it outside. Laying on her front, on the grass, she rested her chin on her palms. There was something delightfully ironic in thinking about the hero this time and picturing Edward; knowing that fantasy could come true. It was hard to be alone without him today, there was no denying it. She imagined him having fun, could see him, in her mind's eye, laughing and joking with his brother, whistling to the two dogs. The hounds would be in their element as they lolloped through the woods to retrieve fowl; they were gun dogs after all. While Bella lay day-dreaming, she became aware of the wind whispering through the trees and the sun warming her back. She put the book aside and lay her head down, resting her cheek on her hand and, incredibly, fell asleep again.

She drowsily came-to an hour later at the sound of a text message. It was Edward. "How r u?" it simply said. It was rare to receive a text from him, and he hadn't used text-speak before. The fact that he was thinking about her, was still lovely, though. "Fine," she texted back. She stretched and got up but wasn't ready to go indoors just yet. Wandering round the garden, she tried to guess which plants might be weeds and pulled them out. Before long, it was 1.30pm and time for lunch; study could be left till later. She didn't have "all day" any more but still had hours and she'd need something to occupy her mind in the evening. Being on her own without Edward's kisses was going to be the hardest part of the day, after all.

She was just polishing off a bowl of soup when Mum came home, and Bella couldn't help but be relieved at having company again. All the time Mum was there, Bella chatted or helped but mostly hovered in doorways as Mum beetled back and forth carrying out chores. When Renee eventually went back to work, Bella trudged upstairs, sat at her desk and glared resentfully at the text book. She pulled out her mobile and looked at it, considering phoning round to see if anyone was free after all. The only person she really wanted to see right now was Edward. _Wouldn't it be great_, she thought, _if he chose to just pop in, even for 10_ _minutes_. Then she felt guilty about wanting to deny him time with his family. Suddenly, there came the sound of three familiar knocks on the front door, and Bella nearly tripped as she stumbled over her own feet in the rush to get downstairs.

She flung open the door, panting and grinning like an idiot, all ready to say something smart-arse like, "Couldn't stay away, huh?" but her face fell when it wasn't him.

Whoever it was didn't look very savoury: tall; stocky; with thick, thuggish, features and greasy-looking hair pulled back in a pony-tail. She had a feeling she had seen him before but couldn't think where. There was a safety-chain for the front door which Bella could never be bothered to put on, despite the number of times Mum had said she should, but Bella wished it had been in place this time.

"Can I help you?" she said warily.

"Yeah," he answered with a creepy smirk.

Something was wrong. At first, Bella didn't register what it was but then became aware that he was pushing at the door. He was trying to force his way in! Panic rose from her gut, and she tried to slam the door against him, but his foot was ready to jam it. He shoved the door against her. Before she had time to register what was happening, he had grabbed her arm, twisting it behind her back, clamped a hand over her mouth and manhandled her indoors. Dread overtook her, and she tried to bite him as she kicked and struggled with the primal fear of a wild animal, but he was too strong for her. He shoved her roughly to the ground, face down and climbed astride her back, pinning her arms with his knees. With his forearm, he pushed her head against the floor, leaning into her cheek, and she heard a sound like the rip of tearing material. Yanking her head back by her hair, he slapped something over her mouth. She felt a slight release of pressure from her arms and tried to take the opportunity to escape, throwing all her energy into struggling and clawing at her attacker.

"Keep still, bitch!" he snarled.

He was too strong for her anyway. She felt her hands being pulled together behind her back, and there was another ripping sound as something thin and rough cut into her wrists and she found she couldn't move them. He turned and sat astride her in the opposite direction, and despite her desperate attempts to kick him, pinned her legs too and bound her ankles together in a similar way. Turning back, he laid the full, heavy weight of his body on her, panting.

"That's better," he said close to her ear in a deep and rasping voice.

She felt crushed and suffocated by his great, greasy body and could smell him. He smelled disgusting, a nasty, acrid smell like a filthy gent's toilet. It made her want to be sick but she couldn't. Her mouth had been sealed up by what she assumed was wide tape making it impossible to vomit or scream. She tried rubbing her mouth against the carpet in a futile attempt to rub it off.

"You don't give up easy, do you?" he said.

He climbed off, flipped her onto her back, grabbed a large role of silver tape and tore off a long strip, sticking it right across her mouth up to her jaw line.

"Let's see you get that off," he challenged.

Then he got up, walked over to the front door and pushed it shut, flicking the latch to lock it. Finally, he drew the curtains, flipped on the light and returned to stand over her, victorious.

Trussed as she was, she was utterly helpless. She had never felt such complete despair. She looked up at him leering over her and waited. Whatever he had planned, there was a horrible inevitability about it now. He bent down and, to her surprise, grabbed her upper arms and yanked her into a sitting position. She bent her knees, dug her heels into the carpet and shunted herself backward, instinctively still trying to escape. He sighed and shook his head as if in disbelief.

"Don't be so fucking stupid," he said, "You won't get far like that."

He looked at her as if he was considering something.

"You don't even know who I am, do you?" he said, "No you wouldn't. Not now you've got your pretty boy."

He loped towards the armchair, installed himself arrogantly in it then continued, "What pisses me off, though, I mean what really pisses me off is that you'd rather have it off with a fucking black man than me."

_Would she?_ Her mind raced as she struggled to think. She'd only "had it off" with one person but she didn't recall choosing him; she didn't recall anything beyond dancing. She only assumed she'd…with the guy with the dreadlocks because he was the last person she could remember before waking up.

"You slut!" accused the man facing her; then added with a sly grin, "D'you get my note?"

_What was he talking about now? Note? _Thought Bella, _what note?_ _Christ, __**that**__ note, the one from Mike's party?_ She shook her head, _**this**__ guy wrote it, it didn't make any sense, who was he?_ She searched his face, trying to think why he was familiar. Then her eyes opened wide. She knew where she'd seen him before. He'd given her a drink. That was it. He'd handed her a drink, only the second drink of the evening, and moments later she'd started behaving as if she was drunk, so drunk that she had no idea what she was doing. How could she have been so blind? It was obvious now that the drink had been spiked. That was why she'd gone off and had sex with someone she'd never met before. What did the colour of his skin matter? What mattered was being tricked into letting a complete stranger screw you. She glared at the man before her. She was still helpless, still terrified, but she was something else now, furious. All along, she'd felt ashamed for throwing her virginity away, but now she realised that she'd had it stolen from her. He sat staring at her with a look of smug satisfaction watching her expressions change as she pieced it all together.

"Now she gets it," he said.

"Ya see, you're mine, by rights," he told her. "It was my drink, my fucking GHB, you owe me…But I i'nt in a hurry, we got hours yet. Mummy won't be home for a long while."

Bella looked at him in shocked amazement.

"What? You think I dunno," he said. "You'd be surprised what I know about you, Bella. I've been watching you for a while. The only problem has been that fuckin boyfriend of yours but he's not coming tonight, is he?"

A cold chill went through her as she realised that, in reassuring Edward, she'd revealed the fact that she'd be alone and vulnerable this evening. She trembled, picturing the ways this bastard could torture her in the next 3 hours. She wished she could talk to him, try to reason with him, but she knew instinctively that it wouldn't have made any difference. He was obviously unstable and that made him all the more dangerous. He sat looking at her intently, and his lips broke into a smile that didn't reach his eyes. An eerie silence descended on the room. Bella was too scared to move.

"It would have been nice," he said, as if thinking aloud, "if you could have sucked my dick, but I'm not stupid. I don't want you screaming and there's always the chance you might try and bite it off."

Bella heaved at the thought of the filthy thing in her mouth and was grateful that at least she wouldn't have the horror of that to face.

"But first things first," he said.

He shuffled forward in the seat, reached into his back pocket and produced a large pair of kitchen scissors.

"I came prepared," he added, obviously pleased with himself.

Bella's eyes opened wide with terror.

"Don't fuckin panic," he said. "How else can I get your clothes off when you're tied up? I wouldn't struggle, though, if I was you, we wouldn't want any accidents, now, would we?" he said pointedly.

The air seemed to thicken with anticipation as Bella feared the worst. She shuddered, her heart in her mouth. He got up, walked towards her and knelt down, licking his lips. Then he grabbed the edge of her T shirt at the side seam and started to cut through the cloth. Snip, snip, snip, he worked his way up the fabric. For a moment, the only sound came from the scissors and his heavy breathing, though Bella could hear her own heart pounding in her head. He went on cutting, dangerously close to her armpit and on, until he came to the neck. Bella turned her head to avoid the advancing sharp ends, and her eyes filled with tears. He was just hacking at the neckband when, surreally out of place, came the sound of a clunk from the garden gate outside. The scissors stopped.

"What the fuck!" he hissed.

There was the sound of footsteps on gravel and voices followed by a knock at the door. He held the ends of the scissors to Bella's throat.

"Not a fuckin sound," he commanded in a whisper.

The absolute silence in the room made them both more acutely aware of the sounds outside.

"Bella, Bella, come on, answer the door".

Bella's heart leapt at the sound of Edward's sweet voice and the tears rolled down her cheeks.

After a while, she heard Emmett's naturally booming voice in response, "If you've done without your phone all day, why do you have to have it now? …and, why does the housekeeper's daughter have it in the first place?"

"I loaned it to her, it's a long story."

Another wait.

"Come on Ed, you'll have to forget it. She must have gone out."

"But I'm sure I heard something… and the light's on," said Edward, barely audible.

"People do that when they go out," insisted Emmett.

"OK," Edward's voice. "Come on mutts."

Bella's assailant relaxed the scissors away from her neck, breathing his relief and mocking her with an evil smile. Her flicker of hope died.

Then there was a scratching and scuffling noise from the door.

"No, she's definitely there," said Edward. "Look, the dogs know. BELLA, BELLA!" he shouted, hammering on the door now. "Why aren't you answering the damn door?"

"Something's wrong," he said, "I'm taking a look around".

Crunch, crunch, crunch on the gravel followed, the sound of footsteps retreating. They returned a short while later.

"The sitting room curtains are shut. Why has she shut the curtains already, it's still light?"

"Perhaps she's gone to bed, perhaps she's ill."

"She was all right last night."

"Hang on. You said you didn't have your phone."

"Fuck. She's not answering."

"Edward, I don't know what the hell you're playing at but this is bloody silly. I'm taking the dogs back; I'll see you later."

There came the sound of retreating footsteps again but unexpectedly followed by banging on the sitting room window

"BELLA, BELLA! ARE YOU IN THERE? ANSWER ME!" Edward bellowed

Another minute later and the back door handle was being rattled violently.

"**BELLA!** Fuck this; I'll pay for the bloody damage!"

There was a great thumping noise, and the back door shuddered in response. He was obviously trying to break the door down. It was obvious to Bella's captor too. He reached for the nearest object, the small wooden footstool and went into the kitchen with it, holding it by one leg. Eventually, with the dull crack of splintering timber and the tinkle of shattering glass, the door burst open. There was a sickening thud, and Bella just caught sight of Edward as he fell forward onto the kitchen floor. She screamed behind the tape. Every millisecond seemed to take hours while she willed him to move, fearing the worst. She couldn't lose him, she loved him. Hope returned as Edward lifted his head, bleary-eyed and put his palm to his cheek grimacing. He slowly took in the sight of Bella and crawled over to her. With trembling fingers, he carefully pulled back the tape from Bella's mouth. Then he fumbled in his pocket, brought out his Swiss Army Knife and prized open a blade. He cut through the cable tie that bound her ankles with ease but cutting through the tie that bound her wrists without hurting her still further was a delicate operation, it had been pulled so tight. She gritted her teeth, as he painstakingly removed it. Once she was free, she sank into his willing arms, and he cradled her like a baby. Relief flooded over her, and she allowed the tears to flow. It was a while before either of them spoke.

"Did he hurt you?" he asked huskily.

Bella held out her wrists with the angry, raised, red welds. "These are the worst," she said.

"No, I mean, did he…..?" He didn't want to say it and Bella didn't want to hear it but she knew what he meant.

"No, not that," she said.

"Thank God," he breathed and sighed, his shoulders relaxing slightly. "I'm sorry he got away, I couldn't stop him…I hardly even saw him. He hit me with something."

Bella lifted away from him slightly and put her palm delicately to Edward's inflamed cheek. He winced.

"Are you going to be OK?" she said.

"What this?"

He attempted a small smile but it came out lopsided.

"This is nothing, I've had worse playing rugger."

He hugged her to him again.

"Who was he?" he asked.

Bella wasn't sure how to answer. The truth was "a man who tried to rape me once before by spiking my drink but someone else got there instead," but Bella didn't want to get into all that with Edward right now. She'd had enough trauma for one day.

"He saw me at a party," she said, "I think he's a bit mental."

That was all true and would do for now. She flinched at the sound of footsteps outside, and Edward hugged her tightly. They both turned to the doorway to see Emmett filling the frame.

"What the hell is going on here?" he demanded.


	11. Chapter 11

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 11**

"Well don't just stand there," said Edward, "call the police."

"And tell them what?" said Emmett.

Edward had completely forgotten that his brother had witnessed none of it.

"Bella's been attacked…He got away."

It would do for now. Emmett left the room to make the call.

On his return he looked down to see Edward still holding Bella, rocking her slightly and murmuring, "Don't you worry about a thing Baby; everything's gonna be OK".

Edward raised his head and met Emmett's look directly, almost defiantly, and hugged his girl even closer. He was shielding her and covering her cut clothing and her embarrassment as best he could. He knew it had to be left as evidence for the police. Poor Bella, she had all that to face yet, as if she hadn't been through enough. Her face was blotchy, and her large brown eyes were bloodshot from crying, yet still he thought her beautiful, his beautiful, sweet girl. He felt useless; she was still at risk because he had let her attacker get away. And he felt ashamed; he had had his suspicions that she was in danger and had gone and left her anyway. She could have gone out with him, if he'd been man enough to admit they were together. Well, he wasn't going to keep it a secret any longer. _The whole world should know that she was his, and no one, but no one, was allowed to lay a finger on her ever again!_

Unfortunately, it wasn't long before it seemed that "the whole world" was getting involved. Edward's mother and father and Renee were informed. Then the police arrived to begin the painstaking task of collecting evidence, and Bella, Edward and Emmett were carted to the police station and separated. For Edward, it was like a slow torture. All he could think about was how Bella was coping with everything. His arms longed to hold her, but he could only painfully relive everything he knew in order to give a statement. He told the police about the dead rat and why it had made him anxious. He admitted that he'd pretended to have lost his mobile phone as an excuse to check in on her. He told how he had been attacked before he'd been able to get a proper look at his attacker. Finally, he described the sight that met him as he regained consciousness, a sight that would be forever imprinted on his brain. Even as he recounted it, it was still hard to believe. The police doctor gave him a medical check up; Edward's injuries were photographed, and he was given a leaflet entitled: "Head Injury - Warning Signs". It wasn't necessary. Having been the adventurous child of a doctor and the brother to someone used to dealing with sports injuries, he could have given the list himself.

Two hours later, Edward and his brother were reunited. They sat on a hard wooden bench in a sterile, bleak corridor that smelled strongly of bleach. It was still possible that they might be needed for further questioning. Even if they weren't, it didn't matter, they weren't going anywhere without Bella. Father had agreed to collect them when they were all ready. Edward was slumped forward in misery. The side of his face was puffy and swollen, and the shiner of a bruise to come was already very evident. Emmett sat back on the seat and stretched out his neck to roll out the stiffness. He yawned and looked across at Edward.

"Do you feel sick?" he asked.

Edward looked back.

"I'm fine," he said, with an air of sullen finality and rested his chin on his chest again.

"So, what's going on?" Emmett persisted.

Edward frowned at him and gestured to their surroundings.

"I should have thought that was obvious," he said.

Emmett's response was more measured, "I don't mean with the police. I mean with the girl. The pretend missing phone…I'm not stupid, I can see the way you are with her. Something's going on"

"Can we not do this right now? I've kind of had a stressful day."

"You won't be able to keep it from Father."

"I don't plan to."

Eventually, Bella reappeared. She had changed into the clothing she had taken to the police station, having handed her other clothes in as evidence, and she was pale and pinched looking, clearly exhausted from the stress and endless questions. From Edward's perspective, many questions were still unanswered, but he wasn't about to start grilling her too. She would tell him when she was good and ready. For now she just needed his support. He walked straight to her and opened his arms. She sank her head on his chest, and he enveloped her. Soon afterwards, Father arrived. He drove back with Edward and Bella in the back seat. Edward sat with one arm around her, his hand on her opposite shoulder, automatically caressing it with his thumb. Father went through the "head injury checklist" with Edward as expected, and Edward dutifully gave the required answers.

"Do you feel tired?"

"No," said Edward, but he was tired, he was tired of being questioned.

"Do you feel confused?"

"No," said Edward, but he was confused, he was confused about why someone would want to attack Bella like that.

"Do you feel sick?"

"No," said Edward, but he absolutely did, he felt sick to his stomach at the thought of his sweet girl frightened and abused.

Almost subconsciously, he tilted her head toward him and kissed her hair.

Father had invited Bella and her mother to stay in a spare room in the Cullen home while the cottage was repaired. Renee was waiting for Bella when they got back, and Edward handed Bella over to her loving care before heading to his own bedroom.

"Edward," said a voice behind him as his hand reach for the door handle.

Edward turned to see his father, fixing his attention with piercing blue eyes.

"We need to talk. Come to my study tomorrow."

Edward nodded and entered his room. Shutting it behind him, he leant his back on it as if instinctively barring anyone else from entering. He suddenly felt at the mercy of outside pressures, and his insides went cold. All summer he had given no thought to anything but Bella, and now, when she needed him most; other things were trying to demand his attention. Well, they would have to wait. At this moment, Bella was the only thing that mattered.

...

At ten o'clock the following morning, Edward stood outside his father's study and took a deep breath, psyching himself up to facing another interrogation. The study was the place where serious discussions with Father always took place. It was full of dark-brown, polished wood and smelled richly of leather. Edward knocked and entered. Heavy book-filled shelves lined the walls and in the centre of the room was an enormous desk with a brass-studded, leather chair. It was here that his father sat in silent contemplation. Edward stood, awkwardly on-the-spot, determinedly fighting against feeling like a pinned insect. There was a long pause. Edward waited; he knew the routine.

Eventually, Mr Cullen looked up, interlaced his fingers across his stomach and began, "This is obviously a terrible thing to happen to the girl, and it's fortunate that you arrived in time to stop things from becoming any worse. But I have the impression that there may be more to your relationship with Bella than a passing acquaintance with the housekeeper's daughter."

Edward bristled. "Yes," he stated, "Bella and I have been seeing each other for a few weeks."

Father was giving nothing away, he continued with the cold impassivity of someone inwardly fuming, "As in…?"

"I'm not having sex with her if that's what you mean," Edward snapped, before realising that it wasn't called for and that he may have overstepped the mark. "But we are…we have feelings for each other," he added, his heart thumping.

"I see…Is it serious?"

"I think so, yes." There was no point in trying to lie to Father, he would know.

"And how does this relationship fit in with your plans?" said Mr Cullen, forcing the word "relationship" through clenched teeth.

Edward knew that was coming and had already given some thought to how he would answer.

"Bella's been through hell. She'll need time to get over this and I want to…no, I need to help her. And she may still be at risk; her attacker is still out there and knows where to find her. I won't feel she's safe until he's been caught."

Mr Cullen rolled his eyes. "That could take months. You don't have months. You gave your word."

"I know, but I thought that if I talked to them, explained the situation, they wouldn't mind me holding off for two or three weeks."

Father straightened, becoming even more stiff and formal in his seat.

"Do as you think fit. I must say, Edward, it is beyond me why you deemed it appropriate to nurture a romance with a member of staff in the first place. You know my feelings toward this sort of thing."

"This "sort of thing"," Edward dared, with a hint of sarcasm, but Father didn't rise to the bait. He knew Edward was deflecting and so did Edward.

"I didn't plan it."

"You should have kept away."

"Yes," said Edward, wondering if that had ever really been an option.

Father sighed. "Just leave," he said.

Edward had survived. It hadn't been as bad as he'd feared. All being well, that would be the end of it, at least for a while. Father clearly didn't approve, but under the circumstances wasn't putting a stop to it – that was something.

...

After two days, Bella and Renee returned to the cottage. In their absence, the back door had been replaced and locks had been added to the front door and windows, but it must have been hard to go back to what was, quite literally, the scene of the crime. Edward had realised that Bella would need Renee more than anyone at first, so had largely kept out of their way, but now he went to see them; there was something he needed to discuss. He wanted permission to stay with Bella when Renee went to work.

"That's probably a good idea. I think you'd help her to feel safe," said Renee, to his relief. "I know she's real fond of you."

Edward's eyes opened wide in surprise.

"You can't keep things like that from your Mom, even if you think you are doing. She would have told me eventually…I can trust you right?" she added.

He nodded vigorously. She absolutely could trust him. There was no question of him trying to take advantage of Bella now.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can," she said with a small smile.

Renee returned to work that night. After she had gone, he realised that he would be alone with Bella, with Renee's blessing, for the first time.

Snuggled on their settee, Bella seemed surprisingly calm, if a little sleepy, at first, but as the evening wore on she grew more restless. Edward soothed her against his chest. By the time Renee got back from work, Bella had fallen asleep in his arms, so he carried her to her room. He looked down on her, watching her breathing gently with her mouth slightly open and her eyes closed. She looked so pure and innocent, he couldn't believe that, only days before, he had been putting her under pressure to have sex. The moment he thought it, it made him nauseous. _What was he, some kind of animal, no better than her attacker? _He gently stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers.

"My poor girl," he whispered.

Was it to remind himself how fragile she was or because he was wracked with guilt? Deep down, was he afraid that his selfishness had scarred her for life?

**BELLA**

For the first two days following the attack, Bella walked around as if she was in a dream. What had happened felt too unreal to be true anyway, and her doctor had put her on tranquilisers that made her feel woolly and out of it. They also reminded her scarily of the effects of the date-rape drug. The first night back at the cottage, she stood in the bathroom glaring angrily at the bottle of pills and in one spur of the moment action, flushed them down the toilet. Edward had been given permission to stay and was waiting for her downstairs, so she joined him on the settee and, eventually, fell asleep in his arms. That night, the dreams came back. The recent horror seemed to have triggered more memories of Mike's party and jumbled them together in bizarre and frightening images …_Bella was aware of a musky sweet smell, a black face with snakes for hair and intense black eyes was staring at her, very close. A hand was over her mouth and she was lying on her back, dizzy, limp, wretched and powerless; wishing he'd stop. Then the face changed, it was an ogre, coming at her with giant scissors. _She awoke sweaty and shaking, her heart in her mouth feeling like a fluttering trapped bird. She was disoriented at first, partly because she hadn't expected to find herself in bed. She guessed Edward must have put her there, and the moment she thought of Edward her breathing started to slow. So she focussed on him, the look of his heavenly face, the feel of his arms and the sound of his soft voice. After a long time, she went back to sleep.

All through the next day, Edward stayed with her and his presence made it easier to cope, but Bella knew that the thought of nightmares would make it hard to get to sleep that night. She asked Mum if it would be OK if he remained with her while she nodded off. Mum said "Yes," as if she would do anything to restore her daughter's happiness. That night, Bella led Edward to her room and left him there while she wandered into the bathroom to change. She stood in an old t-shirt and sweat pants and looked at her sickly pallor in the mirror. It was a godsend that Edward was there, but it bothered her that he had to see her like that. She knew he was worried and wished for his sake to get over this soon. She padded back to her bedroom and slipped into bed. He climbed on top of the covers next to her. The bed sank slightly under his weight, and the covers tightened reassuringly around her. Reaching across to him, she snuggled under his shoulder and hugged his chest, breathing in his familiar smell. Soon she was asleep. She awoke alone and frightened during the night once. He had gone, but wrapping herself in the protection of thoughts of him calmed her again. She pictured walking in the woods with Edward and the dogs. She loved those silly animals. They had brought her and Edward together, given them an excuse to meet up and helped to rescue her. The dogs had been returned to Edward's uncle now, having played their part in Edward and Bella's story. She forced a smile and drifted back to sleep.

Ten days after the attack, Edward drove her to the police station where she was needed for further questioning. He waited in the corridor while she went into an interview room. The police seemed to have made depressingly little progress on her case. She had given them a description of the man who had broken into her home, and they had fingerprint evidence, but so far, it didn't tie him to anyone on record. To Bella, he was guilty of a number of crimes, but the lack of evidence meant that he could only be charged with some of them. Firstly, he had spiked her drink and left her vulnerable to abuse, he'd admitted as much. But the police only had her word that he had said anything, and it had happened weeks before, so was well out of her system by now. Then he had stalked her (he knew her mum's routine) and left disgusting things on her step (she was sure it was him, there had been nothing since the rat), but she had thrown the evidence away. The undeniable crime was that he had come uninvited into her home, tied her up and cut her clothes. Having bound her, it also seemed pretty obvious to Bella that he'd been intent on raping her or worse, but because he hadn't, even if the police caught him, they could only charge him with assault. It didn't seem right.

As for the man at the party, there didn't appear to be a lot the police could do. He may not have been the one who'd spiked her drink, but he'd still helped himself to her when she was clearly out-of-it and robbed her of her innocence as if it were nothing. Unfortunately, so long after the event, there was no evidence that she had been drugged or that non-consensual sex had been forced on her. Bella mentally kicked herself. If she hadn't been so focussed on feeling guilty, she might have seen things more clearly at the time. The police offered her contact details for a number of victim support and counselling services. She didn't want them. What support could they offer that Edward's arms couldn't? Before stepping out into the corridor, she took some deep breaths to calm herself. Any obvious anxiety might prompt Edward to start asking difficult questions. She still hadn't been able to bring herself to tell him the whole story. It would mean admitting that she wasn't the pure, unsullied thing he seemed to think she was. Part of her felt like a fraud but she didn't feel guilty, it wasn't her fault; she just didn't want to burst his rose-coloured bubble. When he saw her, he stroked her hair back as he often did, kissed her forehead and pulled her to him.

"Any news?" he asked.

"No, nothing," she said.

"My poor, sweet baby."

Was that how he saw her now, as a baby? Was she his girlfriend? She didn't know. He never kissed her on the lips any more. She did know that he was protective and loving and that she felt happiest in his embrace but also that it wasn't enough. If she was going to get over this, she'd need to find some inner strength and stand on her own two feet. For one thing, she'd be back at school soon.


	12. Chapter 12

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 12**

As the prospect of returning to school loomed, Bella felt anxious. Studying for Exams was enough stress for any teenager; she could have done without having to deal with anything else. _How could she cope with school when her head was all over the place?_ It didn't help that she was keeping so much to herself. There probably was something to this victim support idea after all. Instinctively, Bella knew it would be a good idea to pour her thoughts and feelings out to someone, but it couldn't be Edward, and it couldn't be Mum. If she was going to spill all, it would have to be to someone who wouldn't take it so hard: a friend who wouldn't judge but would just be there for her and who could be trusted to keep it a secret. There was only one friend who fitted the bill – Angela. Bella resolved to confide in her. Edward drove her to Angela's place two days before school and collected her three hours later. As she sat in Angela's bedroom, the words came pouring out; everything, right from Mike's party up to the present day. When she'd finished, she had a definite sense of being able to breathe more easily.

Angela listened attentively throughout, and at the end simply hugged her for a long time, and said, "You poor thing, how horrible."

"Edward doesn't know everything, nor does Mum. Please don't say anything?"

"I won't breathe a word," said Angela.

It didn't really need confirming, but was nice to hear all the same. Once it was out of the way, they could relax a little. Angela shared stories about Eric, and Bella, at long last, shared all her feelings about Edward. By the time she went home she felt a good deal more positive.

The next night, Edward lay on the covers next to Bella in bed. If she was honest, it was getting to the point where she could have gone to sleep on her own, but falling asleep with Edward was so scrumptious, she was reluctant to give it up. He smiled his special smile down at her and stroked her cheek.

"So, back at school tomorrow, eh?" he said.

"Yeah, I'm not thrilled about it, but I'll be OK."

"See you at eight then," he said, matter-of-factly.

"Sorry?"

"I'll pick you up at eight, in the morning."

"I assumed I'd get a lift in with Jess."

"I'd rather take you in myself."

There wasn't a lot of arguing with Edward, once he'd made up his mind, so Bella agreed, "Oh, OK then," and texted Jess the change of plan.

As a result of being taken to school by Edward, Bella didn't so much "turn up", as "make an entrance". The Porsche alone would have drawn everyone's attention. He parked it in the school car park. She didn't get out immediately but sat quietly with her hands on her knees mentally preparing herself for the day ahead. Edward reached over and placed his hand on hers.

"You're gonna be fine," he reassured her.

She looked up at him and nodded. As she reached for the passenger door handle, he suddenly stopped her.

"Wait," he said, with a playful glint in his eyes.

He got out of the driver's side and sauntered round the car, opened her door, took her by the hand and escorted her out. Lifting her fingers to his lips, he placed a gentle kiss on them. Any girl in the vicinity, watching this God-like creature treat Bella like a queen, could only gape, open-mouthed; and that included Bella.

"Have a good day, my lovely; I'll see you at three-thirty."

Bella gulped.

"It might be closer to four."

"School finishes at three- thirty. I'll be here from then."

"It might be later than four; I did say I might meet up with the others. Jess can bring me home."

"I'll be here at three-thirty, and I'll join you."

Bella took a deep breath. This wasn't helping her to be less dependent. For now, though, she didn't want to argue; he was doing this out of the goodness of his heart, after all. She nodded, kissed him briefly on the cheek and walked off. At the last minute, she looked over her shoulder; he was still watching her, leaning elegantly on the car. She turned back with a private smile, shaking her head, and directed her steps towards the school building. Once inside, the smell and sound of school hit her: paint, plaster and disinfectant. It was full of early morning chaos too. People rushed to and fro in the corridors chatting animatedly. She was bumped and jostled by teens too wrapped up in themselves to notice her. Lockers clanged and the bell rang. It was an assault to her senses and oddly surreal at the same time. Bella felt she had spent the holiday going from paradise to hell and back and all stages in between. It seemed incredible that school was still there, still the same. Angela found her, smiled and took her arm and they made off for the first class of the day, History.

It felt like the first test of the day, too. How well would she cope with academic study? Mum had been advised to warn teachers about the recent events. When a student had suffered a personal trauma, teachers had to be prepared for the possibility of unreasonable behaviour or emotional outbursts. Bella didn't mind, she assumed warnings like this were normal, but she felt it was unnecessary. She had never been the sort of student to cause problems and was never likely to be. It helped that Angela shared the same class; Bella took a seat next to her. Bella began by going through the familiar ritual of getting out books and settling down to pay attention. At first, concentrating was difficult; her academic brain had grown lazy over summer, and being ill at ease was distracting. The more the lesson progressed, however, the more aware she became of a change taking place. As she focussed her mind on facts and figures and the interrelationship between different events, she could practically feel the synapses in her brain firing up. Not only was this energising but liberating too. Redirecting her thoughts freed her from personal worries for a while. It was a good sign

The only other test of the day came from dealing with the "sharks". Any school has its group of bitchy females: spoilt, arrogant gossip mongers; out to cause trouble. They prowl the corridors, looking for unsuspecting victims who they circle before they attack. Bullies who hunt in packs like this always had a predatory feel to them, and today they felt to Bella like sharks. Word had spread about the gorgeous creature who'd escorted her to school, and, as a result, she found herself their obvious target.

While she packed her bag, three of them closed in and fired questions at her: "Who's the boyfriend, then?", "Where's he from?", "Where did you meet?"

It was disconcerting; Bella could have done without feeling like a victim today.

"Ready to go?" another voice interjected.

Bella looked up to see Angela and smiled, grateful for the helpful tug.

In the lunch-break, the sharks tried again, accosting her in the food queue.

"You have to tell us who he is," the ringleader demanded.

Bella looked her squarely in the eye. "You know, actually, I don't," she stated, surprising herself at her own bravery.

"Go Bella," said a voice behind her, admiringly.

Bella turned to see Jess offering her a palm to high-five. Bella balanced her tray awkwardly on one hand and slapped it. She paid for her food and followed Jess to join Angela and Eric at a table. The shark-girls didn't bother her there, they would be reluctant to attack a group, but Bella was sure she could handle them if they came at her again. While she appreciated the moral support she was getting from her friends, she felt, surprisingly, better equipped to deal with school bullies than ever before. They were nothing compared with what she had survived. It was obvious why they were trying to pump her for information about her mystery chauffeur. They wanted some tasty new gossip but, more than that, were keen to uncover the secret of how someone like her had managed to nab someone quite so stunning; as if the prospect of her doing so was incredible. She wasn't surprised; she found it pretty incredible herself.

The plan to meet up after school was confirmed. Eric invited them round to his place, and Jess offered to give everyone a lift. Edward had already assumed he could join them, but Bella asked anyway. No-one seemed to have a problem with it. Bella suspected they all wanted in on her new man. She texted Edward, gave him Eric's address and asked him to meet them there.

By the end of the school day, she was feeling surprisingly good. The rest of the lessons had gone equally well. Far from being an added burden, it looked like school was actually going to be a help. She headed off to the car park. Four people greeted her there. Mike had decided to grace them with his presence too. She was just about to get into Jess's car when she noticed someone else, Edward. He got out of the Porsche when he saw her and strolled gorgeously over. He had not met Angela and Eric before, and the only other time he had met Jess and Mike had been the disastrous cinema trip, but he was a different person today, relaxed and easy.

"Did you not get my text?" said Bella.

"Yes, but I thought I'd come anyway."

It was the second time that day that he'd overridden her plans. After a hasty explanation to Jess, she climbed into Edward's car, hoping he wasn't going to make a habit of it.

Before long, everyone was in Eric's sitting room. Eric and Angela were side by side in armchairs. Mike lounged at one end of a three-seater settee with Jess on his knee. Bella sat at the other end with Edward between them. His arm fell naturally around her. Ever since the visit to the flicks, a lifetime away, Bella had been dodging questions from Jess, so Jess wasted no time in digging for information now, revealing a little bit of inner "shark" too.

"So, you and Edward..." she said, her eyes bright with the joy of gossip. "Are you an item, then, I thought he was just a friend?" She gave "friend" air quotes.

"We're an item," Edward volunteered and turned to Bella, dazzling her with a sexy smile.

Jess wasn't to be put off. "So, come on, how do you two know each other?"

"My Mum works for his family, she's their housekeeper," answered Bella honestly.

Jessica was nothing if not up-front. "So you're, like, rich, then," she said to Edward, as if the Porsche wasn't clue enough.

"You could say that," he answered patiently.

"Wow, rich and handsome," said Jess, "Hit the jackpot there, eh Bella, kerching!" and she pulled an imaginary slot machine handle to emphasise it.

There was an awkward silence. Mike turned away with a scowl on his face. He was neither rich nor handsome. Bella wondered if she should have been more guarded with Jess. She didn't want it all over school.

"How was your first day back?" Edward asked Bella, trying to pull the conversation back to something less embarrassing for everyone.

"Oh, you know, same old," said Bella

"Well she made quite an impression turning up with you on her arm," spouted Jess.

"Really?" said Edward quietly.

"It's fine," said Bella.

She really was going to have to have words with Jess or buy her a gag or something. She quickly changed the subject to safe topics such as how the teachers hadn't changed, how the work load looked like it might be heavier and what everyone else had done over the summer. It was enough to fill the time and brighten the mood.

"Are you off to Uni?" said Angela to Edward, showing a polite interest.

"Not until next year," he answered, "I'm taking a year out."

"What A-levels did you get?"

"Sciences…I…I did OK," he said.

He looked down, watching his fingers while he twisted them. Bella sensed that he was a little embarrassed. Perhaps he hadn't got the grades he needed. Would that mean that he wouldn't be able to go to Oxford after all, or might his father might be able to pull a few strings? Either way, Edward clearly felt uncomfortable talking about it, so Angela stopped quizzing him. She and Eric added little more to the conversation. They were more preoccupied with each other. Bella inwardly smiled as she noticed the two of them, shy but smitten, holding hands.

On the journey home, Bella apologised for Jessica.

"She doesn't bother me," said Edward. He smiled at her. "I'm so proud of you Bella, you're doing so well."

For a moment Bella wasn't sure what Edward was talking about before realising that he must be referring to how well she was recovering from the attack. Funny, now that she was back at school it felt like it was receding further and further into the past.

Back at the cottage, Edward sat reading while Bella made a start on a History essay. There wasn't much point, he said, in leaving her, only to return at six. She worked from her laptop on the kitchen table. She could have seen the sitting room from there but faced away from it. The sight of Edward was far too distracting to allow her to concentrate on "The Fall of the Roman Empire". He had a tendency to pout as he read and to run his hands through his hair in an ineffectual attempt to brush it out of his eyes. It was adorable. As it was, she couldn't resist the occasional glance over her probably could have concentrated better if he wasn't there at all, but she knew that getting him to leave wouldn't be easy, even though Mum was around. He put the book down and moved over to her; his presence warming. He placed his hands on her shoulders, reached down and kissed the top of her head. Since the attack, he hadn't once kissed her on the lips. He kissed her fingers, her cheeks, the top of her head and her forehead. It was lovely and sweet, but she wanted more. She reached for his hand and kissed it back before turning and looking up at him hopefully. He smiled, made a "T" shape with his fingers and raised his eyebrows as if in a query. "Yes please". She said and he turned away to put the kettle on. Bella looked at his back, wishing he could see her as something more than a sickly child.

At 8pm, they'd just polished off an omelette. Mum had gone to work, and they were snuggled on Bella's old settee, watching a horror spoof film. It was supposed to be a comedy, but Bella kept flinching and watching it from behind her fingers as if it were genuinely scary. Edward glanced over to her and gave his amused little one sided smile. He couldn't resist a tease.

"What are you, 12?" he said.

"Flippin' cheek," she answered, and without knowing why, she tickled the side of his waist, through his shirt.

He squirmed and sniggered deliciously. This was brilliant, Bella wasn't ticklish but Edward was! She'd never realised before and wondered how much of him would respond. She tried his bare feet. Summer was nearly over but he'd been wearing flip-flops and had kicked them off when he'd got indoors. He flinched from her fingers there too. She tickled his neck, his ribs. He twisted and turned as he laughed. It was as if, having given in to the sensation that he felt tickled, every part of him was now ticklish. She couldn't resist exerting her new power and her fingers went everywhere. Edward chuckled with the high pitched abandon of a five year old, curling up into a foetal position to try to protect himself against her, but she was relentless. He grabbed her wrists to restrain her. She wasn't giving in that easily and struggled against him. They wrestled back and forth, as he giggled and wriggled. Bella kept freeing one of her hands and, every time she did, she immediately went in for the tickle again. They slipped against the throw on the settee and slid off onto the floor. Edward took the only position that could stop Bella's assault once and for all, astride her with her hands pinned over her head. They grinned at each other like a couple of idiots, panting. It was fun and sexy. Bella was enjoying herself. She suddenly wished, more than anything, that Edward would kiss her, fully, on the lips. She stopped smiling, filled with intense longing, and her breathing grew heavier. He misunderstood, and a look of horror overtook his smile. He released her hands and climbed off her hastily.

"Oh God, Bella, I'm so sorry," he said, sitting back on the settee with his head in his hands as if in shame. "You must think…"

She sat up feeling confused. "Must think what?"

He was rambling, "We were playing…I'm so stupid… I pinned you down."

The penny dropped. Did he really think she was so damaged that she couldn't tell the difference between being immobilised at the hands of a ruthless aggressor and playful fun with the person she loved?

"No, no, no," she pleaded, scrabbling to her knees in front of him and taking his face gently in her hands.

She stared into glistening green eyes and moved closer to him, but he turned away.

"It's OK," she said. "Edward, we were having fun. Edward, listen to me. I could never think of you in that way. You're the one who makes me feel safe. You make everything better. Edward, do you hear me? Kiss me."

She took his face in her hands again and placed her lips on his. This time, he didn't turn away. A gentle kiss became a firmer one, and soon they were luxuriating in the feel of lips and tongues and hands.

"Oh Bella," said Edward, "I've missed you."


	13. Chapter 13

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 13**

Edward stood in Bella's doorway with the sun at his back. It cast a playful halo around his unruly hair.

"You look …good," she understated and gulped.

He grinned, he knew it. The muted cream and white of his clothes drew attention to the mischievous twinkle of his emerald eyes. He wore a white shirt, open at the neck, which invited her in to the silky hair on his chest; draped over that was a cream cable-knit sweater, hugging his broad shoulders. His trousers were cream too, and close-fitting, highlighting his slim waist. Bella had a vision of grabbing his shirt with both hands, dragging him indoors and ravishing him.

"Ready?" he asked.

Bella had been back at school for a just over a week. It was Sunday lunch-time, the sun was high and Edward was taking Bella to watch him play cricket.

When he'd first suggested she come to a cricket match, she'd balked at the idea. "I don't know anything about cricket," she'd said and, from what she had seen of it, it looked deadly dull.

"You don't have to. There's bound to be people there you know to chat to. Mother and Father will be there. You could bring a book – no one would mind."

Sensing her wavering, he'd continued, "I can't leave you on your own but I've promised to play. It's expected."

Edward was still convinced that Bella needed someone with her 24/7. As far as he was concerned, if her attacker wasn't behind bars there was always a danger that he could return. Bella tried to work on the assumption that the guy was long gone by now, but nothing she could say would convince Edward to the contrary.

He had been asked to play cricket, and to Edward that only left two options: either take Bella with him or don't play. He wanted to play, so he'd brought out the big guns.

"Don't you want to watch me?" he'd asked, with the shy, cheeky smile that was impossible to resist.

How could she not want to keep him happy? So she'd said, "Yes," and, looking at him now, she was glad she had. The classic looks of the English country gentleman always suited him to a 'T'. Bella had a sneaking suspicion that Edward would be good at cricket, too. She wondered if part of him wanted the chance to show off a bit, like a peacock displaying his feathers.

Bella had never lived in a village before, so wasn't familiar with tradition of the village cricket match. Edward explained it on the way there. It was played every year, apparently, and the tradition stretched way back. It was an opportunity, Edward said, for the "nobs" and the "yokels" to come together, at the end of the summer, as equals in competition. It was expected that there would be at least one member of the Cullens playing. Mr Cullen had played for years and would be there today. Emmett had played in the past, and for the last few years, Edward had played too. Refreshments were provided by a committee of wives and girlfriends. It all sounded very civilised. Edward also tried to explain the rules of cricket. Bella got that it was a bit like rounders, or baseball with less padding, but that in cricket two men ran opposite each other in a line rather than one man in a circle. Then Edward started going into details and using terms like "overs", "innings" and "googly". Bella interrupted him.

"I'll probably pick it up as I go along," she said.

As the playing area came into view, the centre of the pitch looked so small in relation to the huge field that Bella thought it unlikely she'd be able to see what was happening anyway.

At one end of the field was a large wooden building. Edward, still trying to supply Bella with all the necessary information, sounded like a salesman as he told her about it. This was the pavilion with changing rooms and showers; and a bar for drinks and snacks. Bella, trying to look enthusiastic, smiled and nodded. In front of the pavilion were wooden seats for spectators. This seemed to be the area where most people had congregated, but dotted around the field were other supporters on all kinds of seating that they'd supplied themselves. It was here that Edward and Bella found Mr and Mrs Cullen off to one side, on green fold-out canvas chairs. Edward's parents had the appearance of elegant bookends, similarly poised, both holding tall glasses of something cold while they read. Mr Cullen, like Edward, was dressed in cricket whites and looked his usual distinguished self and Mrs Cullen, in a flowing, floral, summer dress and floppy sun hat, had that deceptively effortless, perfectly natural look.

As they approached, Mrs Cullen glanced up, smiled and put her book face down on the grass.

"Edward," she greeted, "and Bella. How lovely. Do help yourself."

She gestured to a couple of packed folded chairs.

"And there's iced tea in the flask."

"Hello Ma, Father," responded Edward and set about unpacking two more seats.

Mr Cullen briefly looked up but kept his book open.

He simply nodded and said "Edward, Bella."

"Hello," added Bella shyly.

Meeting your boyfriend's parents was always a bit uncomfortable, but this was confusing. Bella had had little to do with Mr and Mrs Cullen before, they weren't her employers after all, but, as her Mum's employers, she had approached them with a polite distance. Was that still appropriate? She didn't want them to think her rude but she didn't want to overstep the mark either. She stood awkwardly while Edward got on with his practical task. As if she sensed Bella's discomfort, Mrs Cullen made light small talk.

"Beautiful day," she said.

Bella nodded.

"Have you ever been to a cricket match before?" she asked.

Bella explained that she hadn't but that Edward had told her all about it, so she had some idea of what to expect. Mr Cullen left his wife to take care of social niceties and returned to his book. Edward finished sorting out the seats and set them on the grass. He relaxed down on his, lounging back comfortably while Bella sat as upright as it was possible to sit in hers. Mrs Cullen continued to offer non-committal chit-chat by asking how things were going at school. Bella responded to everything in a friendly but polite way and Edward's approving smile suggested she was on the right track. He explained how he expected the afternoon to pan out. Each team would have a chance to bat and bowl. He expected it to take about 5 hours and there would be regular breaks for soft drinks with a longer break at the mid-way point for a cream tea – tea with scones, jam and cream – served in the pavilion.

"You make it sound like tea is the most important part," said Bella.

"Absolutely," he enthused.

What she didn't say was that it sounded like a very long time to be making small talk with his mother, especially once Edward left her to go and join in the game. Looking across to the pitch, it looked as if the match had already started and Edward was still settled comfortably. Bella was confused; he didn't seem in much of a hurry to join in.

"Aren't you playing?" asked Bella

"My side's batting first and I'm not needed just yet but, you're right, I ought to start getting the armour on," he said.

As he got out of the chair, she caught sight of the cream trousers drawn tightly over his peach of a bum. Her fingers itched to give it a satisfying squeeze. He stood stretching his arms. First he linked his hands together behind his back and pulled back his shoulders and then he pulled each arm in front of him across his chest. Bella couldn't help but find the sight of Edward warming up erotic. Finally, he started to don the protective equipment he'd need to go up to bat – pads to cover his legs up to mid-thigh, gloves and a protective helmet. Even with all the clobber on he looked great.

"It really does look like going into battle," said Bella.

"This stuff's necessary," he replied, "You'd know if you'd ever been hit by a cricket ball. Ya, gotta protect the important bits – legs, hands, head and of course the family jewels."

"Edward!" chided his mother.

"Family jewels?" said Bella.

Edward looked towards his crotch and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh," said Bella blushing, as he walked away with a slight swagger, smirking to himself.

Mrs Cullen came to the rescue "Would you mind awfully if I read for a while?" she asked, "I'm not really a great fan of cricket."

"Not at all," said Bella and settled back, more at ease.

At Edward's suggestion, she had brought a book and fetched this out now. With it open in her lap, her eyes followed Edward as he approached the pavilion. All of a sudden, someone called 'out', a man stood with his finger raised and it seemed to be Edward's turn to bat. Even though she couldn't pick out his features from this distance and his hair was covered by the helmet, she would have known it was him from the way he moved. She savoured the way he swung and twisted as he hit the ball and the sight of his lithe body running down the line. He ran as he seemed to do everything, with strength and elegance. For Bella, watching cricket meant waiting to see Edward move again. Cricket was turning out to be surprisingly appealing after all. He must be playing well as his turn seemed to last for ages. They had already swapped bowlers a couple of times, and he was still playing when they stopped for drinks. He strode back, flushed, slightly sweaty and triumphant and downed a pint of iced tea. Bella looked up at him admiringly.

"Seems to be going well," she said.

Edward shrugged but grinned from ear to ear. He was undeniably pleased with himself. He strode back into battle confidently. On the pitch a new bowler had appeared. He looked familiar – tall with short, black spiky hair. Jake? - wondered Bella. It wouldn't be out of the question. His first bowl was followed by a chorused shout and a number of raised arms. Edward removed his helmet before walking back to the sound of polite clapping. As he drew closer, it was clear that he wasn't happy.

"I'm sure that was a no-ball," he grumbled when he reached them, dropping the head gear on the floor.

"Now, now, Edward, it's only a friendly, don't be a bad loser. That's not cricket," said his father, with the hint of a smile before he glanced at Bella and retreated back into his book again, frowning slightly.

Edward slumped in his chair while Bella followed Mrs Cullen's example of keeping out of things by burying herself in a book. It wasn't long before, out of the corner of her eye, Bella became aware that Edward was watching her. She looked over and smiled at him. He stood, yawned and rolled his shoulders.

"I won't be needed until we're fielding now…Fancy stretching your legs?" he said innocently enough but Bella suspected an ulterior motive.

"Why not," she answered.

She got up and followed him. He led them round to the back of the pavilion, pulled her to him and kissed her full on; a glorious, wonderful French kiss. She reached one hand into the dampness at the nape of his neck and the other onto his back feeling the shirt cling to him.

"Ahh, that's better," he said when they separated at last, "sorry about the sweat."

"Not a problem," she answered and meant it.

Edward's parents weren't stupid, they were bound to have some idea of what was going on, but it was clearly inappropriate to stay away for too long so, after about 10 minutes, Edward and Bella reluctantly headed back. They returned to their seats, Edward making a good job of looking nonchalant and Bella trying her best not to feel like a naughty child. It was a relief when Mr Cullen got up to take his turn at batting. He seemed particularly stiff and formal when Bella was around, although whether she was the cause, she couldn't tell.

In due course, as promised, all four of them headed over to the pavilion for cream teas. Bella had just loaded her plate with two halves of enormous home made scones loaded with clotted cream and strawberry jam when she spotted the back of Jake's head. She was right, he had been playing. She had barely seen anything of him since he had tried to kiss her but fortunately, he seemed to have put the incident behind him and was back to his old self. She wandered over to say hello. As he turned, her eyes first met Jacob's and then were drawn irresistibly to the dingy red stain on his crotch. What was it with her and crotches today?

He followed her gaze. "Easiest place to polish the ball," he explained with a laugh, "Hi Bella."

Bella reached over, holding the plate out to one side and gave him a friendly hug.

"You two know each other of course," said a voice behind her head.

Bella looked over her shoulder to find Edward's hand coming to rest on it. He appeared to have claimed ownership of her and was looking frostily at Jake.

"Well done on getting me out. Well bowled," said Edward, pointedly.

"Just lucky," answered Jake, oblivious to Edward's sarcasm; either that or choosing to ignore it.

"How are you surviving being a spectator?" Edward asked Bella.

"It's OK," she replied.

"Bella's not really into cricket," he explained to Jake. "She just came along to watch me." "Did you know Jake was playing?" he asked her.

Bella looked at him squarely "No," she replied simply.

She couldn't help but feel that Edward was coming across like a bit of a spoilt brat.

"Listen, I'll catch you later, OK?" she told Jake and turned to face Edward properly after he'd gone.

"What was all that about? He's just a friend," she said.

"Sorry," he said, "I guess I don't like losing."

It made Bella uneasy to see Edward in less than a glowing light. Edward was her "knight in shining armour", the "love of her life". He made all her clichés come true. The last thing she wanted was to feel embarrassed about him. She put one loaded half scone in her mouth and sank her teeth in. It was sicklier than she was expecting and, right now, not very appealing. She handed it to Edward and asked him to finish it for her.

As she didn't really know anyone else, she ended up taking a cup of tea outside and sitting with it on the side of the pavilion steps. She left Edward on the receiving end of back slapping and general congratulations for the quality of his play. He found her at last and sat with her, quietly. He seemed suitably contrite though Bella had a feeling he wasn't entirely sure what he was in trouble for.

When tea was over, Edward went back out, this time to field. Bella knew she wouldn't see him again till the tea break so scanned the play area for signs of Jake and, being unable to spot him, assumed it wasn't his turn to bat yet. So she went looking for him. She found him sitting at the side of the pavilion, randomly plucking at bits of grass.

"Me again," she said

He looked up, squinting at her against the sun. "He's let you come and talk to me, then, has he?"

"He's playing," she answered.

"So, that's the great Edward is it? Seems like a bit of a_"

"Jake, don't get snarky," Bella interrupted. "He's not usually like that. He's having a bad day."

"Yeah, I guess I've got something to do with that," said Jake, looking smug.

"Let's not go there," said Bella, "I just wanted to say hi, see how you were. I haven't seen you for the past few weeks."

"Well, you know where I live," he accused.

This was true. Because Edward spent so much time with Bella now, even staying with her when she saw other friends, it was more difficult to see Jake. She had a feeling they wouldn't get on and, by the looks of things, she was right.

"Well, I'm here now," she said, "Can't we just make the most of it?"

She sat on the grass with him and they set about catching up. To start with, the conversation was all about filling in the facts of what they'd been doing with their time over the past three weeks but it soon moved on to jokes, jibes and playful punches, the kind of naturalness she was used to with Jake. She was quite disappointed when he had to go up to bat.

She wandered back to Edward's mother and settled back to the business of watching Edward with a book in her hand. She wondered if he'd seen her talking to Jake and wouldn't be too pleased about it. If he had, he didn't show any sign when he came back in the drinks interval although he did greet her with a little kiss on the forehead. It was a gesture she wouldn't have expected him to make in front of his parents. At the end of the match, Edward packed away all the chairs and Bella and Mrs Cullen collected any other loose bits and pieces. All three followed Mr Cullen back to his car with them. He and his wife had driven the short distance from their home to the field and Mrs Cullen offered Edward and Bella a lift but Edward said they'd prefer the stroll. As he walked Bella back to her cottage, she felt he needed to get something straight.

"Edward, I want to be with you, you know that, and I know you feel the need to protect me but you can't stick a flag in me everywhere we go."

"Sorry," he mumbled.

Bella asked him about the match, offering him the chance to change the subject and he took it with enthusiasm. She was surprised how exciting the game seemed to him. She couldn't say she was a convert to cricket but would be happy to watch him play anytime.

When they arrived at her door, he said, "Listen, I need to nip home and get changed but I'll be back in no time."

"Don't get changed, I like what you're wearing," she protested.

"Bella, I've been sweating all afternoon. I must stink."

She reached up, tangled her fingers in his hair, drew him close and inhaled him deeply. "Your sweat smells good to me," she said and he kissed her more passionately than he ever had before.


	14. Chapter 14

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 14**

As Bella slipped her hand inside Edward's shirt, her stomach tightened. She kissed him hungrily, her kiss breathy with anticipation, and she ran her fingers through his silky chest hair. A warm tingle went straight through her core. Her body was happily preparing itself for going much further when his hand landed firmly on hers.

"Stop," he commanded.

He reached inside his shirt with his other hand and pulled hers out with businesslike efficiency.

"Ohhh, Edward!" she wailed.

"No. Not after what you went through, it's too risky."

"Shouldn't I should be the judge of that?"

It was hard to believe that only a few short weeks before, fighting Edward off had felt like wrestling an octopus. That was then. These days, she was the octopus. Only now could she fully appreciate how frustrating she must have seemed to him.

It had been a little over a month since the attack on her in the cottage, but now that she was sure of Edward's love, she was ready to go all the way. In fact, she was keen to go all the way. After all, the only sex she'd had so far had been horrible and with a stranger. She wanted wonderful sex with Edward. They had plenty of opportunity to get up to all sorts; they were regularly alone together for hours. He, however, insisted that the trauma she had been through had left her too vulnerable. He refused to take advantage, he said, and to her dismay, was proving frustratingly strong-willed. Well, she could be strong-willed too; she would just have to try again.

…

The following day she was back at school, so school matters had to take priority. At 3:30pm, she went to Mr Rogers' classroom and stood outside until his students finished filing out. Then she popped her head round the door.

"You wanted to see me," she said.

Mr Rogers looked up from straightening a pile of exercise books and smiled.

"Ah yes, come in."

He was Bella's History teacher. Bella had always enjoyed History and thought she was pretty good at it, so had been surprised when he'd asked to see her after school. It couldn't be that she wasn't working well enough. Ever since she'd discovered the benefits of throwing herself into study, she'd been working her socks off. She took a seat at one of the front desks and Mr Rogers perched on the front of his.

"I only want a quick chat," he said, "You're not missing a bus home, are you?"

"No. It's fine," she assured him.

She suddenly remembered, with a sense of guilt, that she'd meant to text Edward that she might be a few minutes late coming out. He would be waiting for her in the car park as usual, but she couldn't do anything about it now. She couldn't start getting her phone out in front of a teacher.

"Well, Bella," said Mr Rogers, his face alive with enthusiasm, "You don't need me to tell you that you're doing exceptionally well. Your work has been truly excellent, particularly this term. Have you given any thought to what you want to do after A-levels?"

Bella had, as a matter of fact. Ever since the attack, the sense of injustice had inspired a desire to study Law.

"I'd like to do a Law degree," she said.

He smiled and clasped his hands enthusiastically.

"Good choice. Any idea where?"

"I've got one or two places in mind."

He paused. "Had you considered Oxbridge?"

He leant forward as if it might encourage her to say yes. Bella was startled. "Oxbridge" was the collective term for Oxford and Cambridge Universities, the two most prestigious universities in the country and Bella had certainly not considered them. They were only for upper-class people like Edward, surely.

"No," she answered honestly.

"I think you should. I know they want the brightest and the best, and you are a very bright girl. I would say it was definitely worth a try if you think you'd like to go."

"Aren't they…," 'only for posh people' Bella wanted to say but instead finished with, "…expensive?"

"A lot of people think that but no, no more so than anywhere else," he said.

He explained the admissions process, the sort of A-level grades expected and about the Admissions Test. The whole thing sounded a lot more complicated than applying to a normal university, but he reassured her that the school could help with her application. Bella discovered that Mr Rogers, himself, had been to Cambridge and that it had been a wonderful experience. He couldn't resist sharing one or two happy memories. By the time he'd finished, the "quick chat" had been closer to fifty minutes.

"I'm so sorry, I'm stopping you from going home," he said, frowning slightly as if suddenly aware of the time. "Anyway, have a think about it and let me know if this is a course of action you'd like to pursue."

"Thank you. I will," she said.

Bella left the classroom feeling stunned. The idea that Oxbridge might accept riff-raff like her, seemed incredible, but she couldn't deny the appeal of going, even if only to prove that she was as good as anyone with a privileged background. Then, of course, there was the possibility of being with Edward. With him taking a year out, they'd begin their studies in the same term. A little spark of hope lit deep inside her, and she hugged herself at the thought of it. She headed off to the car park, bursting to say something, but didn't want to get Edward's hopes up. She might not get in. The Porsche was parked in its usual spot, but Edward didn't appear to be there.

She was just getting out her mobile to give him a call when a voice behind her yelled, "Bella!"

She turned and saw Edward storming towards her.

"Where the bloody hell have you been?" he demanded, his face like thunder. "You're nearly an hour late."

She tried to explain that she'd had to see a teacher although it looked suspicious that she couldn't explain why.

"It was only supposed to be a quick chat," she told him.

"You could have phoned," he accused.

"Sorry, I meant to but..."

Edward glared at her with his eyebrows knotted together and his lips tight with fury.

"I'm sorry," she said. "Really sorry," she offered again, reaching towards him and hugging him.

His arms, reluctant at first, wrapped around her and hugged her tightly in return.

Bella could feel the tension in his hunched shoulders slowly dissipating as he mumbled into her hair, "God, Bella, I thought HE'd come back and taken you."

She didn't need him to explain who he meant by "HE".

"Surely not, after all this time, he must be long gone by now. I mean…" Bella trailed off.

It was a touchy subject anyway and it certainly wouldn't help to accuse Edward of being paranoid.

When they got to the cottage, Bella requested that he leave her until Mum went to work, telling him that she had a bit of homework to look at. The moment he'd gone, Bella pulled out her laptop and Googled "Oxford and Cambridge University Admissions". She definitely was interested in pursuing the idea. Each university comprised a number of colleges and you had to specify which college you wanted as well as which university. She didn't know which college Edward had chosen but was beginning to have second thoughts about going to the same one. It would make it far too easy for him to keep laying the law down. She sighed. She wanted to be with him; she loved him, but his unshakeable belief that she was still at risk had turned him into a control freak. He drove her to school every morning and collected her every afternoon. She spent all her free time with him except for the one evening a week she was allowed to spend with Jake. She occasionally saw her school friends outside school, but even then Edward usually tagged along as if he didn't trust them. When he wasn't with her, he demanded to know where she was, what she was doing and who she was with.

She did understand; it was only because he cared so much, but it didn't make it any easier to live with. Today, she had frightened him, though, and she was keen to make it up to him. By the time he returned at six, she had taken a quick bath and changed into denim shorts and a pale blue, short-sleeved shirt that she knew he liked. She'd even put on her best underwear, to feel extra special. When he sat on her settee, she sat on his knee and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry, I scared you," she said, running her fingers through his hair and nuzzling into him.

Soon they were kissing. His kisses seemed firmer, more urgent, as if he'd somehow got her back and was making the most of it. She kissed him with equal intensity and instinctively found her hands roaming over him towards unchartered territory. Normally he was quick to react, but this time he seemed to be letting her. It was ironic. After making him so angry, she hadn't planned to try to seduce him tonight but somehow seemed to be succeeding. Excitement bubbled up inside her. Then, suddenly, he grabbed her wrists and jerked them away.

"No, no, this is all wrong," he said, squeezing his eyes tightly shut.

"Dammit Edward!" snapped Bella with exasperation. "You know, maybe I'm tougher than you think. I'm not made of glass; I'm not broken that easily. Maybe I know what I'm doing."

"I said no," he said, as if weary of repeating it.

Bella slid off his knee onto the seat next to him and slumped. She folded her arms with glum resignation.

"I wish it was as easy for me to resist you as you find it to resist me," she said resentfully.

He gave her a look of disbelief and rubbed his forehead in frustration as if having trouble explaining something to a child.

"Of course it isn't easy for me."

"I wish you still wanted me," she said with a sigh.

He was quick to react. "Christ, Bella, don't you know how hard this is for me? I want you all the bloody time, you silly girl."

"I don't believe you."

"It's true."

"Then prove it," she dared him, looking deep into those darkening green eyes.

There was something more this time, a hint that she might have clinched it.

Edward placed his hands firmly on her shoulders, "Bella, seriously," he said, looking at her with a greater intensity than ever before.

"Yeah?" She held his gaze and bit her lip in anticipation,

"We…can't...I…mustn't…Oh fuck it," he growled.

He pulled her to him and kissed her with a sudden urgency, smoothing his hands down her sides and grabbing hold of her shirt, pulling it free of her shorts. All at once, his hand was inside her shirt and cupping one breast through a lacy bra. He suddenly stopped and fixed her with one last questioning look.

"You're absolutely sure?" he said.

This was the moment, they both knew, when everything could change. Bella wanted it to. She nodded quickly.

"Yes," she whispered with nervous excitement.

Very slowly, he removed his hand from her shirt and reverently began to undo her buttons. She sat dutifully facing him with her arms by her sides, feeling stiff and unyielding. Now that it was actually happening, she couldn't seem to move. His breathing was heavy but controlled, and Bella fought to control hers as he worked his way down. Her heart quickened as the shirt fell open. He placed his hands, gently, over her lace-covered breasts and carefully kissed the soft flesh that peeped over the top. Could he hear how loudly her heart pounded now? Sliding his hands into her shirt fronts at the shoulder, he stroked down her back, taking the shirt off with them. Deftly, he unclasped her bra and then brought his hands back over her shoulders bringing the bra straps down in their wake. As the cups fell forward, Bella's heart raced, and she sat with her breasts naked for him. They looked OK, she thought; they were round and full but pert. Holding her breath, she awaited judgement, hoping he liked them. He certainly seemed to as he sat gazing at them as if in wonder.

"You are so beautiful, Bella, perfect, perfectly beautiful."

Though she knew she was blushing, she felt oddly proud.

Placing his fingertips on her skin, he traced seductive, tingling patterns along her collar bone, down to her waist, up and down her sides, anywhere but her boobs, building the anticipation. Her body quivered, and her naked breasts ached for him to touch them. Finally, he did so, taking them in his palms and stroking over the nipples with his thumbs. His touch sparked an electric throbbing between her legs. She arched her back as if she couldn't get enough. He placed one hand under her and leant her onto the settee, holding her and planting slow kisses filled with promise. She closed her eyes. When he kissed her nipple it felt like heaven, but the exquisite feel of her nipple in his mouth was beyond even that. Delectable shivers excited her over and over as he sucked, licked and nibbled. While his mouth teased one nipple, his hand reached over to the other and rolled it between his finger and thumb. The sensation in her groin was like nothing she had ever felt before; intense and deliciously warm. She could hear herself sighing as the feeling started to build. She gave herself to it, revelled in it. He was the maestro and she wanted to be played. She was moaning, now, riding the sensation, soaring, overwhelmed by it. Her teeth gritted together as if she was in pain and she cried out. Edward worked her through it with his mouth and fingers and when the sensation subsided, he held her tightly. Finally, he released her. She looked up to see him gazing down at her with a look of pure delight.

"Fuck me, but that was glorious," he said.

Bella felt herself glowing and then suddenly realised, "But don't you?" She looked meaningfully at his crotch.

"Don't worry about me. I think that's enough for one day. We weren't supposed to be doing any of this. You're just too damned tempting." He reached down and kissed her cheek. "Come on, let's put you back together."

Once she was dressed, they snuggled on the settee as always, the discomfort of the wetness of her lacy thong making her feel deliciously wicked.

"Oh, Bella what am I going to do with you?" he said.

Bella didn't know, but she couldn't wait to find out.

…

Having stepped over into the realm of things you couldn't possibly do in front of your mum, Bella could see wonderful evenings ahead. _God, if he could do that to her with only…!_ She blushed just thinking about it. They were headed down the path to full on glorious sex, and she knew that sex with Edward was going to be amazing. There was just one problem. He still thought she was a virgin. She was going to have to tell him. The following evening, they were cuddled together in their usual spot. He'd just kissed the top of her head, and she felt safe and cared for; secure enough, in fact, to just come right on out with the truth.

She took a deep breath, "Edward, there's something you should know; something that happened to me at the start of the summer break."

He seemed to go through a range of emotions as she recounted the events of Mike's party: curiosity, discomfort, anger, shock. When she'd finished, he sat, stony-still and silent. She waited for him to speak.

The question was inevitable when it came, "Why did you not tell me this before?"

She didn't answer.

"Christ, Bella." he said angrily, looking away from her.

She had hoped he might react with more understanding but had known, all along, that it would be hard for him to learn the truth, that she wasn't so pure after all. She could practically feel the idealised image he had of her melting away, and she reached up to his cheek to try to remind him that she was still his Bella.

"Don't," he scolded, jerking away from her touch.

He got up and stood with his back to her, adding, "Have you been tested?"

"Yes."

"For diseases."

This didn't feel like Edward, he was so cold.

"Yes, I'm not stupid!" she snapped but added pleadingly, "Why are you angry with me? It wasn't my fault."

She willed him to look at her, sure that if he did, he would see the sincerity in her face, but it seemed that he didn't even want to try.

"You should have said something."

She remembered the shame and degradation she'd felt at the time. She remembered wanting to protect him from seeing her like that.

"I didn't know how to. It wasn't exactly something I felt good about."

Edward sighed, shrugged, and fidgeted as if he didn't feel comfortable in his own skin. Bella sensed it was making him prickly just to be near her.

"Look, do you want to go?" she said.

His head whipped round, "I can't bloody go, can I? I can't sodding-well leave you on your own."

Bella recoiled as if she'd been punched in the stomach and stared at him, gobsmacked. The whole of her digestive system from her throat down to her stomach seemed to have been invaded by a cold, dead sensation that made her feel sick. She flew out of the room, ran upstairs to her bedroom and locked the door. Moments later he knocked.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean it."

She wasn't listening. She curled up on the bed and gave in to tears.


	15. Chapter 15

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 15**

Wherever Bella had lived, her bedroom had been the only room she had ever taken the time to personalise. Photos of her, Mum and old friends were blue-tacked to the walls; a little framed tapestry Mum had made hung above her bed; favourite books and CDs were aligned on the shelves; a calendar showing her favourite actor hung by her desk; little, silly knick-knacks littered the surfaces, and her clothes littered the floor. Her bedroom was a kind of sanctuary. As she lay on her bed sobbing, she was oblivious to all of it.

She thought she'd found a kind of sanctuary in Edward, too, but it suddenly didn't seem so secure any more. He was so unfair, it wasn't her idea that she needed a bodyguard, it was his. It must have been an hour later before she got up and plodded over to the door. She hadn't heard anything, so assumed he must have gone home after all. As the door opened, she was surprised to see him still there. He'd obviously been sitting with his back to it all this time. He got up stiffly and they stood looking at each other, Edward looking as miserable as she felt. He reached over to take her face in his hands, and she let him. He kissed her gently on the forehead and then reached one hand to the back of her head and rested his forehead on hers.

"Do you not want me any more?" she asked

"I'll always want you."

"But not in that way."

"Of course in that way."

"Then why…?"

"…Because I'm a dick?" he offered.

She sighed, and whatever the reason, whether it was the silent apology in those green eyes, the gentleness of his smile, or the warmth of his touch, Bella felt herself slipping into trusting him all over again.

He put his arm round her, led her back downstairs and stayed with her until Renee came home. After he'd gone, she went straight to bed and laid awake thinking about him. He'd seemed genuinely sorry for what he'd said, but he hadn't said it without a reason. "I can't leave you on your own". He obviously believed he couldn't, but what sort of a life did that leave him? It occurred to Bella, for the first time, that she had no idea what he did all day while she was at school. She'd been too wrapped up in herself to think about it before. It was like he didn't exist except in relation to her. Where were his friends and his interests? She had a horrible suspicion that while protecting her life, he was being robbed of his own.

…

On the way to school the next day she quizzed him about his friends. She asked why they never contacted him. It didn't occur to her that they did.

"We keep in touch," said Edward. "We chat on the phone, e-mail, even Skype, you know, the usual."

"Facebook?" offered Bella.

"No, can't be bothered with that. Don't see the point."

But Bella wasn't satisfied. That didn't explain why he hadn't seen them all summer and didn't seem likely to. Of course, the more she pressed, the more her suspicions were confirmed. He'd turned down a number of invitations, because he wouldn't leave her. Well, that only left one option; if he wouldn't go without her, she would have to go with him. The most recent invitation had been to "a small get-together at Ollie's place this coming weekend". So, that evening, Bella set about convincing Edward that the two of them should go. Mum wasn't sure that a whole weekend away with Edward was a good idea, but as Bella pointed out, it was actually only going to be from Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon. It wasn't exactly a whole weekend, and besides, if she was going to get up to anything inappropriate with him she had plenty of opportunity in the long evenings they spent together. For some reason, Renee found this reassuring. Parents were strange sometimes.

"No, I won't be drinking," she reassured Mum.

That part was true; she didn't trust alcohol.

…

When Saturday came around, Edward and Bella set off just after 2:00pm. He filled the journey with animated chatter about seeing his friends again. He gave her names, physical descriptions, studies and hobbies - far too much information for her to take in. It was good that he was looking forward to it, but getting over-excited wasn't Edward's style, so Bella sensed it must be a sign of nerves too. It made her nervous. Added to which, she hadn't been to a house party since…but that was a stupid way of thinking. Edward would never let anything happen to her. Perhaps her biggest worry was that she wasn't sure how well she'd cope amongst privileged, rich, kids. Would she slip in unnoticed as Edward's girlfriend, or would she stick out like a sore thumb?

After two hours, they pulled up at huge forbidding wrought iron gates, and Edward punched in the code. The heavy black iron creaked open, gesturing them inside. Bella swallowed. She was about to enter a different world. It suddenly occurred to her that it wasn't just the world of Edward's friends; it was Edward's world too. She'd expected him to accept her for who she was, but that went both ways. Had she accepted him for who he was? Did she really know? She guessed she was about to find out. As the gates closed behind them, Edward swung the car round the grass island and crunched to a halt in the gravel. A big whale of a guy came towards them, sweating as he staggered to the front door with a crate of beer. He was about Edward's age but had a large, oval head with prematurely thinning hair. He was tall and already sporting an impressive beer belly; a forty year old body on an eighteen year old. Edward slid down the electric window and stuck his head out.

"Ollie, Ollie, Ollie," he called out.

"Oi, oi, oi!" came the response. Ollie was loud, really loud. "Ed you old reprobate," he boomed. "Where have you been hiding all summer?"

"Oh, I've been, you know, busy with things…You?" said Edward giving Ollie a broad, genuine grin.

Ollie dumped down the crate. "Me? Oh, doing what boys do man, getting pissed, smoking, swearing, being rude, great!"

"So, no change then," said Edward. "Ollie, this is Bella."

Ollie clomped over to the car, brought his head down to the window and smirked in.

"I'm guessing you're one of the "things" Ed's been busy with." "Still pulling the ladies, I see," he said to Edward with a wink and then, without giving either of them time to answer, he instructed, "Well don't sit around like lemons. Leave the car round the back. I'll see you inside."

"Just ignore him," said Edward as they drove on, "He can be rather blunt."

He parked as directed and they got out of the car. He held his hand towards her, smiling reassuringly.

"Ready?" he said.

Bella nodded.

"Then let's go."

As they set foot inside the cavernous hall, the sound of excited chatter and loud guffaws hit them, suggesting a much larger get-together than Bella had expected. Ollie was there and ushered them in to the front room, presenting them as if returning from a competition with a trophy.

"Look who I've found."

A roar of greeting went up as Edward entered. Nearly everyone had a glass or bottle to raise to him, but the enthusiastic reception obviously wasn't just because the group had already started drinking. It was clear he was popular. There must have been at least 30 people there, all about Edward's age. His entrance signalled a flurry of activity as guys got up to come over and slap him on the back or punch him on the arm, and girls came over to hug him. In amongst it, the odd brief introduction was made to Bella. She nodded in whichever direction seemed appropriate and got the odd nod or smile in response, but she felt that everyone viewed her with suspicion. It didn't surprise her. She was the person responsible for selfishly monopolising Edward for weeks on end. She thought it best to stay quiet and keep to Edward's shadow. He was the one they wanted to talk to after all.

When the activity had died down a little, Edward led Bella to a large settee. They sank down onto it, and he relaxed a familiar arm over her shoulder. The settee was surprisingly uncomfortable with huge cushions but apparently no springing. Bella was offered a drink but asked for water and sat sipping it looking around the room. Everything in it had that large, antique, solid feel to it: sofas and armchairs with tapestry fabric, wooden floors with enormous Indian rugs and huge windows with impressive but faded silk curtains. There was a sense of grandeur that went back generations but was beginning to show its age. Edward had already been handed a beer and was still very much the centre of attention. He was being quizzed; questions were fired at him from all directions. There was a lot of catching up to do, and Bella found that she was hearing all sorts of things about him for the first time.

He was apparently supposed to have joined a number of the friends on holiday in Cornwall during the summer break but hadn't been able to make it "this year". He'd had a birthday in August. _A birthday! _Thought Bella_, Why didn't he tell me? _He'd got his A-level results – "five 'A's". Bella was stunned. _FIVE 'A's! Fuck!_, was her instant hidden reaction followed by, _Hang on, what's the fifth one?_ It obviously wasn't just family tradition that allowed him to go to Oxford. She knew he was clever but hadn't realised he was brilliant. But, most mysteriously of all, they asked when he'd be setting off to "do good works with the natives". Tanya was actually "out there already", they said. Bella's head buzzed with questions. _Who's Tanya?_ and _Where's 'there' exactly?_ and_ How long has she been out there? _and_ Should Edward have gone with her?_

Edward's response was, "It's sort of on hold for the moment…I don't really want to talk about it …It's complicated."

Bella had the disquieting feeling that she was the complication. She had an overwhelming urge to corner him and ask, "What the hell is going on?" and looked up at him imploringly. His arm tightened around her, and he forced an apologetic smile. She understood; now was not the time for her to start asking difficult questions.

At that moment, a small, chubby, sandy-haired guy with a scruffy little beard jumped up as if he'd suddenly had a flash of inspiration. He headed out of the room and, a couple of minutes later, returned with a plate. It held something lopsided and covered in brown gloop on it.

"Chocolate cake," he explained. "…or at least there's a cake in there somewhere. I made it for the weekend, but it can be your birthday cake, Ed."

He thrust the plate at Edward.

Edward took it. "Oh, Josh you shouldn't," he said, one eyebrow raised as he surveyed the misshapen lump and turned the plate to view it from different angles. "Seriously, you shouldn't," he teased.

"I don't know about cake, we need more alcohol or a big pair of breasts or something," bellowed Ollie. "Ah wait, I know…"

He heaved his bulk out of an armchair, and then he, too, left the room. When he returned, he was carrying a stiff paper carrier bag. He held it out to Edward.

"Nearly forgot, I bought this to replace the one I broke, it can be a birthday present."

Edward opened the bag and pulled out a glass object, cylindrical at the top and bulbous at the bottom with a side nozzle. It was a bong. Bella had seen them before, not in use, and wouldn't dream of using one herself, but she knew what it was for.

"Sorry it's not as snazzy as the original," said Ollie.

"Thanks," said Edward looking at Bella, slightly embarrassed.

"Let's fire that puppy up later – only illegal substances of course," Ollie continued and, with that, he brought something out from behind his back, as if he was a magician at the end of a trick.

He dangled it in front of his face with a mischievous grin. It was a small plastic bag of something that looked like dried herbs. Bella could guess what it was, and wasn't sure if it would make it better or worse for the house guests to be high as well as drunk.

"But first food," said Ollie, "Allons-y to the kitchen."

A handful of the group consisting of Josh and three girls wandered off. Edward gave Bella a nod towards them and a slight nudge. She understood and got up to follow them. It seemed a little surprising that Edward would assign her servant duties, but maybe he thought that it would create a good impression if she helped. She didn't mind. When she arrived in the typically vast kitchen, the others were standing around looking clueless.

"That's it, too much oestrogen," said Josh and crossed Ollie coming in, on his way out.

Ollie opened a fridge the size of a wardrobe and pointed to the well stocked contents.

"Ta dah! Provisions," he announced. "Not sure what's in there but I'm sure I will be extremely happy with whatever you choose to make with them. Right, I'm off to do some beer-bonding with the chaps," and with that, he left.

Bella eyed the three girls warily as they took it in turns to inspect the contents of the fridge and step away, apparently none the wiser. It was almost like a dance: advance, about turn and back, but to Bella it felt like she was being circled by hyenas, sniffing out her vulnerability. She realised she hadn't felt like this in weeks. How was it that these girls had the power to make her feel the way school bullies used to? She eyed them warily. The three of them turned to face her, putting her on the spot.

A small, slim, round-faced and rather pretty blonde nodded towards the fridge and said, "What do you think?"

Bella realised it was her turn to take a look. She stepped forward and immediately saw potential in its contents. If there was one place where she knew what she was doing, it was the kitchen. As no one else seemed to be taking charge, she offered a suggestion.

"There are some chicken pieces. We could bake them in the oven with some spices, and there are enough things to make different salads to go with them."

There were general mumbles and nods of agreement, so she quietly and surely started pulling out the things they needed and soon found she was directing operations. She assigned salad making duties to the others, suggesting mixes that would work, and started preparing the chicken herself. It felt odd that she was telling them what to do, and she wondered how well they were taking it. At the same time, taking charge was helping to restore her confidence.

As Bella worked, a tall, rather foreboding and painfully-thin girl with short, black hair and sharp features took up position next to her. The girl sliced vegetables slowly and deliberately.

Bella coated the chicken in olive oil and was just sprinkling spices over the top when the girl said, "So how do you know Edward?"

It was a question Bella should have expected, but she suddenly realised that with all the information Edward had thrown at her in the car, it was the one thing he hadn't primed her on how to answer. She had no idea how much he had told his friends about the two of them and how much he would want them to know. She thought it best to err on the side of caution.

"I live nearby," she answered.

"He hasn't mentioned you before."

_So Edward hasn't told them_, thought Bella.

"I haven't lived there long."

The third girl, short, tubby and sandy-haired, approached Bella from the other side.

"What school do you go to?" she asked.

Bella had that feeling of being circled again, and this seemed a rather obscure question but an easier one to deal with.

She answered honestly, "The local sixth-form college."

"What, like a state school?" said the Josh look-alike, as if puzzled.

"Yeah, it's where everyone else goes."

"Oh."

There was something in that "oh" as if Bella had delivered bad news. The three reacted as though witness to some petty crime. First all eyes were on her, and then everyone was suddenly very busy, avoiding eye contact. It took Bella a while to understand why_. How can I be so stupid? Of course if I'm anyone of any consequence I'd go to some posh private school._ In one careless sentence she had told them exactly what she didn't want to, that she was Edward's local, common "bit on the side" and therefore not worth the effort of bothering to get to know. They turned their attention away from her and slipped into conversation with each other, established friends already.

As Bella continued to work, she wondered how Edward was getting on. Instinctively, she wished he was with her, wanting him as an ally, falling back into needing his protection, but she had to stop thinking like that. He wouldn't always be around to come to the rescue. About ten minutes later, she was standing with her back to the door and became aware of a little ripple of excitement going through the room behind her. She soon found out why.

"Hi Ed," said Thea seductively, unable to keep the attraction she felt for him out of her voice.

"Hi Thea," he replied, matter-of-factly, but as he did so, he sidled up behind Bella, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his head on her shoulder.

His presence instantly cocooned her in a soothing glow. He was being openly amorous, but Bella could smell why. His breath carried the sour, fruity smell of beer. He'd obviously had a few already.

"Hi gorgeous," he said softly to Bella with a slight slur.

She closed her eyes. She didn't want to see the daggers being glared at her.

"How ya getting on?"

"Fine," she reassured him.

He nuzzled her ear and kissed her gently on the cheek. "I'll leave you to it then," he said and did so.

The three girls probably hated her even more now, thought Bella. They might have everything money could buy, but Edward wasn't for sale.


	16. Chapter 16

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 16**

The dark haired bean-pole leaned against the fridge with a glass of red wine in one hand and a bottle in the other, eyeing Bella with disdain. Bella focussed her attention on preparing food, trying to ignore her. Out of the corner of her eye, she was aware that the short, tubby girl with the sandy hair had obviously grown bored with making salads and had turned her attention, instead, to pinging cherry tomatoes at the others. _If they don't want to do the job properly, _thought Bella,_ why don't they just leave me to get on with it?_ She wished they would.

"Wine? Would you like some wine?"

It took a while for Bella to register that someone was actually talking to her; the small, pretty blonde was holding out a bottle.

"No thanks," said Bella

"I'm Georgia, by the way," said the girl smiling. "This," gesturing to the bean-pole, "is Thea and this," pointing at tubby, "is Josh's sister, Netta."

"Bella," answered Bella, with a half-smile in return.

She ventured a smile toward the other two. Thea looked unimpressed and Netta, caught mid-tomato-ping, looked embarrassed.

"Listen, I don't mind finishing off in here," said Bella, offering herself and them a "get out of jail free card". "I need to keep an eye on the chicken anyway. Why don't you go back and join the party?"

Thea shrugged and walked off, and Netta followed blankly. Only Georgia hovered in the doorway.

"Are you sure?" she said

"Honestly," insisted Bella.

The minute they left, she set about getting the salads just so. She knew from instinct born of experience, how to create the perfect balance of flavours. While the chicken finished cooking, she wandered into the room next door to see if it was a dining room. It wasn't; it seemed to be some sort of games room. So, she turned her attention back to the kitchen and hunted through cupboards to find plates, cutlery and suitable serving dishes. Finally, she put everything out on a large pine table. Hiding in the kitchen made her feel safe, but eventually she ran out of jobs, and excuses, so went to find Ollie to let him know that food was ready. She spotted him coming through the front door with more beer.

"Ah, excellent," was his response.

He strode toward the front room and took up the doorway.

"Dinner is served in the kitchen," he announced with a flourish as if it was all his doing.

Bella got out of the way as everyone poured forth with excited chatter. There seemed to be no sign of Edward, so she pulled open the big oak front door and went outside and waited until she felt the queue for food would have disappeared. She had no desire to stand around with a bunch of strangers. Eventually, she wandered back to a ransacked kitchen, helped herself to a small plate of left-overs and came back to find Edward in the sitting room. He seemed to have acquired a fan club; girls sat either side of him on the settee, enraptured, and guys stood in front. He was talking louder than Bella was used to and waving around a chicken drumstick to emphasise what he was saying. Bella didn't want to intrude so she held back, nibbling her food and watching him. She had seen him laugh before, and make jokes, but never with such vibrancy. He could captivate not just her heart but a whole group of people. She couldn't help but feel guilty. For weeks, Edward had been an essential part of her healing process, she had flourished with his support, but had she been sucking all the life out of him?

Eventually, the seat next to him was vacated, and she took it gratefully. He welcomed her with a warm smile and squeezed her to him, but in no time, his attention was being hauled away again. He seemed to be finding it very easy to get distracted. It was obvious why. People kept bringing him alcohol, and he happily drank everything that was put in front of him. The sitting room filled with thick smoke and loud music, and voices grew louder, too. Everyone had to shout in order to make themselves heard, not only over the music but through their own drunken haze. Some of the group had got up to dance. In theory, Bella could have joined them, but there was no way that was happening. She hadn't danced since the party but wouldn't have danced with this crowd anyway, certainly not without Edward, and she wasn't sure he'd be able to stand, let alone dance. That only left Bella with one alternative, sit watching other people have fun. She observed the dancers with wry amusement. _What on earth possessed upper class white kids to think they could pull off "gangsta"? _but a couple of them were giving it their best shot. A couple of others tried to maintain their cool while getting exasperated with a drunken guy, who bounced into them with no sense of rhythm. In the centre, a girl shimmied up and down her partner while he welcomed the move with a lascivious grin. Parties seemed to have a way of bringing out the carnal in people. It was all getting eerily familiar. Edward had relaxed back into his seat. He was very drunk by this time but adorably so; sweet, openly affectionate and giggly, but it was becoming harder and harder to get through to him, and Bella was beginning to feel that she needed to. Something was creeping into her consciousness, something she recognised. Then it hit her, _Oh God, that smell! That sweet, musky, smell! He's here! _

Fear gripped Bella, and she shoved against Edward to get off the settee and out as quickly as possible. She half-felt his fingers reaching for her, but his reactions were too slow, and she was too desperate. Blindly, she pushed passed anyone in her way, out to the hall, and heaved open the front door. Grateful for the fresh air, she finally stopped in the spotlight of an outside lamp, leant her hand on the wall for support, and gasped great panting breaths. She barely noticed the slight clatter behind her until a hand landed on her shoulder, and she spun round, panic-stricken. Edward had found her. She searched his face as if needing to register that it was actually him. It was; she would recognise that look of concern anywhere.

"Bella, Bella. S'wrong?" he slurred, swaying into her.

"He's here!" she choked.

"Who?"

"The man…the man who raped me."

Edward squinted as if he was having trouble focussing, "ony tied y'up dinnee?"

"Not him, the other one, the first one!" she snapped

"Oh…where?"

"In the living room."

"Righ', I'll gerrim!" he said, trying his best to look fierce and determined as he looked for the front door.

Once he'd located it, he marched, as well as he could, back in. Bella had two choices, stay outside trembling or march back in with him and face the man who had taken advantage of her so cruelly. She chose to be brave; she had come too far to wimp out. Gathering her courage, she followed Edward.

He had managed to make it back to the sitting room and was leaning on the door frame peering blankly about. She stood by him and scanned the faces over and over. There was no sign of the man with the dreadlocks, but that smell was so strong, so familiar. Eventually she spotted the culprit.

"Shit!" she exclaimed, "It's that damn thing," and pointed to the bong.

Over in the corner, Ollie and a small group of others were playing with Edward's present.

Edward laughed, "Oh, 'sorrite then."

"Of course it's not bloody all right," said Bella and stormed back outside.

Bella had convinced herself that she had completely recovered from all that had happened to her and was furious to find that she hadn't. She was furious, too, that she was making this all about her again. She desperately didn't want to be needy, but how could she help it when she needed him so badly? Edward found her again and had the sense to keep quiet.

When she had regained some control she asked, "Can we stay outside for a while?"

"Sure," said Edward. Drunk or not, he was there for her.

There was a chill in the air, and she headed off to the car to get coats. Edward stumbled after her. It would have been easier if he'd stayed behind, but if he was going to go with her, she would have to help him. She couldn't help but manhandle him as she pulled and pushed to try to keep him in a straight line. At the car, she put on her own coat and helped Edward into his, then brought him back into the darkened garden. Spotting the silhouette of a bench, she dragged him over, pushed him onto it and sat down next to him. Sitting would be easier than trying to move. It was a while before Bella spoke again. She was feeling a lot calmer now. It dawned on her that when it came to it, she was prepared to face her fear, and that was something, at least. Looking across at Edward, it also occurred to her that the things that she had been wanting to ask him for hours might be easier said while he wasn't thinking straight. She'd start with the easiest ones first.

"Why didn't you tell me about your birthday?"

"It was yust after you were attacked," slurred Edward. "So…I'm 19, so …," he shrugged.

"And you didn't tell me about your A-level results."

He responded by shrugging again and scrunching his nose. Even drunk, he could look cute.

"5 'A's, wow!" said Bella. What's the fifth?"

Edward paused as if taking a verbal run up to it. "Gennal studies."

"You must be some kind of a genius or something."

"Ah thing I maybe am," he said, looking wide-eyed, as if he was as puzzled by it as anyone.

"And pretty drunk," said Bella with a smile.

There was one more question that needed answering, the most important one of all. "What did your friends mean about "doing good" with the natives?" she asked.

"S'my gap year I'm s'posed to be in Africa."

"What? Now?" said Bella shocked. "Why aren't you?"

"Lookin' aff-ta you."

He gave a lopsided grin. He seemed to be in his own happy little world, but Bella gawped at him open-mouthed. She didn't yet know what this was going to mean, but a creeping disquiet within her hinted that it wouldn't be good.

As if reflecting her mood, spots of rain started to fall. Bella resigned herself to going back indoors and for the moment, set aside her fears. She had practical things to deal with. The cold seemed to have sobered Edward up a little which made moving easier. As they stepped inside, they met Georgia, the small blonde girl from the kitchen. Bella knew that she and Edward had brought an inflatable bed and sleeping bags with them but didn't know where she was supposed to set them up. Georgia told her that the bedrooms had all been spoken for earlier, so everyone else was expected to crash somewhere downstairs. Bella thanked her and tugged a sleepy Edward to the sitting room. The moment she walked in, she knew she couldn't stay. It still smelled strongly of the bong, and some determined party stragglers were sleepily chatting and still drinking; clinging to the belief that the party wasn't over.

Then Bella remembered the games room next to the kitchen. It was a long, narrow sitting room with a table football game at one end and a settee and armchair opposite a large plasma TV at the other. When they got there, the seating already had occupants. Josh was poking out of the end of a sleeping bag on the armchair, snoring rhythmically. He looked comical. Something about his chubbiness and sandy-coloured hair and beard made him look like an abandoned teddy bear. Thea was stretched full length on the settee, facing the back, cocooned in a duvet. Bella encouraged Edward to sit on the floor and gave the table football a push. She found that it slid quite easily on the polished wood. Once it was against the wall, there was plenty of space for their inflatable bed. She fetched Edward a pint of water and left him sitting, dutifully drinking it. Then she took the car keys and went to get the sleeping stuff. Having brought it all back in, she unfolded the bed, attached the foot pump and left Edward to blow it up. Finally, she went off to find a bathroom to get changed.

She returned in soft, powder-blue pyjama shorts and vest top and watched Edward from the doorway. He was trying to operate the foot pump but kept slipping off and giggling and shushing himself noisily. Indoor camping with an inebriated boyfriend was turning out to be a complicated affair. Bella stepped in and took over. Once the bed was inflated, she zipped the sleeping bags together to make one big one; wanting the reassurance of Edward's body warmth to snuggle in to tonight. Then she helped Edward to strip down to his boxers, trying to ignore how good he looked semi-naked. He climbed into the sleeping bag clumsily, off balanced by the bounce of the bed and the alcohol in his system which set off another round of giggles and shushes. Eventually, he lay on his back and Bella slid in, tucked under his arm and placed one hand on his warm belly. With her mission of getting the two of them to bed accomplished, she allowed herself to go to sleep.

…

It was daylight when Bella awoke, all her anxieties temporarily pushed aside by the heavenly realisation that she was waking up in bed with Edward. She was lying on her side while Edward spooned her from behind. She looked over her shoulder at his beautiful face, so peaceful in sleep, and knew she couldn't disturb that lovely serenity. She turned back and breathed in the fresh chill of a new day. The sun threw a beam of light down into the room, and she watched the dust particles dance in it. One of the windows was open. A cold breeze wafted in, blowing the curtains aside, and Bella shivered. Instinctively, she wriggled back against Edward to keep warm. It was then that she felt his erection pressing against her bum through the soft layers of fabric.

"Are you trying to drive me insane?" whispered a voice in her ear.

He was awake and sounding a lot more sober. _Damn, he's good at pretending to be asleep!_

"Sorry" she said, rolling away.

"Hey, come here," he said, with one hand on her shoulder. "I didn't expect to find us sharing a sleeping bag, but I'm glad we are."

He rolled her on to her back and contemplated her for a while with his head propped up on his elbow. Smiling gently, he slowly stroked her cheek. Then his eyes seemed to darken from emerald to jade, his mouth fell open, and his breathing grew more intense.

He looked down the room to the other sleepers who seemed dead to the world, brought his mouth down to her ear and whispered, "How daring are you feeling? There's something I really want to try. Could you stay quiet?"

She nodded. His breath was still slightly boozy, but any distaste she felt at it was completely overridden by her excitement. Edward wanted to do something naughty with her, with his friends only metres away.

He kissed her cheek, her mouth and her neck and then reached one hand down into the sleeping bag and under her vest. As his hand smoothed its way up, her body trembled and tingled in its path. He gently kneaded her breast before bringing it back down with slow deliberation, over the slight mound of her belly. When he met her shorts, he traced a line over the material, to the top of her thighs, where he stopped and quirked a questioning eyebrow at her. She made no objection but bit her lip, determined to make no sound. It was all the permission he needed. He brought his hand up between her legs and fondled her through the material. He'd never gone there before. An erotic charge went through her. She was naked under the shorts and, as he teased, wetness began to seep through the cotton, but he seemed to like that. He rubbed her with greater intensity. Keeping silent was becoming quite a challenge, but despite that, Bella reached down, took his hand and placed it inside her waistband. He lifted his head.

"Are you sure?" he whispered.

It took all Bella's energy to focus on nodding as she fought to control her raging arousal. His fingers stroked inside and down, through the little oasis of soft pubes, before gliding down and up her wetness. Bella was all sensation as he explored the little folds. It was indulgently delicious. She closed her eyes, picturing those elegant fingers as they pleasured her. Then he slid one finger into her and she was hit by sudden inner electricity. A second finger followed, and with his thumb he rubbed her little nub of pleasure. She was filled by his fingers; she was lost in his touch. He was everything. She wanted him, she wanted him so. He placed his lips on hers and she kissed him breathily, fervently. He swallowed her moans as he manipulated her with expertise. A small squeak escaped her as she hit the peak of ecstasy and she gripped him. Warmth flowed over her. She gazed adoringly into his shining green eyes and gave a weak smile. He lay on his back and breathed in his fingers with a look of smug satisfaction. Snuggling under his arm, she stroked the soft hairs on his chest. As the heavy sweetness of fulfilment eased, it was only natural that she would want to reciprocate. Her strokes went lower, down to his stomach, where the hair was silkier and lower still, to the rim of his boxers.

"Tell me what to do," she whispered.

His hand stopped hers.

"I don't think so," he said

She was a little taken aback, "Why not?"

"Just 'no' OK?"

"Hmph…double standards!"

Edward chuckled, brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them. Bella resigned herself to cuddling into him and drifting off to sleep again.


	17. Chapter 17

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 17**

Bella, still semi-conscious, stretched one hand along the sleeping bag and found it disappointingly empty. Opening one eye, she was rewarded by the satisfying sight of Edward's gloriously muscular back, and she smiled lazily. There was even a tantalising glimpse of body-hugging, black boxers before they disappeared into a pair of jeans.

"Morning," she said, revelling in warm cosiness.

He turned his head as he buckled up.

"Morning Gorgeous," he answered, with a rakish grin.

He turned fully, came down to her on bended knee and kissed her forehead.

"Back in a while," he said, grabbing a T-shirt.

Then he stood and put it on as he walked away.

"Sleep well?" said a superior voice from the settee. A disgruntled Thea, in black pyjamas, was perched on the edge.

Bella was all politeness. "Very well thanks. You?"

"Yes, thank you," Thea responded, but the tone was clipped and frosty.

_Had she heard? _A small part of Bella hoped she had. Thea attempted a smile.

"Ed's sweet isn't he?" she said.

Bella nodded.

"Everyone loves him," Thea continued. It sounded accusatory as if she was going to follow it with "so don't keep him all to yourself," but she didn't. Instead, she said, "It must have been hard for you to be thrown into the middle of a bunch of strangers like this. We should keep in touch, make it easier next time."

Thea was the last person Bella expected to be nice to her. She had a feeling that Thea was up to something, but there was no way of knowing what. It reminded her of the expression, "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer". Although quite what it was that made Thea feel like the enemy, Bella had yet to find out.

She climbed out of the sleeping bag and pulled the plug on the blow-up bed. Looking down, she bit her lip at the thought of Edward's beautiful fingers. _Next time_ _we'll have a real bed_. She quickly packed their belongings into a neat pile and headed off to find a bathroom. Twenty minutes later, she had showered, dressed and returned to their little base-camp. Edward wasn't there. She wondered if he might have gone to the sitting room to be sociable, so she ventured off to find him. Most people seemed to have crashed in the sitting room overnight. It stank: a pungent mix of alcohol, perfume, fart and the residual smell of the bong. Bella scanned the scene. Some were still obliviously dozing and others were beginning to stir. Those who were up, plodded blearily back and forth to the kitchen and bathrooms in various states of undress.

"Where's my stuff, I'm not joking guys", one of the girls was whining.

Obviously no one here was a "morning person" with one exception. Ollie burst in through the door.

"Morning campers!" he bellowed.

He was met with a low level groan, a "Fuck off, Ollie" and a cushion aimed at his head.

He strode over to the window and flung it open, announcing, "That's better…stinks like a whore's fanny in here."

Bella left the pompous oaf to it and tried the kitchen.

Georgia, the little blonde helper from the night before, was seated at the chunky pine table with a mug in her hand. She smiled a greeting at Bella.

"Coffee?" she offered, already getting up to get it.

Bella smiled back, nodded and sat.

"Thanks.".

While they woke themselves up with a hit of caffeine, they got social niceties about sleeping well out of the way, but it wasn't what Bella really wanted to know. A sober Edward wouldn't be likely to tell her, but she had a few pieces of the puzzle already. Maybe it would be enough to find out more.

"So, Tanya's out in Africa now?" she said.

Georgia, as it turned out, didn't need a lot of prompting.

"Ed's cousin, yes. Odd, that. I thought they were supposed to go out together. I mean, if you're both going to start a medical degree at the same time, I guess it does make sense to do the work experience together. And six months is quite a long time."

Bella stared in shocked surprise, _Six months! _She was niggled, too_. Everyone knows more about this than me._

"Maybe there was a change of plan," Georgia continued, hastily. "You should ask Thea; she probably knows. She and Tanya are best buds."

_And there it is_ thoughtBella_. _ She was sure, now, that Thea only wanted to "keep in touch" to find out what she could about this upstart who'd scuppered Edward's plans to be on the other side of the world with her best friend.

"Thanks, I might do that", said Bella, aiming for nonchalant but desperate to have this out with Edward once and for all.

As she left the table, she winced at the grating squeak made by the heavy pine chair as it scraped against the floor. Nonchalant wasn't possible when you were so cack-handed.

Edward had, by now, returned to the TV room. Bella saw him facing away from her on the settee. She knew it was him from the back of his gleaming, tousled head, but he wasn't alone. A couple of guys were playing some computer game with him. He thrashed left and right, throwing his whole body into working the remote control; giggling, swearing and shouting with ease. This Edward seemed younger than the one she knew. She realised she had never seen him around male friends before this weekend and was pricked by that little stab of guilt again. Well, she wasn't going to barge in and spoil his fun. She quietly collected her coat and headed outside.

The garden was even more impressive in daylight: lush, green lawns, neat topiary and little areas of woodland. It was hard to accept she was actually a guest in a place like this. The rain had obviously been quite heavy overnight, and the stone-flagged terrace gleamed. She stepped out onto the sodden grass, and then thought better of it. The only shoes she had with her were canvas, and on her feet; they'd be soaked in no time. Fortunately, the paths were already drying in the sun. She followed them into the garden, needing space to think. Away from the house, her brain started ticking away. The bottom line was that Bella adored Edward. At times like that morning, in the sleeping bag, she felt cocooned in a perfect little Edward/Bella world where nothing else mattered. Outside the cocoon was a greater reality, one that involved Edward's needs. He needed to be with people like himself, he needed to take steps towards his future, and Bella seemed to be getting in the way of both. If he stayed with her, she would only hold him back.

The house was a hive of activity when she returned. She bumped, quite literally, into Edward as he hurried from the kitchen. He had donned a lightweight jacket and walking boots.

"There you are, Beautiful," he greeted with his dazzling smile, the smile that always had the power to make her heart skip a beat.

"You up for going for a walk? It will make us a bit later getting back."

"No problem," she replied.

It obviously was a problem. It wasn't that Bella didn't like walking; it was that the only shoes she had with her weren't even suitable for trimmed wet grass; but Edward was obviously keen. He was all geared up, ready to go and beaming enthusiastically. She couldn't deny him a bit more time to socialise with the friends he hadn't seen all summer. She determined not to make a fuss, but to resign herself to damp shoes for a couple of hours. Everyone seemed to be "up for going for a walk" and there was a flurry of activity as the group donned an assortment of coats, jumpers and jackets. There were plenty of oversized ethnic scarves in evidence, too, as if people thought they were about to brave desert sands. The thing that struck Bella most, though, was that everyone but her seemed to have come equipped with the right footwear. Once again, she felt like she'd been kept out of some loop. Did a get-together at these houses normally involve cross-country hiking? If it did, she couldn't help but blame Edward for not warning her. What with that and the whole Africa business, she realised, with some surprise, that she seemed to be finding fault with him for the second time that day.

It took a good deal of faffing to get the entire group to leave the house. As soon as one person came out, another went back in. Eventually, they all bundled out, crossed the gravel, went through the gate and off down a country path. She started out with Edward, but he was soon called by a group up ahead and, frustratingly, seemed to stay there. She looked around at the few people she'd had anything to do with, but they were all busily chatting to one another. Everyone, including Edward, seemed to have abandoned her. She wished her own friends were there. A few moments later, she spotted a large metal barrier up ahead and beyond it, a field with long grass. Bella prayed they weren't going through, but when the leaders opened it, it became apparent that they were. Deep down she knew that the plan was to go right across whatever the terrain had in store, and her heart sank.

Twenty minutes later, the walk was proving even more difficult than she'd anticipated. The long grass wasn't too bad, that just made her feet wet, but the fields had large patches of thick mud, too, that couldn't be avoided. When she wasn't slipping, the mud tried to suck the shoes off her feet with every step. It made walking hard work, and she was painfully aware that every step forward would have to be taken again to get back. She struggled and slid and cursed under her breath. Edward, oblivious, was still happily striding ahead. Then she noticed a small blonde turning and coming toward her. It was Georgia again.

"You OK?" she said.

"I'm fine," grumbled Bella, heaving her foot out of black goo.

"Pity you didn't bring walking boots," said the blonde.

Bella stopped and looked at her, filled with exasperated disbelief. She mentally counted to three.

"I'm fine," she insisted, as if having to spell it out, and focussed on the task in hand again.

It was bad enough being left behind and feeling ridiculous anyway, she didn't need it rubbing in.

Georgia shrugged and walked back to join the group. After that, Bella didn't talk to anyone, and they didn't talk to her until they arrived at their destination, which turned out to be a pub. They all tromped in: everyone else glowing with fresh air and exercise; Bella sweating and irritable. She found Edward at the bar.

"There you are," he said, "Right, my round. What's everyone drinking?"

"Beer," was the resounding chorus.

Bella touched his arm. She didn't want to cause a scene but was concerned.

"Are you having a beer too?" she asked.

"I thought I'd have a couple," he said casually.

He waved money around to try to get the bartender's attention, looking flushed from the walk and pleased with himself as if enjoying the opportunity to be generous.

She shook his arm, feeling like an annoying child asking a parent for sweets. "Won't that put you over the limit? You'll be driving later."

Still, he didn't look down.

"Not for ages yet."

The original plan had been to set off at 1:00pm. This little outing was already likely to delay them so Bella had thought they would be heading off as soon as the walk was over. "Ages" made it seem like she could be in for a long wait.

"Don't you still have alcohol in your system from last night?" she persisted.

"What are you, my Mother!" he snapped as if she was a buzzing fly.

"Trouble in paradise?" said the familiar loud voice of Ollie behind them.

_Dammit_, thought Bella, knowing she was causing a scene.

"Bella disapproves of me drinking and driving," said Edward.

"I think I'm with her on this one, Ed, you did have quite the skinful last night and were pretty bladdered."

"Fine," sulked Edward petulantly and ordered himself a coke.

As they rejoined the group, it didn't take them long to notice and start ribbing him about it. Once again, Bella felt like the party pooper. Why couldn't she be an irresponsible teenager like everyone else?

As she struggled back through the fields, she scowled. Not only did she feel uncomfortable around Edward's friends, but, much as she loved Edward, she didn't like him much when he was with them.

…

**EDWARD**

At 7:00pm Edward was looking for Bella. He'd eventually managed to drag himself away from Thea who had practically held him captive in the sitting room to nag him again about going to Africa. What with his father driving him nuts about it at home and Thea banging on about it here, he was getting pretty pissed off. What he did and when he did it was not up to other people. It was pointless them trying to change his mind; he'd already decided that he couldn't go yet. He wasn't prepared to leave Bella until her safety was guaranteed, and that wouldn't be until the bastard who'd attacked her was behind bars. He couldn't see the rush anyway; there was still plenty of time. Six months was still do-able, maybe just not do-able at the same as Tanya, but what did that matter? As a result of being detained by Thea, he had lost Bella again. In fact, he seemed to have spent much of the weekend snagging on people and losing Bella. He found her in the TV room. She looked sullen and bedraggled and seemed awfully muddy. Realisation dawned that he hadn't thought to mention about bringing walking boots; that wouldn't have put her in a good mood. Perhaps it would be better if he didn't say anything and just feigned ignorance. They ought to go home; it was already far later than he'd said they would set off. He had a feeling that he might be in the dog house and get the silent treatment all the way back.

He became aware of a little blonde head next to him and Georgia whispered, "How's it going?"

Edward put his finger to his lips and beckoned her silently to follow him. He led the way to the kitchen and leaned against the counter.

"Not great, I don't think," he said. "Why are there so many people here?"

"Ollie told them you were coming."

"Oh brilliant," said Edward, rolling his eyes.

"Well you can't blame them Ed, we haven't seen you in ages," protested Georgia. "Bella doesn't look very happy."

"No," said Edward with a gloomy shake of his head.

Georgia continued, "I did try and be friendly, honestly, but I don't think she likes me very much."

Edward was puzzled. How could Bella not like Georgia, she was sweet, everybody liked her.

The weekend hadn't gone quite the way he'd hoped. He'd really wanted Bella and his friends to get on. Sharing friends was one aspect of being together. He made an effort to like her friends, after all. The problem was, when his friends were with both of them, they focussed all their attention on him, and he wanted them to get to know Bella. He thought the answer would be to leave her alone with them, but it seemed to have backfired.

"We talked about Africa," said Georgia.

"Oh shit!"

"Sorry," she said, startled.

"What did you say to her?"

"Only what everyone knows."

"Oh shit," said Edward again.

...

**BELLA**

It had gone seven o'clock by the time they finally left Ollie's house, six hours after Edward had said they would. Bella sat in the car with her arms folded in a foul mood, but she soon realised it wasn't muddy shoes or being late that bothered her the most.

"Edward," she began, "this Africa business."

He looked over at her wearily with slightly dark rings under his eyes. He still had quite a long drive ahead, and she could see that the late-night boozing session was catching up with him, but this was too important to leave any longer.

"You should hurry up and go," she finished anxiously.

"Right, let's get one thing straight. I'll leave when the time is right. Now is not the right time. End of," said Edward.

Bella opened her mouth in protest but he held up his hand to stop her, "I mean it Bella; we are not discussing this."

As she sat back in her seat disgruntled, an insidious little voice in her head started up. _It's all your fault that Edward can't get on with his life. What do you think you're doing with Edward anyway? You're a boring nobody. He should be with someone like Tanya. It's all very well wanting him to be your equal in your world; you don't feel like an equal in his. You don't belong in his world. You never have. _

_Shut up! _Bella told the voice in her head, reluctant to acknowledge the uncomfortable truth.

She switched her thoughts, instead, to formulating a plan and became so engrossed that it was a surprise when Edward announced they were home.

"I'm sorry if you haven't enjoyed the weekend," said Edward.

He seemed to mean it. She kissed his cheek and went indoors.

Mum called out, "Good weekend honey?"

"Yes, thanks, but do you mind if I go to bed? I'm knackered," Bella said and then headed upstairs without waiting for an answer.

There were two parts to the plan. The first part was to find a way to make Edward go to Africa. As yet, she wasn't quite sure how to achieve that one. The second part just needed a bit of research. She sat on her bed with her laptop open and her heart thumping. One area of Bella's education, until recently, had been seriously neglected. It was time to put that to rights. How easy would it be, she wondered, to find Internet porn? Surprisingly easy, she discovered, and it really didn't leave anything to the imagination. If Edward was going away for six months, he would need a leaving present…Her.


	18. Chapter 18

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 18**

**BELLA**

"Jess is off sick," reported Angela at school the next morning.

It was a sign. Bella had three subjects to discuss with Angela. They all required privacy and they weren't for Jess's ears. She'd been wondering when there would be a chance to have a private chat; it looked like she wouldn't have to wait too long. At Bella's request, they found a remote part of the school playing-field in the lunch break, and she launched in. Subject one was "Africa" and how she could make Edward hurry up and go.

"How do you think he'll feel if you keep nagging?" asked Angela.

"He'll probably get angry."

"Well there you are, then, I'd leave it if I was you. Something is bound to turn up"

Subject two was "Edward's friends" and how Bella hadn't got on well with them.

"You don't know each other yet, it's a bit early to decide you don't like them," was the response.

The final subject was "sex" and how she was keen to get on and have it with Edward. She even admitted to her Internet homework.

Angela's eyes widened. "You've been watching porn?" she said.

Bella blushed, "I thought it was a good idea. I don't want to be completely clueless, and the only other time I went all the way, I wasn't exactly joining in."

"Fair enough," said Angela, "but don't assume that porn sex is the same as normal sex. I mean, there's a lot of faking it, and I don't think most men are as, well, big as porn stars."

Angela didn't need to say the word, for Bella to know what she meant. Bella had already given this some thought. It had been a bit of a shock to see the size of some of the penises, but none of the girls seemed to have a problem with them, and she knew Edward would be gentle. She decided to just be happy with whatever he had. After all, having sex with Edward meant a whole lot more to her than that. As for whether she'd enjoy it, she felt pretty certain that she would. She almost surprised herself at how nervous she didn't feel. And the one good thing about having already lost her virginity was that at least it would be less likely to hurt.

It was the right idea to share stuff with Angela – a true friend and a voice of reason – Bella always felt better for it. After the chat, she was a lot more relaxed and was still feeling that way when she got home. She dropped her school bag in the sitting room and wandered into the kitchen to check out the fridge for something tasty.

"Hi Darlin'," said a voice behind her.

Bella looked up from the fridge and smiled. Mum smiled back, yet something about her seemed off.

"Everything all right?" said Bella.

"Just got some things on my mind."

"OK."

Bella let it go, but by tea time, it was obvious that something was wrong. Mum stared at her plate but barely touched her food.

After ten minutes of pushing it pointlessly around the plate, she took a deep breath and said, "We need to talk…Mr Cullen asked to speak to me today. He's asked me to hand in my notice."

The food in Bella's stomach suddenly felt like an icy rock, heavy, cold and unwanted. She was, for a moment, was too shocked even to speak.

"He said it was nothing personal and that he'll give me a good reference. He even said he could help me to find another job, but it does mean we'll have to move again."

She looked anxiously at Bella as if to assess her reaction. Bella seemed to have lost all feeling and nodded dumbly. All at once, Mum reacted, leaving her seat and coming to Bella's aid. She pulled Bella's head to her belly and stroked her hair, protectively.

"I'm so sorry honey," she said, "I really thought we'd be able to stay longer this time and I know you and Edward have gotten real close."

"How long do we have?" croaked Bella

"A month."

Bella's head reeled. _A month!_ She realised, now, why she had felt so worried on the journey home; a small part of her had seen this coming. She knew the real reason Mum was being asked to leave. How would Bella feel if a son of hers was cutting himself off from his friends and giving up on his plans because of some girl? Not only that, but for a girl he couldn't possibly expect to have a future with. Bella knew she had to go and the sooner the better; then Edward could get his life back on track. That was the logical side of Bella's brain trying to reason with her heart, but her heart didn't want to listen. It was suddenly hit by the harsh reality of life without Edward. Her heart made the back of her eyes prick painfully and her chest feel as if it was in a vice. It pictured Edward's handsome face, the glint in his green eyes when he gave her his sexy smile and the way his face crinkled when he laughed. It felt the security of his arms and the sweetness of his kiss. She longed to entwine herself so closely with him that nothing could ever separate them again. She felt she was being wrenched from his arms like a small child from its mother. Then the tears started to flow. She blinked against them as she held Mum tightly. Renee hugged her daughter back.

"I know, honey, I know," she said.

…

Seeing Edward, over the next few days, was tough for Bella. It was impossible to completely hide the way she was truly feeling, but she amazed herself at how close she came. Edward seemed not to have been told, and she gained strength from wanting to protect his feelings. She only had a month to make the most of him and didn't want to spoil it by making him miserable too. He would find out soon enough. Somehow, she was finding a way to come to terms with the inevitable. They should try to fill their remaining time with wonderful memories. It made her keener than ever to make love; it was the most precious gift she could offer. Then she would leave, because it was the right thing to do and because she loved him.

**EDWARD**

Over the last few days, Bella had seemed distant and distracted. Edward panicked that the weekend had given her misgivings about being with him and that she was slipping through his fingers. He had to find a way to convince her that they were meant to be together. They had been growing more intimate with each other; that was a good sign. Maybe that was the way forward. Maybe by showing her how wonderful lovemaking could be between them, he could prove to her how right they were for each other. She couldn't leave him then.

When they arrived at school the next morning, she seemed reluctant to get out of the car, and Edward was just as reluctant to let her go. She gazed at him with an enchanting look in her eyes, and gently touched his face. Edward's desire to drive out of there with her and whisk her away to some secluded romantic spot was overwhelming, but then he felt like doing that most mornings. He hated leaving her at school. The time spent waiting until 3.30pm dragged by interminably, and some days he had to wait even longer. He hoped today wasn't going to be one of them.

"Do you have any commitments after school?" he asked.

"Nope, nothing."

That was a relief.

"Do you think you'll have homework?" he asked.

"Unlikely," she said.

He wasn't sure if it was the way she was looking at him or that he, for some reason, was feeling more than usually horny today, but it wasn't his brain that seemed in charge of his thinking right now. Her Mum would be at work this evening. That meant four hours of privacy. He couldn't help but think of the pleasure that could be had in four hours. By the time he went to fetch her from school, the thought had become a plan.

"Did you get homework after all?" he checked as he drove her back.

"Nothing that can't wait."

"OK, I need to nip home, but I'll see you at six."

Outside her cottage, he lingered over his kiss; one more taste to tide him over until later.

Back in his bathroom, he filled the bath and sank into the fresh smell and feel of horse chestnut scented foam, thinking about the evening ahead. Then he went over a final mental checklist that the plan was a good one. He'd waited so long; he didn't want to muck it up. _This is OK, isn't it? _He asked himself._ Or is it too soon? Am I being selfish? _He considered himself to have actually been very patient. It was, after all what he'd wanted to do from the first moment he'd seen her, and that had been weeks everything had been screwed up by what had happened to her. He honestly felt she was ready now, though, and this wasn't a one off, and it wasn't just about sex. He loved her, and this was one way to show her. He would do it right. Yes, he was sure. He reached for a razor. The good thing about steam was that it opened up the pores and made it easier to have a really close shave. With that done, he lay back in the bath and thought about her. It had the predictable effect so, before climbing out, he thought it best to relieve some pressure. He didn't want to rush things. Afterwards, he dried himself, dressed in jeans, one of her favourite shirts and a thin sweater and ran a hand over his chin. _As smooth as a baby's bum_. Before stepping through his bedroom door, he took one final glance at the bed. It would have been nice if it could have been there. He'd pictured her there often enough, but his parents were at home, it was impossible. In Bella's cottage, they had the place all to themselves. He grabbed a bite to eat and was back there at 6:00pm on the dot, arriving just as Bella's mum was leaving. The moment she had gone, he stepped inside, swept Bella up into his arms and kissing her fervently. She was delicious.

"Mmm…you smell wonderful, strawberries."

"Thanks, just had a bath." She nuzzled his neck and breathed him in, "You smell amazing."

"Thanks, just had a bath too."

They both paused as they looked deeply into each others eyes. The air was filled with promise as they shared the same thought.

"Bella…do you think we could -?"

"Yes," interrupted Bella

Edward gave a little laugh, "I haven't said what yet."

But Bella was serious, "Yes…now…yes…please."

Her eyes were earnest, her breathing quick and shallow. It was the right time.

Bella took him by the hand and led him upstairs to her bedroom. With fumbling, trembling fingers, she began to remove his clothing and he helped her while revelling, at long last, in removing hers. When they were both naked, they stood, hugging: warm, bare skin to warm, bare skin. She rested her cheek on his shoulder while he ran his hands through her silky hair and over her back. Her skin was wonderfully soft. Gratefully, he took her face in his hands and kissed the sweet ripeness of her lips. As their lips parted she sighed dreamily and pulled him to the bed. She sank onto it and he lay down with her, marvelling at the peachy whiteness of her skin and the smooth undulations of her body. Bella naked was perfection: her rounded breasts, her slender waist, her seductive thighs. He wanted to relish her, savour her. With one finger, he stroked the hair away from her shoulder and kissed it, then trailed his fingers along her collar bone and down between her breasts. She closed her eyes. He revelled in how she responded to him. As his fingers traced a decreasing circle round one breast towards the nipple; it puckered in response. He reached forward and slowly sucked it, and she arched, satisfyingly into him. It was like playing a particularly lovely piece of music, she responded exactly as he would have wished to his every touch. He stopped and lifted his head, just wanting a moment to gaze at her beauty. To his surprise, she opened her eyes, sat up and gently pushed him back. Had she changed her mind? No, she wanted to take the lead.

Her hand glided over his chest, down his arms and over his stomach, down and up his thighs, sending little tingles as she traced the contours of the muscles.

"I've never seen you naked before," she said. "You're so beautiful."

Edward smiled. _That's a good sign_ he thought. The idea of Bella seeing him fully naked for the first time had made him a little anxious. From what she'd told him, she hadn't even seen a penis in the flesh before, let alone an erect one, and he was pretty well endowed. Thankfully, she didn't seem scared but keen to explore. To his delight, she stroked his shaft, slipping down into his pubes and toying with his balls as if fascinated. He practically purred. It wasn't just a delight to watch her, the sensation of her slender little fingers dancing over him made his toes curl. He made the penis nod in appreciation, and she giggled. A dew drop of his juices formed at the tip, and she ran a finger over it and brought it to her lips to taste. _What the…! _ He could feel himself growing even harder. She shuffled down the bed, reached over and kissed his balls and then along the length. The sight was beyond erotic._ Could she really be doing this? _Then, to his astonishment, she licked the tip clean, took the base of the shaft in her hand, placed her hot mouth on him and started sucking up and down. _Jesus Christ!_ Where had she learned that?It felt fantastic but would have to stop now or he'd be coming down her throat, and he was supposed to be going for sweet and romantic.

Summoning enough will power from somewhere, he placed his hand firmly on her head and commanded, "Bella stop!"

She gently removed her mouth and looked at him quizzically. He cupped her chin.

"Your turn," he said, and she returned a shyly sensual smile.

Bella lay on her back alongside Edward as if luxuriating in the feel of the duvet. Her body called to him to caress and kiss, lick and suck. Wanting to taste and tease every part of her, he took his time. He kissed her lips, tantalizing her with his tongue, and kissed and licked her neck. He held the exquisite fullness of her breasts in his hands and adored them with his mouth. She ran her fingers though his hair and tugged as he sucked on the cherries of her nipples and made her moan with pleasure. His fingers roamed over her flawless skin. He stroked and nuzzled her warm belly and, fondled the soft cheeks of her pert little bum. It was adorable how she quivered at his touch. Her sighs made him feel like a king. She kissed and stroked in return. She cherished him as he cherished her. His fingers slid down and up her thighs and between them, over her wet sex. Suddenly, he wanted to taste her. There wasn't a lot of room on a single bed so he climbed off, reached his arms under her buttocks and eased her down the bed. Then he knelt at the foot, gently parted her legs, and positioned his head between them at her opening. She gripped his hair tightly. _This is going to_ _be fun_, thought Edward with glee. He exhaled warm breath onto her and placed the flat of his tongue against her folds. Then he slowly licked upwards, tasting her for the first time, she was delectable. She made tremulous little moans in response. _Yes,_ thought Edward proudly, _she is really going to like the next bit._ He took her clitoris into his mouth and played his tongue over it. Within seconds, her legs started to tremble but he managed to stop her, just in time.

"Not yet, my lovely," he said.

He held her briefly and then started again, sucking her clitoris, flicking his tongue over it and working his tongue into her folds. She tightened her grip and suddenly, frantically, was grasping at his jaw.

"I want you in me," she whispered, barely audible.

He slid his fingers in but she writhed and pushed them away and shook her head. He understood. The foil packet was at the ready. While she shuffled back up the bed, he got up, took the packet, tore it open and rolled the condom down over his erection. Climbing slowly back onto the bed, he covered her with his whole body, taking the weight on his elbows and paused briefly between her legs. Then, guiding himself carefully, he eased into her tight perfection. She wimpered and grabbed his back. Slowly and as gently as possible, he began to move. He was filling her, over and over, and, soon, she was meeting him, thrust for thrust. _Incredible!_ The best feeling in the world, he wanted it to last forever. As he lifted his head to look at her, her face, in ecstasy, glistening with sweat, told him she wanted this every bit as much as he did. He buried his face in her neck. The pressure was building. Everything inside him was holding on. He was a firework racing skyward, ready to burst. She held him, tight and trembling and came beautifully around him. He rode her through it. The world seemed to stop for a second, and then, with one glorious, buttock-clenching thrust, he exploded with pleasure into her. _Yes! Yes!_ shouted a voice in his head._ Fucking bloody amazing! _God, he loved this girl! It had never been like that before. Right here, between her thighs, was where he belonged. He would have to pull out far sooner than he wanted to because of the condom. It would be great when they could do without them. Withdrawing as carefully as he could, he unrolled the limp, soggy article and wrapped it in a tissue. Having taken care of it he could look to Bella. If she'd enjoyed it even half as much as he had, it had been a success. But horror washed over him when he saw the tears spilling onto her cheeks. Had he done something wrong? He didn't know what. Had he hurt her? Was she not ready after all? Had it brought back memories of being raped? _Selfish, stupid bastard_ he told himself.


	19. Chapter 19

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**_Authors note: I'm updating early this week as I won't be around this Sunday but I'll go back to Sunday updates after that_  
**

**CHAPTER 19**

**BELLA**

How Bella had known they would go all the way that night, she couldn't say, but as she'd lain in the bath, immersed in strawberry scented bubbles, she'd felt she was preparing her body as if wrapping a gift. She'd run the razor over her skin with slow and careful purpose. The ritual of it had been calming. If she was going to offer herself to the person she loved, she wanted it to be as perfect as possible. When Edward had returned, she was ready, so ready that when he began to ask permission, she'd found herself interrupting him, falling over her own words in her enthusiasm to say 'yes'. He had followed her upstairs to her bedroom, and there, they had undressed each other and stood naked, as equals. Until that moment, her fluttering excitement had been tinged with a sense of sadness for the parting that was to come, but when she'd held his warm, firm body, longing had begun to take over.

Lying with him, side by side on the bed, she'd been so lost in love and admiration that all thoughts of the future had been swept aside. Everything about him was so painfully handsome: the silky glory of his hair, his astonishing green eyes, his rosebud mouth and his exquisite jaw, his slim, perfectly-proportioned, muscular torso and strong arms, his toned thighs and elegant feet. He had begun by taking the lead, but she'd wanted to focus on him, to run her hand over every inch of him. His whole body was delicious to the touch, whether it was the satisfying hardness of his muscles or the delightful softness of his smooth chest hair. His penis, kept hidden from her till now, had been especially fascinating. It almost seemed to have a little character of its own. It was large, so she was grateful for the research she had put in; otherwise, it might have come as a bit of a shock. As it was, she'd admired how straight and proud it was and, when she'd touched it, it had felt extraordinarily smooth. He'd allowed her to explore. She'd wanted to stroke it, to pleasure it, to taste it. The guys on the videos seemed to like to be sucked, so she'd wanted to try that, too. She had taken him in as far down as she could and quite enjoyed it. The feeling of fullness in her mouth had been satisfying and the slightly salty taste of his wetness had made her wet as she'd imagined his pleasure. It had disappointed her, at first, when he'd stopped her; was she getting something wrong? No, it was her "turn".

The word had inflamed her desire and she'd offered herself to him to do with as he pleased. His tingling touch had gone everywhere on her this time. She'd been naked and free to be explored, and she'd revelled in it. Sensation after gorgeous sensation had flowed over her. The feel of Edward's tongue on her had been so exquisite, she'd felt she would burst. By the time he'd offered his fingers too, she hadn't known how she was holding on. It had been tempting to just give in to them and let her body do what it wanted; but this time, something else had been more important. She hadn't wanted to let go until she was filled by him, claimed by him. Her body had been so ready, and he had been so careful that when he'd entered her she'd felt complete. She wanted to be his forever. With every thrust, she'd inwardly declared her feelings, "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you," over and over.

She'd moved with him, adoring the feel of him. Then, suddenly, it had seemed as if she was teetering on a magnificent precipice and at any moment, could fall gloriously over. She'd allowed herself to fall, and ecstasy had coursed through her like a forest fire. _Oh God!_ He'd followed her. She'd met his last thrust and clung to him. The fit of him in her was so tight but so right, she'd wanted to hold him there and savour it. It had been a moment of perfect togetherness, but she'd been unprepared for the wave of emotion that would follow her release. It had hit her like a tsunami of misery, and nothing could have stopped the tears from flowing. He was her beautiful love and she was going to have to say goodbye. She didn't think the moment could have been more heartbreaking until she'd seen his pained and puzzled expression and felt even worse. She'd ruined everything.

…

"Just tell me, tell me what I've done wrong," he said quietly.

_Oh no, please no_, thought Bella. Edward wasn't to blame for anything; he couldn't have been more wonderful. She shook her head, desperate to speak but couldn't get beyond crying. She clutched at him, sobbing onto his perfect chest. Then she pulled away, angry with herself. Crying was self indulgent. Edward had to be told that her tears were not his fault. She took a deep breath, formed her love for him into a protective shell and crammed her feelings under it to gain control.

"You've done…nothing wrong. It was perfect…perfect," she said, forcing the sobs into submission.

Edward studied her face intently, fear still in his eyes.

"Then what?"

Bella really hadn't wanted to say anything, especially not now, but could see no way out of it. She just needed to buy some time to organise her thoughts.

"Can we get dressed?" she said.

They dressed on auto-pilot, looking away from each other, distracted. It seemed impossible that it was such a short time ago that they had undressed each other; when the air had been full of seduction, and undressing had been a kind of foreplay as they'd held each other's gaze.

Bella trudged wearily downstairs and wandered into the kitchen to make them each a mug of tea. Edward followed her and hovered in the kitchen doorway, uncertainly, until she beckoned him to join her at the table. She could feel how the delay tortured him, but she needed the time to summon up the courage to speak. It helped to not look at his face while she said it.

"Mum and I are leaving."

There was a pause. She dared to look at him. His brows were knotted as if he was having trouble understanding.

"Leaving?" he said, "What do you mean – 'Leaving'?"

Bella's heart was going nineteen to the dozen.

"We're going away. Mum's getting another job."

Edward still looked confused, but she could feel the anxiety rising in him as realisation began to dawn.

"To where?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly.

"When?"

"Just over three weeks."

"Three weeks! Three fucking weeks!" he exploded, nearly in tears.

Bella flinched.

"I thought she liked it here…why would she…?" He shook his head, unable to continue, made mute by incredulity.

Bella said nothing, not knowing what to say, trapped into silence with him.

Suddenly, he resolved, "I'll talk to her. I'm sure I can talk her out of it."

Panic rushed through Bella. She hadn't expected that.

"No!" she blurted out. "No, I don't want you to."

Instantly, it was clear. She had to go; it would be the best thing for Edward; he could get on with his life, but he couldn't be allowed to find out that his father was sending them away. The last thing she wanted was to cause a family feud on top of everything else.

"Then you speak to her…" he tried.

"No," she insisted. "It's better if I go." She tried to explain, "Then you can go to Africa."

"I can go to Africa some other time." He grabbed her firmly by the shoulders. "Listen to me…You can't go…I need you…I love you."

Bella felt she was drowning. Neither of them had spoken the words before, and now it was too late. _Don't start crying again, don't start crying again_, repeated the voice in Bella's head.

"It makes no difference," said Bella, holding on to the control.

But he wasn't listening. "This is ridiculous; none of it makes any sense. Don't you love me enough to want to stay?"

"Edward. I love you so much I'm willing to go," but she wasn't getting through to him. He stared at her, uncomprehending.

He didn't go before Mum came home, he never would, but he barely spoke for the rest of the time he was there. He seemed to fold in upon himself. Bella sat with him, holding him protectively. She wasn't surprised he had taken it badly; she knew how he felt. After he'd gone, she returned to her bedroom, the scene of their lovemaking, but all she could think of was his face when he'd seen her in tears. She so wished she hadn't had to tell him. His sweater lay on the floor from where it had been casually discarded. Picking it up, she clasped it to her chest and lay on the bed breathing in the smell of him. Everything had been mucked up. Now there were two of them painfully aware that it was all coming to an end.

…

The next day was Saturday. When Edward came to see her, he was quiet and withdrawn. Bella sat with him stroking his forehead, trying to stroke the frown lines away. It didn't work. She took his chin to turn his head toward her and kissed his lips, but he didn't return the kiss.

"Why are you not fighting this?" he asked accusingly.

Bella was taken aback; it was the last thing she expected him to say, and she couldn't think of a response. She got up and moved away from him, claiming she had things to get on with. One of those 'things' was preparing for Oxbridge. He still didn't know she was intending to apply and right now didn't seem to be a good time to tell him. If he convinced himself that she would be joining him and then she didn't get in, he'd be upset all over again. While she sat with her laptop at the kitchen table, he sat on her settee with his head in a book. It wasn't unusual for Edward to read when he came to the cottage, he knew she had to study. It was always a distraction, normally because he was a gorgeous temptation, but today she could see, out of the corner of one eye, that he wasn't reading. He was brooding, chewing the inside of his cheeks and holding the book in his hands with unseeing eyes. It was painful having him there. At any moment she expected him to speak and, when he did, it was the worst thing he could have said.

"I'll get father to talk to her. I'm sure he could persuade her to stay," he said, looking at her with hopeful enthusiasm.

Bella went cold. "No Edward, please don't say anything to him," she pleaded. "Promise me," she added, when she felt him wavering.

His eyes returned to the book. "Alright," he agreed grudgingly.

Bella watched him fold again, aware that she had crushed his last hope.

A little later…

"Have you tried talking her out of it?" he asked futilely.

"I don't want to."

He threw the book to the floor where it landed with a dull thud.

"Why?...Fucking stupid if you ask me," he spat.

After a while, he retrieved the book and returned to the settee, dropping onto it with a sigh. He pretended to read again and said nothing, but Bella was tormented by waiting for him to do so. She knew he was hurting and went over to him to caress his cheek, trying to offer a gentle reminder of their love, but he remained unresponsive to her touch, like a dressmaker's dummy.

Later that night, as she lay in bed, she mulled things over, trying to think of the best way forward. On paper, they still had time to enjoy each other, but it wouldn't be easy to focus on living in the moment. Every second they were together was a reminder of what they were losing. If they could both just accept the inevitable, it would be so much better. Bella felt she could and hoped that her quiet acceptance would lead by example, but so far, it seemed to be having the opposite effect. Edward was reading her acquiescence as a sign that she didn't care, but she didn't know what else to do. It was an impossible situation. She would have to try make him see that, ultimately, it was for the best; to show him that it made sense and to help him understand.

…

Ten days later, he didn't seem to be getting any closer to 'seeing that it made sense' or 'being understanding', at all. Instead, he was growing more and more difficult. He was more controlling than ever, too. The suggestion that she see Jake after school, one day, didn't go down at all well.

"You're wasting an evening that we could be together…with him!" he complained.

She tried to explain, "I want to say goodbye. He's been a good friend"

Edward fumed, swore and paced, but Bella stuck to her guns. She got her way in the end, but it was a hollow victory.

"Go, then, what the hell, see if I care," said Edward.

After ten days, school had become something of a godsend, a welcome relief from Edward. For most teenagers, school was an annoying interruption to their social life. Bella didn't have a social life, she had a sulking boyfriend. School also gave her the only opportunity to see Jess and Angela. Bella daren't suggest she see them outside school; Edward had kicked up enough of a fuss about her seeing Jake. Her school friends didn't yet know she was leaving. She couldn't face telling them; she had enough on her plate with Edward. It was so frustrating. They were both hurting, and she loved him, God how she loved him, but his constant sniping was spoiling the little bit of time they had left.

Of course Bella was desperately sad that they had to part, but she wasn't angry. Why could he not see beyond his own misery to the logic beneath? It was ironic, Bella had always seen him as the strong one, but perhaps she was stronger. One advantage of having been pushed from pillar to post all her life, was that it had given her coping strategies. She was used to surviving whatever life threw at her, picking herself up and starting over. It was a lesson Edward hadn't had to learn. His privileged upbringing, good looks and natural popularity meant that he was used to getting what he wanted. He had no idea how to deal with life when that didn't happen. It was as if wheels had been set in motion for a course of action he didn't want to take, and he thought he could stop it if he dug his heels in hard enough. Of course, it wouldn't stop anything; it would just make him look ridiculous for trying.

…

One evening, while mum was at work, they sat in the cottage together. Bella was in a, by now familiar, state of anxiety, and Edward sat like a sullen automaton, if automatons could ever be said to be sullen. The cottage felt suffocating; more like a prison than a love-nest. Bella was on top of her school work and just wanted to get free.

"Do you fancy going out?" she dared.

The last time she'd said anything like that, it had led to the ill-fated trip to the cinema. It was a risky strategy. She didn't need to worry.

"No," he said.

Of course he didn't. He never did want to go out. He didn't want to go out, didn't want to make out, didn't want to make love – he just wanted to mope. Every day, he took her to and from school, as always, and stayed with her every evening that she would otherwise be alone, but he'd grown cold and unfeeling, like a robotic bodyguard. It was torture.

There had to be a way to get through to him but in ten days she hadn't found one. She would do anything, anything. Kissing and caressing was met with little enthusiasm, and he didn't want to have full on sex. Was there anything else? There might be, something that the girls on the porn videos did that men seemed to like lot. From listening to girls at school talk, she got the impression that many of them had a problem with it. She could do that. It was worth a try.

She knelt down onto the floor, facing him, between his legs, as if in supplication. He watched her with a blank expression. Keeping her main focus on his eyes, she reached towards his crotch. Her hand tentatively stroked over the bulge in his jeans, and he permitted it. As she continued to stroke up and down, the bulge grew, and he reached his hand under his belt and inside to straighten himself. Still she stroked, and still he didn't stop her, so she went further, undoing the buckle of his belt and lowering his zip. He lifted slightly as she pulled the jeans and boxers down enough to free him. He was erect, that was a good sign. Slowly, she massaged him with her hand. Finally, still looking up at him, she placed her mouth on him and sucked him up and down as she had when they'd made love. This time he allowed her to keep going. Before long, his face began to tense with involuntary flinches. When he squeezed his eyes tightly shut, she shut hers too and braced herself. His thick creaminess came at her suddenly and was an effort to swallow without gagging. It didn't taste great, either, but she did it willingly. She gave one final, gentle suck and looked up at him hopefully. He said nothing but took a deep breath and looked away from her as if he was ashamed, pulling up his boxers and jeans and zipping up. She held back the tears for as long as it took to turn from him, feeling even more miserable. Against her best intentions, he'd turned it into something sad and sordid. Was this really the person who had made love to her so tenderly? It was pointless to dwell on it now. In no time she would be packed up and gone and Edward would be gone too, to the other side of the world.


	20. Chapter 20

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 20**

_**Author's note: This chapter is a sad one but you may have seen this coming. It is, after all, based on Twilight.**_

Bella and Edward sat in silence all the way to school the next morning. Once the car had stopped, his moody silence continued. Bella hesitated to leave, not wanting to abandon him to his misery, but what other option did she have? He suddenly scrabbled for his mobile and sent a hurried text, still ignoring her. Taking it as a sign that she was dismissed; she sighed and reached for the door handle.

"Stop," he commanded unexpectedly.

It arrested her attention. She turned to him, unsure if she was waiting for his next instruction or just waiting to see what he would do next. She was unprepared for what he actually did. He threw the mobile on the back seat and started up the car again. Before she knew what was happening, he was swinging the Porsche away from the school and speeding off down the road.

"Edward, what are you doing? Edward. Stop. Edward. Edward."

She wasn't getting through to him; he had zoned her out and was focussed fixedly on the road ahead. Something about him scared her. It became imperative to get his attention.

"What the hell are you playing at? Where are we going?" she yelled at him, "I have to go to school…Edward!"

She had no idea if even he knew what he was doing, but someone ought to at least be told where she was. She fished in her bag and pulled out her mobile.

"Put it away," he snapped.

"I need to text Mum. The school might phone her to ask where I am."

"I've already texted her."

That was something to hang on to. At least in the middle of this surreal, kidnap scenario, he was thinking logically. He was slowing to a safer speed now, too, slightly above the speed limit, normal for Edward.

"Can you tell me where we're going?" she ventured again.

"Away," was the only response he was prepared to give.

She resigned herself to sitting quietly and just going along with it. The car ate up mile after mile, along country roads and down the motorway. Despite being hugged by the soft leather of the seat she couldn't relax. She was too aware of her heart pounding and the tightness of her throat. Edward, like a man possessed, kept his eyes forward. Bella looked across at his familiar profile, but her focus wasn't on admiring his beauty today; today she barely recognised him. His jaw was set, his eyes blank and his mouth tight. Minutes turned into 2 hours. The scenery changed. Rolling, chalky hills appeared on either side of them, and the road steeply rose and fell before them.

As they crested the top of one hill, her eye was caught by the flash of a mirrored surface in the distance. She sat up, more attentive, and watched out for the flash, trying to figure out what it was. When they drew closer, it changed from mirror to sparkle, and Bella recognised it as the shimmering surface of the sea. By the looks of things, she was bunking off school for a day at the seaside. "A day at the seaside"– a phrase normally loaded with the promise of fun. For Bella, it conjured up happy memories of carefree and innocent holidays with Mum. She played it back in her head like an old home movie: paddling, chasing the waves back and forth; licking the drips from a giant whippy ice cream; determinedly popping a hot, salty chip in your mouth and blowing with your mouth open; redirecting the sea to a moat around your sandcastle; getting plastered in sun cream by a wind-swept, grinning Mum. Today couldn't have been more different. Today, the thought of driving toward the sea made Bella's insides knot. There was something worryingly unpredictable about Edward right now. She thought him capable of anything and prayed he wasn't thinking of driving them both off the end of a cliff.

He turned the car toward the town and down past a sign to 'The Beach'. Haltingly, she began to allow herself to breathe an inward sigh of relief and finally exhaled as he slowed to a halt along the esplanade. She waited.

"Why are we here?"

He shrugged.

Bella opened the car door and clambered out, feeling weak. Leaning on the car for support, she breathed in deeply. It was surprisingly cold. A chill wind whipped into her, making her shiver. She'd always loved the fresh salt tang of sea air and was relieved to be safely out of the car, but she wasn't properly dressed for a blowy October day on the coast. Jeans, t-shirt and a thin sweat shirt had been intended for inside a hot school. She looked around at the desolate scene of a seaside out of season. The pebbly beach was bleak and deserted. All the little kiosks that sold ice creams and buckets and spades along the promenade had been closed up for the winter. Paint peeled off everything, evidence of the harsh effects of salt air. In summer, it looked charming; in winter it just looked neglected. Edward sat in the car scowling as if he wasn't quite sure what to do next. The sea was rough; it threw petulant waves onto the shore and hissed as it sucked them back through the stones, as if echoing his mood.

Suddenly, he flung his door open, got out, and slammed it shut. He didn't address her but started to walk away, pointing his key over his shoulder to lock the car. Bella tentatively followed. About 20 metres along, he found a gap in the weather-beaten, metal rail and stepped through and down onto the shingle. He pulled the collar of his jacket up round his neck and hunched down into it. Then, with his hands rammed in his pockets, he stomped off, crunching his way determinedly across the shifting surface with Bella in tow. He kept parallel to the sea for quite a while, but eventually changed course and headed toward it. On the way, he bent down and picked up a couple of the pebbles. Stopping at the water's edge, he gazed out over the waves, as if the answer to his problems could be found there. He rolled the stones around in his palm, flexed his wrist and flicked expertly One stone flew across the water, caught it briefly, arched and then plopped ineffectually in. He grunted, pulled back his arm and threw the other as far as he could. For the next few minutes it seemed that the most important thing in the world to him was to find just the right stone and hurl it as far as possible. The last he tossed briefly in his palm, as if testing the weight, then he lobbed it with all his strength. Having vented some of his anger, he turned his back on the sea and walked away before dropping onto his backside. He hung his head, clearly utterly miserable. Bella sat a few feet from him and waited for a small eternity before he spoke.

"I don't want you to go," he said.

Bella had run out of ways to explain why it was necessary, so had given up trying.

"I know," she simply said.

'I don't want you to go' was beginning to sound like a mantra he had said it so many times, as if by repeating it he could change the outcome, but it wasn't going to change, it would just drive him crazy. She looked across at his perfect face. Tears were silently sliding down his cheeks. She had never seen him cry before. Her gut wrenched and sorrow flooded her heart. She had reduced this gorgeous, strong, confident, young man to a hurt little boy who couldn't understand what he had done wrong to be so severely punished. Everything in Bella wanted to throw her arms around him, to tell him she loved him more than she thought it possible to love anyone, but instinctively she felt that it would only make parting that much more painful. Instead she hugged herself, holding the love and the pain inside. The wind had dropped and the sea had calmed a little, 'Ssshhh, sigh, ssshhh' it said, as if trying to offer the solace Bella couldn't.

The longer she sat, the more the sea water permeated through the shingle and into her jeans. She shuddered but wasn't about to put personal comfort over Edward. Then it started to rain. The thought of Edward crying and sodden was too much to bear so she stood, held out her hand and led him to the nearest shelter, a small café on the other side of the road from the promenade. As she pushed open the door, it pinged to signal their arrival. The place was greasy and deserted except for the bored looking woman behind the counter and an old man sitting in one corner getting bits of toasted tea cake stuck in his beard.

"Do you want anything to eat?" asked Edward.

Bella shook her head.

He bought tea and they sat by the window watching the rain make tracks through the film of dirt, forming different lines but travelling ever downward. The rain seemed to echo the misery felt by both of them. Bella wasn't sure whether she appreciated nature's sympathy or whether it just made matters worse. She sipped her hot tea, forcing it down over the lump in her throat.

The door to the café pinged again as an elderly couple came in and ordered two hot chocolates. They were hunched over, and they sniffed with the cold, but Bella admired them coming out in this weather. The man held a chair out for the lady while she sat down; then he went to fetch their drinks. It was a sweet and caring gesture and seemed symbolic of a bygone era. He returned with thick china mugs and sat opposite his partner. They hugged their drinks and blew across the top, through the steam. They looked as if they'd been together for many years, had possibly raised a family together. There was something endearing about the thought of a love that had stood the test of time. It wasn't something she felt she could ever have with Edward.

"When you go, I might as well go to Africa straight away," he said unexpectedly, cutting into her thoughts.

"It makes sense," said Bella.

He leant forward. "When I get back to England, can I come and find you?" he asked.

It was a question he'd not put before and, at first, she didn't know how to answer it. She had no idea where she'd be living. _Was it right to force a long distance relationship on him? Was it right to expect him to come back to her at all? Ultimately, she wasn't the sort of girl he should be with_. As she looked into those glistening green eyes, she realised, with sickening certainty what she had to do; the thing she dreaded doing the most. She had to free him from the tangled emotional mess she had forced on him. Her face became an unfeeling mask.

"No, you can't," she answered flatly.

He seemed to rouse as if woken from a deep sleep. "But I have to see you again," he insisted.

"You don't 'have to' anything," she said irritably.

"But I want to see you again."

"You want. You want. You can't have everything you want."

The more Bella's lips moved, the more she hated herself, but she was on a roll, spurred on by the belief that she was doing the right thing. Her whole body went along with the act, her eyes narrowing; her voice snippy and superior.

He was getting riled. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Come on, Edward. You've got everything. You're stinking rich, clever and have you looked in a mirror recently?"

"None of that matters if I can't have you."

"So what if you want me? Maybe I don't want you," she forced her mouth to say, discovering where the expression 'lying through your teeth' came from.

"You're lying." He scanned her face, suspecting the truth.

"Am I?" She was and squirmed inwardly at her blatant lies. If he could have seen under the table, he could have discovered that she dug her nails into her palms to retain control, but to all outward appearances she was impassive.

"Get over yourself," she added.

"Bitch," he whispered.

It took everything in Bella to hold it together, but she'd done it, broken the link; achieved what she set out to. It felt like the worst day of her life. He got up and strode out of the café and back to the car. Neither of them spoke again the whole journey home. Bella couldn't have spoken anyway. Despair had tightened her throat and dried her mouth. Somehow she found the strength not to cry; it helped to stare fixedly out of the passenger window. He broke all speed limits to get back as if desperate to be rid of her.

Outside the cottage he said, "You still shouldn't be alone…You'd better go and see Jake or go to the kitchen with your Mum or something till you leave."

She nodded.

"Goodbye Bella," he said.

She couldn't look at him. She got out of the car, heard him drive away and managed to get the other side of the cottage door before letting out a keening wail as if someone she loved had died.

The next morning, Bella lay in bed in the dark. There should be no more day, the world had stopped. There was a hesitant knock on the door, and when she failed to answer, it opened anyway.

Renee's head appeared, "Hi hun. How you doing?" she said.

The prospect of doing anything at all felt like it would take too much effort so Bella just lay there.

"You're gonna have to go to school yunno," continued Renee, "Jessica will be here in half an hour."

Bella summoned up enough energy to look at her as if she'd gone crazy, but Renee was not about to be defeated. She walked over to the bed, pulled back the covers, grabbed Bella's hands and tugged to sit her up.

"Come on," she said. "Call it tough love."

When Renee had found Bella on her bed at 2:00pm the previous day, it had been obvious something was very wrong.

"Please go. Edward and I have split up," Bella had mumbled into the pillow, and Renee had closed the door obediently and left her to it, but Bella knew it was a temporary reprieve. There was no way Mum would allow her to wallow.

She stood in Bella's room, refusing to leave until Bella dragged herself out of bed. Even the idea of going to school was exhausting, but Renee had triggered an annoying voice in Bella's own head that insisted she get moving, so that was what she ended up doing just to shut it up. Everything, she knew, was going to be an effort because everything about her had gone numb, even her brain. _Getting ready for school_, she thought, _now what did that involve?_ She managed to dress and brush her teeth. She was sure there was normally more to it than that, but it would have to do.

Jess came to fetch her, chattering all the way. Bella sat in her car, inert, with no idea of what was being said. For the rest of the morning, she watched herself going through the motions of functioning, aware of nothing but a heavy dullness in the pit of her stomach while she thought about Edward. He had taken her words to heart, and while it saved her the pain of having to keep up the pretence, she was disappointed by how easily he had believed her. Could he really think, after all they'd shared, that her love was so fickle? Did he really believe she was that shallow?

At lunch time, Angela, Eric and Jess found her sitting zombified at a table in the canteen unable to eat the food on the tray in front of her. They joined her and insisted on knowing what was wrong. At long last, it seemed the right time to tell them that she was leaving; especially as she'd be gone in two weeks. As for breaking up with Edward, they may as well know that too, she had no energy for keeping secrets. It was a small comfort that Mike wasn't there, it wouldn't have helped to have him sitting there smirking at her news, as she felt sure he would have done.

Jess explained, "The bastard was cheating on me, soon kicked him to the kerb." "God, we're so gonna miss you," she went on, placing her hand on Bella's. "And pity about Edward. I know just how you feel….Boys, huh! Fuck 'em! Who needs em?" she added.

Bella couldn't help but feel that what Jess had had with Mike was a million miles away from what she had shared with Edward but recognised that, in her own inimitable way, Jess was trying to be helpful.

"Yeah, who needs 'em?" Bella echoed, "I'll miss you too."

Angela got out of her seat and came to her with her arms outstretched.

"Take care of yourself," she said, hugging her, "You will keep in touch, won't you?"

Bella hugged her back, "Try and stop me," she said.

She smiled at Eric who smiled shyly back before coming over to hug her, too.

All afternoon, it continued to be a struggle for Bella to find enthusiasm for anything. Then she remembered how, on that first day back at school, studying had helped her to turn her thoughts away from her own misery, so she poured every tiny ounce of energy into her lessons in the hope that it might help. After all, 'doing well at school' was all she had left. She had lost Edward and was about to lose her friends and her home once again. By the time school was over she was worn out. Jess took her home and Bella thanked her and trudged wearily in, dropping her bag and flopping into the armchair. She looked over at the settee; she couldn't sit there any more. It brought back too many memories. The sooner she could get away from this place, the better.


	21. Chapter 21

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 21**

_**Author's note: Sorry to have split E and B up but I promise to not keep them apart for longer than seems necessary  
**_

Was it only yesterday that Bella had broken up with Edward? It felt like a lifetime ago. She had spent the day trying to cope with school when she could barely function, and she was exhausted. Renee wandered into the sitting room and found her nearly asleep.

"Hi darlin'," Mum greeted with an affected cheeriness, putting on a brave front.

Bella opened one eye through a sleepy haze. Mum was moving about the sitting room with a duster. It wasn't a surprise. Despite the fact that they would be leaving soon, Mum would want to leave the place spick and span. It would have been so easy to have nodded off, but Mum was still talking and it seemed important to listen. Bella squeezed her eyes tightly shut and then forced them open.

"Guess what?" said Renee.

Bella couldn't guess, she was too weary to play guessing games.

"Mr Cullen has found a lovely little job for me with some apparently really good friends of his. It's only cleaning but very light, and I'll have the evenings and weekends free. And it comes with a flat."

Bella squinted at her, unimpressed. _What was she supposed to say? Good?_

"And you'll never guess…" continued Mum, "He's offered to help you when you go to Uni. He's said he'll not only pay your tuition fees but will add £3,000 a year to help with living expenses. Isn't that kind? I mean you could still get a grant for living allowances so you'd have no money worries."

Bella roused enough to glare at her. Mum hadn't done anything wrong, but Bella had to glare at someone.

"I don't want his rotten money," she said sulkily.

She wasn't stopping to consider the £12, 000 a year that it would save her, she was too busy feeling insulted. _Who the hell does Mr Cullen think he is?_ Just because she was poor, did he really think of her as some cheap whore who'd been keeping Edward amused and could now be paid off, or was this hush money to stop her from ever contacting him again?

Renee stopped dusting. She straightened and placed the duster on her hip, looking at Bella with exasperation.

"Ok, there's stupid and there's stupid," she said.

"Well, I don't want it. What? Does he think he can buy me off?"

"Can you hear yourself? He doesn't need to buy you off. We're already leaving. I don't know why he's doing it, but, whatever the reason, it's peanuts to a man like him but would make the world of difference to you. You'd have to be an idiot to refuse it."

"Maybe I'm an idiot," said Bella sulking back into a slump.

"You'd certainly look like one if you 'cut off your nose just to spite your face'," said Renee.

She turned her attention back to the furniture as if to say, "If I can't reason with you I may as well do something useful".

Bella huffed, heaved herself out of the armchair, picked up her bag and stomped off to her room. She didn't have the energy to argue, but to her annoyance, she was fully awake now and kept coming back to the possibility of accepting the offer after all. Maybe she should just take it and give it to charity or something. Even if she did decide to say "yes", though, she still didn't want to bump into him this evening; she would have to thank him, and right now it would stick in her throat. So, she went to see Jake.

Of all her friends, the hardest goodbye would be to him, which was why she hadn't yet brought herself to say it. She had leant on his strong, resilient friendship more times than she cared to admit and couldn't help but feel guilty that she'd never been much of a friend in return. Edward had enthralled her, excited her, frustrated her and broken her heart, but Jake simply welcomed her with open arms. She stood in his doorway feeling bedraggled and irritable, like a wet cat. The first thing she told him was that she needed a hug, and he wasted no time in wrapping his strong arms around her. Of course, he asked her what was wrong, and stupidly, she answered that she and Edward had split up. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she realised it was the wrong place to start.

"Poor you," he said, holding her close, but she could practically feel his hope leaping as he tried to give his best impression of disappointment.

"And Mum and I are leaving," she added.

He held her at arms length and studied her face with a furrowed brow, as if it would help him to take in the news. This time, his disappointment was genuine.

"When?...Why?" he asked

"Two weeks. We were asked to go, it's a long story. I'll tell you one day. Right now, I just need you to hold me."

He put one arm around her, more lightly this time, and led her indoors. She curled up next to him on his settee. He was there for her, as he had so often been before. Although it seemed unlikely that he and Edward would ever willingly speak to one another, she made him promise not to let on that leaving hadn't been her mum's choice. She looked up at him but he wasn't looking back; he seemed to be studying his thumbnails as he rubbed the ends together under her chin.

"Don't forget me," he said.

"Of course not," said Bella. "We'll stay in touch."

"People always say that and then you never see them again," he responded gloomily.

She reached up and stroked his cheek. "You're far too important for me to do that to you. You kept me sane."

"So, that's it then."

"I guess so," said Bella.

The creeping numbness that had plagued her all day started taking over again. It scared her a little. _Maybe I'd feel better if I could cry,_ she thought. _Crying was supposed to be cathartic, wasn't it?_ As she looked at Jake's dejected face, a tiny bit of emotion broke through. She welled up, and before she could do anything to stop it, the dam burst. She reached out to Jake, gripped him tightly and sobbed until the tears dried. When she had finished, she felt just as empty as she had before. The numbness was better, she realised; she wasn't ready to feel yet. Eventually, she let out a huge sigh as if forcing herself to keep breathing and became aware that Jake was stroking her hair.

"I pretty much told Edward, not to come and find me when he got back, that I never wanted to see him again," she said. "I thought it was the right thing to do. It is the right thing to do, isn't it?"

She searched his face for an answer.

He took his hand from her hair and placed his fingers over his mouth while he considered. "I'm sure it is," he mumbled through them.

It was a soul destroying thought. Bella realised that she'd been secretly hoping that he'd try to persuade her to change her mind.

**EDWARD**

The following day, Edward stood in his bedroom taking one last look around. It looked depressingly tidy. Two suitcases sat on the floor, a small one for the cabin and a monster one for the plane's hold. Most of the items had been suggested by the gap year organisers, and Edward had guessed the rest. One of the advantages of having originally planned to go out to Africa sooner was that all the practical things like inoculations had already been taken care of and any equipment bought months ago. If he was going to go, it was best he leave quickly. His father was right; with Bella leaving, there was nothing to keep him there, and the longer he delayed, the more he was tormented by reminders of her. When he'd walked past the cottage the previous evening, he'd come so close to knocking on her door that it was torture not to. His arms longed to hold her, his lips to kiss her, but he felt it would be wrong to torment either of them by going to her and pleading.

It still wasn't entirely clear why she was leaving. He suspected that his father might have had a hand in it, but whatever the reason, Edward recognised that it was he, himself, who had screwed things up so royally. It was too late to rescue them. Only now, when he had well and truly lost her, could he begin to see the possessive, antagonistic pain in the arse that he'd become. She had loved him once, he was sure of it. Maybe she still had feelings for him, but when she'd broken up with him, it was clear that she had had enough and would say anything to make him leave her alone. He should, at least, have the decency to do that. For the past two days he had lugged his misery around like a big rock in the pit of his stomach. It made everything hard work, but he would have to get used to it; he had a feeling it would be there for a long while. A taxi would be coming to take him to the airport in the morning, but there was one last job he needed to do before he went.

He needed to pay a visit to Jacob. He knocked on the door of the Black's cottage, and when it opened, Jacob stood filling the frame as if barring Edward from entering.

"Hi. OK if I come in?" said Edward, knowing that Jacob didn't have a choice.

Jacob stepped aside, and Edward walked into the sitting room.

"Can I…?" he said pointing to a chair.

Jacob shrugged.

"You don't like me much, do you?" said Edward as he sat down, but he didn't expect a reply. "It's OK," he continued, "I don't like me much at the moment…The thing is, I'm off tomorrow and I'm going to be the other side of the world for 6 months, and Bella will be gone in two weeks -"

"Yes," snapped Jacob, peevishly. It was clear that he blamed Edward for Bella's departure.

Edward became aware that he was twisting his hands nervously and tried to make himself stop.

"I don't know if she's said anything to you," he said with the tiniest glimmer of hope.

"She said she'd pretty much told you she never wanted to see you again," Jake threw at him, as if it was some kind of payback.

Edward's hope died. He squirmed uncomfortably in his seat and swallowed hard before continuing.

"Oh…in that case…" He paused, "OK, look, I'm gonna come right out with it…and I know it seems a bloomin' cheek to ask this but…are you likely to stay in touch with Bella".

"Wha..," began Jacob as if finding it hard to resist saying 'What business is it of yours?' but settled on, "Yes."

"Good, that's good," said Edward as if talking to himself. "The thing is, I'd like to…no, I need to know that she's OK. You see, I don't think she'd want to talk to me...so….would you mind if I got in touch with you every so often to see how she is? I'm not asking you to spy or anything, I just need to know that she's safe and well."

"If there was a problem, there wouldn't be much you could do about it from the other side of the world," said Jacob, with more than a hint of sarcasm.

"Well, obviously not, but if you could just let me know…, what do you think?"

"OK," relented Jacob with a sigh

"Are you sure?"

"I said OK," Jacob risked.

"Thanks, you've been a really good friend to her."

"Thanks," said Jacob wryly as if he was thinking _there's that word again, 'Friend'_. Edward had always suspected that Jacob would have given anything to have been more than a friend to Bella. But no, that honour had gone to Edward and he'd let it slip through his stupid fingers. He and Jacob exchanged e-mail addresses, and Edward left feeling slightly comforted that in the long months to come he'd at least be able to picture Bella being happy somewhere.

**BELLA**

Nearly two weeks later, Bella lay in bed trying to get to sleep. Since the last day she'd seen Edward, she had felt completely lost. It didn't help that she had been cut off from any news of him. Downstairs, Mum was still up, doing some final packing, so Bella went to join her to see if she could help. Mum was holding some kind of kitchen implement and moving from one box to another, checking labels.

"Do you know when Edward plans to go to Africa?" said Bella.

"Oh, he left about ten days ago," Renee answered absent-mindedly.

Bella stood in shock, feeling as if she had been opened up and had more of her insides yanked out. What more was there to take? Her heart had gone already.

Mum stopped and looked up. "Sorry, baby," she added as if suddenly realising.

"It's OK," said Bella with a dejected sigh and plodded back to bed.

It took her ages to get to sleep. She tried to get to grips with the idea that it definitely was all over, that he was long gone, and that she would never see him again. No sooner was she asleep when she awoke again and stumbled to the bathroom to be violently sick. Was it due to stress or was she coming down with something? For a split second, she panicked that she might be pregnant and did some quick calculations. No, she couldn't be, and a small part of her was almost disappointed. She probably just had a bug, but if so, she couldn't risk passing it on to school friends. It was frustrating; she only had one more day at school before the move, her last opportunity to say goodbye. When the alarm went off at 7:00am she felt washed out. She texted Jess to say she wouldn't want a lift and went back to sleep.

At 10:00am she got out her laptop to e-mail her goodbyes instead. E-mails like this were never easy to write, even though she'd written quite a few of them over the years. Despite knowing that she was procrastinating, she set about deleting the unwanted ones first. As usual, her Inbox had been infiltrated by SPAM that had slipped through the filter. 'Claim your £500 on Bingo Superplay,' said one. _No thanks_, thought Bella, _how stupid did these people think she was and how did they get hold of people's e-mail addresses_? Amongst the rubbish was a 'friend' request from Facebook from someone called Thea Morgan. Bella's first thought was to tick it for deletion too, but it was an unusual name and sounded oddly familiar, so she took a look at Thea's profile page.

_Oh, that Thea_ thought Bella, recognising her as the snooty girl from Ollie's party. Bella had not taken a liking to her, but she was a link, however remote, to Edward. Edward was in Africa with his cousin Tanya, and Tanya was Thea's best friend. It was clutching at straws, but it might give her some news, and right now, Bella would take anything. She accepted the 'friend' request and scanned Thea's page but could find nothing. Two hours later, Bella received another request, this time from Tanya herself. This might be more promising. Again, she accepted and opened up Tanya's page, hoping to find something about him there, maybe even a photo. Even if she were never to see Edward in person again, she felt a desperate need to know that he was OK, that he was well and happy, whatever he did with his life.

The shock of what greeted her made her irrationally angry. She wanted him to be happy? Well he was, it seemed, too damned happy. He was having fun, the bastard. It was a kick in the guts to see how quickly he seemed to be getting over her. There were photos and posts about him left right and centre: comments about how funny he was, how cute he was: photos of him in scrubs in the hospital, out drinking, and in particular, photos of him and Tanya together. She recognised Tanya as the stunning blonde from the cocktail party weeks before. _How could he_, but once the initial shock was over, Bella chided herself. _Do you want him to waste his life pining over you? No._ _Get it together, you stupid girl._ She should be happy for him. So, he was with Tanya now? Well, Tanya was a better match. Bella wouldn't have been surprised if they'd been promised at birth; she, herself, had just been a temporary aberration.

**EDWARD**

"Smile," said Tanya, holding her cheek against Edward's and her mobile out at arms length. He forced a smile, he wasn't going to be churlish, but he was beginning to get fed up with it already. He hoped she wasn't going to keep making a habit of this. Every time he saw her, she appeared to feel the need to record it on her phone. Of course he had expected to see her while he was in Tanzania, just not quite so much of her. She had a way of pouncing on him out of nowhere. He was glad she wasn't staying in the same house.

Edward had been in Africa for a little over a week. He thought back to how he'd felt on the day of his arrival. He'd been picked up from the airport and driven for two hours along dusty, bumpy roads to reach the home of his host family. It had been 8:00pm when they'd arrived, and found everywhere already in total blackout. He hadn't slept for the whole of the eleven-hour flight and had felt jet-lagged, weary and emotionally drained. The family had invited him in and asked him if he'd like to shower and use the bathroom. It had sounded just what he needed until he'd discovered that the toilet was a hole in the ground and the shower a bucket with a few inches of water and a cup. It hadn't helped that he'd had to use them while juggling a torch to try to see what he was doing. He'd been introduced to Dan, his roommate. It had been a surprise to learn that he'd be sharing a room; he'd never had to share a room in his life. His hosts had given him a meal of "ugali", a sort of porridge, and some kind of meat, in darkness and showed him where he'd be sleeping. That night, as he'd lain in bed, wondering what he'd let himself in for, he'd curled up into a foetal position, hugging himself and thought about Bella. Had he really lost her for this? It had better be bloody worth it! To his amazement, in the basic yet comfortable little bed, he had fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion.


	22. Chapter 22

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 22**

**EDWARD**

Edward stood in his bedroom holding a dog-eared A5 ring-binder filled with memories. He was packing again; this time, not for Africa but for Oxford. He had returned from Africa four months earlier. It had been an amazing experience, and he knew he would go back one day. Coming home, he'd felt as if he had left a piece of himself behind, which was ironic; while he'd been there, he'd felt as if he'd left a piece of himself at home, with Bella. In the end, he was grateful to her for pushing him to go. His only regret was that he didn't have her to come home to. Jake had kept his word about keeping him posted. She was doing OK, according to Jake, had settled in to a new home and a new school and had made friends; she had moved on. Edward couldn't hold it against her. Did she ever miss him? Jake never mentioned that she did, so he guessed not. Edward wanted her to miss him and wished he didn't; it was selfish. A day didn't go by when he didn't think of her. It wasn't just that his arms felt empty without her but that he missed having her to talk to. It made him painfully aware that he hadn't just lost his love; he'd lost his best friend.

He tucked the ring binder between soft clothing; it would be nice to read it again. He'd never intended to keep a diary about Africa, and he thought back to how it had come about.

On his first full day, out there, he'd woken surprisingly early to find that Dan had got up even earlier. In their brief chat over dinner the evening before, Edward had discovered that Dan was another medical volunteer who'd come over from the States. He'd been in Tanzania a few weeks already and offered to show Edward the ropes. After a breakfast of 'mandazi', fried, sweet bread, a bit like doughnuts, and tea, they'd caught the 'bus', a Toyota minivan, to the hospital. Shouting over the hubbub of voices, Dan had explained that the local bus system or 'dala-dala' consisted of hundreds of these dinky vehicles. They were crowded, hot and dusty; a million miles away from driving around in an air-conditioned Porsche. Edward and Dan had arrived at the hospital just before 8:00am where Edward had met up with some of the gap year organisers. They, in turn, had introduced him to some of the hospital staff, and it had been all systems go from there.

By 4:00pm Edward couldn't believe the experience he, as a pre-med student, had been offered on his first day. Within the first hour he had donned scrubs, and by the end of the day, had watched an appendectomy, a circumcision and a birth. He'd also been taught some basic examination skills such as checking blood pressure. Any fears he might have felt that volunteers would be viewed as an impediment to the work of real doctors and surgeons had soon been put to rest. They'd seemed keen to teach him so that he could become a genuinely useful part of the team as quickly as possible. There had been no time to stop and dwell on feelings. It was a luxury he couldn't afford when other people depended on him getting his act together and keeping up.

By the time he and Dan had left the hospital, his head had buzzed with everything he had seen and done but the fuzzy blur of fatigue had followed hard on its heels. Back in his host family's home, he'd flopped onto the bed gratefully, already beginning to think of it as a quiet and welcoming sanctuary, but to his amazement, Edward hadn't been able to sleep. Something had preyed on his mind, a desire to share his day. He'd had a brief chat with Dan about it on the journey back but still felt a sense of frustration. At dinner with the other volunteers, in a nearby bar, later, Tanya had homed in on him for the first time, and interrogated him, wanting to know every detail. I had irked him, but he'd felt some sense of obligation to be civil to her. She was his cousin, after all, albeit a distant one, (they shared a great, great, grandparent or something), but he'd never had a lot of time for her. She had far too big an opinion of herself for his liking.

"Are you going to post it on Facebook?" she'd asked.

He'd balked at the idea. _Why would I want all and sundry to read what I'm doing?_ It was only then that realisation had dawned. _There is only one person I really want to share this with, Bella - the only girl I've ever loved - and she never wants to see me again. _

The next morning, he'd resigned himself to having to keep schtum, but by the time he'd got back from the hospital, the overwhelming urge to share with Bella had still been there, threatening to eat away at him. Something had to be done about it. Unable to contact her, he'd done the next best thing; he'd picked up a new A5 note-pad and written:

_November 12th_

_Hi Bella_

_OK, this is crazy, I know. If you're never going to read this, I am, essentially, talking to an imaginary person. I don't care. If this is the nearest I can get to you, I'll take it. I've been thrown in at the deep end here. I'm sharing a room with a six foot/something American called Dan, the living definition of a cool dude, at the home of a warm and welcoming host family. Facilities are, well, basic, to say the least, but I'll manage. It's hot but not too bad, maybe that's because I've spent the hottest parts of the day indoors so far. I'm expecting to spend most of my volunteering time in the local hospital. I've been assigned all sorts of tasks and have seen quite a few operations already and it's only Day 2! Incredible! I'm even allowed to attend the ward round. The medical notes, fortunately, are written up in English, which is going to be a big help, and most of the doctors seem to speak good English, too. Dan has been here a while so has offered to show me round. It means he'll probably go home before I do which is a shame, he's great. _

_On the way back from the hospital today, Dan and I stopped off at the market where he showed me how to haggle for souvenirs. Haggling seems to be expected although I do feel a bit mean when the prices are so low anyway. In the evening, we went to a local sports bar and watched a game of cricket on TV. It reminded me of when you came to see me play; but then everything reminds me of you._

_Miss you so much. I still love you, Edward._

When he'd read it back, at the time, he'd been surprised at how casual it had sounded. It had barely hinted at the pain he'd truly felt. He'd told himself that it was deliberate. If the act of writing was supposed to be therapeutic, it wouldn't help to focus on how miserable he was without her. But part of him knew that underneath it all had been an instinctive urge to protect the feelings of imaginary Bella. It had been good to write to her, though, even if she was just a Bella in his mind's eye. Now, nearly a year later, as he took a break from packing, he flicked through some of the other entries in his 'diary'.

…

_November 20th_

_Hi Bella_

_I'm getting really fond of my host family and they seem to have taken me to their hearts as well as their home. There is a Mum, Dad and three children, two girls and a boy. The man's mother lives with them too. The girls are old enough for school but don't go and the boy is too young. The father, Amiri, is the only one who works outside the home, and he's the only one who seems to speak any English. Even then, it's only odd words, but it's surprising how well you can get by on gestures and smiles. _

_This morning, I donned a set of scrubs and rubber boots to watch a surgeon hammer and screw a pin into a man's leg to the tune of "Born to be Wild" coming from his mobile – bizarre! Then, this evening, I went to a social that had been organised for all the volunteers. They really are a cosmopolitan bunch – they've come from all corners of the globe, but we get on pretty well. I have to confess to having had a few too many beers and ended up trying my hand at Karaoke. What a muppet! I can picture you laughing at the thought, you'd be right to, I really can't sing!_

_Miss you, love you, Edward._

…

_January 5th _

_Hi Bella_

_I went on an outreach programme today; we set up a clinic in what felt like the middle of nowhere. Forty-eight Masai people came from all around. I had the chance to try out the little bit of Swahili that I've managed to pick up and received lots of approving smiles, but I'm not sure how well I was understood. I guess they just appreciated me trying. We carried out some basic health checks, which included testing children for malaria and HIV. It's hard for something like that not to affect you. We gave the kids a banana afterwards for being brave. It was sunset before we left._

_Miss you, love you, Edward._

…

_January 18th _

_Hi Bella_

_I was dead chuffed this morning. I was able to discuss with the doctors that one child's symptoms warranted a malaria test, while another's was probably just a case of dehydration. It made me realise how far I'd come in only a few weeks._

_I've been making plans today. I'll have a week off in a few weeks time, and a bunch of us aim to stay on after we've finished at the hospital for an extra couple of weeks to make the most of this beautiful country. There are loads of options, but the best suggestions are: going on safari to the Serengeti National Park, relaxing on the beach in Zanzibar, and climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. I want to do all of it! But if I'm going to climb a mountain, I'd better get into training!_

_Miss you, love you, Edward._

…

_January 20th _

_Hi Bella_

_I got up early and went for a jog with Dan this morning. It was a shock to the system. I've got so unfit. The local people thought we'd gone crazy but, after a little while, a couple of them joined us and some of the local kids cheered us on! I guess they thought we were in a race! _

_I was in the emergency room this morning, helping with wound cleaning and holding broken limbs in place as they were wrapped in plaster-of-paris. It's hard to describe how great it is to be so hands-on like this. _

_This evening we stayed in with our family. One of their relatives is getting married and Dan, me and a couple of other volunteers had been invited to join in with a pre-wedding send-off party. They pushed the boat out with food. I wonder what you'd think of fresh goat. It was OK._

_Miss you, love you, Edward._

…

_March 1st _

_Hi Bella_

_Oh my God! We made it! Today we arrived at the summit of Uhuru Peak on Mount Kilimanjaro. The porters must have breathed a sigh of relief. The poor sods had so much to carry. I don't know how they cope with that and the altitude. Used to it, I guess. They are completely unburdened now. I'm wearing most of the stuff they were carrying, but then it is bloody cold up here. Cold and cool all at the same time. I so wish I could show you the view. Unbelievable! The most spectacular thing I have ever laid eyes on. There's a giant, glacial cliff face, like an enormous frozen waterfall. Absolutely stunning! When I close my eyes I can picture you next to me, wrapped up in a thick quilted jacket with a fur hood, looking excited and happy. Dammit!_

_Miss you, love you, Edward._

…

_April 5th_

_Hi Bella_

_Tough day at the hospital today – when you get to a point when you can't do any more for someone it's hard not to feel useless, but when that's because of a lack of supplies and equipment it's so bloody frustrating. There are a lot of sick people and the hospitals are doing everything they can. Sometimes it's enough, sometimes it's not. You just have to remind yourself that despite all that; a lot of healing is taking place. You've got to admire the dedication of these doctors just getting on with it regardless._

_To add to it, the rain poured all day, but it's a tropical climate here and this is their rainy season. I thought about how it rained when I'd tried to run away with you to the seaside. What was I thinking? That had to have been the saddest day of my life. I still don't know why I just walked away. Why did I not get_ _down on my knees and beg you to forgive me, to take me back? Was I too proud or did I think it wouldn't have made a difference? I'd give anything right now if it meant I could be in your arms tonight._

_Miss you, love you, Edward._

…

Edward's eyes pricked as he read it, he still felt like that now. He skipped forward to the final entry:

…

_May 24th_

_Hi Bella_

_Well, I come home tomorrow. It's been the best preparation I could have had for Oxford. Everyone's been brilliant: the organisers, my host family and the other volunteers. I'm sure some of them will be friends for life. It's been knackering at times, most nights I was in bed by eight, but so rewarding. I'm more convinced than ever that I want to be a doctor. I've learned so much. I don't just mean about medical procedures, although that has been priceless, but other, more important things, too. The doctors here are amazing, they do so much with so little and they treat patients with a lot of care and respect, as if they're personal friends. There's a lot of poverty here, but people make the best of it. _

_They've taught me the importance of humility, of putting the needs of others first, of making the most of what you have rather than sulking about what you don't have. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I've grown up a lot since I've been out here. It's only now that I can see what an arrogant tit I used to be. I behaved like a selfish spoiled brat to you and will regret it for the rest of my life. I only wish there was some way I could tell you that I'm sorry. _

_Miss you, love you, Edward._

…

As he looked back on his diary entries, now, it occurred to him that he hadn't once mentioned Tanya. Why would he? He had no interest in Tanya, and her apparent interest in him was not something he wanted to share with Bella, even if she was just the Bella of his imagination. Tanya, unfortunately, was going to Oxford too. Edward hoped she would find someone there to take her fancy. He had been patient with her, hadn't wanted to snub her when they were part of the same team and miles away from home, but she was a bit full-on sometimes.

It had been nearly a year since he'd last seen real Bella. He pictured her packing; she was off to uni soon, too, although he didn't know which one. Jake had let slip that she was going in October. Most universities started in September. Was there a possibility that she would be going to Oxford, too, and that they would 'accidentally' meet? It was a fantasy, he knew that. Even if they did meet, what were the chances she would want anything to do with him? It was still a great dream, though.

**BELLA**

Bella surveyed the mess of clothing strewn over her bedroom, trying to decide what to pack. The rest of the room was barren and impersonal. What was the point of personalising somewhere when you weren't going to stay? _Decisions, decisions_, she thought, as if packing the wrong T-shirt would make an iota of difference. Some decisions mattered, some didn't. As she chewed the inside of her gums, the reality of what she was embarking on suddenly hit, and she wondered whether going to Cambridge University was such a good idea after all. The desire to go, she told herself, had been bourn out of the need to give her life purpose. Academic achievement was all she had left to live for, so she'd poured everything into it. The first goal had been to pass the Admissions Test; the second to achieve the A-level grades necessary to meet the conditional offer; the third to prove herself worthy of the place. Now, she wondered if she was just fooling herself. For years, constantly moving home had encouraged her to keep herself to herself. Then, in her last home, she had made the effort to put herself out there, to make friends, even to fall in love, and it had all been taken away from her. Maybe her focus on study was just an excuse for retreating back into her shell. Would Cambridge welcome a recluse?

Why Cambridge anyway? Cambridge represented the very world she'd told herself she didn't belong to, the reason she had cut herself off from Edward. Yet, now, she was walking right into the lion's den. Was she trying to prove something? Maybe, if she hadn't had such a big chip on her shoulder, she could have embraced Edward for what he was. Life without him was so empty. When Edward had left, he'd taken the sunshine with him: all the colour had drained from the world, food had lost its flavour and flowers their scent. Night-time had been the hardest. It was then that she'd felt the loss of him most keenly. Sometimes she'd awoken with a hopeless longing in her empty arms and cried herself back to sleep. Daytime had been easier. She'd had the distraction of study, and when the pain had threatened too much, she'd phoned or e-mailed Jake or Angela and poured out her feelings to them. Cutting herself off from Edward now seemed like the worst idea she'd ever had. She couldn't believe not only "how" but "why" she'd found the strength to do so. It was her fault he was with Tanya. From the look of Tanya's Facebook, things were obviously still going strong between them. In theory, Bella could have contacted him. She still had his phone number, but she had to stay away; she had no right to interfere.

**JAMES**

James lurked outside a night club in Oxford freezing his nuts off. The life of a drug-dealer certainly wasn't as glamorous as he'd thought it might be. He was waiting for a contact so that he could sell drugs to people with more money than sense. Business was a bit slow but would pick up in a day or so when the students arrived. Selling dodgy drugs to students felt like a kind of revenge in some ways, but the sweetest kind would be if he could pay back the two who had put him in this fucked up situation in the first place.


	23. Chapter 23

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 23**

**BELLA**

Bella scanned her surroundings, her eyes drifting from one element to another. She was familiarising herself with the space she would call "home" for her first year at Cambridge. There were a few basic pieces of furniture: a single bed, a wardrobe, a desk, a chair and a set of shelves. On the bed was a duvet and pillow in cellophane, cleaned and ready to use. It wasn't as posh as she'd expected; this was Cambridge, after all. Even the walls were basic. They didn't seem to have been finished off properly, but had been left as a kind of breeze block. There were a couple of posters in her luggage to decorate the place, but she couldn't imagine that any amount of blue tack would get them to stick. Here she was. She had jumped through hoops to get here - the law test, the interviews - but now she couldn't help but feel a little lost.

She had a distinct feeling of being at a crossroads. Would her intelligence allow her to fit right in to a place marked out by the calibre of its students? Or would the great class divide separate her from her peers? It didn't help her confidence that she'd practically been living like a hermit for a year. If this were any university, it would feel daunting; her social skills were so rusty. The fact that it was Cambridge just made it ten times worse. She considered phoning Jake or Angela, needing to reassure herself that it was possible for people to like her; she had made friends before.

Angela had given her some useful advice, "Make the bed early on. That way, if you go out, at least you have a bed to come back to."

It gave Bella something practical to focus on so she set about doing just that. She tore the protective cover off the pillow and duvet and found the bedding in one of the suitcases. The bedroom had already passed one test. It had been awarded the Mum seal-of-approval. Earlier, while Bella had hovered in the doorway, Renee had investigated it like an over-zealous detective: opening doors, pulling out drawers and pointing out useful features along the way. Finally, she had stood back and declared it spotless. Mum had seen the room, because she had travelled to Cambridge with Bella. There was no way Bella could have carried both ridiculously heavy suitcases on the train. Perhaps they wouldn't have weighed so much if she hadn't wanted to buy all her text books up front. Mum had gone now. When they had said goodbye, both had tried to give their best impression of cheery optimism, but both had welled up with tears. Each, in their own way, had felt the weight of the beginning of a whole new chapter in their lives.

Bella's room was in one of the multi-level blocks of concrete and glass that housed student flats. Each flat consisted of four bedrooms with a shared bathroom and kitchen. The accommodation blocks, by comparison to the main college building, were at once reassuring and disappointing. The main entrance sat in a great Tudor edifice, in a setting of perfect green lawns by the river. When Bella had come for her interview, the sight of it had been a shock. It had made her suspicious that she had been duped by the claim that the place welcomed students from a wide variety of backgrounds. _So these students…_thought Bella._ Did they range from the incredibly rich and upper-class to the not quite so rich and upper-class, or was it that their incredibly rich upper-class students came from all over the world?_ She listened to herself. There was that slimy little voice again. She'd heard it before, and couldn't help but notice that it had a lot in common with jealousy.

When Bella had finished making the bed, she straightened and braced herself for action without being entirely sure what the action might be. There was a knock on her door and she flinched.

Hesitantly, she called out, "Hello".

A small, pretty, round, girl's face framed by short, jet-black hair, peered round the edge of the door wearing an impish grin.

"Hi," it said in a tinkling voice. "I'm Alice, who are you?"

"Bella," answered Bella. "Hi."

"I'm in the room next door…So, for the next year you will be, quite literally, living next door to Alice," she said with a giggle. "I'm making coffee, want some?"

"Please,"

That was how friendships started, remembered Bella, it wasn't rocket science. Alice returned with the drinks, and Bella invited her in. Alice moved with the petite elegance of a dancer. She waltzed in and sat on the bed.

"What are you studying?" she asked.

"Law," said Bella.

"Ooh. Heavy. I'm 'French and English'…the course, that is."

It was as easy as that. In no time, the two girls were sharing. Alice talked nineteen-to-the-dozen with an infectious enthusiasm for everything. She made herself comfortable on the bed while she talked, leaning back on her elbows with her legs crossed. She swung her foot idly in front of her, slipping a ballet-style pump on and off her heel. Bella stood leaning on the desk, a little more awkwardly, but irresistibly warming to her new neighbour. Suddenly, the swinging foot stopped, and Alice sat bolt upright.

"We should go out," she announced with excitement, as if it was an original idea. "What do you prefer, pubs or nightclubs?"

Bella opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She'd never seen the inside of a nightclub and hadn't touched alcohol since Mike's party. Thinking quickly, she decided to go with "pub". A nightclub would mean getting dressed up, and she had no idea what people wore.

"I don't really drink, though," she thought it wise to admit.

"You don't drink," reiterated Alice seriously, as if Bella had stated that she didn't eat food.

"I had a bad experience with alcohol," Bella explained.

Alice smiled with relief. "Oh Lord, we've all been there. Don't worry if you overdo it. We'll look after you."

"We?"

"Yes, me and Jasper, my boyfriend. The best boyfriend in the world…Oh, hi gorgeous," she said, because the "best boyfriend in the world" had chosen just that moment to stick his head round the door, too.

"Thought I heard your voice," he said.

"This is Bella, my flat-mate. We're going to be great friends," declared Alice, as if it was a foregone conclusion.

"Hi Bella," he said with a grin.

Bella smiled shyly in return and invited him in, too.

Jasper had a handsome cheekiness about him, accentuated by deep dimples. They showed even more when he smiled, and he was obviously well aware of it. He, too, was of a slight build with soft cherubic curls. He stepped through the door and leant on the wall next to Alice. Alice seemed to throw a metaphorical rope both of them and take control. She planned their evening; they would all go out for pizza before hitting the pub. Jasper stood with his arms folded, but it wasn't a defensive gesture, it was as if he hugged himself with happiness as he gazed at Alice with adoration. He was under her spell; it was obvious why he let her boss him about, but why did Bella? Maybe it was because there was nothing arrogant about Alice. She took the lead because it was the natural thing for her to do. As a result, people instinctively followed; but there was more to it than that. Bella could immediately see that Alice was just what she needed to bring her into the land of the living.

"Wednesday's a good night to hit the town," said Jasper, offering his support to Alice's plan.

Bella was confused. Had social habits changed while she'd been in hiding? She thought people usually chose the weekend to go out.

Jasper explained, "There are three types of people in Cambridge: Tourists, Townies and Academics and they don't get on. Tourists clog the place up and get in everyone's way. Academics think they own the place and Townies think we're all spoilt and rich."

Bella felt a stab of embarrassment. Hadn't she thought the very same thing?

"Students, Townies and booze are a bad combination," continued Jasper. "So Townies go out Friday, Saturday and Sunday and students have the other days. Ergo, Wednesday night will be fine. It's not too much of a problem," he said, with an added twinkle in his already twinkling eyes. "On other nights we can still go to student bars, and they're cheaper than normal ones."

Having fulfilled his role as an invaluable source of information, Alice decided it was time for him to go. She shooed him away with an instruction to return in an hour.

"We girls need to get ready," she stated.

After he'd gone, Alice explained, "I know we are ready, but we haven't finished talking and it'll do him good to wait. I'll change my top and put on a bit of lippy."

Alice nipped out to go to her own room, and in no time at all, returned wearing the perfect combination of designer casual, but she brought her make-up back in with her. Bella watched as she expertly added a few delicate touches of make-up to her doe-eyed, china-doll face, making it look even prettier. With her mouth open, applying long sweeps with the mascara brush, she asked, as casually as someone with their mouth fixed open can, about Bella's relationship status. Bella had to admit that she wasn't with anyone. Alice twisted the lid back on the mascara and playfully raised her perfectly arched brows.

"We'll have to see what we can do about that."

She told Bella more about Jasper. They had been together for six months and had met through a mutual friend. Jasper was a year older but a newbie to Cambridge too. An old school friend of his, who had gone straight to Cambridge, had supplied Jasper with useful snippets of information about the place and Jasper had a habit of repeating it.

Alice fondly rolled her eyes. "He likes to share how knowledgeable he is."

At that moment, Jasper's cheeky head appeared round the door again, signalling his return.

"You really should try knocking, you know," chided Alice gently, but it was obvious that she absolutely adored him, too.

The three of them set off together at 7:00pm. They strolled across the grass, Jasper between the two girls, arm-in-arm with Alice, while Alice leant across him to talk. It became more difficult once they found themselves in the bustle of a vibrant city; the formation kept splitting up as they encountered other people. They also had to keep their wits about them to watch out for bicycles. Cyclists were everywhere, whizzing about with apparent abandon, not one of them wearing a cycle helmet. Bella herself had never learned to ride a bike, but this didn't look like the place to start – it obviously required a kamikaze spirit.

"So have you met anyone from your flat yet?" Alice shouted above the hubbub to ask Jasper.

"Only one, a guy called Edward, a med student."

Bella's heart jumped just at the mention of the name.

"He was originally going to go to Oxford," he continued, "but came over to the enemy instead. He seems a good guy."

"Is he good-looking?" said Alice, undiplomatically thinking aloud and glancing at Bella.

"Yes, I imagine girls would find him attractive. I can't see it myself, but then I don't play for that team."

Bella's mind raced, there were too many coincidences. Could it really be him?

The subject was soon dropped, but Bella had stopped listening, she could think of nothing else. As they wandered into the colourful, noisy warmth of the pizza place, the last thing on her mind was eating. She ordered a small pizza and struggled to cope with its heavy richness. Half way through, she gave up trying and abandoned it altogether.

"No wonder you're slim," said Alice, wolfing her own food. For someone so slight, she seemed to have a very healthy appetite. Maybe she had a portrait of a fat person in the attic.

After Pizza, they found a nearby pub, crowded with people of their own age. Jasper volunteered to get the drinks. He took some convincing that Bella only wanted a diet coke but caved eventually. While he queued, Bella and Alice tried to hold a conversation by cupping their hands over the other's ears and yelling.

"Shall we find somewhere quieter?" shouted Bella, through the din.

Alice nodded, waved to Jasper and pointed upstairs. He joined them about ten minutes later, carrying two drinks.

"Edward's got the other two," he said, holding his aloft. "I bumped into him in the queue. What are the chances?"

_Oh my God_, thought Bella, her heart really thumping now. Would this be the moment she had prayed for, for a whole year?

As the figure of Edward gradually came into view up the stairs, Bella's hope shrivelled away. He was tall and slim but rather too muscular. He moved stiffly rather than with an easy grace. He was blonde, rather than auburn. He was handsome in a clean-cut, sporty kind of way, but he wasn't beautiful. Bella did her best to smile and inwardly chided herself. Why was she making comparisons? It was ridiculous. It wasn't like she had a choice between this imposter and the original, anyway. The Edward she had known wasn't her Edward any more.

All the time they were in the pub, Bella had the distinct impression that Jasper and Alice were pushing her towards Edward. Maybe the encounter hadn't been so "chance" after all. Despite her initial disappointment, she found herself warming to his open and friendly manner. There was no spark with him, but Bella didn't think she would ever feel that with anyone again. After the pub, he walked back with them. He was good company, and back at her flat, he looked at her hopefully with unremarkable blue eyes and asked if he could see her again. Bella paused briefly and, almost to her own surprise, told him "OK". _Why not?_ She thought. It would make it easier than being a third wheel around Alice and Jasper and, as it said in the song, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with". Her Edward had moved on; maybe it was time she moved on, too. This Edward reached in for a kiss and she offered him a cheek.

"I like to take things slow," she offered by way of excuse, and he seemed happy to accept it.

"Can I call you Eddie?" she asked.

"Sure, he answered, looking pleased to have acquired a nickname already.

Bella felt a little guilty, it wasn't that she wanted him to have a pet name. He seemed like a nice enough guy, and he seemed intelligent, funny and good-looking, but he was no "Edward".

**JAMES**

"How much longer are we going to be" whined Vicky.

"Will you shut the fuck up!" retorted James.

He was beginning to think her not worth all the hassle after all. It had seemed like a good idea to start with. When you were on the run from the police, you had to avoid being seen in public, so you couldn't exactly go out and meet girls. He'd never had any interest in getting to know them, but he did have needs. If he was going to be dealing anyway, the obvious solution seemed to be to find a girl who needed what he had to offer - drugs. In return for keeping Vicky supplied for free, she offered sex on tap. The arrangement worked well at first, but she was getting greedier in her demands and never seemed to stop whingeing. Her habit wasn't doing her looks any favours either. He was going to have to see if he could swap her for someone else, but for now, he was stuck with her. James had never intended to go into drug dealing, he'd started out as more of a customer, but the need to stay hidden these days didn't leave him with a lot of options for making money

The students had arrived a few days earlier and James was back in his usual patch but stuck with a moaning bitch. _Women_! he thought, _they are nothing but trouble_. If it wasn't for a girl, Bella, he wouldn't be in this stupid situation. All he'd been doing was going about his own business when she'd come into his life. At the time, he'd had a simple but effective method to find a shag that had worked brilliantly: gatecrash a party, spot someone on their own, slip them something, have them. Then he'd spotted her on her own and had slipped her a 'G' with ease, perfect. Or at least it would have been if she hadn't gone off with someone else, not just anyone but some black wanker. Why it should piss him of quite as much as it did, he didn't know. Maybe it was because it had never happened before. He was so angry that he hadn't thought straight and had shoved a note into her bag. Classic rookie mistake, he knew now, never leave evidence. He'd even used her name. He didn't normally do names but had heard someone call her it so thought he might as well include it – he'd liked the idea that it might freak her out. He'd tried to find her at the party later but she seemed to have gone.

The sensible thing to do at that stage would have been to have forgotten her. Instead, he'd become obsessed with finishing what he'd started, by force if necessary, and he'd set about finding out where she lived. It had taken him a few weeks, and when he did find her, she was never on her own but was always with some posh bloke. That had really got to him. Leaving things on her step, he had to admit, was lame and also really stupid, yet more evidence, but it was enough to drive a man crazy. When he'd got her to himself at long last, he'd wanted to make the most of it. That had turned out to be his biggest mistake yet. He'd wasted so much time in talking to her that the posh boyfriend had put a stop to him again, and she had got a decent look at him, so would have been able to give a good description to the police. He should have worn a mask or something. Now there were two people who deserved punishment: her and the posh tit. He did go back, once, to try to find them, but they'd both left. No-one seemed to know where Bella had gone and the prick had fucked off abroad somewhere. One day, he vowed, he didn't know how, he'd get his own back. Just then a voice distracted his attention. Some pissed student was staggering out of a pub singing loudly. He was closely followed by someone obviously looking out for him.

"Come on you silly sod, let's get you back," said the someone, grabbing the drunk.

_Well I never_, thought James, as thoughts of vengeance warmed him through and through. What were the chances of seeing him here of all places? He recognised the minder; he'd seen him going in and out of Bella's cottage enough times. Pay back looked like a possibility after all, he just had to come up with the right plan.


	24. Chapter 24

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 24**

**BELLA**

Cambridge really was a beautiful city. Many of the buildings were old and fabulous. It had everything: gothic, ornate spires that reached towards the sky; Classical Greek columns; tiny, quaint tea shops; and quirky modern architecture. You could feel the history all around. For someone like Bella, with a love of history, it was inspiring. But, being a student at Cambridge didn't leave a lot of time for exploring, or for that matter, simply having fun. The academic terms were only eight weeks long, but you were expected to work your socks off. There was a saying, according to Jasper, that Cambridge students should expect to split their time into three equal parts. Two parts had to be spent on study. The other part, if they wished, could be spent on sleeping, but if they wanted any kind of social life, it had to come out of that third. Bella couldn't imagine how anyone found the time to take advantage of the myriad of clubs and societies that she'd seen on offer in Fresher's Week. So far, her social life revolved around the three friends she had made on day one. She had gone ahead with meeting up with Eddie again, and the two of them, with Alice and Jasper, had slipped into a natural group of four. They gelled pretty well: Bella and Eddie playing the straight counterpoint to Alice and Jasper's lively duo. As would have been expected, Alice was the self-appointed leader of the group. She planned their social calendar.

Today, she had them walking, arm in arm, toward the River Cam.

"Remind me why we're doing this again," said Bella.

"Cambridge tradition."

"In October?"

"Oh, come on Bella, where's your sense of adventure?" said Alice, hugging Bella to her side.

Three weeks earlier, when she'd arrived at Cambridge, Bella would have thought she probably didn't have a sense of adventure, but Alice seemed to be finding a way to tease one out of her. At first, Bella had felt unnerved by what was happening, as if an inexorable undercurrent was forcing her to swim, but their collective friendship buoyed her up. On every outing, Alice's confident reassurance that "it will be fun", had, so far, not been proved wrong. As a result, Bella was growing more daring. Sometimes, she allowed herself a drink, occasionally more than one. In fact, one night she had downed enough to be persuaded to get up on a karaoke stage with Alice. She'd joined in the "Ride, Sally, Ride" chorus of "Mustang Sally" while Jasper had posed and bellowed his way through the main tune. On another occasion, she'd agreed to go to a nightclub, grudgingly allowing Alice to dress her up like a tart so that she wouldn't look out of place. Bella had entered the club full of trepidation, but once inside the womb-like setting of darkness and deafening music, she had given herself over to the rhythm. By the end of the evening, she'd felt exhausted but elated. Most girls of Bella's age took such things for granted, but, to her, it was a big deal.

That morning, Alice had proposed that they give punting a try. It had to be one of her madder suggestions. Bella had often seen people punting on the river. A punt was a sort of long flat-bottomed boat. It was powered by someone being brave enough to stand on a platform at the back end and shove the boat forward by dropping a long, wooden pole into the water and, quite literally, pushing it against the river-bed. People who were good at punting made it look easy, but most seemed to weave ineffectually a hundred metres, or so, before it was time to bring the vessel back.

Now it was late October; the air was chilly and had the fresh, damp-leaf smell that made Bella think more about bonfires than being out on the river. Surely punting went with picnics, Pimms and sunshine. Weren't you supposed to lazily sit back with one hand trailing in the water watching your beau do all the work? In this weather, it seemed more likely that she'd be huddled in a fleece, hoping not to get wet. But what could she do? When Alice made up her mind about something, she was an unstoppable force.

As the four of them chatted their way along, Jasper interjected with some offerings from his bag of second-hand pearls of wisdom. They would need to decide beforehand, he informed them, which direction to punt in as there was a weir in the river that you couldn't punt over. One option was go along behind the colleges. This was the more interesting route, and the gravel surface of the river-bed gave a firmer surface to push against, but it meant facing the challenge of navigating under low bridges.

"People standing on the bridge often try to grab the pole when you're near it," warned Jasper.

The alternative was to head out toward the village of Granchester, which was quieter but muddier and where you were more likely to get the pole stuck. The majority vote went for the quieter route, and having paid for an hour's hire and a deposit, they climbed unsteadily into the punt. None of them had tried punting before, so Eddie and Jasper flipped a coin to see who would go first. Eddie lost, climbed bravely onto the platform and gave an experimental push. Incredibly, the punt moved in the right direction at first but then veered off to one side.

"You're supposed to steer it by using the pole as a kind of rudder as you pull it out," offered Jasper, helpfully.

"Give him a chance," scolded Alice, but Bella knew that she wasn't rescuing Eddie, she was rescuing Jasper, trying to steer him away from looking too much of a tit.

Jasper, as everyone knew, was only trying to be helpful. But, he seemed to have trouble registering that being a mine of information could make you come across as an insufferable know-it-all sometimes. Eddie ignored him, too pre-occupied with the task in hand. It was Bella who found herself mentally coming to Eddie's defence. _It's easy to know what you're supposed to do when you're not trying to do it. _She looked forward to when it would be Jasper's turn and secretly hoped he'd be just as useless.

Everyone settled into convenient positions. Alice and Jasper snuggled side by side in a double seat facing Eddie. Bella sat behind them, at the front of the boat and looked forward. She had found a small oar, so she knelt up on the wooden base and used the oar to row, feeling like an American Indian. It wasn't the official way to move the vessel. All the work was supposed to be done by the punter, but it enabled them to make progress and helped to disguise quite what a hash Eddie was making of things. She looked back over her shoulder to see him manfully doing his best. From the look of him, people might have thought he would be good at sports. He had a good physique, but that was because he was no stranger to the gym, he wasn't naturally sporty. He tottered on the platform looking like a toddler taking his first steps, struggling to maintain his balance with every rock of the boat. As he pushed with the pole, he hugged it as if clinging on to it for dear life, and then wrestled with it to extract it from the mud.

Bella smiled to herself, she was fond of Eddie. He was very likeable. He could be sweetly romantic, too, and she felt protective of him. He was the sort of person who was good to hug, although she hadn't yet been able to bring herself to give him a proper kiss. A chaste kiss on the cheek was OK, but the thought of kissing him passionately made her feel slightly sick as if it would be like committing incest. His kiss certainly didn't trigger that longing in her loins to take it further that she had once felt. The loss of the real Edward had killed all that, but she hoped that in the fullness of time, she could grow to feel more for Eddie.

About fifteen minutes and a hundred feet later, Eddie had grown tired of Jasper telling him how he should be doing things and insisted that they swap. The changeover was interesting. As they exchanged pole and positions, the punt rocked precariously. Bella gripped the sides with nervous anticipation. _How easy would it be to overturn one of these things?_ Having succeeded in the swap, Jasper took up his position with confidence, but to Bella's secret satisfaction, was no better at it.

"It's harder than it looks, isn't it?" he admitted, excusing himself.

Ten minutes later, he, too, had given up.

"Well, I guess it's up to us girls to show you how it's done, eh Bella?" said Alice.

"What? No!" said Bella, in alarm.

What was Alice saying? There was no way Bella could stand up there. She was hopeless at anything physical. She prayed that Alice was joking, but of course, Alice wasn't.

"Shall I go first?" she offered.

Bella nodded quickly and turned her attention back to rowing. Maybe if she looked busy, they would forget that she hadn't had a turn.

Alice stood and took the pole from Jasper with delicate confidence and held it while he staggered back to his seat. Then she climbed nimbly onto the platform and began. Alice was stronger than she looked and well co-ordinated; she took control as if she was born to punt. Bella looked over at her with the usual mixed feelings of admiration and envy. Alice was sweet, pretty, bright and capable. _Life must be so much easier when you're naturally good at everything. _She was so good, in fact, that it was at least twenty minutes before she announced that her arms were tired and held the pole out to Bella.

"Your turn."

All eyes were on Bella. This was the moment she had dreaded, but there was no chickening out now. She took hold of the pole and clambered onto the back. As she stood on the slippery surface, peering into the cold, black water, it seemed inevitable that she would end up in it. The big wooden pole was unwieldy and dripping wet. Somehow, she managed to manhandle the thing upright and allowed it to slide through her fingers into the water. It wasn't smooth, as she'd expected. The sides were rough, as if chewed by some rodent, from repeatedly scraping against the side of the boat. _Should she have worn gloves? Would she get splinters?_ The pole seemed to take forever before it hit the bottom, but once it was there Bella pushed gently, and incredibly, the punt moved just a little. She pulled it back up as quickly as possible.

"There ya go," said Alice, encouragingly.

A few tentative pushes and pulls later, Bella was beginning to grow more confident. Then she made the mistake of glancing at her watch, and it threw her into a state of panic. They were due back very soon and they were still some distance from the start. There wasn't time to play at this; she'd have to get the punt moving more quickly. She pushed against the pole far harder than before and pulled to retrieve it, and pulled and pulled. It was stuck. The punt continued to move, the pole didn't. For a split second, Bella couldn't let go, torn between her desire to not look a failure and the risk of falling in. Like any sane person, she let go. The boat drifted away leaving the pole sticking out of the water like a mocking wooden Excalibur. They headed, inevitably, toward the bank and into the long fronds of a weeping willow. Bella crouched to escape the clutching tentacles and braced herself for the bump as the punt ran aground. She looked across at Alice with exasperated annoyance.

"God, Bella, you're even more rubbish at this than the rest of us," said Alice with a complete lack of pretension.

There was a moment while everyone, including Bella, held their breath, expecting Bella to take offence. Suddenly, the absurdity of the situation hit her, and she burst out laughing. What was she getting in such a state about? No-one had died; no-one had even fallen in. Even if she had fallen in, she could swim, couldn't she? And what did it matter if the punt was a bit late back? They were having fun. Alice took the oar and everyone else used their hands to paddle back to retrieve the errant bit of wood.

…

A few days later, a Saturday, Bella found herself sitting patiently on the chair in Alice's room like a life-size doll for Alice to play with. Bella had already been made-up and was now having her hair curled. Make-up was a new addition to Bella's life. When she had first told Alice that she didn't wear any, the reaction was pretty similar to when she'd revealed that she didn't drink. It hadn't taken Alice long to put that to rights. Some of Bella's make-up had come from Alice's supplies, and the rest had been purchased following Alice's expert advice. It was the same with clothes. What hadn't been handed over had been suggested. It was like having your own personal design consultant, but Alice had good judgement. Her advice was worth taking. When Bella looked at the finished version of herself in a mirror she saw not a poor imitation of Alice but a better Bella.

Handing herself over to Alice's capable hands today left her free to think, and she soon started thinking aloud.

"Eddie's parents own a little corner shop," she said.

"That's nice," said Alice, unsure how else to respond.

She didn't understand. The fact that Eddie's parents were shopkeepers made an enormous difference to how Bella saw him. It meant that he was ordinary, like her, he wasn't rich or posh. He was at Cambridge simply because he was intelligent. She really was going to have to put more effort into this relationship.

That night the four of them were going to be heading out to a party at the student house of someone from Alice's course. Alice had been told she could bring a few friends so didn't think three was pushing the limit. Bella's track record with parties so far made the very word "party" fill her with dread, but maybe this would be the one to break the curse. It was Halloween so everyone was expected to dress up.

"I've got this French maid outfit," Alice had enthused.

Bella didn't want to know why.

"It'll look perfect on you."

"Er, thanks," said Bella. "But how exactly is a French maid's outfit "Halloween"?"

"Think "Rocky Horror"," answered Alice.

"OK," said Bella uncertainly.

"You have no idea what I'm talking about. Do you?"

"Not really."

"Seriously, Bella, sometimes I think you must have been hiding under a rock for the past few years."

Sometimes Bella felt the same. Only now was she emerging to discover not only a world of fun she didn't know existed but a new side to herself. If only she had discovered it earlier. Maybe if she had, she might not have become so tied up in knots trying to second guess Edward; so quick to judge what was and wasn't right for him but would have just enjoyed what she had. Edward, why was she thinking about Edward again? She should be thinking about Eddie, but Edward was never far from her thoughts. It always came back to him. Often, when she was going about the college, she would think she'd seen him, but she never had. It never would be him; it was too late now.

**EDWARD**

Edward sat in his car outside a student house in Cambridge, waiting to go into a Halloween party.

"Right, now for the finishing touch," said Tanya, from the passenger seat next to him.

"By "finishing touch" do you mean if I'm going to look a complete numpty, I might as well be in pain too?" Edward grumbled. "I've already let you talk me into a ridiculous outfit."

"We've been over this. It's fancy dress and Rosie will appreciate you putting in the effort. Now hold your head back, and let me put the contacts in."

Edward had already given the black contact lenses a try at home. If Tanya wanted him to look authentic, they certainly did the trick – the lenses not only gave him black eyes but made them bloodshot too! They were seriously uncomfortable, and to make matters worse, he could hardly see a thing with them in, but he wasn't a pussy. He resigned himself to putting up with them for the first hour, enough to show willing. After that, they were coming out! He looked a proper twit in his outfit: evening clothes, cape, black wig, fake blood and fangs. Hopefully, everyone else would look just as silly. Everyone except Tanya, that is. Tanya had gone for "vampire victim", so that they would make a pair. Essentially, she was just wearing a low cut, tight fitting, short dress with a couple of fetching bite marks in her neck. By comparison with what he had to tolerate, it seemed a bit of a cop out.

The drive from Oxford had taken a good couple of hours. It was inconvenient that Rosie had chosen to go to Cambridge, but this was her first house party, and it seemed only right to show support. Rosie was another member of the Cullen clan, one more closely related to Edward and a year younger. The Cullens had rallied round when she'd lost both parents in a car crash. As a result, Edward had seen her on a number of occasions and had developed a brotherly fondness for her – she was sweet. She had not only survived the trauma of bereavement but fulfilled her dream of getting to Cambridge, and everyone admired her achievement. Edward hadn't said he was coming, he'd thought it would be nice to surprise her. Tanya, who had never shown an interest in Rosie before, had insisted on coming with him. Edward knew it was only an excuse to spend time with him but could hardly say no, she was Rosie's relative, too. If only Tanya would get the message that he simply wasn't interested. After the party, he would have to sit her down and spell it out.

From the greeting that went up when the door to the party opened, their surprise arrival was a big success. Rosie greeted them enthusiastically with a high pitched "squeeeee". It was a pity Edward couldn't see well enough to appreciate the look on her face, but he could imagine it. She introduced him and Tanya to her friends. They declared themselves happy to meet each other, instantly forgot each other's names and made small-talk. About an hour after his arrival, Edward decided that enough was enough with the miserable little bits of plastic in his eyes. Surely it was only first impressions that counted at these do's, and he must have been introduced to everyone by now. Desperate to be rid of them, he licked his finger and poked around his eyeball. It was awful; trying to get them out proved to be even worse than wearing them. Eventually he got the little bastards and blinked furiously, trying to see again. As his eyesight returned, he realised that he was standing near the front door at the very moment that someone new was arriving, but there was no way he was putting the contacts back in. Through the flurry of greetings, a misty image, slowly became clearer. He thought he must be dreaming. It was a familiar sight, familiar at least in that he'd often pictured it in his sleep: the sight of a petite and pretty girl in a French maid's outfit, the girl of his dreams in more ways than one.

"Bella," he breathed.


	25. Chapter 25

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 25**

**EDWARD**

As he gazed at Bella, the noise and bustle of the party around them seemed to blur into nothing. The only person in the world that mattered, at that moment, was her. She glanced suspiciously in his direction, a response to being stared at. In his costume, of course, he would be unrecognisable, but he wanted her to see him. She looked at him with innocent, doe-like eyes and backed slightly as he walked toward her. Would she react like a deer and be startled away? He had to risk it.

"It's me," he said in an unhelpful croak. He cleared his throat. "Edward," he clarified, more loudly.

Her brow furrowed. "Edward?" Then, "Oh!" she gasped, as realisation hit.

For a moment, they had eyes only for each other. The Edward/Bella bubble started to re-form over them, holding them together against the world; except that the world wasn't ready to allow that to happen, it wanted to butt in. Tanya was prodding his arm, and some blonde guy had put his arm round Bella and was asking to be introduced. _Fuck it_, thought Edward, remembering that Jake had told him that she had a boyfriend. As an awareness of their surroundings rushed back in; his thoughts and feelings assailed him. _What shall I do? Chit-chat politely and then bow out gracefully to let the better man win? _The idea made him sick. _No, not bloody likely_. He knew what life was like without her, and this was the closest he'd come to her in a year. If he was lucky enough to have been given a second chance, he wasn't prepared to let it go without a fight.

He turned, briefly, toward Tanya, said, "Yeah?" and then immediately went back to Bella.

"How have you been?" he called out over the party music, holding his hand out to her.

She took his fingers lightly but flinched away when they touched as if receiving a shock. Her eyes widened, and she looked ready to flee at any second. He took her hand again and placed his other hand over the top, partly to calm her and partly because he didn't want to let it go. It must have had a calming effect. She seemed to collect herself. He resisted the urge to kiss the hand, too, for fear of embarrassing her, but kept hold. She allowed it as she tilted her head in the direction of each of the three people behind her. Doing battle with the party music, she forced her voice up a notch to answer.

"I've been…OK…This is Eddie, Alice and Jasper."

"Hi," said Edward, not really looking at them. Then, almost doing a double-take, he leaned in to her and added, with a hint of mockery, "Eddie? Really?"

"Yes, really," she stated, seeming suddenly more sure of herself.

She looked at him squarely as if daring him to make something of it. She obviously wasn't going to let him get away with taking the piss but still blushed slightly as if she was a child caught with her hand in a cookie jar. Standing there, defiantly, in her little French maid outfit; with dark curls framing her face, she looked like a naughty Victorian doll. She was as adorable as ever.

"This is Edward," she shouted to her companions. "He's an old friend."

The world "old" pricked his heart. Did "old" mean that he only belonged in the past?

"Hi," they all responded including Eddie, who held out his hand to shake Edward's with innocent enthusiasm.

_Dammit_, thought Edward. He was going to have to let go of Bella to shake hands with this dufus. Bella pulled her hand away, forcing him to show some manners. Edward took the hand being offered to him. It had the effect of bringing him to his senses. He suddenly became aware of how rudely he was ignoring Tanya. Trust Bella to find a way to steer him right. He turned to Tanya to introduce her and was surprised to find her eyeballing Bella with barely disguised fury.

"This is Bella," he offered, hesitantly.

"Mmm," was Tanya's initial response. "Pleased to meet you," she sounded out through gritted teeth, looking anything but.

At that moment, as if in reaction to some secret signal, there was a flurry of activity. Edward suddenly felt his arm yanked by Tanya. He resisted, at first, but she was hissing something at him in an urgent tone. He couldn't make out what she was saying, but whatever it was seemed to need his undivided attention and couldn't wait. He had no option but to follow but looked over his shoulder at Bella as he was pulled determinedly away. It left Bella's stunned and slightly offended group to go off in the other direction; and assorted party goers swept in to fill the void. When Tanya had eventually dragged him some distance, she stopped, and he waited patiently for the earth-shattering news, full of anxiety. Seconds ticked by painfully before she admitted that it was nothing. Edward was livid. Family or no, she was not going to scupper his golden opportunity. He wrenched away from her grasp and set off in search of Bella, fearful that she and her friends might have thought better of this party after all. Would she have told them about him? Would he have been painted as a villain? Weaving in and out of the crowd, he tried not to actually push anyone out of the way but found that people in conversation with a drink in one hand become strangely immovable. He kept a watchful eye out for Rosie. She was the only other person he really knew and therefore the only person likely to detain him. He couldn't risk it; finding Bella was the priority.

He eventually spotted her on the far side of the kitchen. Fortunately, she was on her own. She faced away from him and, surprisingly, appeared to pour herself a drink. That was new. It was a lot quieter in the kitchen and would make it easier to talk. _Right, don't cock this up, _he instructed himself_._ He stopped and regained control of his breathing but remained alert to her every move. Then he strolled over as casually as possible and stood behind her, close enough to smell her. She still smelled of strawberries. Was it a favourite product or was that her natural scent? As if she could sense him there, she turned slowly and raised her glass to him with a smile.

"Cheers," she offered, shamelessly.

"So, what brings you to Cambridge?" he chose as an uncontroversial opener.

"A Law degree."

"Oh you're a student here," he said, without thinking.

She bristled. "Yes," she enunciated.

Perhaps it wasn't a great opener after all_. Idiot! Now I've offended her_. He tried to rescue the situation but succeeded only in making matters worse.

"Law…Wow."

She wasn't going to be patronised either. She gave him an old fashioned look.

"Wow? This, coming from a med student..."

"You remembered."

He actually wasn't trying to change the subject. He was genuinely pleased.

She took the reins of the conversation from him, putting it into a safer pair of hands. "Yes. How about you, why are you here? I thought you went to Oxford. It's a long way to come for a party."

"It is and I did, I mean I do…go to Oxford, I mean." Nerves were making him incoherent. _Calm down and try again._ "Tanya and I are at Oxford together. We're both related to Rosie, who lives here, and we wanted to surprise her." He smiled, nervously.

"Oh?" she said with a slight lift in her voice and the flicker of a smile.

It gave him hope. He watched as she took a large sip from her wine, and he ran his teeth over his bottom lip, envying her glass.

"So, Tanya is…?" she queried.

"Yes…actually a distant cousin of mine….long story."

"Mm," Bella responded, the smile fading. She took a large gulp from her drink.

He moved as close to her as he dared and spoke into her hair. "I must speak to you again. Do you still have my number?"

He was close enough to feel the protest building inside her, but he wasn't going to let her finish any sentence that might begin with "no".

"Please… just consider it," he interjected.

She nodded minutely.

"Can I have your number?" he added.

He held his breath, waiting for her to say something and was relieved when it was, "Yes, I have a different number, now."

He already knew that. One night, drowning his sorrows, he'd given into the temptation to call the old one and regretted it. Now, he pulled out his phone, tweaked her details and handed it to her to enter the number, noticing how her fingers trembled while she tapped.

He had just put the mobile back in his pocket when her friends descended on her with a, "There you are."

He offered one last smile around the group and left them together, patting his pocket to make sure that the newly treasured phone was still safe. For the rest of the evening, he chatted and giggled with Rosie and did the rounds with her friends. He was still angry with Tanya's irrational dislike of Bella, and frustratingly, she refused to offer any explanation for it, but it wasn't enough to properly dampen his spirits. Tonight he carried a warm glow inside. He had seen Bella again, and she hadn't sent him packing.

**BELLA**

Given the number of times Bella had "seen" Edward, over the past year; or, at least, thought she had, it was ironic that when they actually stood face to face she didn't, at first, recognise him. But then Edward didn't normally look like this. The sightings that had made her heart skip a beat were of a glimpse of shining auburn hair, a slight swagger or a slim frame. This costume did a good job of disguising him. As he squinted at her, even his eyes, at first, didn't have the sparkling green clarity she was so used to. Then he spoke; she would have recognised those soft, honeyed tones anywhere and felt herself melting from within. It WAS him, here, in Cambridge. The moment she had feared and prayed for had come. Her carefully managed feelings had been thrown up in the air like a pack of cards, not least because she didn't know how he felt about her. Did he still have feelings for her; did he no longer care; or would he be bitter and resentful? She was lost and, yet, still utterly spellbound. For a moment, only he existed and when her fingers felt that familiar spark she nearly lost it. Then, as she grew more aware of the friends around her, she felt guilty that they had so quickly become invisible and knew she had to get it together. After all, one of those friends was officially her boyfriend. Edward had his girlfriend with him, too; it would be inappropriate to turn to jelly in front of them all. Her defensive auto-response kicked in and gave her the courage to introduce him. The Dracula outfit actually helped. If her first sight of him had been in all his natural, stunning glory, after all this time, she would not have been able to keep control. The slightly comical costume created a kind of safe distance between them.

They had barely spoken before he was whisked away, far too soon. _Was that to be it, her only contact, after all this time?_ Tanya had dragged him off. She was obviously furious, and it wasn't surprising. Although they'd never met, she would know what Bella looked like from her Facebook picture and must have known that Bella had been with Edward before her, through Thea. It would have come as a shock to find Bella in Cambridge. They may be "friends" on Facebook, but Bella used Facebook to follow other people, not to reveal what she did with her own life. Clearly, there was no way Tanya was going to put up with Edward reconnecting with an ex, and it wasn't unreasonable, she was his girlfriend. It was still a wrench to see him walk away with her, though. It was one thing to know that he was with someone else, even to see them together in photos, but this was rubbing it in. Bella needed a drink. She hadn't exactly gone from teetotal to drunkard. In truth, she was still a bit of a lightweight, but there were times when a drink really helped. In the kitchen she opened a new bottle, poured herself a glass of wine and downed it in one, then another and downed that too.

Alice had followed her in. "Hey steady on," she said. "Is everything OK?"

"I'm fine," said Bella. "You go, and I'll join you in a minute."

With the third drink in her hand, Bella was beginning to relax and feel a soothing fuzziness when she became aware of a presence behind her. It was a familiar sensation. His delicious smell sent disconcertingly warm tingles throughout her entire body.

She turned to him, made bold by the alcohol and said, "Cheers."

His closeness re-awakened every nerve ending. How could he do this to her so easily? He looked at her with eyes that peered into her very soul and she saw a longing that echoed her own. For a moment, she felt as if they had come together as real equals. They were, after all, both students at Oxbridge, but the class issue was still there and now there was Eddie and Tanya. It was bloody bad timing, but they were people who couldn't be ignored, people who would get hurt. For some strange reason, Bella felt the need to check that she hadn't made a mistake about Tanya. Why, she didn't know. It was obvious they were together, but she had to be sure. His answer wasn't helpful. It was a pity guys were so literal. "A distant cousin" wasn't exactly the information she was looking for, but she had used enough courage asking the first time, it was hard to ask again. That probably would have been that if he hadn't come so close. Try as she might to resist, she was under his spell. _Phone number? Yes. Take it, take it all_. Then he was gone again, and a little part of her went with him.

She saw little of him after that, mainly because she avoided him. With Eddie and Tanya there, gazing at Edward wouldn't have looked very subtle. Bella and her friends left the party early, just after 1:00am. She swapped her party shoes for fold-up flatties and trudged, wearily, back to the halls with Eddie by her side. Alice and Jasper followed on behind, seemingly well oiled. They swayed into each other as they manoeuvred the tricky terrain of public paths. Once the girls were safely back at their flat, Eddie left to help Jasper back to theirs.

Bella turned the key to her bedroom door and wandered in, pushing the door closed behind her and yawning. There was the familiar click but followed by a light knock. _Oh no_, thought Bella, _Alice doesn't need help while she throws up. Does she? _

She went back to the door and opened it to find a far more sober Alice than she was expecting, arms folded, leaning on the wall saying, "Who is he, then?"

"Who?" said Bella but, from the look Alice gave her she knew it was pointless trying to play the innocent. "Edward," she admitted, allowing the door to swing fully open.

Alice quirked one eyebrow. "Seriously? Do you, like, have a thing about the name?"

"Don't you start. He's my ex"

Bella turned and went back into her room. Alice flipped the door shut and followed. She threw a sympathetic arm around Bella.

"Awwww – why did he break up with you?"

Bella pulled away indignantly. "No, I broke up with him." For someone claiming to lack self confidence, she was surprisingly irritated.

Alice looked at her with a complete lack of understanding. It was late, and Bella was beginning to get a slight headache, but Alice clearly wasn't going away without a satisfactory explanation so Bella set about offering one. She dropped onto the bed and Alice sat with her, waiting with baited breath.

"OK," said Bella. "The thing is…he's posh and rich."

"I'm posh and rich."

"Are you!" Bella exclaimed without thinking.

Bella never considered Alice in relation to class; she was just "Alice". The news was a revelation, but she immediately dismissed it.

Alice was affronted. "What are you, some kind of inverted snob?"

"No," protested Bella, fearing that she might be. "It's different, you're a friend and Edward, well….I loved Edward."

"And….?"

"And he's sweet, gorgeous, funny, popular and good at everything."

Alice listened to the words intently, waiting for the "catch" which didn't come. "Is he stupid?" she asked, trying to think of one tick box that hadn't been checked.

"Far from it"

Alice looked puzzled. "Right….Failing to see the problem here Bella. So far, you're only selling him to me."

Why was she making this so difficult?

"Don't you get it?" Bella exclaimed. "He's everything I'm not."

"In your eyes, maybe, but not in his. He looked at you like he was crazy about you, and from the way you looked at him, I'd say the feeling was mutual. You've never looked at Eddie that way."

"Yes, but that's another problem," insisted Bella. "He has a girlfriend, and what about Eddie?"

"Sorry, but fuck Eddie - although I'm guessing you haven't – what about what you want?"

Alice slowly smiled and her voice lowered. "Talking of fuck did you ever…with this Edward?" The quirked eyebrow and little lip twitch said it all.

"Once," admitted Bella.

Alice continued in an eager whisper. "And how was it?"

"Amazing," said Bella gloomily.

Alice stared at her with exasperated pity and shook her head.

"Yunno Bella, for an intelligent girl you're really stupid sometimes. Just go for it."

Alice hugged her and left; she had her answer. Bella had thought she had all the answers, but now she wasn't so sure. Was she stupid? She pulled out her phone. _Dare she call him?_ Maybe, she could just text and say something non-committal like "Hi". Her moral nature tried to make a stand. She'd resisted contacting him for a whole year because of Tanya and what about Eddie? Was she going to abandon morality now for the sake of a "Hi"? It might be the dumbest thing she could do. But she had also learned from Alice that sometimes, when you "just went for it", "it" turned out to be for the best. While Bella thought it through, she sought Edward's name from her list of contacts and entered the letters "H" and "i". It was OK; it wasn't committing to anything…but "send" was so easy after that.

**EDWARD **

Edward lay in a sleeping bag on the floor of an upstairs room at Rosie's place. Wanting to be alone with his thoughts, he had crashed for the evening despite the party still going strong on the floor below. He remembered the time he'd shared a sleeping bag with Bella and wished she were here with him right now. As he weighed his phone in his palm, he wondered how inappropriate it would be to text her. At that moment, his phone vibrated to signal that he'd received one.

It said "Hi" – just "Hi", but it was from her. He snuggled into the quilted cushioning and replied

_- Hi back_

There was no response for a while. He decided to risk what he'd wanted to say all evening.

_- Can I tell you something?_

_- What?_

_- You look really hot in a French maid outfit._

The wait was agonising. Had he gone too far?

_- You shouldn't talk to me like that when you have a girlfriend._

_- What gf?_

_- Tanya._

_- She's family. I don't have a gf_

He mentally kicked himself. The thought hadn't occurred to him, before, that turning up with a girl on his arm might not have been the best way of meeting Bella again. It wasn't surprising that she'd got the wrong idea.

_- I'm sleepy. Sweet dreams_ said her final text.

_- You too_ he responded. He kissed the phone and closed his eyes.


	26. Chapter 26

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 26**

**BELLA**

Bella stared at the phone in her hand and read the words again._ "I don't have a gf". _That WAS what it said, wasn't it? She read it again a few more times to be sure. Her thoughts ran away with her. Was it true? He didn't have a girlfriend? She just knew it was. He didn't have a girlfriend! He wasn't with Tanya; he was free! Her heart, soul and body jumped for joy - they couldn't wait to see him again, to relive the smell of him, the feel of him and to simply revel in his company. Her head, on the other hand, was all over the place. She couldn't make assumptions, couldn't get ahead of herself. Nothing was certain and yet spoken words vied for attention in her brain. Edward: "I must speak to you again". Alice: "he looked at you like he was crazy about you". Questions assailed her. Could she really have him back in her life? What would that mean? Would he be a casual acquaintance, a friend, a lover, a boyfriend? What about the class difference? Could he accept a long distance relationship? Could she cope with that, when free time at Cambridge was so scarce? She wanted to shout at it all, "SHUT UP!"

She took a deep breath. _OK, one thing at a time_. If Tanya wasn't his girlfriend, how had Bella got the wrong end of the…? She didn't need to finish the thought. Like someone slow to get the punch line, she suddenly understood with absolute clarity and felt ridiculous for not seeing it before. Tanya, a girl she'd never met, had sent her a friend request from Facebook only days after Edward had arrived in Africa. Bella had been so desperate for news of him that she'd never once questioned that Tanya might have an ulterior motive. The incontrovertible evidence that Bella had based her beliefs on had turned out to be nothing but smoke and mirrors. Tanya obviously had designs on Edward herself and, by leading Bella astray, had ensured that her rival stayed out of the picture. It was no wonder that she had been so furious to see Bella at the party.

Bella curled up on the bed, tired but buzzing with too much emotion to think straight. She eventually fell asleep at 4:00am when her body could no longer physically prevent it. Her brain, frustratingly unresolved, still ticked over in her dreams, presenting her with one tableau tumbling after another. In one fell swoop, her future had been deflected from its clear and certain path, and she wasn't sure which way to go from here.

At 8:00am she was awake again, her mind racing before her eyes opened. Her first thought was that Edward might be awake too and may already have sent her another text. She scrabbled excitedly for the mobile and was disappointed to find nothing new so she re-read the text string from the night before. "_Can I tell you something?"_ She remembered the fear and excitement of reading it, expecting something revelatory. "_You look really hot in a French maid outfit" _was the last thing she'd expected, and she chuckled reading it now. Typical Edward, she thought: sexy, funny and surprising. How could anyone resist him? She suddenly registered that she was still wearing the French maid outfit and heavy make up. She'd been so wrapped up in her thoughts that she'd fallen asleep in it. This would never do. She was going to have to get her brain in gear. If thinking about Edward was enough to distract her from getting undressed, there was no way she could dwell on him and function at Cambridge. Ideally, she wanted to find a quiet corner and get to grips with all her thoughts and feelings about him once and for all, but this was huge. There was no way to sort it all out neatly and tie it up with a bow. The only way to tackle it would be in baby steps. Step one was the recognition that in some way she needed Edward in her life – tick. The prospect of losing him again didn't bear thinking about. Step two would be to break up with Eddie. Whatever happened with Edward, seeing him had reminded her of what it was possible to feel for someone. She knew now, with absolute certainty, that she would never feel anything like that for Eddie. It was time to stop stringing him along. For the moment, that was as far as it felt safe to go.

She grabbed a fluffy towelling robe and headed for the bathroom. The first thing she spotted was her reflection in the mirror, and she snorted. _Really hot eh? What? In a kind of dishevelled, smudged make-up kind of way? But…actually…yes…maybe…why not?_ Alice was such a make up pro that even OTT make up the next day still looked good, and Bella had to admit, she could work that outfit. She undressed, carefully cleansed her face and stepped into the shower. There was something rejuvenating about the effect of shower gel, shampoo and hot water flowing over her. It washed away some of her angst. By the time she got back to her room, she had relaxed considerably and felt ready to take on the day.

After dressing, she checked her planner. _Damn_, she thought, she had a supervision first thing next morning to prepare for. That certainly drew a line under thinking about Edward; work had suddenly become priority number one. A "supervision" was a kind of tutorial where three or four students got together with one of the college professors to discuss recently submitted essays. It wasn't just a matter of explaining and defending your own material but analysing and critiquing the ideas of others. She heaved one of the great tomes that constituted a law text book from her shelf and got to work. The books were enormous, because they had to be comprehensive, and they weighed a ton. They cost a fortune too. Law was one subject where you didn't have the luxury of buying books second-hand because the information had to be up-to-date. Much as she hated to admit it, Bella had found quite a number of ways to spend Mr Cullen's money already. At some point she would have to reveal Mr Cullen's generosity to Edward. There was no way of knowing how he might take the information, but it was important that he be told. However things were to pan out with him, of one thing she was certain. She wanted to be absolutely honest: no secrets, no hidden agendas, no assumptions and no reading between the lines.

By noon her sleep-deprived head was throbbing from being made to work, but she was, at least, prepared for the expected interrogation the next morning. She closed the book, folded her hands over it and rested her head onto them. No sooner had she shut her eyes than her phone bleeped with a text. It was Edward.

_Lunch?_

How could she say no?

_Where?_

_You say_

_I'll meet you by the round church and we'll find somewhere. Give me half an hour._

Bella changed into her most flattering tight jeans and soft, feminine top and applied just enough make-up to enhance her appearance. Alice had taught her well. Bella was surprisingly calm. Maybe she wasn't so much relaxed as half asleep. Or, maybe the idea that she was just popping out to meet Edward for lunch seemed so unreal, it felt like she was having an out-of-body experience. Her heart didn't start beating harder until she'd grabbed her coat and small shoulder bag and clicked the door behind her.

The tiny, simple, medieval building that sat in the centre of Cambridge took practically no time to get to, and she arrived ten minutes early. She scanned the crowd, looking for him, the anticipation building as each incremental minute passed more and more slowly. By half past twelve, she was ready, bracing herself against the excitement of seeing him again. What she hadn't prepared for was that he might be late. For the next five minutes, she checked her phone every two seconds as the time dragged interminably. It was a huge relief when she spotted him, dodging the crowds as he hurried in her direction. She forgave him instantly. There was something about him that seemed unfamiliar, something she couldn't quite put her finger on. His head was down and he seemed agitated. He was late, yes, but he looked nervous too. That's what it was. Was he nervous about seeing her?

"I'm sorry," he flustered as he drew close. "Cambridge is a bugger of a place to find somewhere to park."

She wanted to hug him and kiss away the little frown lines from the bridge of his nose. It was torture not to reach out, but she couldn't risk it. She wasn't sure what they had yet.

"You're right, parking is a pain," she said. At least, she assumed it might be. She didn't know; she walked everywhere. "You're not exactly late...I mean...what is it?" She looked at her phone as if oblivious to the time. "Twenty-five to, five minutes, it's nothing. Come on let's find a place to eat."

They found a warm, quiet café and settled down opposite each other at a small table. She bought soup and a roll. He had a sandwich but ignored it. He rested his elbows on the table and his chin on the knuckles of one hand and simply observed her eat. Now that he wasn't dressed as Count Dracula, he looked much more like the old Edward. His eyes had regained their disconcerting green clarity. It wasn't easy to eat while he gazed at her, but she focussed on the food because meeting the gaze, she knew, would make her blush. She nibbled on the roll and took a few spoons of soup, blowing on each one to cool it down.

"So, how have you been over the past year?" he asked.

She didn't answer straight away. It would have been so easy to say "fine", but she'd been anything but. She remembered the vow she had made to herself about complete honesty.

"When we moved, when Mum started the new job, I became a bit of a recluse. I didn't really get to know anyone. It was hard. Things have been a lot better since I've been here."

He removed the gaze from her, placed both hands on the table and looked at them instead. "Well you have Eddie now, of course."

Bella had almost forgotten about Eddie. The fact that she planned to end it with Eddie made it feel as if she already had. He was sweet and had deserved better treatment, but she didn't want a mistake to get in the way of what she might rekindle with Edward. It was important to put him in the picture straight away. She just hoped that she wouldn't seem heartless in the process.

"Eddie is lovely," she said.

Edward nodded glumly.

"...and a good friend," she went on.

She glanced over in time to see him raise his eyes at the word "friend" and look hopefully at her through those adorable lashes.

She turned her attention to the food again. "I thought we might have had something, but it was a mistake. I'm gonna have to tell him, and I'm not looking forward to it, but it's not fair to lead him on."

"No, no. Of course not," agreed Edward with some enthusiasm.

"And you, you had a great time in Africa," said Bella.

"I did," replied Edward, his face lighting up, failing to notice that Bella had made a statement rather than ask a question. "I…" he went on, obviously about to add something more but seemingly needing to summon up courage before continuing. "I wrote you a bunch of letters."

Bella frowned quizzically.

"Oh, I never sent them," he clarified, hurriedly. "But I'd love you to read them."

She met his gaze this time. He was looking at her earnestly.

"I would really like that," she said, which couldn't have been more of an understatement. "But would you tell me anyway?"

Edward painted an amazing picture of Tanzania. His words made her glad he had gone and want to go there too. He talked so warmly about the people; it made Bella love him more by the second. Two hours flew by, but then Bella said she had to go. Tanya had been left at Rosie's place and it didn't seem fair to abandon her for too long. Bella and Edward exchanged e-mail addresses, and she placed her hands on the table to stand. He reached across and placed his palm on the back of one of them. She was ready for the spark this time and simply smiled at him. Then, he left to go back to Oxford. No promises had been made, but Bella felt sure she would see him again.

…

That evening Bella went to see Eddie. All along, she had known she'd settled for a Cambridge Jake, and she felt sorry for him; it wasn't his fault. In an ideal world she would have preferred not to have to be the person to hurt him. He took the news surprisingly well; or at least did a very good job of covering up his feelings. He had known it was on the cards all along, he said; had thought it just a matter of "when".

"Can we stay friends?" he asked.

Bella couldn't see why not, it was what they had really been all along.

…

In the week that followed, Bella could only communicate with Edward through text, e-mails and phone calls. They kept it light, flirtatious and fun. Neither wanted to upset the delicate balance of what they had. At the end of the week, there was a firework display in Cambridge on the large green in the centre of the city, for bonfire night. The fireworks whizzed and banged, exploding in showers of beautiful patterns in the sky. Alice "oohed", while Jasper hugged her. Eddie and Bella conversed casually as friends, but all the time her thoughts were on Edward.

Once back in her room, she checked her phone eagerly for a text from him, but there wasn't one. She went to bed early feeling a little despondent and had just switched off the lights and closed her eyes when her phone went. She reached over to the bedside table. Her phone was never far away these days. It was Edward. While she listened to his voice, she kept her eyes closed. It helped to create the illusion of being in a private space with him.

"We should be together," he said. "No pressure. Think about it. You don't have to decide straight away. I can be patient."

A feeling like melted honey flowed through her, warm and sweet.

"Yes," she told him.

"Yes?"

"Yes,"

"Thank fuck," said Edward.

Bella instantly felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. There were still all sorts of unresolved issues between them, questions that needed answers, but they would be answered in good time and were best discussed face-to-face. For the moment the only thing that mattered was the confirmation that she wanted to be with him and he wanted to be with her. The rest could wait.

In the week that followed, Bella felt under more pressure than ever with college work. It didn't even allow for time to see friends. She was desperate to see Edward in person, but it seemed impossible. _Out of the question_, she told herself, she had far too much to do, and Oxford was a very long way away. It was a Saturday, just before 6:00pm when she came to the conclusion that if she didn't see him soon, she was going to go insane. It couldn't wait; it couldn't even wait until morning. She looked up the train times and discovered that in just over three hours she could be with him. It was an utterly bonkers and completely irresistible idea. There wasn't long to get to the station so she threw essential items into a large handbag – phone, money, credit cards, book, spare knickers, toothbrush and body spray – and ran, signing out of the college on her way. She made the train with five minutes to spare. It was only then that she sat back and realised that, by the time she got there, it would practically be time to leave unless she spent the night. Maybe that was what she had in mind all along. Thinking about what she and Edward could do together certainly helped to pass the journey time. She was off the train and waiting for a taxi in Oxford when she phoned him, giddy with excitement. It was crazy that she hadn't thought to call before she'd set off. She had wanted to surprise him but would have felt really stupid if he'd gone away for the weekend. It turned out to be OK; he was in Oxford. He wasn't in college but was heading towards one of the pubs in town. She thrilled at his overjoyed response.

"Oh my fucking God, Bella! I don't believe it," he said, giggling gleefully. "Where do you want to meet? Oh shit! I haven't got the car with me, but it wouldn't take me that long to walk to the station."

Bella chuckled. "It's not a problem. I'm getting a taxi. Give me the name of the pub."

**EDWARD**

Edward had been nearing the pub at the point where the call came. He walked faster as if getting to the pub quicker would hurry her progress too. He was on cloud nine. His mind raced. She was getting here bloomin' late – did that mean she would sleep over too? He was so lost in his thoughts that, just outside the pub, he bumped slap bang into some poor woman. Somehow the entire contents of her bag shot all over the pavement. She scrabbled around in the dark trying to find everything. She looked pitiable, he felt terrible. She didn't look as if she had very much and now was in danger of losing even that. He desperately tried to help her, offering to pay for anything that might have been lost. When he could see nothing more on the concrete, he held out his hand to help her up. To his amazement, having stood with his help, she dug her nails into the back of his hand and clawed across.

"Don't touch me," she hissed loudly and, clutching her bag tightly toward her, she ran off.

Edward was stunned. What the hell was all that about? Rubbing his hand ruefully, he carried on to the pub; he needed a drink.

**JAMES**

After his target was safely in the pub, James went and hoiked Vicky out of hiding.

"Is that what you wanted?" she asked him, huffily.

"Yes, yes," he said impatiently. "Now, did you get a good look at him?"

She nodded.

"Are you sure you could identify him to the police?"

"Yes, certain."

"Right, come on."

James grabbed Vicky roughly by the arm and pushed her ahead of him toward the back of the building.

"Don't shove me." she protested, digging her heels in.

"Well get a fucking move on then," responded James, forcing her onward.

She continued to resist him all the way round to the back alley.

Once they were there he planted her in front of him and asked, "Now do you remember what you have to do next?"

She stood, shoulders hunched, glaring at him, sulkily.

He waited. Still, she ignored him, so he slammed the flat of his palm against her shoulder. She swung back like a puppet.

"For fuck's sake! You go the police and say he attacked you. You tell them you scratched him in self defence."

She remained obstinately petulant and frowning, saying nothing.

He grabbed the shoulder and shook it, she was exasperating. "Look, you stupid tart. Do you fucking understand?"

She sighed. "I say he attacked me," she eventually said reluctantly.

"And?"

"And I scratched him in self defence," she repeated, parrot-fashion.

"Good," said James

"I knew what to say anyway," she grumbled snidely, still holding on to a little defiance. "But it still don't make sense. It don't look like I've been attacked?"

"Oh Vicky, you really are fucking stupid," said James, pulling back his fist.


	27. Chapter 27

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 27**

**JAMES**

As Vicky reeled from the blow, James paused. For a second, he actually felt sorry for her. He'd expected her to cock things up, but she'd played it just right. He wasn't going to stop now, though. When the plan was to stitch someone up, there was no point in doing half a job. As long as she reported to the pigs that it was the stuck up twat who had done this, he was home and dry. He was pretty sure she could be trusted not to tell the truth; she knew she'd be in for far worse if she did. He pulled back his arm, ready to take the next swipe. Then, suddenly, he didn't know what was happening. There was a loud hiss, and his eyes were on fire.

"Aaargh!" he shouted. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Instinctively, his hands flew to the pain, and he pressed the balls of his palms into his eyeballs. He coughed and wheezed; he couldn't seem to breathe. His fists lashed out wildly in front of him, connecting with nothing, because he couldn't see. Someone else was there; he'd have to get away. He staggered blindly back, blinking and rubbing his eyes. From the shadows he regained enough sight to make out his assailant. _No way!_ The bitch who'd escaped him a year ago was pushing Vicky through the door of the pub. Black fury surged through him. He wanted to kill her. No, he wanted to kill all three of them: Bella, the boyfriend and the stupid druggie.

**BELLA**

Bella had found it frustrating to have to wait for a taxi. She'd kept an eye on the meter all the way to the pub, mentally totting up an appropriate tip, so that the moment they arrived she would have the right money ready. Edward was waiting for her; every second counted. As soon as the taxi stopped, she thrust the money at the driver and jumped out. She was just crossing the car park to the main door when something caught her eye. A couple were heading toward the back of the pub. She would have thought nothing of it except that the man, as he stomped off, seemed to be manhandling the woman roughly. Bella paused momentarily, caught between her eagerness to see Edward and her concern for the woman. There was something disconcertingly familiar about the guy. Bella could have gone into the pub and sought Edward's help, but there wasn't time. She could have gone into the pub and pretended she hadn't seen anything. _Why get involved when you didn't have to_? But, it was no good. She felt an obligation to follow and check that everything was OK and noticed that her feet had made the decision for her – she was moving in their direction already.

As she crept, stealthily, round the side of the building, keeping to the shadows, she considered that, if necessary, two against one might work, even if the "one" was a burly thug. It was still a risk, though, and one that would be lessened if she had something to defend herself. Then she remembered reading somewhere that perfume could be used as a kind of pepper spray. She had body spray, would that help? It was better than nothing. The couple had stopped and Bella was already quite close. She reached into her bag and felt the objects within to locate the small can. Slowly and carefully, she pulled it out. Instinctively, she tried not to breathe, despite the fact that her mouth was open, as if this would make her quieter. The man had his back to Bella so she could only see the female clearly. The skinny, lanky-haired thing looked grubby and ill and the brute seemed to be bossing her about. He was saying something about an attack; it didn't make a lot of sense, but Bella froze. He'd lost the pony tail, but she'd have recognised that voice anywhere. It made her feel sick to hear it. It was him - the animal that had assaulted her! The thought of being face to face with him again was terrifying, but whatever the consequences, she certainly couldn't abandon the woman now. Bella moved forward again, very close now, lurking behind a bin. "Oh Vicky," she heard him say, well at least she knew the woman's na - _Oh God, he's punched her!_ Bella watched in horror as the poor thing staggered back against the wall, her eyes wide with fear and shock. There was no longer time to think things through, or to consider her own safety. Bella was running on pure adrenaline. When she'd been at the mercy of this vicious bastard, someone had been there for her. It was payback time. As the man pulled his arm back ready to deliver a second punch, Bella launched herself toward him and sprayed him full in the eyes. Then, she grabbed his victim by the arm and yanked her out of his path as quickly as possible. Bella didn't stop to see what the man was doing. The only thing that mattered was getting the woman to the sanctuary of the pub as quickly as possible. It was only once they were inside that she registered that Vicky wasn't coming willingly but was struggling against her.

"Let me go," she whined.

Were it not for the rush of adrenaline giving Bella extraordinary strength, Vicky would probably have got away. In fact, Bella was almost tempted to let go. They were making a scene in the crowded, noisy bar, but, Bella had risked her life to rescue this person, she was going to have protection, whether she wanted it or not.

"Bella, what's going on?" said a male voice next to her as Edward landed a firm helping hand on the stranger's shoulder to steady her.

Bella smiled up at him gratefully. Caught between the two of them, Vicky had no option but to stop struggling. She hung in Edward's grip like a sullen rag doll and refused to look at her saviour or him.

"I've just rescued her, and this is the thanks I get," explained Bella with exasperation.

"Wait, what?" said Edward, incredulous. He looked at the woman, back to Bella and at the woman again. Recognition hit. "You!" he exclaimed. "Do you want to tell me what the hell is going on?"

"You know her?" exclaimed Bella

"Let's say we bumped into each other earlier," Edward growled. He tilted his hand to Bella. "She gave me this – the cat has claws."

Bella looked at the angry welts and threw daggers at the person who'd dared to hurt Edward.

"You little bitch," she said through clenched teeth.

"Everything all right here?" interjected one of the bar staff.

"We're fine," said Edward, his grip noticeably tightening. There was no way he was letting go without an explanation.

He frogmarched Vicky to one of the less conspicuous tables and forced her into a seat. He sat, too, still maintaining his hold on her, and fixed his focus on her.

"Well?" he demanded.

Vicky's thin lips remained firmly shut, keeping control over the one thing left to her. She was still pointedly ignoring both of them.

Bella offered her side of the story, but Edward was keeping his focus on his captive as if his look could hold her in place too.

"I'd just got out of the taxi and saw her with this man. He seemed to be dragging her off to a back alley."

Edward nodded.

"And, do you remember the man who came to the cottage and attacked me? Well it was him."

That got Edward's attention and he spun round. "What?!"

"I saw him punch her," continued Bella. "So I sprayed him in the face with body spray.!"

Edward's face was filled with furious concern. "Dammit, Bella, you could have been killed."

Bella suddenly felt nauseous. "I know. I couldn't just abandon her."

Two sets of eyes were on Bella, now, as Vicky fixed her, with a hollow stare and an open mouth.

Edward pulled Vicky out of the chair and over to the door. He scanned the darkness outside but, of course, once again the attacker had got away.

"I'm calling the police," said Bella.

"No, don't." Vicky was speaking at last. "He'll murder me."

This time Bella ignored her. She was sure the police would offer protection, and the bully who'd attacked them both could not be allowed to roam the streets for longer than was necessary.

Two hours later saw Bella and Edward in the police station, trying to make sense of it all. They had both been questioned but were still expected to wait around. They had given their side of the story. Presumably Vicky was giving hers, and it might be a very different one. Hopefully the police would get to the bottom of it. Being stuck in a police station because someone had been the victim of an attack by the same perpetrator gave Bella and Edward a definite sense of déjà vu, but this time Bella wasn't the victim. This time she was the one who had come to the rescue. She was glad she had, but as the adrenaline flowed from her system, the magnitude of what she'd done hit her. She shivered. Edward, sitting with his arm round her, hugged her to his side.

"Are you cold?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "I think I'm in shock."

"Stupid me! I should have thought, come here."

He stood and helped her up, then led her to a drinks machine where he bought hot, sweet tea.

"I don't take sugar," she protested.

"Trust me, you need it."

They returned to the seat and she sipped the hot tea as he held her again. Looking up at him, she could feel the warmth of his affection emanating from his beautiful face. She snuggled into him, grateful to be where she belonged, safe in his arms.

"Sorry," she offered drowsily. "This is probably not how you imagined the evening turning out."

He chuckled lightly. "No…I can't decide if what you did was incredibly brave or really stupid, but either way, you're amazing. My amazing girlfriend."

Bella didn't know which filled her with more pride, the fact that she was "amazing" or the fact that she was his "girlfriend".

…

It was 3:00am before they were back at Edward's place. He shared a private house with two other guys on the outskirts of town. Bella was surprised to find that, even though it wasn't student accommodation, his room was simple and basic. Even the bed was only a single one. His only luxury was that, out of the three residents, he was the only one with an en-suite bathroom. Bella and Edward stood face to face and he stroked the hair from her forehead and ran his gentle fingers down the back of her head. He kissed her sweetly: first on her forehead, then her nose and tilting her chin to him, her lips. For all that it was heavenly, Bella's head was throbbing, her eyes drooped heavily and she didn't know how she was remaining upright.

"Edward, I really want to, but I'm so tired," she told him.

He hugged her and breathed into her hair. "I wouldn't have dreamt of asking."

He helped her to get undressed and offered her one of his T shirts to use as night-wear. It looked huge on her. Then he pulled back the bed-covers and she slipped, gratefully, under them. After stripping down to his boxers, he slid in next to her. Once she was tucked under his arm, with her hand on his warm, silky chest, she was asleep in no time.

…

It was noon before she woke the next day. Edward was still snoring gently next to her. The troubles of the previous night seemed a million miles away. Now that she was well rested, the delight of waking up with Edward sent an instant trigger to her libido and the crappy evening filled her with a desire to do something life-affirming. Besides, she'd come all this way; she wasn't going to waste a moment like this. She slipped out of the bed as quietly and carefully as possible so as not to disturb him. She considered showering, but thought he might wake before she finished, and she wanted to give him a surprise. Having pulled off the T shirt and pants, she slid back into bed and cuddled up close, wanting to feel the warmth of him all over her body. She stroked his chest, kissed his shoulder and ran her fingers down and over the bulge in his boxers. He didn't seem to be awake but was erect already. What did they call it, morning glory? In Edward's case that was pretty fitting. He smirked with his eyes closed.

"You bad girl," he said.

He didn't say, "You're not ready," or, "Are you certain?" this time. It was reassuring to feel that he didn't need to check up on her as if she was a child. She was a grown woman now, with her own mind. He obviously trusted her.

"I ought to go and shower," she said.

He opened his eyes and smiled, seductively. "I don't think I can wait that long."

She carefully lifted the waistband of his boxers over his erection and pulled them down with his help. Then he reached over to the bedside cabinet and rummaged around. Bella put her hand on his to stop him. There was something she thought he ought to know. The day she had agreed to go back to being his girlfriend, she had gone to the sexual health clinic and started taking the pill. She was now comfortably within the safety zone. If he wanted, she offered, a condom didn't have to be necessary. Edward loved her, she felt sure of it, and wouldn't put her at risk. She wanted to give him the choice. He gently touched her cheek with his palm and she nestled into it.

"Thank you my sweet girl, and you're quite safe. There's been no-one, no-one since you."

His words brought a rush of emotion, and she kissed him passionately. Bella could have cried; she loved him so much, and she suddenly wanted him more than she ever had. In an instant, they were a tangle of limbs together. They grabbed and groped frantically, kissed hungrily, as if they couldn't get enough. Their lovemaking was desperate and wonderful. They'd only properly made love once before but it had been played repeatedly in Bella's mind since then. She remembered the sensation of being filled by him: at first slow and delicious, then quick and exciting; and she needed to feel that now as a matter of urgency. Climbing on top, she eased him in, taking control. At first, it was empowering to dictate the rhythm, to be slow and to savour every move. He kneaded her breasts and teased her nipples. It felt so good. Then, as she continued to ride him, he reached one hand down and rubbed her clitoris. That felt too good. Within seconds she was riding him hard and coming. How could she control herself? She'd been waiting a year for this, but it still took both of them by surprise. He had held on for her and hadn't finished. That wasn't a problem; it still felt fantastic; she could keep going. But, what was happening? She was coming again! _Dear Lord!_ She felt like whooping like a cowgirl. This time they came together, gripping each other tightly. She fell forward on to him: sweaty and spent and giggling loudly. He wrapped his arms around her.

"I fucking love you…or love fucking you… one of the two…or both," he teased.

She playfully smacked his arm and climbed off, desperately in need of a pee. When she came out of the bathroom she realised she was desperately thirsty too.

He fetched a long glass of water for her and she slipped back into bed to drink it while he took her place in the bathroom. A few moments later, he popped his head round the door and quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Fancy a shower? It's big enough for two."

Her throat suddenly went dry so she nodded and quickly finished off the water. She had never experienced taking a shower with anyone before and couldn't wait to have one with Edward. She climbed out of the bed and padded over to the bathroom. By the time she opened the door, the atmosphere in there was steamy and the shower hissed. Edward's fuzzy naked silhouette showed that he was in the cubicle and she slid open the shower door and stepped over the threshold to join him. It soon became obvious why people would want to do this. There was something absolutely heavenly about the feel of running soapy suds over her lover's body, of massaging shampoo into his hair. It was, at once, caring and sensual, but the feeling of his hands on her was even more amazing. The slipperiness of the foam made every caress luscious. They stood face-to-face and ran their hands over each other slowly, savouring the feel. Then he gently faced her away from him and kissed her neck and massaged her boobs with perfect ease. She reached behind and cupped his balls, massaging his penis and shamelessly teasing by pressing her buttocks into him. Turning to face him again, she rinsed the soap from Edward before kneeling before him and taking his wet cock in her mouth. This time it was the right thing to do. They swapped around. He rinsed her, knelt before her and licked up and into her with his hot tongue while the warm water flowed down. They didn't finish in the shower but dried quickly and returned to the bed where he took her: lovingly, tenderly and sweetly. As she lay with him still inside her, stroking his damp hair, she basked in the glow of post-coital bliss.

He lifted his head and rubbed his nose on hers.

"Are you hungry? 'Cos, I'm bloody starving."

She hadn't realised before but she absolutely was. She considered showering again but didn't want to wash Edward off. For the sake of modesty, she put on clean pants and Edward's T shirt again – wanting to be surrounded by the smell of him. He sauntered into the kitchen, pulled some bacon out of the fridge and put oil in a frying pan. As he tried to cook, she distracted him by hugging him from behind and kissing his neck. He was easily distractible. Before long, he had forgotten about cooking and was kissing her back, slowly and seductively. It was a miracle that the food didn't burn. He was just assembling sandwiches when they acquired company; a housemate drawn by the irresistible smell of cooking bacon. Bella blushed with embarrassment and pride. She was reminded of a phrase she'd seen on a t-shirt – smile if you've had it today. _Oh boy, had she!_

"Heh-low," said the stranger, eyeing Bella up and down.

Edward sighed and rolled his eyes. "Bella, this is Patrick, Patrick this is Bella."

Patrick looked at Edward approvingly. ""Nice," he said slowly.

"Don't you, like, have a life or anything?" said Edward.

Patrick got the message and left them in peace.

Thick, hot, bacon sandwiches, dripping with tomato ketchup, Bella discovered, were the perfect post-sex food. They sat on Edward's bed tucking in with enthusiasm. Could this day get any better? No, in fact, it would have to go downhill from here. Before too long, Bella would have to go back to Cambridge. She couldn't leave it too late. The realisation allowed the outside world to break into her perfect little Edward haven. It gave permission to other thoughts to seep in too.

"I hope that woman is going to be OK," she said.

"You did the right thing. The sooner that bastard is behind bars the better."

There was obviously some connection between the woman and the thug though, and Bella was suddenly fearful that Edward had been his real target and might target him again.

"You will be careful, won't you?"

Edward grinned broadly. "If you think anything's going to keep me away from another session like this morning, you have another think coming."

Bella felt the same. If the pain of being away from him was going to be torture, the pleasure of being with him would more than make up for it.


	28. Chapter 28

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 28**

**BELLA**

Bella placed her empty plate on the floor. She curled up into a foetal position beside Edward and nestled her head on his knee. He automatically stroked her hair.

"Edward," she ventured, after a while. "Does our class difference bother you?"

"No. Should it?" she heard him say.

"It complicates things."

"Don't see why," he tried to reassure her.

But she didn't feel reassured. She tensed. "Your family…your father…I don't think he approved of you being with me before. What's he going to think now?" she clarified.

She rolled over so that she was looking up at him from his lap and awaited his response.

He snorted in derision. "He didn't disapprove of you. He disapproved of me. He didn't want me to "abuse a position of power"," he said, adopting a pompous tone for the quote.

"For the master to have his wicked way with the serving girl?" suggested Bella.

"Something like that," agreed Edward with a sexy smirk. "Fortunately, you're not the serving girl now so that puts me at liberty to seduce you any…time…I…like."

As his words drew further apart, his mouth drew closer.

"Oh, no," she said in mocked fear as she succumbed to his kiss.

She ran her fingers through his silky hair, savoured the feel of his warm, soft lips and entwined her tongue with his. She had a feeling that this was a topic they would need to return to but it was progress and, for now, anything more would have killed the mood.

…

Later, outside Oxford station, she enjoyed one, last, lingering kiss before she had to go. It would be a fortnight before she would see him again. They had both agreed that the pressures of study made seeing each other more frequently impossible. It seemed like a very long time; Bella felt his loss while she was still in his arms. They climbed out of the car, and he took her hand to lead her to the platform. She already had her return ticket. While they waited, she leaned into his shoulder and he kissed the top of her hair.

"Two weeks will be gone in no time, you'll see," he said, trying to be positive. "I'm coming to you, remember? You can show me Cambridge."

She offered her best sexy smirk – hoping it might be a patch on the ones he gave her.

"…if we can bring ourselves to get out of bed," she said.

He responded with a deep, rich chuckle and turned her chin to him. He smiled slowly and seductively, delicious mischief playing in his green eyes. Who was she kidding? She couldn't come anywhere near that. A heavy sound of rushing air and rasping metal signalled the arrival of the train, and the spell was broken. Bella was taken over by the dual sensations of panic and longing again. It wasn't just that she was going to miss Edward desperately but that she feared for his safety.

"Please take care," she said, hugging him tightly one last time.

She pushed the button for the train door; it opened, but still she hesitated. Then the whistle blew and she had to get on board. The doors closed. He kissed his finger tips and placed his palm on the glass. She did the same. For one fleeting second, they were palm to palm with the glass between, but the train was already pulling away. It was torture to watch him recede into the distance. She understood, now, why he had found it so difficult to leave her alone one year earlier.

She found a spare seat and tucked herself against the window, hugging her bag on her knee. Her phone bleeped and she pulled it out. He was texting her already.

_Love You_

She kissed the phone, placed it in her bag and carefully pulled out a dirty, dog-eared note-pad – his African diary. She handled it gingerly, like a museum curator with an ancient priceless relic. Slowly and reverently she turned the pages, her fingers barely touching the paper. It was an honour that Edward had entrusted it to her. As she read, she found it heart-warming and heart-breaking in equal measure. All that time, she'd had no idea that he'd felt like this. Within minutes the tears were sliding down her cheek. It was difficult to see through them. As she blinked them out of the way, some of the words started blurring and smudging into each other and she registered with horror what she was doing. Her crying was desecrating this irreplaceable record of his memories. Quickly, she scrabbled into her bag, pulled out a tissue and dabbed at the paper guiltily. After that, she was much more careful: when the tears threatened, she looked away and took deep, soothing breaths before losing herself in his words again.

"I wish you could have seen Tanzania with me," he had told her, but as she read, the words flew off the page and formed vivid images in her head. She felt that he was showing her already.

"One day…" he had told her, "…we'll go there together." It was one of the many things Bella was looking forward to doing with Edward. She had a sudden vision of a full and rich life together. Maybe they could have that after all.

She mourned the wasted year. Poor choices had meant unnecessary misery for both of them. Tanya and Jacob hadn't helped the situation. The truth about the part they had played in it all was only now rising to the surface, like scum. Edward was angry but not surprised that Tanya would deliberately mislead people on Facebook. Bella, on the other hand, was not only surprised but deeply disappointed that Jake had deliberately misled Edward. Time and again she had poured out her unhappy heart to him and yet he'd always reassured Edward that all was well. Had he, like Tanya, allowed self interest to creep in or had he, like Bella and Edward, acted with the best intentions? Whatever the truth, now wasn't the time to look back and point the finger. The way forward looked a lot more promising now that Edward and Bella were finally communicating. With any luck, they might be less likely to get things so monumentally wrong.

…

Being back in Cambridge was manic. Bella told herself that the only way to make time to see Edward was to work even harder the rest of the time. She had been back for one week when Alice came knocking on the door. She didn't wait to be invited but walked straight in.

"We need to talk," she announced.

Bella was sitting at her desk with three text books and her laptop open. She turned her head but kept her fingers on the keys. "I'm sorry. I'm really busy, right now. Can we talk about this later?" she said and turned back without waiting for an answer.

"Oh, no, you don't," stated Alice categorically. "You're not blowing me off again. We're talking now."

Bella placed the lid of the laptop down, turned fully and waited. Alice was clearly going to give her what for, and Bella's best bet was to take it.

The fiery pixie stood with the hands on her hips, bristling with indignation.

"I'm telling you this as a friend," she stated. "It has to stop."

"It ?"

"You. Have we, like, ceased to exist now that you're back with your ex? We've seen you once since the Halloween party and even then you spent the entire time on your phone."

It was true, Bonfire Night. It had almost been a waste of time her being there and this was before she and Edward were even official. Despite that, Bella instinctively tried to raise a protest now.

"But-"

"No, Bella," Alice interrupted. "Bumping into each other in the kitchen doesn't count. It you want to have friends, you have to be a friend."

She paused, as if mentally checking to see if there was anything more to add. There wasn't.

"Right, I've said my piece. Think about it."

With that, she turned on her heel and flounced out. Bella's first thought, surprisingly, was not to take offence. Alice's straight-talking approach was usually based on facts. It was time to consider them. Bella had to accept that she was falling into bad habits. While at Cambridge she expected to do nothing but work and only to feel alive when she was in Edward's arms. It didn't allow for friendships and yet friends were important. Alice was right, it had to stop. Somehow she would have to find a balance, a way to make time for all of it, though the prospect of keeping up with friendships, work and Edward felt like it would have more in common with juggling than balancing.

**JAMES**

The moment the girl turned her back on the bin, James dived in to retrieve the half eaten fish and chips. He had to be quick, there could easily be someone else after a prize like that and they could be vicious bastards; being hungry did that to people. He wrapped the white paper back over the food and considered stuffing the package under his jumper, hoping that his body warmth might warm them up. Then he thought better of it. The last thing he needed was to return smelling of fish and chips. The rats wouldn't leave him alone if he did, but they were the least of his problems. He'd felt he'd had some protection as a dealer but now felt more vulnerable in the murky world of druggies, gangs and winos. He slunk back into the shadows and gobbled the food quickly. Then he threw the paper on the floor and made his way back to the deserted warehouse, sticking to the darkest places all the way. Once there, he pulled back the rusted and broken metal mesh and squeezed through. He could manage it without tearing his clothes, now. After that, it was a simple matter of going round the back and in through the window. He was surprised that no-one else had come to the same spot in the ten days that he'd been there. It was dirty, greasy and freezing, but it kept the rain off.

He headed straight for the thick layer of cardboard that acted as a makeshift bed and lay down. It wasn't long before the familiar, faint, tapping scuttle signalled that he had company. He sat up and adopted a crouching position. Playing "knife the rat" had become a new game that kept him occupied most evenings. There was one over in the corner. The beady-eyed little vermin dared him from a distance, and he willed it to come closer. He placed the half a chip that he'd saved for the game on the floor and waited. In the same instant that the rat made a dash for the food, he made a dash for the rat. He was in luck this time and sank the large blade clean through its soft, warm body with a sense of satisfaction. After a few seconds, it stopped twitching. He withdrew the blade, picked it up by the tail and stood. Then he strode over to the window and flung it through the hole in the glass. He was getting better at this, but nine times out of ten the little shits still got away. The first time he had caught one, he'd left it on the floor, hoping that it would act as a deterrent to the others. To his disgust, the others had seen it as food and had come out to eat it. He wasn't going to make that mistake again.

Back on his cardboard bed, he wondered how much longer this was going to go on. The day before, he'd caught sight of himself in a shop window, and it had been a shock. It was surprising how quickly he'd not only started to feel like crap but look it too. He was already a stubbly mess of crumpled, dirty rags. He understood, now, why the homeless wore so many clothes. It wasn't just because it was fucking cold, but because there was less chance of someone stealing them if they were on your body. Even that wasn't guaranteed. After all, his coat had come from a degenerate he'd duffed up to get it when he'd got desperate one night. It was a good disguise, at least. With his head down and shoulders hunched he was almost unrecognisable. He still avoided people but even that was becoming easier, they avoided him now. It was probably because of the smell. Not only had he not washed in days but one night he'd stolen a bottle of whisky and downed the lot. He'd got so drunk that he'd pissed himself in his sleep. He'd never been that bothered about his appearance before, but even he had to admit, this was a whole new level of low. All in all it was pretty fucking horrible. The new lifestyle had started two days after the failed revenge plan. James shivered as he remembered how he'd felt that evening….

…

Vicky usually came to his flat before coming out with him to get a fix first but for two days, hadn't come. He wasn't surprised, he had hit her, after all, and he wasn't that bothered; there were plenty more where she came from. Then the thought occurred to him that Bella might have called the police. He hadn't stuck around to find out, but if what if she had? What if Vicky had said something, after all? If she had, it wouldn't be long before Harry knew. The thought of it made him want to puke. Harry had a way of finding out everything, and if Harry knew, James was in deep shit. You weren't even supposed to take your bitch to work with you. You certainly weren't supposed to draw attention to your patch. That really was pissing in your own back yard. He was just heading to his usual spot, blowing on his fingers against the cold and wishing he'd put on a warmer coat, when he was intercepted by the looming shadow of a man he recognised immediately. It was Felix: bouncer, thick as two short planks, built like a brick shit-house; one of Harry's men.

" 'arry wants to see you," he stated flatly.

James nodded and followed him. When Harry wanted to see you, you didn't say no. He felt like cacking himself all the way there. There was no way of knowing how this was going to go down. James had seldom seen Harry before. Although Harry ran the operation, he didn't like to get his hands dirty, so James usually dealt with middle men. The fact that James had been called to his boss in person was a very bad sign. He was ushered through a darkened bar and out to an office at the back. Some silly drunk bint was flashing her tits, but James didn't even dare to look for fear that it might seem as if he wasn't taking this seriously. There was muscle at the office door and more muscle behind Harry at his desk – Harry didn't take chances. The overweight boss, like a besuited business man, always came across with the veneer of a friendly uncle. It didn't fool anyone; you only had to scratch the surface to feel the menace beneath.

James stood before him, like a child in front of a Dickensian Headmaster, and awaited judgement.

"You've been a bit of a naughty boy, haven't you?" Harry said. "I'm told you…let's see if I can get this right now…"

He picked up a pair of glasses from the desk and placed them on the end of his nose before consulting a piece of paper.

"…punched, that's right, punched Victoria on "the night in question" and not only that but "assaulted" her on a number of other occasions."

He flicked the paper dismissively with the back of his hand and held it out accusingly to James.

"That's what it says here. Really, that's no way to treat a lady, is it?" He went back to reading. "Not only that, but she reported that she knew you to be dealing in drugs and had been "at work" at the time of the incident."

He removed the glasses for one final time and sat back with his fingers interlaced across his belly, shaking his head and tutting disapprovingly.

"I'm sure you can see how this puts me into a bit of a predicament"

…

As it turned out, James had ended up getting off pretty lightly. He'd got a kicking, but had expected a whole lot worse. Harry had informed him, in no uncertain terms, that he'd have to disappear. He couldn't go back to dealing again, at least not for a while. He couldn't even go back to his flat. If he couldn't make a good job of disappearing, Harry had told him, his absence could always be made permanent. James knew what that meant. He couldn't believe that the stupid bitch had blabbed after all, until it occurred to him that all the police had had to do was wait. Once Vicky started to get withdrawal symptoms she would tell them anything to get a fix. He kicked himself that the thought hadn't occurred to him before. She'd accused him of regularly assaulting her, too. OK, he'd smacked her about a bit before but never that hard and only when she'd got too gobby. Whatever Harry had said, though, James knew that Harry wouldn't have given a toss if he'd beaten Vicky black and blue if he'd done it somewhere else. The police probably hadn't been too fussed about some druggie getting beaten up either, but the information that he was "dealing" and "at work" had been a useful lead to the police and a threat to Harry. That night, as James had limped out of the bar, shivering, he'd wondered where he was going to spend the night but had been glad to still be alive.

**BELLA **

Over the last few days Bella had become savvier at working smarter, rather than harder and was able to find more time for friends. Even so, as the weekend approached, thoughts of seeing Edward again took over. She could barely contain her excitement. Then the phone call came. It was Mum.

"Hi honey, happy Thanksgiving."

"What? Oh, rats, yes."

Thanksgiving was an American, rather than an English tradition. It had always meant a lot more to Renee than her daughter, but Bella had gone along with it for her mum's sake. For as long as she could remember, she and Mum had shared a lavish feast at a table adorned with the few precious decorations they had carried from job to job. Before embarking upon the food mountain, they would each express what they were grateful for. Thanksgiving was an occasion when family was of key importance, and Mum would spend her limited funds on phoning one or two relatives back in the States, too. Despite all of that, because no-one in Cambridge talked of it, and because Bella's head was too full to fit anything else in, she had clean forgotten. She felt a little guilty and also had a sneaking suspicion what was coming next.

"Any chance you could come home this weekend?"

Instant misery thudded in Bella's chest. Despite the fact that she hadn't been home to see her mother since she'd been at Cambridge, her first thought was _Oh no! _It wasn't that long until the end of term but she couldn't go a whole three weeks without Edward. Could she? _Unless_…

"Mum?" she ventured. "Would you mind if I brought a guest?"

"OK," said Mum unsurely. "…if you really want to."

Bella's heart filled with hope: she was happier already. Now for the tricky part…. She hadn't told Mum about Edward yet.

"OK…now don't freak out…but it's Edward."

Bella waited in silence while she mentally kept everything crossed.

"Mum?"

"Yes, sugar."

"Well?"

"Are we talking Edward as in "the" Edward - the one who broke your heart Edward? Oh, honey, do you think that's wise?"

It wasn't surprising that Mum had her doubts, but she was wavering, that was a good sign.

"Yes, Mum, it's right, I know it is."

"OK, if you're certain…I hope he doesn't mind sleeping on the settee," she added. "We only have two bedrooms."

Amazed at her own audacity, Bella found herself saying, "Um, about that…"


	29. Chapter 29

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 29**

**BELLA**

Talking to Edward on the phone that night, Bella was relieved to hear him agreeing to the new plan for the weekend. She would have felt really stupid if he'd said "no". It couldn't be the relaxed and indulgent sex-fest that she, and probably Edward, had had in mind but at least they would get to spend some time together and might be able to squeeze in a bit of alone time too. She hoped he wasn't reading too much into the idea of coming home to re-meet the parent. She didn't want him to think she was jumping the gun.

"It was the only way I could think of to see you both," she explained.

"It's fine, don't worry about it," he reassured her, and she instantly felt more relaxed.

"This may sound an odd question," he continued. "But what should I call your mum? I mean, I used to call her Renee when she worked for Father. Will that seem inappropriate now?"

"Well, I think "Mum" might be a bit premature," said Bella as if she was determined to say the wrong thing. "Renee is fine," she added hastily, thinking _What is wrong with me? _

But it was still OK, Edward was chuckling.

…

Bella caught the train from Cambridge on Friday afternoon and by 8:00pm was hugging Mum. There was nothing quite like it. It wasn't like the strong, protective and erotically charged hug Bella got from Edward or the quick, excitable squeeze she got from Alice. She just felt warmth, pure warmth. It was lovely to see Mum again. As they pulled away, Bella became aware of their surroundings. Being back in the flat felt like returning to a familiar hotel. She realised how little she'd felt at home there. It wasn't the place's fault or Mum's. When she'd lived there she hadn't felt at home anywhere. All the doors leading onto the hallway were closed and a scratching, whining, scuffling sound was coming from behind one of them.

Bella tilted her head in the direction of the sound. "Daisy?" she enquired.

"Daisy," confirmed Mum.

Bella had heard all about Daisy over the phone. Feeling in need of a companion, Renee had rescued a small brown and white "Jack Russell" type dog from a local animal charity. The new member of the family had arrived ready house-trained and generally inclined to come when it was called, but it was still a young dog with boundless energy.

"She's a little full-on, when people come to the door," explained Renee. "I usually keep her shut out while I say hi. She can be kinda distracting."

Bella grinned and braced herself and Renee went to allow Daisy out. The rather hairy "Jack Russell type" ran on the spot cartoon style as it slid on the wooden hall floor in its enthusiasm to greet the new guest. Bella was won over immediately. She crouched on the floor at Daisy height and attempted to stroke it. The writhing bundle tried just as eagerly to lick the hand that petted it when it wasn't rolling onto its back to offer a tummy to rub.

Mum affectionately placed her hand on Bella's shoulder. "Come on, you must be hungry," she said.

Bella stood and followed her to a small kitchen table where they shared home-made Shepherd's Pie. It was a real taste of home, no-one made food quite like Mum.

"So how's Cambridge?" said Renee, starting the ball rolling.

It wasn't what she really wanted to talk about, both of them knew that, but it was an easier place to start. In fact, neither "what life was like in Cambridge" nor "what life was like for Mum" was a necessary topic. Bella and her mum communicated regularly enough to know already. Renee knew about Bella's course, her professors and her friends. Bella knew that Mum worked for a couple of middle-aged guys, William and Frank. Whatever their relationship status, Renee didn't know and didn't want to know. The only thing that mattered was that they were kind and easy going and made working for them a pleasure. Although it was a conversation where nothing new was shared, it had the effect of warming them up for the main agenda.

Bella had already informed her mum that Edward would not be able to join them for tea. He was driving up from Oxford because the circuitous train route would have taken even longer, so he wasn't expected until sometime between ten and eleven. It gave them a decent window for "the talk" so there was no pressure to get started. After tea, Bella was back on the floor again, playing with Daisy. She threw a ball for the dog to go bounding after again and again. Renee sat on an armchair, hugging a mug of coffee, watching her. It was clear that Mum was allowing her just a little more time, but she couldn't be kept waiting for ever. Eventually Bella sat back.

She gave Mum a knowing little half-smile and said "Go on then, say it."

Renee launched in, she wasn't one to beat about the bush. Why, she wanted to know, was Bella allowing life to get complicated again? Hadn't she already moved on, quite happily, without Edward? Bella tried to explain.

"The thing is I do love Edward. I didn't stop loving him, even when we were apart."

This didn't seem to be explaining things very well so she tried again.

"We should never have broken up. It was a mistake, a misunderstanding."

Renee gripped the mug like hugging a security blanket, her face taught with anxiety. Bella could sense that she wasn't getting the message across.

"I know being with him now makes life complicated, but he's worth it," Bella flustered.

Mum was still frowning; Bella had the distinct impression that her words weren't putting anyone at ease. All her clichés just made her look lovesick - infatuated with an idealised version of the man she believed Edward to be. Then she realised that the bottom line was actually very simple.

"I can function without Edward, but Edward makes the difference between functioning and feeling really alive; not just when I'm with him but all the time."

That one registered with Renee, it felt authentic. She smiled wistfully as if remembering a time when she had once felt like that about Bella's father.

"I get that, honey, I do, just be careful."

"I will, Mum, I promise." And somehow, they were hugging all over again. By the time Edward arrived, Renee was happy to welcome him, however crazy that might seem.

Edward got there at 10:30pm armed with flowers and a bottle of wine; he obviously wanted to start out by making a good impression. Bella came out to greet him on her own at first. They threw their arms round each other and squeezed tightly.

Then Bella pulled away, gave Edward a quick once-over, declared he looked "fine" (an understatement) and called out, "Mum, Edward's here," as if Renee didn't know.

Surprisingly, Renee released Daisy along with making her own appearance. Maybe, instinctively, she knew that Edward would need something to distract him from the awkwardness of that first meet.

It certainly helped to break the ice, and nothing that followed, polite enquiries about his health and that of his family, put Edward under any pressure. In fact, the only awkwardness came at 11:30pm when Renee announced she was going to bed.

"If you need anything, towels, whatever, just ask Bella," she told Edward. "Oh and when you wake up, don't be surprised if I'm not around. I usually walk Daisy between about eight and ten on weekend mornings. G'night."

With that, she left. Bella looked at Edward with an embarrassed smirk. Renee might just as well have said: "I'm assuming you two want to share a bedroom so that you can have sex. Can you, at least, wait until between eight and ten in the morning when I'm not around?"

Edward followed Bella into her room. It did feel strange. Despite the fact that Bella had requested, and been granted, permission to share a bed with Edward, it was weird having him with her with Mum next door. Bella decided to take mum up on her implied request and asked Edward if he'd mind just cuddling for tonight. He agreed and stripped to his boxers while she got down to pants and a T-shirt. They climbed into the single bed and Bella immediately turned her back to him.

Glancing back over her shoulder, she told him, "I'm not ignoring you. I just don't want to be tempted."

"S'ok," he reassured her.

"I'm tired anyway," she said, trying to convince herself that she was.

Instinctively he spooned her from behind. Within seconds she was speaking to him again.

"Edward! Seriously?! I'm supposed to be trying not to think about sex."

"Sorry," he apologised. "It's a natural reaction to being close to you." He turned onto his back and in no time she had turned back to him and snuggled against his chest – it was her favourite position anyway.

They woke at eight and listened. Waking at that time had not been a coincidence, Edward had set an alarm. After 5 minutes there was the sound of the door closing and they had the place to themselves.

The first job was a quick shower. It was nothing like as spacious as Edward's, so the closely confined tangle of limbs made getting clean not so much erotic as a challenge, but there was no way that they were going in one at a time. Once clean and dry they returned to Bella's bedroom, climbed back onto her single bed and lay side by side. They reached for each other's lips, once, twice. He twisted his tongue in her mouth. There was something almost edible about Edward. She would never get enough of kissing him; it was like feeding on the most delicious nectar. She ran her fingers over his torso and down to his beautiful erection. Then, feeling a sudden desire to taste him there too, she sat up and twisted awkwardly on the bed to reach him. Single beds did make things a lot more complicated. She took him hungrily into her mouth.

"Hey come here," he said.

Then, she wasn't sure quite what was happening; he seemed to be trying to reposition her limbs. She wanted to help but whichever way she moved seemed to be going against what he had in mind so she chose, instead to hand her body over to him to do with as he pleased. Edward always knew what he was doing. Whatever he was trying to achieve, she knew it would lead to something good, but when he finally stopped, she wasn't entirely sure that she felt comfortable. She had ended up face down over him but the opposite way round with her legs astride his head. He clasped her buttocks and pulled her down to him so that her opening was just above his mouth. She felt slightly embarrassed and oddly exposed.

"You can carry on if you like," suggested Edward.

It seemed like a good idea, she needed something to do to take her mind off feeling self-conscious. She placed one hand on his balls and caressed them and took him in her mouth again. Then he put his warm tongue on her. She squealed with her mouth full. What a sensation! The dual relish of pleasuring him while being pleasured was intense. She tried to keep sucking him, but she was so aroused she feared she would bite him. She removed her mouth, nuzzled the base of his penis and just enjoyed it. As he licked and sucked and thrilled her to her very core, she licked him up and down in return. In no time she was burying her face in his private parts and revelling in the wave of the orgasm hitting while her legs trembled about his face.

Then he brought her the right way round and turned her onto her back, it was his turn to be on top. She kissed him eagerly; wanting to give thanks to that mouth for the way it had made her feel. She was vaguely aware of the taste of herself on him, but that just made her want him all the more. He fondled her boobs and sucked her nipples, one of her favourite things, but then everything he did was one of her favourite things. He filled her, absolutely one of her favourite things. She met his thrusts and lost herself in the ride together of perfect unison. She was learning that there were lots of ways to orgasm with Edward, but the richest, most fulfilling one was when he was inside her. It was then that she felt herself momentarily transported onto another plane, when her soul took flight, and she felt truly blessed. She hugged him to her; if they had forever it would not be long enough.

It was only after making love, when her body was sated, that her mind felt itself free to think about anything else. They lay on their backs with their limbs draped languorously over each other and casually caressed. Bella found her thoughts drifting to thinking about Mum. She knew that Mum was understandably wary about Edward; she didn't want to see her daughter get hurt again. But she also knew that in time Mum would be contented by seeing how happy he made Bella. Much as Bella and Edward told themselves that it was only their love that counted, it was bound to make it easier if Mum was OK with it. That got Bella into thinking about Edward's father. He would be the harder person to win over and then there was that odd business about the money. Almost to her own disbelief, Bella had said "yes" to Mr Cullen's help with University expenses. She saw it as more of an interest-free loan than a gift; she had every intention of paying it back. But Mum was right, it did make an enormous difference. Edward should know about it if Bella wanted a relationship built on honesty, so she told him.

To her surprise he didn't say "What?" Instead, he tensed slightly and said "Yes, I wondered when that would come up."

Bella twisted onto her side pushed up onto one elbow and peered down at him. "You knew?"

"My idea, I'm afraid." He looked slightly sheepish, as if it was something to apologise for.

Bella was bewildered. It didn't make sense.

He explained. "Bella, if you hadn't left I wouldn't have gone to Africa and would always have regretted it. It was your selflessness that made me go, but what did you get out of it? - nothing. You lost your home and your friends, and I treated you like shit. It was all so unfair. You didn't deserve to lose out any more, but I knew that money was tight for you. I didn't want that to stop you from going to Uni. Money is no problem to Father, so I went to him and asked him to help. It was the least I could do."

He stopped and waited for a response. Bella plunged down on to him and kissed him for all she was worth. For the tiniest moment, he didn't respond; she had taken him by surprise. She couldn't believe that after hurting Edward he had still thought of her.

She pulled back, just as quickly. "I'll pay him back," she insisted.

He cupped her cheek in his hand and rubbed his thumb over it gently with a warm satisfied grin. "You don't need to, but you're not offended?" he asked, for one final confirmation.

"Offended? Edward, I couldn't love you more."

He beamed, "And I love you."

And, because she loved him, it was only right that he be told that she wasn't the selfless person he believed her to be. He deserved to know the truth.

She looked him straight in the eye. "I have a confession. Mum and I didn't decide to leave so that you could go to Africa. Your Dad asked us to go."

She waited, suddenly fearful that maybe honesty might not be the best policy, after all. He seemed lost in his own thoughts. His brows knotted together, and he turned his eyes away. It felt a long time before he spoke.

Then he looked at her directly, his green eyes moist and said, "I wondered if he had. Bella I'm so sorry."

Bella was amazed. "But that means I wasn't self-sacrificing," she continued as if determined to snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory.

He wasn't going to let her. "Then answer me this. Why did you not tell me at the time?"

"Because I knew your father was only looking out for you, and I didn't want you to hold it against him," she answered honestly.

"Sounds pretty self-sacrificing to me," he said, moving in for a delicious kiss.

Without taking his lips from hers, he manoeuvred her onto her back again.

He removed them briefly but remained very close to ask, "Do you think we have time for a quickie before your mum gets back?"

She giggled. "You're insatiable."

He was and she didn't mind one bit. She didn't come that time. Edward did and felt a little guilty. He didn't need to, Bella still enjoyed every second. It was just that her body was spent and this time she was happy to offer herself as a gift for the person she loved.

By the time Renee came back, Bella and Edward had re-showered and were in the kitchen peelng vegetables. Bella had often had to help with Thanksgiving dinner in the past because Renee would have been at work. Preparing vegetables wasn't the sort of activity Edward was used to. He didn't so much cook at university as heat up or eat out. Even though Bella showed him what to do, he still worked at about a tenth of her speed, but it was nice to have him side-by-side with her in the kitchen making an effort.

They heard the click of the front door when Mum came back, but she called out "Helloo-oo" anyway.

She obviously didn't want to walk into an embarrassing situation. She was impressed, grateful and relieved to find Edward and Bella preparing food in the kitchen and came to join them.

**EDWARD**

Edward was all fingers and thumbs. Bella and her Mum seemed to do everything with expert efficiency, but it was good to show willing. So far the weekend was going pretty well. He was grateful to Renee for allowing him to come. He wouldn't have wanted to go a whole three weeks without seeing Bella. It was so, so good just to hold Bella in his arms. The girl he thought he'd lost forever had come back to him. It was like a miracle. And, then there was the sex. Who would have thought that sex could be so awesome? Bella was unbelievable. What she lacked in experience, she more than made up for in enthusiasm, but it wasn't just that. It wasn't "having sex" with Bella, it was "making love". It was also, he realised, a stupid way to be thinking right at that moment as a giant boner started to taking shape. The knife he was using slipped, and he nicked the end of his finger, which went instinctively to his mouth. It wasn't what he'd had in mind to cool his ardour, but it did the trick. Bella rushed to get him a plaster, withdrew his finger from his mouth and wrapped the plaster round it. She kissed it and looked up at him with adoring brown eyes. His heart swelled with pride.

"Thank you," he mouthed.

Renee coughed, and everyone went back to preparing food. Thanksgiving dinner seemed to consist of every sweet vegetable going, with turkey, home made cranberry sauce and sweet pumpkin pie. It was 2.00pm before they settled down to eat. The kitchen table was small, it allowed for three plates and the decorations. Because of this, the food was laid out over the kitchen work surfaces and the three of them filled their plates before taking their seats. Edward had never had a Thanksgiving dinner before, so he waited to be led. Bella and her mum joined hands, and the two of them held their hands out to him to form a circle. Mum gave a prayer of thanks for food, and then offered to "go first".

"I'm grateful for having a wonderful daughter, who makes me proud, and for my good health."

Bella went next, "I'm grateful for a lovely mum, a wonderful boyfriend and great friends. What about you Edward?"

At that moment, Edward could only think of one thing. He gazed at his sweet girl and said, "I'm just so glad to have you back in my life."


	30. Chapter 30

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 30**

**EDWARD**

After the Thanksgiving meal, and the washing up, Bella and Edward took Daisy for a walk while Renee made her phone calls. It was beginning to get dark already.

"Brings back memories," said Bella, squeezing Edward's hand.

"It certainly does," he added.

Well, it did and it didn't. His memories of dog-walking with Bella were of an overwhelming temptation to kiss her and a fear of being seen in public. That was a lifetime away. It didn't matter who saw them now. He was relaxed and happy; he had everything he had ever wished for. Pulling her to him, he kissed her, and she responded instantly to his kiss. It was liberating that he could just do that, just kiss her, it was great. Yes, it was a time to be thankful, to give thanks to Bella for making him the happiest man on earth.

Bella and Edward left at mid-morning the following day. He was going to drop her off at the station en route. While Bella made one last trip to the bathroom before the journey, Edward waited outside with Renee. He had been a little concerned about seeing Renee again. It was weird coming to meet your girlfriend's parent when you already knew them pretty well and yet didn't know them. Because of the way he had treated Bella in the past, he had been afraid that she may see him as Public Enemy Number One and was relieved that she'd been nothing but pleasant. She looked over to him and smiled sweetly.

"It's been real nice to see you again Edward, you obviously make Bella very happy," she said. "…but if you ever break Bella's heart again, I may have to kill you," she added, still smiling sweetly.

Edward could almost have imagined that she meant it.

**BELLA**

It was only a week later that Bella was on her way to see Edward. This time she had a large suitcase with her, mainly full of books but with enough clothes to tide her over for a few weeks. It was the end of term, not that far into December. Edward was staying on in Oxford and Bella was off to spend some time with him, although it hadn't yet been determined for how long. As she made her way to the station in the taxi, the shops, with their decorations, made everything look magical. The night sky and the shimmering lights surrounding the car reminded Bella of visiting Santa in his grotto as a child. The prospect of seeing Santa, then, had always made her excited but a little fearful. Had she been good enough? Would he chastise her or give her a present? It was always a relief to get the present. Well, she must have been very good since then. Edward was the greatest gift she could have. He was all Christmases rolled into one.

She was catching the train far later in the day than she'd originally planned. One thing after another had conspired to block her progress. At the station, she lugged the heavy suitcase onto the train and found a seat. She plonked down, rubbed her gloved hands together and shivered. The air had a heavy coldness about it that hit the back of your nose; snow was predicted. The train was surprisingly warm, though, and before long, she had removed her outer winter clothing and looked less like an Eskimo. It was time to set aside thoughts of Edward and get down to working. Steering her brain away from him was always a wrench. He was where it naturally wanted to go, especially when he was so close, but there were times when it was a necessity. She may be on her Christmas break, but she still had plenty to do. It made sense to spend three hours on a train getting through some of it. She grabbed her small rucksack, pulled out a laptop and a pile of notes and set about piecing them together into one coherent whole.

About twenty minutes outside Oxford, she noticed, through the grimy window, that it was starting to snow. Bella was one of those unusual people who didn't like the stuff. It was cold, damp and made it difficult to get around. As she peered, despondently, at the night sky, through her own reflection, she hoped that Edward would be safe on the roads. She could have caught a taxi from the station, but he wanted to collect her himself. Before the train pulled in, she had gathered her belongings and replaced the coat, gloves and furry hat. She had a close fitting fleecy snood, too, that she pulled up over her nose so that only her eyes were visible. Standing by the door with a rucksack on her back and suitcase beside her, she was ready to brave the elements. She spotted Edward on the platform in a lush warm overcoat and waved. His face broke into a grin and it was like someone lighting a fire inside her. He strode over, and was ready to take the case the moment the door opened. Once Bella and her belongings were safely onto the snowy platform, he folded her into his arms. She was oblivious to the cold, now. She buried her face in his chest and breathed him in. Then she looked up through the gap in the clothes to see him beaming at her.

"Are you warm in there?" he asked.

She giggled. "I am now," she said, her voice muffled by the fleece.

He took her case and she cosied up dreamily beside him as they made their way back to the car. The snow fell all around leaving a soft, cooling caress. Bella looked up, she had never noticed before how prettily snow danced in lamplight. Out across the sky it drifted delicately down against the black of night to leave its purifying white touch on everything.

**JAMES**

James pushed his palms into the gravel and heaved himself round into a sitting position. While he sat, glaring dejectedly into space, he got a creeping sensation of icy tentacles feeling for his face and down into his pathetic coat. He instinctively looked up._ What? Fucking snow! That's all I need!_ He thought angrily. He wasn't sure how long he'd been living on the streets; he was beginning to lose track of time, but it must have been weeks. It obviously wasn't that far off Christmas. The shops were rubbing it in with sickening glitter on everything. _Who knows_, he thought bitterly, they may even be in for a white fucking Christmas: _Ho- pissing-ho-pissing-ho_. He felt his face, trying to assess the damage, and looked down at his hands, noticing the blood on them. When people threw you, face down, onto concrete, they didn't really care how you landed. It had been a mistake to go and see Harry. He'd known it would be before he'd even set off. People didn't go to Harry, they waited to be sent for, but James was getting desperate. He just wanted to get back to work; he couldn't keep living like this. Even the drunks got better treatment than him. They got free handouts at this time of year but James couldn't; Harry said he had to stay invisible. Surely the police would have forgotten about him by now, he'd argued. It was a risky strategy and one that hadn't paid off.

"If I want you back, I'll tell you. Don't even think about coming here before then! Now fuck off," Harry had said.

That was just before Felix had picked him up by pinning his arms to his sides and quite literally thrown him through the back door.

There had been a time when James had thought that Harry would be true to his word. That it would just be a matter of time before he could go back into dealing, but he was beginning to realise that it wasn't going to happen. The only reason James was still alive was probably because Harry didn't want another murder on his hands, not one that might find its way back to him. In all other respects, James was dead to him. He was going to have to get away, begin again somewhere else.

He was briefly distracted by the sound of slurred grumblings and a scuffle and turned to see someone else being kicked out of Harry's place. The man was far too well dressed to be in a place like Harry's; maybe he got his rocks off by going to seedy places. He was cursing and talking to himself in the way people do when they're shit-faced. The burly bouncer was gripping him by the upper arm and shoving him through the door. The man span round ineffectually to land a punch into thin air, but he was too late, the door had already been slammed in his face. He seemed to resign himself to leaving and dived in the direction of his pocket once, twice, before hitting lucky. Then he pulled out something that twinkled in the moonlight before promptly dropping it. There was the light clink of metal hitting stone and the pisshead flopped his upper body forward, blindly scanning the floor. Eventually he retrieved it, kept it in his hand and weaved off.

James staggered to his feet and trudged after him, he had nothing better to do, and a drunk was always an easy person to take advantage of. At the very least, he might be able to steal the guy's wallet. After they had gone some distance the man pointed the "something" in his palm out in front of him. A nearby car bleeped and blinked gold headlights, signalling that it was unlocked. Of course, car keys: a nice car by the looks of things too – a large BMW. This dick was actually thinking of driving home in that state. James smirked to himself. It was a no-brainer really. He was probably doing the guy a favour, and the thought of being warm and comfortable for the first time in weeks was far too tempting. Plus it gave him the much needed transportation to get away.

There was no-one around. The cheapskate had parked in some back alley to avoid paying parking fees. He was going to regret it now. As James stepped forward, his foot accidentally kicked something on the floor which clunked. It was a beer bottle, perfect. He picked it up and advanced. Sensing his presence, the man peered nervously over his shoulder as he fumbled frantically at his car door handle. The bottle came whacking down on his head the moment he turned back. He crumpled in a heap. James allowed himself a brief second to gloat. There was no obvious blood from the wound, but the man could still be dead. James found that it didn't matter. He meant nothing, he was a convenience. James pulled the limp body to a sitting position, yanked the coat sleeve from one arm, and hoiked the sleeve off the other. Then, with enormous satisfaction, he removed the filthy rag that at one time he had been so grateful for and threw it on the drunk's body so that he could put the expensive coat on himself. It was too big but soft and warm, a whole lot better. He rummaged in the coat pockets. There was a large brown wallet stuffed with cash in the inside one. He pulled out the money and threw the wallet onto the pile. The keys were on the ground where they had fallen. He retrieved them too, got into the car, turned the key in the ignition and revved the engine. Then he backed away from the body and left the snow to shroud it in an icy blanket.

The car had nearly a full tank of petrol. This was too good to be true; he felt on top of the world for the first time in months. It wasn't entirely clear which direction he should go in from here. There was a frustrating one way system and traffic lights. He just wanted to be out of this place as quickly as possible, but he couldn't do anything too stupid; he didn't want to draw attention to himself. As he sat, impatiently, at a set of lights, he gripped the wheel and watched, like a hawk, for the last car to go from the other set. One slipped through, just before the lights changed. It was a flash car, it would be, some wanky bastard with a Porsche. He couldn't help but peer inside as the passenger seat came into view from the light thrown by his headlights. He couldn't believe it! _That bitch! Sitting in fucking luxury!_ The lights had barely changed when he clenched his teeth, slammed the accelerator and set off after them like a rabbit out of a trap. What was the betting she'd been living the life of Riley while he'd been living in filth? _And it was all her fault!_ It was probably that poncey boyfriend driving too. He tried to make out if it was him from the silhouette. It was; he was sure of it. James suddenly didn't give a shit about being sensible. He didn't have a plan; he was operating on auto-response born of rage. The BMW was no longer a means to escape, it was a weapon. Who cared what happened to it? It wasn't his fucking car.

**EDWARD**

Edward pulled out of the railway station car park with a big smile on his face. He always felt a better man with Bella by his side: happy, content, lucky, and now he had days, maybe even weeks of Bella to look forward to. _Well, more than weeks._ They were solid - he could see a whole future with Bella. The thought filled him with joy. Life didn't get any better than this. Fortune was definitely smiling on him; he even managed to slip through the traffic lights just before they changed. He pulled forward and swung the car round to the right in one smooth move. Within seconds, someone was behind him from the other set of lights. Blimey, someone was in a hurry - an arrogant bugger in a BMW by the looks of things. The guy couldn't have waited long for the go ahead and was driving far too close. Edward glanced at his speedometer. He couldn't go any faster, he was over the speed limit already, so he pulled slightly to the left to allow the twat to overtake but the idiot didn't take advantage of it. It was troubling; the guy could cause an accident driving like that in these conditions. He hoped Bella hadn't noticed; it was bad enough feeling anxious when you could do something about it, worse when you just had to sit there. Unfortunately, she was twisting in her seat; she was aware. Edward reached down and gave her knee a reassuring squeeze. Their turn-off was coming up; they would soon be free. The cretin could go off onto the open road, then, and leave them in peace.

He flipped the indicator to signal right but hadn't had time to slow before there was an almighty crunch and the car lurched forward and spun violently to the left. Time slowed like an action replay. Edward turned the wheel sharply to the right, too far for the slippery, snowy surface and veered toward oncoming traffic. He pulled it back, his heart pounding as he got it on track. He glanced at Bella anxiously. Her head was down, her shoulders hunched and her arms were crossed in front of her as if bracing herself for a crash. Checking his mirror, he scowled, absolutely furious. The large, black BMW filled the rear window. What the hell was this fool playing at? Was he drunk? Had he skidded? Edward indicated left, he had to find somewhere to stop as a matter of urgency. For a split second he saw himself standing around in the cold trying to exchange insurance details with an incoherent moron when all he really wanted was to do was be in the warm with Bella. Then the car lunged forward again. Edward re-checked his mirror, panic taking over. Things were worse than he'd feared. It hadn't been an accident; the tosspot was deliberately trying to rear-end him. _Oh – God - no – Bella! _ He accelerated, desperate to get away. _Shit, shit, shit!_ He was well above the speed limit for a residential area, now, and didn't want to be. It wouldn't be fair on some poor pedestrian to be caught up in all this, but the priority was to protect Bella. With any luck the police would stop them, come to the rescue. If not, there was a dual carriageway the other side of the roundabout, he could surely outrun the bastard there.

He took a narrow opportunity at the roundabout, weaved through the traffic, got to the other side and floored it. _Yessss!_ The open road welcomed him. But then, disaster! Up ahead two lorries, side by side, were taking up both lanes of the carriageway. Edward slowed; he had no other option – which way now? There was a metal barrier in the middle of the carriageway, so not that way, but the kerb to the left was low. Maybe if he slowed enough, he could drive onto it and get past the lorries by using the grass verge. The BMW was looming in his rear view mirror already. It was worth the risk. He veered to the left. Suddenly, out of the blue, Bella grabbed the steering wheel with both hands and fought it back. _What the fu-!_ At first he tried to wrestle it away from her until he saw that a metal barrier had suddenly materialised on the left too. If Bella hadn't stopped him, they would have been flipped over and probably both killed. For the briefest of seconds, he looked at her face. She was deathly white, her face gripped with terror. He had to get them out of this. Edward wasn't normally the sort of driver who blasted their car horn at others, but the BMW was right behind them again, he had to get the urgency of the situation across to the lorry drivers. He smacked the horn repeatedly, over and over. It made no difference. Both lorries trundled frustratingly along, neither in a hurry to get out of the way. Maybe he'd just made them more stubborn. Edward was frantic. Bump, bash, smash, the BMW was on him again, pounding repeatedly into the back. It was like being held down by two great thugs while the school bully assaulted you. With his right hand, Edward controlled the steering wheel while the left went instinctively across Bella to protect her. He kept a watchful eye on the grass verge. The barrier had gone. It was the only way. He yanked the wheel sharply left. The tyres squealed their protest through the skid. The Porsche bounced up and over the kerb; then it ploughed headlong toward the trees.

**JAMES**

James glanced in their direction, he couldn't help himself. He pictured the sleek Porsche as a crumpled steaming mess.

"Take that you cunts!" he shouted.

With his eyes front again, he was shocked to suddenly find himself inches away from the lorry tailgate. He stamped violently on the brake, shitting himself. But, something was suddenly wrong with the car. The steering was all over the place. It careened wildly left and right and threw him toward the central barrier, clipping the back of the lorry as it went. The world toppled and tumbled over. The last thing he knew was being flung violently against the searing sound of scraping metal.


	31. Chapter 31

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks to her for bringing them to us. **

**No copyright infringement is intended**

**Big thanks to the endlessly patient and helpful Snuggler for being my beta.**

**CHAPTER 31**

_Author's note:_

_Well this is the last chapter. Thank you so much to all those lovely people who have supported my first attempt at writing by reading, reviewing and saying encouraging things. I'll take a short break to catch up on some ff reading, but I'm really looking forward to writing more._

**EDWARD**

For a moment, Edward sat stunned and shocked, as the crumpled front of the Porsche hissed and the pillow of white wilted in front of him. Somewhere near his head, a loud and incessant banging forced him to take notice. Someone was hammering on the side window.

"You all right, mate?" he could hear a stranger's muffled voice through the glass.

Suddenly, his brain activated – Bella! He looked anxiously in her direction. Her head had dropped onto her chin and her eyes were closed. His worst fears reached into his throat and threatened to choke him. Gesturing frantically with one hand to make the outsider go to Bella's aid, he fumbled with his seat belt with the other hand in a desperate hurry to get the two of them out. Once he was free, he reached over to her.

"Bella, Bella," he said urgently, as he feverishly undid her seatbelt too.

She opened her eyes and blinked as if slowly comprehending her surroundings. The stranger had already made his way round to Bella's door, had opened it and was reaching in to help her. Edward's own door was a little stiff but not as bad as he'd feared. He pushed it open and heaved himself from the car. As he lunged forward, he felt dizzy and disoriented, but nothing was going to stop him from getting to his girl. By the time he reached Bella, she seemed to be managing to walk with the stranger's help, although she hunched over a little. She wasn't bleeding, though, so that was something. With Edward on one side and the helper on the other, they staggered away. Edward knew that ideally it would have been better not to have moved her at all, but there was no way of knowing how volatile the car would be. They made for the road, it wasn't far and should give them a safe enough distance, but the ground was uneven and progress was painfully slow.

"I've given the police and ambulance a shout," the man said.

Edward smiled wanly. "Thanks."

"If you want a witness, I was behind you," the guy continued.

"Thanks," said Edward again, and he was grateful, but for now he just wanted to focus on Bella.

"Are you OK baby?" he asked her.

"I…I think so. My chest hurts a bit," she said, rubbing it with the heel of her palm

"Did you know the other driver?" the man continued, relentlessly. "He looked like he was trying to ram you into those lorries."

"No," said Edward.

"Yes," said Bella.

"What?"

Bella's pinched face peered up at him. "It was the same man, from before."

Edward was appalled even though he, somehow, already knew. "What, the person who attacked you, who attacked that girl?"

"Yes," she forced out and hugged into him.

The other guy, meanwhile, was insistent on maintaining his running commentary. "One of the lorry drivers went over to the other car when I came to you. I wouldn't be too hopeful of the other bloke's chances, though. You got off pretty lightly by the looks of things."

Edward glanced back at the Porsche. The nose was buckled and dented from where it had hit the tree, the windscreen had shattered and the airbags had deployed. There were scratches down the sides from where it had scraped through bushes, but apart from that it was surprisingly unscathed. It would still be a write-off though. He felt rather sorry for it. He shook his head as if to rouse himself. Why was he thinking about the state of his car? It was odd the distractions your brain allowed when your emotions were too much to cope with.

Once they were back at the road, the sight that greeted them was a shock. One of the lorries was still there and debris was strewn everywhere. The other side of the carriageway, in particular, was covered in bits of metal and broken glass; but the most noticeable item was the mangled mess that had once been a BMW. It lay on its roof like a great, dead insect. Edward instinctively cupped his hand behind Bella's head and turned her face into him to shield her eyes. On the ground, near the wreckage, was what appeared to be a body, lying in the grass. The lorry driver walked toward them. He caught the attention of Edward and Bella's companion, nodded in the direction of the body and shook his head.

"Are you sure?" came the response from the helper.

"Pretty sure," the other man said. "He only had half a head."

Bella turned, doubled over and vomited on the road, wincing as she did so. Edward stood over her holding her shoulders. Then he gently pulled her away and lowered her to the ground. It triggered a pain in his own chest that he hadn't been aware of before. Looking back, he glared at the thoughtless idiot for saying something so stupid. In truth, Edward, too, could feel bile rising up inside him although whether it was from anger, shock or revulsion, he couldn't be sure. Bella didn't appear to be seriously injured, and Edward prayed that she really was OK. He couldn't be properly content until she'd had the official all clear, but he allowed himself to breathe a little and thanked every deity that ever existed that she was still in one piece. They sat and waited for the ambulance. Edward's neck ached; he massaged it with one hand, pushing his head back onto it and screwing up his face. There would probably be a bit of a whiplash to contend with.

Twenty minutes later, they were immobilised on boards in an ambulance being asked to describe all the places where it hurt. In Edward's case, it seemed like overkill. When he thought about it, he definitely had discomfort in his chest and neck but it wasn't that bad. He was much more anxious about Bella, but at least they were on the home straight now. On the floor of the ambulance was Bella's suitcase and backpack. They had been rescued from the Porsche which, happily, hadn't exploded but was still sitting placidly in the undergrowth. Before long, the ambulance was on its way to the hospital, and Edward really began to appreciate how lucky he was. They hadn't been travelling that fast when they'd hit the kerb because of their progress being slowed by the lorries. Low bushes beyond that had slowed them still further before they'd hit the tree and the airbags had kicked in. They'd been buffeted by the airbags, but it was better than taking the full impact of the crash.

Then he thought about seeing the body lying in the road: the body of a man whose sole purpose seemed to be to bring misery into their lives. Edward couldn't help but be relieved. He may be planning to dedicate his career to healing, but this bastard had put Bella at risk. Now, it was a risk she no longer had to face. Once again, Edward knew, they'd have to deal with endless police questions, but after that, they really should see the end of it. There was something about seeing a human being reduced to an inert heap that made Edward painfully aware of the fragility of life. It frightened him, but it wasn't the fear of losing his own life, it was the fear of losing Bella. This was dangerous territory. He had been here before and had clung to her so tightly, he'd practically suffocated her. Now he just wanted to treasure every second they had together. Tonight they had been lucky. Fate obviously had other plans for them.

**BELLA**

Bella and Edward were taken to hospital for x-rays and stayed in for observation. They were signed out the following morning. The doctors had told them that they were fine; they were largely "just bruised" although Bella also had a couple of suspected hairline fractures in her ribs. She had no idea that bruising could be so painful. Immediately after the accident, it hadn't seemed that bad but the more time that elapsed, the more painful it seemed to get. In fact, the morning after the accident, it was agonizing to move, even to breathe, despite the pain-killers she had been given. The pain was mainly in her chest and neck; it was just that any movement seemed to involve using her chest and neck. Edward, too, was in a good deal more pain than he had been the day before. They were reassured that they would start to feel better in a couple of weeks, (_two weeks!)_, but that it would be six to eight weeks before they were fully recovered. The original plan had been for Bella to spend a week or two with Edward and share his single bed, but that wasn't realistic now. She had to stay on in Oxford for a couple of days for police questioning so she booked into a hotel but, after that, it made sense to go home to Mum. Edward paid for a limousine to take her back and made the journey with her, not wanting to leave her until the very last second. It was silly, really. They both grimaced at every move of the car, and he would have to face it all again to get back.

Before dropping her off, he made a request. "I'll be going back to the parents for a few days over Christmas. Would you come and join us?"

"I ought to spend Christmas Day with Mum but maybe after that," said Bella.

…

She should join them, she felt, she had expected Edward to spend the weekend with Renee after all, but the prospect unnerved her. The problem was that she still didn't know for certain if Mr Cullen had sent her away so that Edward could go to Africa, or because he didn't approve of his son being with a commoner. She didn't want Edward's father to look down his nose at her; she had her pride. Or, maybe, she didn't so much have her pride as a huge chip on her shoulder. Two days later, she shared her fears with Edward over the phone.

"Oh for goodness sake, Bella, not that old chestnut again," was his response.

"Listen, it's hard for someone like me to feel accepted. I haven't grown up with the advantages your people have."

Edward chuckled lightly. ""My people", what, are we like tribal now?"

"Don't take the piss Edward, I mean it. I don't want to feel like a second rate citizen."

"And you won't."

"Maybe…it's just that…I've always felt…I dunno…maybe I'm just jealous. That's a terrible thing to say, isn't it?"

"Well, it's not great, but it's a natural human emotion. When I thought you were with Eddie, I could have killed him, I was so jealous."

Sometimes Edward said just the right thing.

He updated her on the latest news from the police. The guy in the BMW, the bane of both their lives, had at long last been given a name – James. He was some low life wanted in connection with assault and drug-dealing. The idiot hadn't been wearing a seat-belt at the time of the accident so was completely defenceless when the car flipped over the barrier. Apparently, it wasn't even his car – it belonged to some guy the police had found lying in a back alley nearly dead from hypothermia. Life was full of surprises.

…

It was Boxing Day, three weeks after the accident, when Bella found herself on her way to Edward's family home. Apparently Bella could survive without seeing him for three weeks, but it hadn't been easy. Edward had come to collect her, and they were travelling together in his new Porsche – emerald green.

"Matches your eyes," said Bella.

"Hadn't thought of that," said Edward, as if he didn't know.

Bella asked him if he'd ever brought up the whole Facebook fiasco with Tanya.

"I did find an opportunity to tell her that fabricating a relationship with me wasn't appropriate," he said. "Well, what I think I actually said was "What the fuck, Tanya, the sooner you get it out of your ridiculous deluded brain that we're an item the better!" Something like that anyway."

He smiled wickedly at Bella, quirking that familiar brow mischievously.

It was weird to return to the village and especially to see the cottage where she and Edward had first been together; it had been the site of so much pleasure and pain. Jacob still lived in his cottage a short distance away. Bella planned to visit him while she was here. She couldn't help but be a little disappointed in the way he had misled Edward, but she wanted to stay friends, so was keen to put it behind her. It would be easier now that she and Edward were sure of each other and that Jake, she'd learned, had a girlfriend.

As they swept round the drive of the Cullen home, it occurred to Bella that, for the first time, she wouldn't be using the servants' entrance but the main one. The front door looked suitably festive with a large Christmas wreath. Edward knocked and it was opened by David, the butler. He welcomed them in and offered to take their coats. Bella smiled and thanked him. While she removed her coat, some discussion took place about who should carry her bag to her room, but she wasn't really listening. She was transfixed by the magnificence of the hallway, decorated for Christmas. The stairs were garlanded with swathes of greenery embedded with red berries, but pride of place went to the tree. There, in the colonnaded hallway stood the real pine, smelling sweet and at least ten feet tall. It dripped with colourful baubles and crystal, but the biggest surprise was the presence of little candle holders with real candles. After David had gone, Edward came and stood by her and put his arm round her shoulder.

"Real candles!" exclaimed Bella. "Aren't they a fire hazard?"

"Absolutely. We can't keep them lit for long and have to keep a careful eye on them, but Mother can't resist putting them on and, actually, they look pretty damn cool….Come on. I'll show you to your room. You're in "Primrose"."

"Primrose", as the name suggested, was light, airy and yellow. A large, double bed was in the centre and solid oak furniture was arranged around the walls: a generous wardrobe, a chest of drawers, a dressing table and a writing desk. It managed to feel fresh, clean and cosy, all at the same time. There was an en-suite bathroom, too.

"You could still change your mind and share my room," said Edward.

"No, I'll be fine here."

"I'll just have to creep along the corridor to you in the middle of the night."

Bella punched him playfully on the shoulder. He burst out laughing, flinched and put his hand to his chest.

"See," she told him. "Neither of us are fit enough for anything like that, yet."

It was actually quite handy to have an excuse not to share his room. It was one less thing to feel embarrassed about in front of his parents.

"Let me at least show you mine," he insisted.

His room wasn't as large as "Primrose", and surprisingly simple, although one or two items hinted at wealth: the quality furniture, the en-suite bathroom and the double bed.

"Big bed for one person," she said.

"You wouldn't believe the times I've wished you were in it," he admitted. "From the first day I laid eyes on you."

Bella kicked off her shoes, walked over to the bed and pulled back the covers. She climbed in gingerly. Getting in and out of bed was still a bit tricky. They weren't kidding about the recovery time. As she lay down, she pulled the covers back over herself, right up to her chin.

"Like this," she said.

"Nearly, but with rather fewer clothes," he answered honestly.

"You'll have to use your imagination."

He came to the side of the bed and knelt down. Then he kissed her, once, twice, gently on the lips.

Smiling his delicious, slow smile, he told her, "Oh, believe me, I have." He paused. "That was in the days when I couldn't keep away from you, because I couldn't resist you."

"And now?"

"Now I still can't resist you. I just happen to love you too."

Mr and Mrs Cullen had been out when Bella and Edward had arrived and were not due back for a couple of hours, so Bella took the opportunity to freshen up. She returned to her rooms to shower and get changed. Both the bedroom and shower were really quite luxurious. _I could get used to this_, she thought, and immediately felt guilty. It was then that it occurred to her that she might not so much fear the Cullen's disapproval as their approval. What if they happily accepted her? Was that something she could, realistically, deal with? Well, she'd already proved she was pretty good at coping with going from one extreme to another: from state education to Oxbridge, from victim to saviour. Maybe crossing the class divide was within her capabilities too, but would it be a betrayal of her roots? Did she have to reject one world to accept the other? Then she thought about Janus, the god with two faces, the god of the New Year. He looked forward and back equally, accepting of both. Why not just aim to feel comfortable in both worlds? After all, underneath the trappings of privilege, people were just people. She made up her mind. If Edward's parents seemed genuinely keen to welcome her, why not just be glad.

Edward was showered, changed and laying on her bed when she came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. What was it about Edward with slightly damp hair that made him even sexier? The black jeans and petrol blue shirt, open at the neck, weren't helping matters, either. She dropped the towel to the floor so that she was completely naked but carried on as if he wasn't there. It gave her pleasure to take her time over getting dressed in front of him, knowing that he was watching her with a lascivious smirk. She had chosen a simple but nicely tailored dress in peach with a small, brown belt for her first evening there. Having stepped into it, pulled it up and slipped in her arms, she turned her back to him.

"Zip me up?" she requested.

She felt his presence as he came up behind her, and she stood with her eyes closed, breathing him in. He slowly pulled up the zip and placed his hands on her waist. She dropped her head back so that it nestled in his neck.

"You wicked tease," he whispered in her ear, and she grinned like the cat that got the cream.

Twenty minutes later, they were back downstairs in the large, inviting, sitting room. Great, silk curtains hung at the window, polished, wooden coffee tables shone and large, floral chintz sofas beckoned you to sit on them. Bella had plumped the cushions often in the past but had always resisted the temptation to sit down. She did so now and was pleased to discover that the seating felt as good as it looked. A large marble fireplace, festooned with Christmas swags, held a real log fire that crackled satisfyingly. It exuded a wonderful, homely smell. The new housekeeper, Joan, brought them a pot of tea. She seemed nice enough but was rather more formal than Renee. Bella sat upright, awaiting the arrival of Edward's parents.

It was signalled by a short draught of cold air and the sound of voices as they were greeted by David.

Mrs Cullen came in panting slightly and pink cheeked from the cold. She hugged Edward lightly and held out both hands to Bella. Bella took them, and Mrs Cullen squeezed them in a gesture of affection.

"Hello Bella, dear, lovely to see you again."

"Thank you, and you."

Then another person entered the room. Bella turned her attention to Mr Cullen. Despite the thumping in her heart, she remained steadfast and held out one hand to him.

"Thank you for inviting me to stay," she said politely

To her surprise he took her hand in his palm and placed his other over it. It was a protective gesture, one she would have associated more with Edward than his father. He was smiling, warmly, too. When he allowed himself to relax, he had a lovely smile.

"You're more than welcome," he said, and she instantly felt at home.

**THE END**


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